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ftora, or the like, at the bottom of a fcrawl, I conclude on courfe that it brings me fome account of a fallen virgin, a faithlefs wife, or an amorous widow. I must therefore inform thefe my correfpondents, that it is not my design to be a publisher of intrigues and cuckoldoms, or to bring little infamous ftories out of their prefent lurking-holes into broad day-light. If I attack the vicious, I fhall only fet upon them in a body; and will not be provoked, by the worft ufage I can receive from others, to make an example of any particular criminal. In fhort, I have fo much of a Drawcanfir in me, that I fhall pafs over a fingle foe to charge whole armies. It is not Lais nor Silenus, but the Harlot and the Drunkard, whom I fhall endeavour to expose; and fhall confider the crime as it appears in a fpecies, not as
Tetrum ante omnia vultum.
it is circumftanced in an individual. I think it N° 17. TUESDAY, MARCH 20.
In the next place, I must apply myself to my party correfpondents, who are continually teazing me to take notice of one another's proceedings. How often am I asked by both fides, if it is poffible for me to be an unconcerned fpectator of the rogueries that are committed by the party which is oppofite to him that writes the letter. About two days fince I was reproached with an old Gre cian law, that forbids any man to stand as a neuter or a looker-on in the divifions of his country. However, as I am very fenfible my paper would lofe its whole effect, fhould it run into the outrages of a party, I fhall take care to keep clear of every thing which looks that way. If I can any way affuage private inflammations, or allay pub lic ferments, I fhall apply myself to it with my utmost endeavours; but will never let my heart reproach me with having done any thing towards increafing thofe feuds and animofities that extinguifh religion, deface government, and make a nation miferable.
What I have faid under the three foregoing heads will, I am afraid, very much retrench the number of my correfpondents: I fhall therefore acquaint my reader, that if he has ftarted any hint which he is not able to purfue, if he has met with any furprising ftory which he does not know how to tell, if he has difcovered any epidemical vice which has escaped my obfervation, or has heard of any uncommon virtue which he would defire to publish; in fhort, if he has any materials that can furnish out an innocent diverfion, I fhall promife him my best affiftance in the working of them up for a public entertainment.
This paper my reader will find was intended for an answer to a multitude of correspondents; but I hope he will pardon me if I fingle out one of them in particular, who has made me fo very humble a request, that I cannot forbear complying with it.
nefs; and therefore beg of you that you will be pleafed to put me into fome fmali poft under you. I obferve that you have appointed your 'printer and publisher to receive letters and advertisements for the city of London; and fhall 'think myself very much honoured by you, if < you will appoint me to take in letters and ad'vertisements for the city of Westminster and the dutchy of Lancafter. Though I cannot promife to fill fuch an employment with fufficient abilities, I will endeavour to make up with induftry and fidelity what I want in parts and genius. I am,
Sir, your most obedient fervant,
Juv. Sat. x. 191.
INCE our perfons are not of our own making, when they are fuch as appear defective or uncomely, it is, methinks, an honeft and laudable fortitude to dare to be ugly; at leaft to keep purselves from being abashed with a consciousness of imperfections which we cannot help, and in which there is no guilt. I would not defend an haggard beau for paffing away much time at a glafs, and giving foftneffes and languishing graces to deformity; all I intend is, that we ought to be contented with our countenance and shape, fo far, as never to give ourselves an uneafy reflection on that fubject. It is to the ordinary people, who are not accustomed to make very proper remarks on any occafion, matter of great jeft, if a man enters with a prominent pair of shoulders into an affembly, or is diftinguished by an expansion of mouth, or obliquity of afpect. It is happy for a man, that has any of thefe oddneffes about him, if he can be as merry upon himself, as others are apt to be upon that occafion; when he can poffefs himself with fuch a chearfulness, women and children, who are at first frighted at him, will afterwards be as much pleafed with him. As it is barbarous in in others to railly him for natural defects, it is extremely agreeable when he can jest upon himfelf for them.
