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we put together as well as we could, being able to understand but here and there a word of what they faid, and afterwards making up the meaning of it among ourselves. The men of the C country are very cunning and ingenious in handicraft works, but withal fo very idle, that ་ we often faw young lufty raw-boned fellows carried up and down the street in little covered rooms by a couple of porters, who are hired for that fervice. Their drefs is likewife very barbarous, for they almoft ftrangle themfelves about the neck, and bind their bodies with mamy ligatures, that we are apt to think are the ⚫ occafion of feveral diftempers among them, which our country is entirely free from. In<ftead of thofe beautiful feathers with which we adorn our heads, they often buy up a monstrous bufh of hair, which covers their heads, and falls down in a large fleece below the middle of their backs; with which they walk up and down the freets, and are as proud of it as if it was of their own growth.
We were invited to one of their public diverfions, where we hoped to have feen the great men of their country running down a ftag or pitching a bar, that we might have difcovered who were the perfons of the greatest abilities among them; but instead of that they con. veyed us into a huge room lighted up with abundance of candles, where this lazy people
fat ftill above three hours to fee feveral feats
of ingenuity performed by others, who it feems were paid for it.
As for the women of the country, not being able to talk with them, we could only make our remarks upon them at a distance. They let the hair of their heads grow to a great length; but as the men make a great fhow with heads of hair that are none of their own, the women, who they fay have very fine heads of hair, tie it up in a knot, and cover it from being feen. The women look like angels, and would be more beautiful than the fun, were it not for little black fpots that are apt to break out in their faces, and fometimes rife in very odd figures. I have obferved that thofe little < blemishes wear off very foon; but when they difappear in one part of the face, they are very < apt to break out in another, infomuch that I have feen a fpot upon the forehead in the afternoon, which was upon the chin in the morn•ing.'
N° 51. SATURDAY, APRIL 28.
HOR. Ep. II. i. 127.. He from the taste obfcene reclaims our youth.
• Mr. Spectator,
Y fortune, quality, and perfon, are fuch as render me as confpicuous as any < young woman in town. It is in my power to enjoy it in all its vanities, but I have, from a very careful education, contracted a great averfion to the forward air and fashion which is 'practifed in all public places and affemblies. 'I attribute this very much to the ftile and man· ners of our plays. I was last night at the Fu
neral, where a confident lover in the play, 'fpeaking of his mistress, cries out" O that "Harriot! to fold these arms about the waste of "that beauteous, ftruggling, and at last yielding "fair!" Such an image as this ought, by no
means, to be prefented to a chafte and regular ' audience. I expect your opinion of this fentence, and recommend to your confideration, as a Spectator, the conduct of the stage at prefent with relation to chastity and modefty. I am, Sir,
"Your conftant reader and well-wisher.' the offence is grofs enough to have difpleafed perThe complaint of this young lady is fo juft, that fons who cannot pretend to that delicacy and modefty, of which the is miftrefs. But there is a great deal to be faid in behalf of an author. If the audience would but confider the difficulty of keeping up a sprightly dialogue for five acts towit, and cannot pleafe any otherwife, to help t gether, they would allow a writer, when he wants out with a little fmuttinefs. I will answer for the poets, that no one ever writ bawdry for any other reafon but dearth of invention. When the author cannot strike out of himself any more of that which he has fuperior to those who make up the bulk of his audience, his natural recourfe is to that which he has in common with them; and will pleafe, when the auther has nothing about a defcription which gratifies a fenfual appetite him to delight a refined imagination. It is to fuch a poverty, we muft impute this and all other fentences in plays, which are of this kind, and which are commonly termed luscious expres
This expedient, to fupply the deficiencies of wit, has been used more or lefs, by moft of the authors who have fucceeded on the stage; though
The author then proceeds to fhew the abfurdity of breeches and petticoats, with many other curious obfervations, which I fhall referve for another occafion. I cannot however conclude know but one who has profeffedly writ a play this parer, without taking notice, that amidst upon the bafis of the defire of multiplying our thefe wild remarks there now and then appears fpecies, and that is the polite Sir George Etherfomething very reasonable. I cannot likewife; if I understand what the lady would be at, forbear obferving, that we are all guilty in fome meafure of the fame narrow way of thinking, which we meet with in this abftract of the Indian Journal, when we fancy the cuftoms, dreffes, and marners, of other countries are ridiculous
and extravagant, if they do not resemble thofe of
in the play called She would if She could. Other poets have, here and there, given an intimation that there is this defign, under all the difguifę s and affectations which a lady may put on; but no author, except this, has made furelwork of it, this one purpose, from the beginning to the end and put the imaginations of the audience upon of the comedy. It has always fared accordingly; for whether it be, that all who go to this piece would if they could, or that the innocents go to it, to guefs only what She would if She could, the play has always been well received.
