stora, or the like, at the bottom of a scrawl, I conclude on course that it brings me some account of a fallen virgin, a faithless wife, or an amorous widow. I must therefore inform these my correspondents, that it is not my design to be a publisher of intrigues and cuckoldoms, or to bring little infamous stories out of their prefent lurking-holes into broad day-light. If I attack the vicious, I shall only fet upon them in a body; and will not be provoked, by the worst ufage I can receive from others, to make an example of any particular criminal. In short, I have so much of a Drawcanfir in me, that I shall pass over a single foe to charge whole armies. It is not Lais nor Silenus, but the Harlot and the Drunkard, whom I shall endeavour to expose; and shall confider the crime as it appears in a species, not as Tetrum ante omnia vultum. ------ A visage rough, Deform'd, unfeatur'd. Juv. Sat. x. 191. DRYDEN. it is circumftanced in an individual. I think it N° 17. TUESDAY, MARCH 20. In the next place, I must apply myself to my party correfpondents, who are continually teazing me to take notice of one another's proceedings. How often am I asked by both sides, if it is poffible for me to be an unconcerned spectator of the rogueries that are committed by the party which is opposite to him that writes the letter. About two days fince I was reproached with an old Grecian law, that forbids any man to stand as a neuter or a looker-on in the divisions of his country. However, as I am very sensible my paper would lose its whole effect, should it run into the out rages of a party, I shall take care to keep clear of every thing which looks that way. If I can any way affuage private inflammations, or allay public ferments, I shall apply myself to it with my utmost endeavours; but will never let my heart reproach me with having done any thing towards increasing those feuds and animofities that extinguish religion, deface government, and make a nation miferable. What I have faid under the three foregoing heads will, I am afraid, very much retrench the number of my correspondents: I shall therefore acquaint my reader, that if he has started any hint which he is not able to pursue, if he has met with any surprising story which he does not know how to tell, if he has discovered any epidemical vice which has escaped my observation, or has heard of any uncommon virtue which he would defire to publish; in short, if he has any materials that can furnish out an innocent diversion, I shall promife him my best assistance in the working of them up for a public entertainment. This paper my reader will find was intended for an answer to a multitude of correspondents; but I hope he will pardon me if I fingle out one of them in particular, who has made me so very humble a request, that I cannot forbear complying with it. To the SPECTATOR. A Mat present March 15, 1710-11. so unfortunate, as to have mind my own but S INCE our perfons are not of our own making, uncomely, it is, methinks, an honest and laud- Madam Maintenon's first husband was an hero in this kind, and has drawn many pleasantries from the irregularity of his shape, which he describes as very much resembling the letter Z. He diverts himself likewife, by representing to his reader the to take off his hat. When there happens to be any make of an engine and pully, with which he used thing ridiculous in a visage, and the owner of it thinks it an aspect of dignity, he must be of very great quality to be exempt from raillery; the best expedient therefore is to be pleafant upon himself. ried the ridicule upon fat and lean as far as it will Prince Harry and Falstaff, in Shakespear, have cargo. Fahtaff is humouroufly call'd Woolfack, Bedpresser, and Hill of flesh; Harry, a Starveling, an Elves-skin, a Sheath, a Bow-cafe, and a Tuck. There is, in several incidents of the conversation between them, the jest still kept up upon the perfon. Great tenderness and sensibility in this point is one of the greatest weaknesses of felf-love. For my own part, I am a little unhappy in the mold of my face, which is not quite so long as it is broad: whether this might not partly arife from my open ing ing my mouth much feldomer than other people, and by confequence not fo much lengthening the fibres of my visage, I am not at leisure to determine. However it be, I have been often put out of countenance by the shortness of my face, and was formerly at great pains in concealing it by wearing a perriwig with an high foretop, and letting my beard grow. But now I have thoroughly got over this delicacy, and could be contented with a much shorter, provided it might qualify me for a member of the merry Club, which the following letter gives me an account of. I have received it from Oxford; and as it abounds with the spirit of mirth and good-humour which is natural to that place, I shall set it down word for word as it came to me. ، ، ८ ron, Hudibras, and the old Gentleman in Old'ham, with all the celebrated ill faces of anti. quity, as furniture for the Club-room. 6 As they have always been profeffed admirers of the other fex, so they unani noufly declare 'that they will give all poffible encouragement to 'such as will take the benefit of the statute, though none yet have appeared to do it. 