Madam Maintenon's firft husband was an hero
A vifage rough,
in this kind, and has drawn many pleasantries from the irregularity of his fhape, which he defcribes as very much refembling the letter Z. He diverts himself likewife, by representing to his reader the make of an engine and pully, with which he used to take off his hat. When there happens to be any thing ridiculous in a vifage, and the owner of it thinks it an afpect of dignity, he must be of very great quality to be exempt from raillery; the best expedient therefore is to be pleafant upon himself. Prince Harry and Falstaff, in Shakespear, have carried the ridicule upon fat and lean as far as it will go. Falstaff is humouroufly call'd Woolfack, Bedpreffer, and Hill of flesh; Harry, a Starveling, an Elves-fkin, a Sheath, a Bow-cafe, and a Tuck. There is, in feveral incidents of the converfation between them, the jeft ftill kept up upon the perfon. Great tenderness and fenfibility in this point is one of the greatest weaknesses of felf-love. For my own part, I am a little unhappy in the mold of my face, which is not quite fo long as it is broad: whether this might not partly arife from my open
ing my mouth much feldomer than other people,
Moft profound Sir,
AVING been very well entertained in the laft of your fpeculations that I have yet 'feen, by your fpecimen.upon Clubs, which I therefore hope you will continue, I fhall take the liberty to furnish you with a brief account of fuch a one as perhaps you have not seen in all your travels, unless it was your fortune to touch upon fome of the woody parts of the African continent, in your voyage to or from Grand Cairo. There have arofe in this Univerfity (long fince 'you left us without faying any thing) feveral of thefe inferior hebdomadal focieties, as the Punning Club, the Witty Club, and, among the reft, the Handfome Club; as a burlefque upon which, a certain merry fpecies, that feem to have come into the world in masquerade, for fome years last past have affociated themselves together, and affumed the name of the Ugly Club. This ill'favoured fraternity confifts of a Prefident and ⚫ twelve Fellows; the choice of which is not con'fined by patent to any particular foundation, (as St. John's men would have the world believe, and have therefore erected a feparate fociety within themselves) but liberty is left to ele& 'from any school in Great-Britain, provided the candidates be within the rules of the Club, as fet ⚫ forth in a table, intituled, The Act of Deformity. A claufe or two of which I fhall tranfmit to you.
I. That no perfon whatsoever shall be admitted without a vifible queerity in his afpect, or 'peculiar caft of countenance; of which the Pre⚫fident and Officers for the time being are to determine, and the Prefident to have the cafting < voice.
II. That a fingular regard be had, upon examination, to the gibbofity of the gentlemen that offer themfelves as founders kinfinen; or to the obliquity of their figure, in what fort < foever.
III. That if the quantity of any man's nofe ⚫ be eminently mifcalculated, whether as to length or breadth, he fhall have a juft pretence to be • elected.
Laftly, That if there fhall be two or more competitors for the fame vacancy, cæteris paribus, he that has the thickest fkin to have the pre⚫ference.
ron, Hudibras, and the old Gentleman in Oldham, with all the celebrated ill faces of antiquity, as furniture for the Club-room.
As they have always been profeffed admirers of the other fex, fo they unani.noufly declare that they will give all poffible encouragement to fuch as will take the benefit of the ftatute, though none yet have appeared to do it.
The worthy Prefident, who is their mot devoted champion, has lately fhewa me two copies of verfes compofed by a gentleman of this focithe firft, a congratulatory ede infcribed to Mrs. Touchwood, upon the lofs of her two foreteeth; the other, a panegyric upon Mrs. Andi'ron's left shoulder. Mrs. Vizard, he fays, fince the small-pox, is grown tolerably ugly, and a < top toaft in the Club; but I never heard him fo lavish of his fine things, as upon old Nell Trot, who conftantly officiates at their table; her he even adcres and extols as the very counter-part of mother Shipton; in fhort, Neil, fays he, is one of the extraordinary works of nature; but as for complexion, fhape, and features, fo valued by others, they are all mere outside and symmetry, which is his averfion. Give me leave to add, that the Prefident is a facetious pleasant gentleman, and never more fo, than when he has got (as he calls 'em) his dear Mummers about him; and he often proteíts it does him good to meet a fellow with a right genuine grimace in his air (which is fo agreeable in the generality of the French nation); and, as an instance of his fincerity in this particular, he gave me a fight of a lift in his pocket-book of all of this clafs, who for thefe five years have fallen under his obfervation, with himself at the head of 'em, and in the rear (as one of a promifing and improving afpect), • Sir,
• Every fresh member, upon his first night, is to entertain the company with a difh of cod-fifh, and a speech in praife of fop; whofe portraiture they have in full proportion, or rather difproportion, over the chimney; and their defign is, as foon as their funds are fufficient, to purchafe the heads of Therfites, Duns Scotus, Sca
No 18. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21.