It lifts an heavy empty fentence, where there iş added to it a lafcivious gefture of body; and when
when it is too low to be raised even by that, a flat meaning is enlivened by making it a double one. Writers, who want Genius, never fail of keeping this fecret in referve, to create a laugh, or raife a clap. I, who know nothing of women but from seeing plays, can give great gueffes at the whole ftructure of the fair fex, by being innocently placed in the pit, and infulted by the petticoats of their dancers; the advantages of whose pretty persons are a great help to a dull play. When a poet flags in writing lufciously, a pretty girl can move lafciviously, and have the fame good confequence for the author. Dull poets in this cafe ufe their audiences, as dull parafites do their patrons; when they cannot long divert them with their wit or humour, they bait their ears with something which is agreeable to their temper, though below their understanding. Apicius cannot refift being pleased, if you give him an account of a delicious meal; or Clodius, if you defcribe a wanton beauty; though at the fame time, if you do not awake thofe inclinations in them, no men are better judges of what is juft and delicate in converfation. But, as I have before obferved, it is easier to talk to the man, than to the man of fense.
It is remarkable, that the writers of leaft learning are best skilled in the luscious way. The poeteffes of the age have done wonders in this kind; and we are obliged to the lady who writ Ibrahim, for introducing a preparatory fcene to the very action, when the emperor throws his handkerchief as a signal for his mistress to follow him into the moft retired part of the feraglio. It must be confeffed his Turkish majefty went off with a good air, but, methought, we made but a fad figure who waited without. This ingepious gentlewoman, in this piece of bawdry, refined upon an author of the fame fex, who, in the Rover, makes a country fquire ftrip to his drawers. But Blunt is difappointed, and the emperor is understood to go on to the utmoft. The pleafantry of stripping almost naked has been fince practised, where indeed it should have begun, very fuccefsfully at Bartholomew fair.
their going with any countenance to it on the second.
It is not here to be omitted, that in one of the abovementioned female compofitions, the Rover is very frequently fent on the fame errand; as I take it, above once every act. This is not wholly unnatural; for, they fay, the men-authors draw themselves in their chief characters, and the women-writers may be allowed the fame liberty. Thus, as the male wit gives his hero a good for. tune, the female gives her heroine a good gallant, at the end of the play. But, indeed, there is hardly a play one can go to, but the hero or fine gentleman of it ftruts off upon the fame account, and leaves us to confider what good office he has put us to, or to employ ourselves as we pleafe. To be plain, a man who frequents plays would have a very respectful notion of himself, where he to recollect how often he has been used as a pimp to ravishing tyrants, or fuccefsful rakes. When the actors make their Exit on this good occafion, the ladies are fure to make an examining glance from the pit, to fee how they relish what passes; and a few lewd fools are very ready to employ their talents upon the compofure or freedom of their looks. Such incidents as these make some ladies wholly abfent themselves from the playhoufe; and others never mifs the first day of a play, left it should prove toe luscious to admit
If men of wit, who think fit to write for the ftage, instead of this pitiful way of giving delight, would turn their thoughts upon raifing it from fuch good natural impulfes as are in the audience, but are choked up by vice and luxury, they would not only please, but befriend us at the fame time. If a man had a mind to be new in his way of writing, might not he who is now reprefented as a fine gentleman, though he betrays the honour and bed of his neighbour and friend, and lies with half the women in the play, and is at laft rewarded with her of the best character in it; I fay, upon giving the comedy another caft, might not fuch a one divert the audience quite as well, if at the catastrophe he were found out for a traitor, and met with contempt accordingly? There is feldom a perfon devoted to above one darling vice at a time, fo that there is room enough to catch at mens hearts to their good and advantage, if the poets will attempt it with the honefty which becomes their characters.
There is no man who loves his bottle or his mistress, in a manner so very abandoned, as not to be capable of relishing an agreeable character, that is no way a flave to either of thofe pursuits. A man that is temperate, generous, valiant, chaste, faithful and honeft, may, at the fame time, have wit, humour, mirth, good-breeding, and gallartry. While he exerts thefe latter qualities, twenty occafions might be invented to fhew he is master of the other noble virtues. Such characters would fmite and reprove the heart of a man of sense, when he is given up to his pleafures. He would fee he has been mistaken all this while, and be convinced that a found conftitution and an innocent mind are the true ingredients for becoming and enjoying life. All men of true tafte would call a man of wit, who fhould turn his ambition this way, a friend and benefactor to his country; but I am at a lofs what name they would give him, who makes use of his capacity for contrary purposes,
No 52. MONDAY, APRIL 30.
Omnes ut tecum meritis pro talibus annos Exigat, & pulchrâ faciat te prole parentem.
