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never may I be ungrateful, and here ped together, and they were watered have a pride, a pleasure, in acknow- by a flood of tears. ledging, that many a day in after life “ The ungrateful boy ! didn't we have I remembered you with affec. have made for him," cried sister Sie, tion and when I have felt that my “ three excellent pairs out of his fataste has been improved, I have ever ther's greatcoat; he could not have been thankful to you, to whom I owe wanted any more." that source of enjoyment. " Man. Now sister Kate could again go on, ners makyth man,” was the college but in a low voice of despair—“ Twenmotto. There was the precept, in you ty-five, Twenty-six, Twenty-seven, we found the example. But at this oh! oh! oh! Twenty-eight-then the rate I never shall get on my new last, Twenty-nine pair of brecchesmouse-colour leather breeches, and it the good-for-nothing boy!" is time, for they will certainly shrink And so it was; in one box he had in my box.
brought home with him twenty-nine “ My box !"—that of itself would pair of pale lemon-colour kerseymere make an episode ; but I forbear. A breeches. Oh ye parents ! who send boy's box on first going to school! raw youths to the university! it is Yet I will tell an anecdote of the re. quite hopeless if you think you can turn of a boy's box after his first term confine their ideas, after the first term, at the university. I knew him well, to corduroys, or even mouse-coloured poor fellow! He had an odd stam- leathers; and you may be quite sure mer, that began with great irresolu- that the turning old greatcoats, by the tion of voice, and terminated most hands of a village tailor, into habili. decisively with a bounce; and such ments for the seat of learning, is mowas the youth, and such was his ca- ney thrown away.
He came to the university quite Now it was not so with me on my raw from the country, where he had first going to college—though that colpreviously practised to be a clergy- lege was but a school, a public one, be man, by standing upon stools with the it remembered with pride—as I told tablecloth round him, marrying, bury- you, Eusebius, I had a pair of new ing, and christening his elderly maiden mouse-coloured leather breeches, and aunts. Poor boy he was quite unfit I had put them on once. Would to be trusted as yet from home. He you could have seen me in them came a clown, and in two or three then !--but had you seen me in them months returned. What did he not the second time of putting them return ? But, to his box.
on, it would have been a treat, and rusticated for a term or two, and you would have remembered it, as I choosing rather to be absent from do, and therefore write this account of home for a time, visited a friend. it. But you must be aware my place Meanwhile his box, and another box is taken per coach-Mr John Crackarrived; and, as they were wont, his latin booked for Winchester college, maiden aunts thought it best to see with one box, containing--for the prethat all was safe, and unpacked them. sent we will say no more than one Never were elderly maiden eyes so mouse-coloured pair of leather breechbewildered astonished — coats, es. Accompany me, Eusebius, my first waistcoats without number—but the real exit from home; that is, from withbreeches, as they lifted them out one in ten minutes' reach of home, with after the other, holding them up higher such a stock of Latin as I have certi. each time in increased astonishment, fied you in this. Be so kind as to go audibly counting
with me, and see me safe lodged. “ Only think the twentieth pair of " Comes jucundus pro vehiculo est." pale yellow_kerseymere breeches My father had gone i he same road be. what could Tom, sister Sue, want of fore me-uncles and cousins without so many? Why, his poor father will be number-all to Winchester. I was ruined we shall all be ruined." therefore taking the family recipe for
Then Sue took up the outcry, lifting learning. I had at least a great veneher voice at each pair, and with em- ration for my father and his learning, phasis -“ Look here, sister Kate, and therefore, though going to school, Twenty-one, Twenty-two, Twenty- went at least half-willingly, as much three, crescendo, Twenty-four!!!” as could then be expected of any well
Here the hands and breeches drop- disposed youth-as Homer says, éxwy
aunti ys Suure. I said my father had I ever received at school. I once gone there before me. I remember wrote a paper against it, and sent it to his account of his first appearance. Blackwood's Magazine, where I have His mother took him, for he went first a suspicion you, Eusebius, will send to a preparatory school at Winchester. this. The early morning light ever She told the master, who was not creates in me a nausea. I once had a the most gentle-looking of pedagogues, bilious fever from early rising and a that she wished her son to be particu- pair of yellow plush-breeches, and larly looked to, for he was a very de this was on leaving Winchester once licate boy.
on the first morning of bolidays ;"Ma'am," said the man, “ I have but here I find myself in another di. no others; they are all delicate boys." gression. It cannot be helped ; so And so my father found it, for the se- here goes my bilious fever. cond day he was flogged, and the I had been some years at Win. third burnt out of his bed, and that chester then, and had become a pretty was the last he enjoyed in a prepara considerable puppy ; so what must I tory school.