-Equitis quoque jam migravit ab aure voluptas Omnis ad incertos oculos, & gaudia vana.
HOR. Ep. ii. v. 187. But now our nobles too are fops and vain, Neglect the fenfe, but love the painted fcene. CREECH. "T is my defign in this paper to deliver down to pofterity a faithful account of the Italian opera, and of the gradual progrefs which it has made upon the English ftage; for there is no queftion but our great grand-children will be very curious to know the reason why their forefathers used to fit together like an audience of foreigners in their own country, and to hear whole plays acted before them in a tongue which they did not understand.
Arfinde was the first opera that gave us a tafte of Italian mufic. The great fuccefs this opera met with produced fome attempts of forming pieces upon Italian plans, which should give a more matural and reafonable entertainment than what can be met with in the elaborate trifles of that nation. This alarmed the poetafters and fiddlers of the town, who were ufed to deal in a more ordinary kind of ware; and thererore laid down an establifhed rule, which is received as fuch to this day, That nothing is capable of being well-fet to "mufic, that is not nonfenfe."
This maxim was no fooner received, but we immediately fell to tranflating the Italian operas; and as there was no great danger of hurting the fenfe of thofe extraordinary pieces, our authors ld often make words of their own, which were ly foreign to the meaning of the paffages they protoded to tranflate; their chief care being to make the numbers of the English verse answer to thofe of the Italian, that both of them might go to the fame tune. Thus the famous fong in Ca
Barbara fi t'intendo, &c.
Barbarous woman, yes I know your meaning-which expresles the refentments of an angry lover, was tranflated into that English lamentation,
Frail are lover's hopes, &c.
And it was pleafant enough to fee the most refined perfons of the British nation dying away and languifling to notes that were filled with a fpirit of rage and indignation. It happened alfo very frequently, where the sense was rightly tranflated, the neceffary tranfpofition of words, which were drawn out of the phrafe of one tongue into that of another, made the mufic appear very abfurd in one tongue that was very natural in the other. I remember an Italian verfe that runs thus, word for word,
And turn'd my rage into pity; which the English for rhyme fake tranflated, And into pity turn'd my rage.
By this means the foft notes, that were adapted to Pity in the Italian, fell upon the word Rage in the English; and the angry founds, that were tuned to rage in the original, were made to exprefs pity in the tranflation. It oftentimes happened likewife, that the finest notes in the air fell upon the moft infignificant words in the fentence. I have known the word And purfued through the whole gamut, have been entertained with many a melodious The, and have heard the most beautiful graces, quavers, and divifions bestowed upon Then, For, and From; to the eternal honour of our English particles.
ces, though they may do it with the famc safety as if it were behind our backs. In the mean time, I cannot forbear thinking how naturally an historian who writes two or three hundred years hence, and does not know the taste of his wife forefathers, will make the following reflection, "In the be"ginning of the eighteenth century, the Italian "tongue was fo well understood in England, that "the operas were acted on the public stage in that "language."
The next step to our refinement, was the introducing of Italian Actors into our opera; who fung their parts in their own language, at the fame time, that our countrymen performed theirs in our native tongue. The king or hero of the play generally fpoke in Italian, and his flaves anfwered him in English: the lover frequently made his court, and gained the heart of his princefs, in a language which she did not understand. One would have thought it very difficult to have carried on dialogue after this manner, without an interpreter between the perfons that converfed together; but this was the state of the English ftage for about three years.
At length the audience grew tired of underftanding half the opera; and therefore, to eafe themselves intirely of the fatigue of thinking, have fo ordered it at prefent, that the whole opera is performed in an unknown tongue. We no longer understand the language of our own ftage; infomuch that I have often been afraid, when I have feen our Italian performers chattering in the vehemence of action, that they have been calling us names, and abufing us among themfelves; but I hope, fince we do put fuch an intire confidence in them, they will not talk against us before our fa.