'The worthy Prefident, who is their most de* voted champion, has lately shewa me two copies of verses compofed by a gentleman of this fociety; the first, a congratulatory ode infcribed to 'Mrs. Touchwood, upon the lofs of her two foreteeth; the other, a panegyric upon Mrs. Andi' ron's left shoulder. Mrs. Vizard, he fays, fince the small-pox, is grown tolerably ugly, and a top toast in the Club; but I never heard him fo lavish of his fine things, as upon old Nell Trot, ' who constantly officiates at their table; her he even adores and extols as the very counter-part of mother Shipton; in short, Nell, says he, is one ' of the extraordinary works of nature; but as for complexion, shape, and features, so valued ' by others, they are all mcre outside and symmetry, which is his averfion. Give me leave to add, that the President is a facetious pleasant gentle'man, and never more fo, than when he has got (as he calls 'em) his dear Mummers about him; and he often protests it does him good to meet ' a fellow with a right genuine grimace in his air (which is so agreeable in the generality of the French nation); and, as an instance of his fincerity in this particular, he gave me a fight of a 'lift in his pocket-book of all of this class, who for these five years have fallen under his obfervation, with himself at the head of 'em, and in the rear (as one of a promifing and improving ، aspect), laft of your fpeculations that I have yet seen, by your specimen.upon Clubs, which I therefore hope you will continue, I shall take the liberty to furnish you with a brief account of fuch a one as perhaps you have not feen in all your travels, unless it was your fortune to touch upon fome of the woody parts of the African continent, in your voyage to or from Grand Cairo. There have arose in this University (long fince you left us without faying any thing) feveral of these inferior hebdomadal societies, as the Punning Club, the Witty Club, and, among the rest, the Handfome Club; as a burlesque upon which, a certain merry species, that feed to have come into the world in masquerade, for fome years last past have afssociated themselves together, and affumed the name of the Ugly Club. This ill• favoured fraternity confifts of a Prefident and ' twelve Fellows; the choice of which is not confined by patent to any particular foundation, (as St. John's men would have the world believe, Oxford, and have therefore erected a separate society March. 12, 1710. ' within themselves) but liberty is left to elect R 'from any school in Great-Britain, provided the candidates be within the rules of the Club, as fet ' forth in a table, intituled, The Act of Deformity. A clause or two of which I shall tranfmit to you. I. That no person whatsoever shall be admitted without a visible queerity in his aspect, or peculiar caft of countenance; of which the Prefident and Officers for the time being are to de termine, and the Prefident to have the cafting < voice. 'Sir, 'Your obliged and N° 18. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21. ----Equitis quoque jam migravit ab aure voluptas Omnis ad incertos oculos, & gaudia vana. HOR. Ep. ii. v. 187. But now our nobles too are fops and vain; Neglect the fenfe, but love the painted scene. CREECH. is my de T is my design in this paper to deliver down to faithful account of the Italian ope ra, and of the gradual progrefs which it has made upon the English stage; for there is no question but our great grand-children will be very curious to know the reason why their forefathers used to fit together like an audience of foreigners in their own country, and to hear whole plays acted before them in a tongue which they did not understand. Arfince was the first opera that gave us a taste of Italian music. The great fuccess this opera met with produced fome attempts of forming pieces upon Italian plans, which should give a more natural and reafonable entertainment than what can be met with in the elaborate trifies of that nation, This alarmed the poetasters and fiddlers of the town, who were used to deal in a more ordinary kind of ware; and thererore laid down an established rule, which is received as such to this day, "That nothing is capable of being well-fet to "mufic, that is not nonfenfe." Barbarous woman, yes I know your meaning-which exprefles the resentments of an angry lover, was translated into that English lamentation, Frail are lover's hopes, &c. And it was pleafant enough to see the most refined perfons of the British nation dying away and languifhing to notes that were filled with a spirit of rate and indignation. It happened alfo very frequently, where the sense was rightly translated, the necessary tranfpofition of words, which were drawn out of the phrafe of one tongue into that of another, made the music appear very absurd in one torgue that was very natural in the other. I remember an Italian verse that runs thus, word for word, And turn'd my rage into pity; which the English for rhyme fake translated, And into pity turn'd my rage. By this means the foft notes, that were adapted to Pity in the Italian, fell upon the word Rage in the English; and the angry founds, that were tuned to rage in the original, were made to express pity in the tranflation. It oftentimes happened likewise, that the finest notes in the air fell upon the most infignificant words in the fentence. I have known the word And pursued through the whole gamut, have been entertained with many a melodious The, and have heard the most beautiful graces, quavers, and divifions bestowed upon Then, For, and From; to the eternal honour of our English particles. The next fstep to our refinement, was the introducing of Italian Actors into our opera; who sung their parts in their own language, at the same time, that our countrymen performed theirs in our native tongue. The king or hero of the play generally spoke in Italian, and his flaves answered him in English: the lover frequently made his court, and gained the heart of his princess, in a language which