do on going home for the holidays, Do not imagine I was allowed to but have a new pair of top-boots, travelin my new clothes ; not a bit of it. which, when on, I could not get off, Anyone might have been ashamed of so I slept in them all night. Besides those I wore. To make my first appear. my new top-boots, I had a green ance in them on any stage, much less coatee, yellow kerseymere waistcoat, at Winchester, was impossible. I and a pair of splendid yellow plush will not digress to describe my recep
breeches. It was the height of sumtion, and how very strange all things. mer, very hot weather, and, boots and appeared to me. Every one knows all all as I stood, it was very hot work this; but it is not every one that knows before I started. There were three what followed_“Non cuivis homini con. of us, and so we took a chaise. tingit,” You can easily imagine me We had proceeded about a mile, in my room in my little bed, by the when I found that I had left my side of which was my box, and in purse, or something as important, which room were eight or ten other behind me; I ran back to college, boys, to me unknown. There I lay, and thence to the chaise waiting for with my treasure by my side ; and I never shall forget that rethat being the case, though a boy and turn-for 'by this time the sun was after a journey, I did not sleep too very hot--and as I generally look soundly until towards morning. I down when I run, the hot sun, reflected was awakened early enough, but late from my yellow plush breeches, and for all I had to do. There is no the heat and pressure of my new tight greater offence than the missing cha- top-boots, so stirred the bile, that by pel in the morning - punishment a
the time I returned home I was acdogging. This was announced to me tually in a fever. It gave me a disbefore I went to bed, and as a flogging gust to foppery, and I really believe I was to me an unknown thing, it went must date my slovenliness as to dress in my mind according to the Latin, from that day. This came of desert. “omne ignotum pro mirifico." I was ing the old original mouse-colours, therefore determined to be up betimes, which, with the exception of the first and up betimes I was; but dressed day of actual wearing, served me in betimes, that was to be quite another good stead. matter. The chapel bell goes a quarter
But, dear me! Eusebius, imagine of an hour, and it was going as I that all this while the bell has been go. opened my box, and there was some ing“ tempus fugit”-every toll threatdistance to the chapel, for I was not ens a flogging, and I cannot for the then in college, but in the head-maslife of me get on my breeches. ter's house ; as it is termed, I was a «Why, they don't fit," said one boy. commoner, not on the foundation. « Puli at 'em,” said another. Now, imagine that all this while the « Let us all take a pull at 'em," said fatal bell is going, and in such a man- a third, who was dressed. ner as if it threatened to stop, and I “ I shall be flogged, if I do, said a am not dressed yet, nor like to be. fourth. Of all things in the world I have ever • What the del do
call 'em ?" been averse to early rising ; it was said a fifth. the chief cause of all the punishments « Leathers,” said I.
“ A pretty leathering you'll have,” “ Allow me, sir, to put my handsaid he.
kerchief under my knees these or Tuck your shirt above them un. breeches cost my father five-and-twender the waistcoat,” said a sixth, ty shillings, and he gave me particu" and they may slip on easier." lar charge not to soil them.”
This was a good thought, and I did Then would he begin only to kneel so--still it was very hard work to get down, the master all the while vocifethem on at all.
rating-"Take him up, take him up!" - Bell will be down in a minute,” “ Sir,” Smith would say, “ be so said a seventh.
kind as to hit high and gentle.” Then, “ Do be so kind as to wait for me," when fairly down, he would look said I, beseechingly ; “ for I do not round, and at every stroke make moet know the way.”
horrible faces, as if in dreadful agony, “ Wait and be flogged !" said they. and, when the matter was over, jump
Here was a state of trepidation for up with alacrity, make his bow, and a poor boy just from his father's say, “ I thank you, sir." house, within three tolls of a bell of a It is evident such a boy must have flogging-dire and unknown thing !- been incorrigible-and he went away and he standing with his breeches, as such—he did not remain more than, new mouse-colour leathers, not quite if so much as, a half-year. one quarter part on. The thoughts of The bell is 'most down, and in what a flogging at such a time, and in such a state arn I now with regard to breeches? situation, may be a very jocose thing to By dint of greatexertion and help I have witness, but to have them rushing into them just up to my hips-a little more the mind, in a torrent of cold-sweat, exertion may get them an inch higher at the early age of some twelve or -more than that is hopeless. The thirteen years, is not very jocose boys are quitting me fast. One kind to the sufferer. I never knew of soul remains to show me the way. but one boy that actually was, as it Hurrah! I have contrived to get them were, case-hardened, and took a flog- over, and to button one button ; but ging himself for diversion, and as a then how am I to get my shirt in joke. It is a singular thing, and again ? That must be inevitably therefore, though another digression, tucked under my
waistcoat. I must tell it. The boy's name was “ Here," said the boy, “pull it down Smith, a good family name for case. a little, just to meet, and button your hardening. Somehow or other, he waistcoat over, and nobody will see was insensible in the flogging parts. it--so let's be off.”