One scarce knows how to be ferious in the confutation of an abfurdity that fhews itself at the fenfe to fee the ridicule of this monstrous practise; first fight. It does not want any great measure of but, what makes it more astonishing, it is not the taste of the rabble, but of perfons of the greatest politeness, which has established it.
If the Italians have genius for mufic above the English, the English have a genius for other performances of a much higher nature, and capable of giving the mind a much nobler entertainment. Would one think it is poffible (at a time when an author lived that was able to write the Phadra and Hippolitus) for a people to be so stupidly fond of the Italian opera, as scarce to give a third day's hearing to that admirable tragedy? Mufic is certainly a very agreeable entertainment; but if it would take the entire poffeffion of our ears, if it would make us incapable of hearing fenfe, if it would exclude arts that have a much greater tendency to the refinement of human nature; I muft confefs I would allow it no better quarter than Plato has done, who banishes it out of his commonwealth.
At prefent, our notions of mufic are so very uncertain, that we do not know what it is we like; only, in general, we are tranfported with any thing that is not English; fo be it of a foreign growth, let it be Italian, French, or HighDutch, it is the fame thing. In fhort, our English mufic is quite rooted out, and nothing yet planted in its ftead.
When a royal palace is burnt to the ground, every man is at liberty to prefent his plan for a new one; and though it be but indifferently put together, it may furnish several hints that may be of ufe to a good architect. I fhall take the fame liberty, in a following paper, of giving my opinion upon the subject of mufic; which I fhall lay down only in a problematical manner, to be confidered by those who are masters in the art.
No 19. THURSDAY, MARCH 22.
Di bene fecerunt, inopis me quódque pufilli
Bferving one perfon behold another, who was an utter ftranger to him, with a caft of his eye, which, methought, expreffed an emotion of heart very different from what could be raised by an object fo agreeable as the gentleman he looked at, I began to confider, not without fome fecret forrow, the condition of an envious man. Some have fancied that envy has a certain magical force in it, and that the eyes of the envious have by their fafcination blafted the enjoyments of the happy. Sir Francis Bacon fays, Some have been fo curious as to remark the times and fesfons when the stroke of an envious eye is mcft
moft effectually pernicious, and have obferved that it has been when the perfon envied has been in any circumftance of glory and triumph. At fuch a time the mind of the profperous man goes, as it were, abroad, among things without him, and is more expofed to the malignity. But I fhall not dwell upon fpeculations fo abstracted as this, or repeat the many excellent things which one might colleft out of authors upon this miferable affection; but, keeping in the road of common life, confider the envious man with relation to these three heads, his pains, his reliefs, and his happiness.
The envious man is in pain upon all occafions which ought to give him pleasure. The relifh of his life is inverted; and the objects which adminifter the highest fatisfaction to those who are exempt from this paffion, give the quickest pangs to perfons who are fubject to it. All the perfections of their fellow-creatures are odious; youth, beauty, valour, and wisdom, are provocations of their displeasure. What a wretched and apoftate ftate is this! To be offended with excellence, and to hate a man because we approve him! The condition of the envious man is the most emphatically miferable; he is not only incapable of rejoicing in another's merit or fuccefs, but lives in a world wherein all mankind are in a plot against his quiet, by ftudying their own happiness and advantage. Will Profper is an honeft tale-bearer; he makes it his bufinefs to join in eonversation with envious men. He points to fuch an handsome young fellow, and whifpers that he is fecretly married to a great fortune; when they doubt, he adds circumftances to prove it; and never fails to aggravate their diftrefs, by affuring them, that, to his knowledge, he has an uncle will leave him fome thousands. Will has many arts of this kind to torture this fort of temper, and delights in it. When he finds them change colour, and fay faintly they wish fuch a piece of news is true, he has the malice to speak fome good or other of every man of their acquain
The reliefs of the envious man are thofe little blemishes and imperfections that discover themfelves in an illuftrious chara&er. It is matter of great confolation to an envious perfon, when a man of known honour does a thing unworthy himfelf; or when any action which was well executed, upon better information appears fo altered in its circumstances, that the fame of it is divided among many, inftead of being attributed to one. This is a fecret fatisfaction to thefe malignants; for the perfon, whom they before could not but admire, they fancy is nearer their own condition as foon as his merit is fhared among others. I remember fome years ago there came out an ex
cellent poem without the name of the author. The little wits, who were incapable of writing it, began to pull in pieces the fuppofed writer. When that would not do, they took great pains to fupprefs the opinion that it was his. That again failed. The next refuge was to fay it was overlooked by one man, and many pages wholly written by another. An honeft fellow, who fat. a cluster of them in debate on this fubject, cried out, "Gentlemen, if you are fure none of you "yourselves had an hand in it, you are but where << you were, whoever writ it." But the moft ufual fuccour to the envious, in cafes of nameless merit in this kind, is to keep the property, if poffible, unfixed, and by that means to hinder the re
reputation of it from falling upon any particular perfon. You fee an envious man clear up his countenance, if, in the relation of any man's great happiness in one point, you mention his uneafinefs in another. When he hears fuch a one is very rich he turns pale, but recovers when you add that he has many children. In a word, the only fure way to an envious man's favour, is not to deserve it.