she did not understand. One would have thought it very difficult to have carried on dialogue after this manner, without an interpreter between the perfons that conversed together; but this was the state of the English stage for about three years. At length the audience grew tired of understanding half the opera; and therefore, to ease themselves intirely of the fatigue of thinking, have so ordered it at present, that the whole opera is performed in an unknown tongue. We no longer understand the language of our own stage; inso much that I have often been afraid, when I have seen our Italian performers chattering in the vehemence of action, that they have been calling us names, and abusing us among themselves; but I hope, since we do put such an intire confidence in them, they will not talk against us before our fa ces, though they may do it with the same safety as if it were behind our backs. In the mean time, I cannot forbear thinking how naturally an hiftorian who writes two or three hundred years hence, and does not know the taste of his wife forefathers, will make the following reflection, "In the be"ginning of the eighteenth century, the Italian tongue was so well understood in England, that "the operas were acted on the public stage in that " language." One scarce knows how to be ferious in the confutation of an absurdity that shews itself at the first fight. It does not want any great measure of sense to fee the ridicule of this monftrous practise; but, what makes it more aftonishing, it is not the taste of the rabble, but of persons of the greatest politeness, which has established it. If the Italians have genius for music above the English, the English have a genius for other performances of a much higher nature, and capable of giving the mind a much nobler entertainment. Would one think it is poffible (at a time when an author lived that was able to write the Phædra and Hippolitus) for a people to be so stupidly fond of the Italian opera, as scarce to give a third day's hearing to that admirable tragedy? Music is certainly a very agreeable entertainment; but if it would take the entire poffession of our ears, if it would make us incapable of hearing sense, if it would exclude arts that have a much greater tendency to the refinement of human nature; I must confess I would allow it no better quarter than Plato has done, who banishes it out of his commonwealth. At present, our notions of music are so very uncertain, that we do not know what it is we like; only, in general, we are transported with any thing that is not English; so be it of a foreign growth, let it be Italian, French, or HighDutch, it is the same thing. In short, our English music is quite rooted out, and nothing yet planted in its stead. When a royal palace is burnt to the ground, every man is at liberty to present his plan for a new one; and though it be but indifferently put together, it may furnish several hints that may be of use to a good architect. I shall take the fame liberty, in a following paper, of giving my opinion upon the subject of music; which I shall lay down only in a problematical manner, to be confidered by those who are masters in the art. No 19. THURSDAY, MARCH 22. Di bene fecerunt, inopis me quodque pufilli HOR. Sat. IV. i. 17. Thank Heaven that made me of an humble mind; To action little, less to words inclin'd! Ο Bferving one person behold another, who was an utter stranger to him, with a cast of his eye, which, methought, expressed an emotion of heart very different from what could be raised by an object so agreeable as the gentleman he looked at, I began to confider, not without some fecret forrow, the condition of an envious man. Some have fancied that envy has a certain magical force in it, and that the eyes of the envious have by their fafcination blasted the enjoyments of the happy. Sir Francis Bacon says, Some have been so curious as to remark the times and seasons when the stroke of an envious eye is most effectually pernicious, and have observed that it has been when the person envied has been in any circumstance of glory and triumph. At fuch a time the mind of the profperous man goes, as it were, abroad, among things without him, and is more exposed to the malignity. But I shall not dwell upon speculations so abstracted as this, or repeat the many excellent things which one might collect out of authors upon this miferable affection; but, keeping in the road of common life, confider the envious man with relation to these three heads, his pains, his reliefs, and his happiness. moft marker! berless. The envious man is in pain upon all occafions which ought to give him pleasure. The relish of his life is inverted; and the objects which adminifter the highest fatisfaction to those who are exempt from this paffion, give the quickest pangs to persons who are subject to it. All the perfections of their fellow - creatures are odious; youth, beauty, valour, and wisdom, are provocations of their displeasure. What a wretched and apostate state is this! To be offended with excellence, and to hate a man because we approve him! The condition of the envious man is the most emphatically miferable; he is not only incapable of rejoicing in another's merit or fuccess, but lives in a world wherein all mankind are in a plot against his quiet, by studying their own happiness and advantage. Will Profper is an honest tale-bearer; he makes it his business to join in eonversation with envious men. He points to such an handsome young fellow, and whispers that he is fecretly married to a great fortune; when they doubt, he adds circumstances to prove it; and never fails to