And off we were, There was no communication between as well at least as I could move my them and the brain; and here let me knees. I think those who fought in observe, obiter, that it is a very absurd ancient armour must have run, if it is practice at private schools to punish not a bull to say those who fought ran, one part for another; at public schools pretty much as I did. When we arthey scarcely ever flog for learning, rived at the chapel-door I was doneor the lack of it. But why, if the quite out of breath-and all the boys head fails of doing its work, the tail were just kneeling down. In I shufshould suffer, I never could hear any fled, and down I attempted to kneel good reason given. And why should directly in front of the master. I had a dunce be called a blockhead, when not calculated upon this difficulty. I it is quite the contrary part goes to the made a desperate effort, and so far block? But this belongs to the philo- succeeded as to my knees—but in that sophy of schools, and has nothing to do effort the button burst, and the upper with my breeches, which will never part of my mouse-colour leather be on--and I had nigh forgotten the breeches, which had been continually flogging story. This Smith did not stretched, dropped-and discovered to care a pin for a flogging, and used to the gaze of eyes sacred and profane, put himself in the way of them, for of masters, chaplains, and some hunmere amusement to himself and others. dred or so of boys, my poor unshirted,
• Smith, again !” the master usu- unshrouded personification of innoally called out at flogging-time, and
Could the service go on ?Smith was always Did it go on? I know not. The folready, affected to kneel down, then lowing half-hour was so like a dream rose up again, and said facetiously- that I have forgotten it ; but I believe
with a groan.
it was considered that I had intended been made kings from low degree, to insult masters and the whole school have kept their poor breeches in reby my barefaced—no, not bare faced membrance of their humble state. I impudence. I believe serious thoughts might have kept mine in remembrance were entertained of expelling me ere of my humbled state, and as monuI had well entered on my schoolship; ments of my after knowledge. A and if I had then taken a flight back, heathen would have made them the there should have been two lament- subject of an apotheosis. If some have able flights, mine and the breeches- been celebrated as having seen the maker for I was hot enough for re- • Siege of Bulleyn," mine had witvenge, and none so small but that they nessed the siege of Troy. They had may find means of annoying.
sat down many a day with “ the seven As it was, I was so badgered about against Thebes.” Taking into acmy exposition, that I had to fight no count, my dear Eusebius, the seas of less than three battles the very first ink that have been spilt upon them day to defend the honours of my the Greek with which they have been mouse-coloured leathers. But time bespattered—the versification that has is a great stretcher, and so he-stretch- been made upon them, and those en. ed my breeches. The flight of time graftings of buds from the tree of did that which the sedentary Flight knowledge, of which I have spokennever did. Time, as my early copy- I may, without fear of contradic. book, set by that greatest of calligra- tion, say of them, that, wherever they phers, the German, Jansen Von Splut. may be, there must be the seat of terinck, saith, maketh all things learning. So that, “ take them for easy, and so he made my breeches. all in all, I ne'er shall look
their Henceforth I shall be of the opinion like again." of the currier in the fable, “ There's My dear Eusebius, yours as ever. nothing like leather.” Kings that have
THOUGHTS UPON ASSES.
“ TWOPENCE more, and up goes the less struggle for self, careless of the donkey!” The words shot through comforts and the happiness of others, us like a spell ! fast and far flocked feeling nought for their miseries, their the excited multitude - man, boy, pangs,
their"woman, girl, and hobble-de hoy of “ Beg your pardon, sir," said a either sex ;-the cabman from his jolly seventeen-stone butcher on our stand, the sweeper from his crossing, right, " but I'm afeard I trod rayther the dog's- meat man from his truck, heavyish on your toes just now. and the apple-wife from her stall ;- Our theory was done for-squashthe exquisite and the shirtless, the de- ed in a moment ;-selfishness was licately tripping miss and the sturdy not omnipotent, and the milk of tramper of St Giles's ;—the new po. human kindness had not all turned liceman, forgetful for once of the du- We turned round to the apoties of office, the very pickpocket for logizing vender of meats, and looked a moment neglectful of his opportu- him full in the face; we would have vity. It seemed as though that mys- said - Don't mention it!" but the reterious voice had summoned together mark struck us as being behind time. by some magic a representative of “ Curiosity,” said we mildly, “ has every caste and calling beneath the been the bane of the race, from the sun, to form at last a true national days of grandmother Eve upwards.” convention. “ What a thing," soli. The man of the skyblue jerkin starred loquized we inwardly, as we elbowed with grease-spots looked as if the heaour way into the thickest of the ven of his intellect was somewhat throng, “ What a thing is a crowd! clouded. What a lesson for the great and the “ Sir?” said he enquiringly. baughty! What a spectacle to mo- 6 What we mean to say,” said we, ralize! What a picture of the troubled course of human existence ! A cease- “ One penny more, and up goes
" is "
donkey!” broke in the same stentorian takes, in this its much enduring exvoice that had originally electrified us. istence!