But if we confider the envious man in delight, it is like reading the feat of a giant in a romance, the magnificence of his houfe confifts in the maby limbs of men whom he has flain. If any who promised themselves fuccefs in any uncommon undertaking miscarry in the attempt, or he that aimed at what would have been useful and laudable, meets with contempt and derifion, the envious man, under the colour of hating vain-glory, can fmile with an inward wantonnefs of heart at the ill effect it may have upon an honest ambition for the future.
Having throughly confidered the nature of this paffion, I have made it my study to avoid the envy that may accrue to me from these my fpeculations; and if I am not mistaken in my think I have a genius to escape it. Upon hearing in a coffee-houfe one of my papers commended, I immediately apprehended the envy that would fpring from that applause; and therefore gave a description of my face the next day; being refolved, as I grow in reputation for wit, to refign my pretenfions to beauty. This, I hope, may give fome eafe to thofe unhappy gentlemen, who do me the honour to torment themfelves upon the account of this my paper. As their cafe is very deplorable, and deferves compaffion, I fhall fometimes be dull, in pity to them, and will from time to time adminifter confolations to them by further discoveries on my perfon. In the mean while, if any one, fays the Spectator has wit, it may be fome relief to them to think that he does not fhew it in company. And if any one praifs his morality, they may comfort themselves by confidering that his face is none of the longest,
No 20. FRIDAY, MARCH 23. Κύνθ· ὄμματ ἔχων
Hoм. II. i. 225. POPE
Thou dog in forehead!--.
MONG the other hardy undertakings which rection of impudence is what I have very much at A I have proposed to myself, that of the corheart. This in a particular manner is my pro vince as Spectator; for it is generally an offence committed by the eyes, and that against fuch as tunity of injuring any other way. The following the offenders would perhaps never have an oppor◄ letter is a complaint of a young lady, who fets of herself as befits beauty and innocence, and yet forth a trefpafs of this kind, with that command with fo much spirit as fufficiently expreffes her indignation. The whole tranfaction is performed with the eyes; and the crime is no less than employing them in fuch a manner, as to divert the eyes of others from the beft ufe they can make of them, even looking up to Heaven.