aggravate their distress, by assuring them, that, to his knowledge, he has an uncle will leave him fome thousands. Will has many arts of this kind to torture this fort of temper, and delights in it. When he finds them change colour, and say faintly they wish such a piece of news is true, he has the malice to speak fome good or other of every man of their acquain tance. The reliefs of the envious man are those little blemishes and imperfections that discover themselves in an illustrious character. It is matter of great confolation to an envious person, when a man of known honour does a thing unworthy himself; or when any action which was well executed, upon better information appears so altered in its circumstances, that the fame of it is divided among many, instead of being attributed to one. reputation of it from falling upon any particular person. You fee an envious man clear up his countenance, if, in the relation of any man's great happiness in one point, you mention his uneafiness in another. When he hears such a one is very rich he turns pale, but recovers when you add that he has many children. In a word, the only fure way to an envious man's favour, is not to deserve it. But if we consider the envious man in delight, it is like reading the feat of a giant in a romance, the magnificence of his house consisfts in the many limbs of men whom he has slain. If any who promised themselves success in any uncommon undertaking miscarry in the attempt, or he that aimed at what would have been useful and laudable, meets with contempt and derifion, the envious man, under the colour of hating vain-glory, can smile with an inward wantonnefs of heart at the ill effect it may have upon an honest ambition for the future. Having throughly confidered the nature of this passion, I have made it my study to avoid the envy that may accrue to me from these my fpeculations; and if I am not mistaken in myfall, I think I have a genius to escape it. Upon hearing in a coffee-house one of my papers commended, I immediately apprehended the envy that would spring from that applaufe; applaufe; and therefore gave a description of my face the next day; being resolved, as I grow in reputation for wit, to resign my pretenfions to beauty. This, I hope, may give some ease to those unhappy gentlemen, who do me the honour to torment themselves upon the account of this my paper. As their case is very deplorable, and deserves compassion, I shall sometimes be dull, in pity to them, and will from time to time administer confolations to them by further discoveries on my person. In the mean while, if any one, says the Spectator has wit, it may be some relief to them to think that he does not shew it in company. And if any one praiss his morality, they may comfort themselves by confidering that his face is none of the longest, Ном. ІІ. 1. 225. Thou dog in forehead!-----POPE. MONG the other hardy undertakings which I have proposed to myself, that of the cor A This is a fecret fatisfaction to these malignants; rection of impudence is what I have very much at for the perfon, whom they before could not but admire, they fancy is nearer their own condition as soon as his merit is shared among others. I remember fome years ago there came out an excellent poem without the name of the author, The little wits, who were incapable of writing it, began to pull in pieces the supposed writer. When that would not do, they took great pains to fuppress the opinion that it was his. That again failed. The next refuge was to say it was overlooked by one man, and many pages wholly written by another. An honest fellow, who fat among a cluster of them in debate on this fubject, cried out, "Gentlemen, if you are fure none of you yourselves had an hand in it, you are but where you were, whoever writ it." But the most ufual fuccour to the envious, in cases of nameless merit in this kind, is to keep the property, if poffible, unfixed, and by that means to hinder the re " " heart. This in a particular manner is my pro vince as Spectator; for it is generally an offence committed by the eyes, and that against such as the offenders would perhaps never have an oppor tunity of injuring any other way. The following letter is a complaint of a young lady, who fets forth a trespass of this kind, with that command of herself as befits beauty and innocence, and yet with fo much spirit as sufficiently expresses her indignation. The whole transaction is performed with the eyes; and the crime is no less than employing them in fuch a manner, as to divert the eyes of others from the best use they can make of them, even looking up to Heaven. SIR, THE HERE never was, I believe, an acceptable man but had some aukward imitators. Ever fince the Spectator appeared, have I re marked a kind of men, whom I choose to call Starers; that, without any regard to time, place, or modesty, disturb a large company with their impertinent eyes. Spectators make up a proper affembly for a puppet-show or a bear-garden; 'but devout fupplicants and attentive hearers are 'the audience one ought to expect in churches. I am, Sir, member of a small pious congregation near one of the north gates of this city; much 'the greater part of us indeed are females, and 'used to behave ourselves in a regular attentive manner, till very lately one whole isle has been ' disturbed with one of these monstrous Starers; 'he's the head taller than any one in the church; but, for the greater advantage of expofing him self, ftands upon a haffoc, and commands the • whole congregation, to the great annoyance of the devoutest part of the auditory; for what with blushing, confufion, and vexation, we