We could have patience no longer : If, now, it had been a dead donkey, “ Here!” shouted we, stretching forth said we, inwardly, as we made our the required coin over three of the escape from the still-thickening crowd greasiest heads in Christendom," for for, as to stopping to see the show, Heaven's sake satisfy these good peo. we would almost as soon have stopped ple, and let us go about our busi- to look at our maternal parent dangness !"
ling by the neck in the Old Bailey, A hand, clothed in a rich coating after having been convicted upon our of dirt, rose rapidly from the centre own evidence-if, now, it had been a to clutch the proffered desideratum,- dead donkey; but, pshaw! we might and a sort of applauding murmur have known it wasn't a dead donkey! passed among the nearest witnesses of How could it have been a dead don. our generosity
key? We might just as reasonably “ Three cheers for the patriotic cove have expected to see a mermaid, or in the brass barnacles !” shouted an dodo, or a hippogriff, or the great embryo Barrington from the extreme sea-serpent himself. We do not begauche. We had given five guineas lieve that Methuselah, nay, we do not and a half for them at Dollond's that believe that the Wandering Jew him very morning!
self, (and he will soon be twice as old • After all,” said we, applying as the antediluvian,) ever set eyes ourselves once more to the destroyer upon such a thing in the whole course of beeves-who was, as we have above of his peregrinations ;-there is no noticed, as fat as any mortal “ who such thing ! That rigmarole of slays fat oxen” ought to be _" What Sterne's about the dead ass is conis it we are to see after all this noise ? cocted only, like an impostor's begquid tanto dignum feret.” Half a se- ging-letter, to draw tears from the cond more, and we should have thrown eyes of the over-credulous and tenaway the whole line, but our friend der-hearted. The libellous scounsaved us the waste.
drels who charged Mike Scales - Ferret, sir! Lord love you! do with vending a defunct jackass for you take him for a rat-catcher? it's veal, stand, by their very accusaonly a donkey as that chap's a-going tion, convicted of falsehood. What to balance on the top of his lad- really becomes of superannuated donder !"
keys we do not profess to know, though “ Then for once in our lives," we have our private opinion on the said we, we shall see a dead don- subject, as indeed there are few mat
ters on which we have not. We be« Not this time, sir," said the lieve, then, that donkeys are deathless, butcher, with a smile which bespoke -not, by any means, that they live the deepest commiseration for our for ever, but that they do not die,-or, simplicity; 66 unless the hanimal to use the expressive phraseology of a should be suddenly taken hapo.. gentleman who has been of late much plectic. That ere's a pretty tolerable before the public, that they do not bestrong pair of lungs for a beast as is come “ dead, cold, moist, unpleasant departed.”
bodies ;''-that, like the husband of And truly, as he spoke, there Aurora, that ill-starred victim of an
the most hearty, health- oversight, they fade away gradually betokening, unequivocal heech-haw and slowly, and almost imperceptibly,
, which ever greeted our ears in the till, at their appointed moment, they not-over-much-frequented-by-donkeys cease to exist, blending with unsubmetropolis. Gracious heaven! and stantial air, hastening to be resolved we had been contributing, unwit into the elements, · vanishing like a tingly, to the torture of an unhappy morning-dream, leaving not a wreck: animal that is itself the meekest, mild. behind ! It is our confident creed est, most unoffending of brutes !-that that those venerable grandsires of the never so much as with malice-pre- race, whom we sometimes light upon pense and aforethought set foot upon standing fixed and motionless in bya worm ; and we must needs add our lanes, by the side of an overgrown mite to the huge sum of suffering thistle, and reduced to the extreme which its patient merit of the unworthy degree of asinine emaciation, are don