· HERE never was, I believe, an acceptable man but had fome aukward imitators. Ever fince the Spectator appeared, have I re• marked
marked a kind of men, whom I choose to call Starers; that, without any regard to time, place, " or modefty, disturb a large company with their impertinent eyes. Spectators make up a proper affembly for a puppet-fhów or a bear-garden; but devout fupplicants and attentive hearers are "the audience one ought to expect in churches. I am, Sir, member of a small pious congregation near one of the north gates of this city; much the greater part of us indeed are females, and ' used to behave ourselves in a regular attentive manner, till very lately one whole ifle has been disturbed with one of these monftrous Starers; he's the head taller than any one in the church; but, for the greater advantage of expofing himfelf, ftands upon a haffoc, and commands the ⚫ whole congregation, to the great annoyance of the devouteft part of the auditory; for what with 'blushing, confufion, and vexation, we can neither mind the prayers nor fermon. Your ani⚫ madverfion upon this infolence would be a great • favour to, • Sir,
Your moft humble fervant,
5. C. I have frequently feen of this fort of fellows, and do not think there can be a greater aggravation of an offence, than that it is committed where the criminal is protected by the sacredness of the place which he violates. Many reflections of this fort might be very justly made upon this kind of behaviour; but a Starer is not ufually a perfon to be convinced by the reafon of the thing, and a fellow that is capable of fhewing an impudent front before a whole congregation, and can bear being a public fpectacle, is not so easily rebuked as to amend by admonitions. If therefore my correfpondent does not inform me, that within feven days after this date the barbarian does not at least ftand upon his own legs only, without an eminence, my friend Will Profper hath promised to take an haffoc oppofite to him, and stare against him, in defence of the ladies. I have given him directions, according to the most exact rules of optics, to place himself in such a manner that he shall meet his eyes wherever he throws them; I have hopes that when Will confronts him, and all the ladies, in whofe behalf he engages him, caft kind locks and wishes of fuccefs at their champion, he will have some shame, and feel a little of the pain he has fo often put others to, of being out of coun
of him no nation or person can be concerned for. For this reafon, one may be free upon him. I have put myself to great pains in confidering this prevailing quality which we call impudence, and have taken notice that it exerts itfelf in a different manner according to the different foils wherein fuch fubjects of thefe dominions, as are masters of it, were born. Impudence in an Englishman is fullen and infolent; in a Scotchman it is untractable and rapacious; in an Irishman abfurd and fawning; as the courfe of the world now runs, the impudent Englishman behaves like a furly landlord, the Scot like an ill-received guest, and the Irishman like a stranger who knows he is not welcome. There is feldom any thing entertaining either in the impudence of a South or North-Briton; but that of an Irishman is always comic: a true and genuine impudence is ever the effect of ignorance, without the least sense of it; the best and most fuccefsful Starers, now in this town, are of that nation; they have usually the advantage of the ftature mentioned in the above letter of my correfpondent, and generally take their ftands in the eye of women of fortune; infomuch that I have known one of them, three months after he came from plough, with a tolerable good air lead out a woman from a play, which one of our own breed, after four years at Oxford, and two at the Temple, would have been afraid to look at.
I take an impudent fellow to be a fort of outlaw in good breeding, and therefore what is faid
I cannot tell how to account for it, but these people have ufually the preference to our own fools, in the opinion of the fillier part of womankind. Perhaps it is that an English coxcomb is feldom fo obfequious as an Irish one; and when the defign of pleafing is vifible, an abfurdity in the way toward it is eafily forgiven.
But those who are downright impudent, and go on without reflection that they are fuch, are more to be tolerated, than a fet of fellows among us who profefs impudence with an air of humour, and think to carry off the most inexcufable of all faults in the world, with no other apology than faying in a gay tene. "I put an impudent face upon the matter. No; no man fhall be allowed the advantages of impudence, who is confcious that he is fuch; if he knows he is impudent, he may as well be otherwife; and it shall be expected that he blush, when he fees he makes another do it. For nothing can atone for the want of modefty; without which beauty is ungraceful, and wit deteftable.
It has indeed been time out of mind generally remarked, and as often lamented, that this family No 21. SATURDAY, MARCH 24. of Starers have infefted public affemblies; and I know no other way to obviate fö great an evil, except, in the cafe of fixing their eyes upon women, fome male friend will take the part of fuch as are under the oppreffion of impudence, and encounter the eyes of the Starers wherever they meet them. While we fuffer our women to be thus impudently attacked, they have no defence, but in the end to caft yielding glances at the Starers; and, in this cafe, a man who has no fenfe of fhame has the fame advantage over his mistress, as he who has no regard for his own life has over his adverfary. While the generality of the world are fettered by rules and move by proper and juft methods; he, who has no refpect to any of them, carries away the reward due to that propriety of behaviour, with no other merit but that of having neglected it.
Locus eft & pluribus umbris.
HOR. Ep. V. v. 28. There's room enough, and each may bring his friend. CREECH. AM fometimes very much troubled, when I reflect upon the three great profeffions of Divinity, Law, and Phyfic; how they are each of them over-burdened with practitioners, and filled with multitudes of ingenious gentlemen that ftarve one another.
We may divide the clergy into generals, fieldofficers, and fubalterns. Among the first we may reckon Lithops, deans, and a chdeacons. Among the fecond are doctors of divinity, prebendaries, and all that wear fcarves. The rest are comprehended under the fubalterns. As for the first class, our conftitution preferves it from any redundancy of incumbents, notwithstanding competitors are num