can nei 'ther mind the prayers nor fermon. Your ani* madversion upon this insolence would be a great < favour to, • Sir, Your moft humble servant, S.C. I have frequently seen of this fort of fellows, and do not think there can be a greater aggravation of an offence, than that it is committed where the criminal is protected by the facredness of the place which he violates. Many reflections of this fort might be very justly made upon this kind of behaviour; but a Starer is not usually a person to be convinced by the reason of the thing, and a fellow that is capable of thewing an impudent front before a whole congregation, and can bear being a public spectacle, is not so easily rebuked as to amend by admonitions. If therefore my correspondent does not inform me, that within feven days after this date the barbarian does not at least stand upon his own legs only, without an eminence, my friend Will Profper hath promised to take an haffoc opposite to him, and stare against him, in defence of the ladies. I have given him directions, according to the most exact rules of op tics, to place himself in such a manner that he shall meet his eyes wherever he throws them; I have hopes that when Will confronts him, and all the ladies, in whose behalf he engages him, caft kind locks and wishes of success at their champion, he will have fome shame, and feel a little of the pain he has so often put others to, of being out of countenance, It has indeed been time out of mind generally remarked, and as often lamented, that this family of Starers have infested public assemblies; and I know no other way to obviate so great an evil, except, in the case of fixing their eyes upon women, fome male friend will take the part of fuch as are under the oppreffion of impudence, and encounter the eyes of the Starers wherever they meet them. While we fuffer our women to be thus impudently attacked, they have no defence, but in the end to caft yielding glances at the Starers; and, in this cafe, a man who has no sense of shame has the fame advantage over his mistress, as he who has no regard for his own life has over his adverfary. While the generality of the world are fettered by rules and move by proper and just methods; he, who has no refpect to any of them, carries away the reward due to that propriety of behaviour, with no other merit but that of having neglected it. I take an impudent feliow to be a fort of outlaw in good breeding, and therefore what is faid of him no nation or person can be concerned for. For this reason, one may be free upon him. I have put myself to great pains in confidering this prevailing quality which we call impudence, and have taken notice that it exerts itself in a different manner according to the different foils wherein such subjects of these dominions, as are masters of it, were born. Impudence in an Englishman is fullen and infolent; in a Scotchman it is untractable and rapacious; in an Irishman abfurd and fawning; as the course of the world now runs, the impudent Englishman behaves like a furly landlord, the Scot like an ill-received guest, and the Irishman like a stranger who knows he is not welcome. There is feldom any thing entertaining either in the impudence of a South or North-Briton; but that of an Irishman is always comic: a true and genuine impudence is ever the effect of ignorance, without the leaft sense of it; the best and most successful Starers, now in this town, are of that nation; they have usually the advantage of the stature mentioned in the above letter of my correspondent, and generally take their stands in the eye of women of fortune; infomuch that I have known one of them, three months after he came from plough, with a tolerable good air lead out a woman from a play, which one of our own breed, after four years at Oxford, and two at the Temple, would have been afraid to look at. I cannot tell how to account for it, but these people have usually the preference to our own fools, in the opinion of the fillier part of womankind. Perhaps it is that an English coxcomb is feldorn so obsequious as an Irish one; and when the defign of pleasing is visible, an abfurdity in the way toward it is easily forgiven. But those who are downright impudent, and go on without reflection that they are fuch, are more to be tolerated, than a fet of fellows among us who profess impudence with an air of humour, and think to carry off the most inexcufable of all faults in the world, with no other apology than saying in a gay tene. " I put an impudent face upon the matter." No; no man shall be allowed the advantages of impudence, who is conscious that he is such; if he knows he is impudent, he may as well be otherwise; and it shall be expected that he blush, when he sees he makes another do it. For nothing can atone for the want of modeity; without which beauty is ungraceful, and wit deteftable. No 21. SATURDAY, MARCH 24. Locus eft & pluribus umbris. R IOR. Ep. V. v. 28. There's room enough, and each may bring his friend. CREECH. I AM sometimes very much troubled, when I reflect upon the three great profeffions of Divinity, Law, and Phyfic; how they are each of them over-burdened with practitioners, and filled with multitudes of ingenious gentlemen that starve one another. We may divide the clergy into generals, fieldofficers, and fubalterns. Among the first we may reckon Lithops, deans, and a chdeacons. Among the second are doctors of divinity, prebendaries, and all that wear scarves. The rest are comprehended under the fubalterns. As for the first class, our constitution preferves it from any redundancy of incumbents, notwithstanding competitors are num |