VIRG. Æn. i. 78.
To crown thy worth, the shall be ever thine, And make thee father of a beauteous line.
N ingenious correfpondent, like a sprightly did not think my last letter to the deformed fraternity would have occafioned any anfwer, efpecially fince I had promised them fo fudden a vifit; but as they think they cannot fhew too great a veneration for my perfon, they have already fent me up an anfwer. As to the propofal of a marriage between myself and the matchless Hecatis, I have but one objection to it; which is, that all the fociety will expect to be acquainted with her; and who can be sure of keeping a woman's heart long, where she may have fo much choice? I am the more alarmed at this, because the lady feems particularly fmitten with men of their make.
I believe I fhall fet my heart upon her; and think never the worse of my mistress for an epi
OUR letter to us we have received, as a
which otherwife you might have fome reafon to be apprehensive of. To be plain with you, I can fee nothing fhocking in it; for though 'fhe has not a face like a John-Apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at fixty-five ventured on a lafs of fifteen, very frequently, in the remaining five years of his life, gave me to understand, that, as old as he then feemed, when they were first married he and his spouse could 'make but fourfcore; fo may madam Hecatiffa very justly alledge hereafter, that, as long-vi'faged as the may then be thought, upon their wedding-day Mr. Spectator and he had but half an ell of face betwixt them; and this my very worthy predeceffor, Mr. Serjeant Chin, always 'maintained to be no more than the true oval proportion between man and wife. But as this may be a new thing to you, who have hitherto had no expectations from women, I fhall allow you what time you think fit to confider on't; not without fome hope of feing at laft your thoughts hereupon fubjoined to mine, and which is an honour much defired by, Sir, Your affured friend,
and moft humbl. fervanr, Hugh Hoblin, Præfes.*
The following letter has not much in it; but, as it is written in my own praife, I cannot from my heart fupprefs it.
6 fignal mark of your favour and brotherly affection. We shall be heartily glad to fee your 'fhort face in Oxford; and fince the wifdom of < our legiflature has been immortalized in your fpeculations, and our perfonal deformities in fome fort by you recorded to all posterity; we ⚫ hold ourfelves in gratitude bound to receive, ⚫ with the highest respect, all fuch perfons as for their extraordinary merit you shall think fit, from time to time, to recommend unto the board. As for the Pictish damfel, we have an eafy chair prepared at the upper end of the ta< ble; which we doubt not but he will grace with a very hideous afpect, and much better become the feat in the native and unaffected ⚫ uncomeliness of her perfon, than with all the fuperficial airs of the pencil, which, as you have very ingenioufly obferved, vanish with a breath; and the most innocent adorer may deface the fhrine with a falutation, and, in the ⚫ literal fenfe of our poets, fnatch and imprint h's balmy kiffes, and devour her melting lips: in fhort, the only taces of the Pictish kind that will endure the weather, must be of Dr. Carbuncle's die; though his, in truth, has coft him a world the painting; but then he boats with Zeuxes, in æternitatem pingo; and oft jocofely tells the fair ones, would they acquire colours that would ftand kiffing, they muft no longer paint but ⚫ drink for a complexion; a maxim that in this our age has been purfued with no ill fuccefs; and has been as admirable in its effects, as the famous cofmetic mentioned in the Poft-man, and invented by the renowned British Hippocrates of the peftle and mortar; making the party, after a due courte, rofy, hale, and airy; and the best and most approved receipt now extant for the fever of the fpirits. But to return to our female candidate, who, I under
Y day, Mr. Hobbes's hypothets, for folv
OU proposed, in your Spectater of last Tucf
ing that very odd phænomenon of laughter. You have made the hypothefis valuable by efpoufing 'it yourself; for, had it continued Mr. Hobbes's, nobody would have minded it. Now here this ( perplexed cafe arifes. A certain company laughed very heartily upon the reading of that very paper of yours; and the truth on it is, he must be a man of more than ordinary conftancy that could stand it out against fo much comedy, and not do as we did. Now there are few men in the world fo far loft to all good fenfe, as to look upon you to be a man in a ftate of felly inferior to himself. Pray then, how do you justify your hypothefis of laughter ? Thursday, the 26th of the month of Fools.
ftand, is returned to herfelf, and will no longer I
Your mcft humble,
N anfwer to your letter, I muft defire you to recollect yourself; and you will find, that, when you did me the honour to be fo merry • over my paper, you laughed at the Idiot, the German Courtier, the Gaper, the Merry- An'drew, the Haberdasher, the Biter, the Butt; and not at
hang out falfe colours; as fhe is the firft of her .⚫ fex that has done us fo great an honour, she will certainly, in a very fhort time, both in profe ⚫ and verie, be a lady of the most celebrated deformity now living; and meet with admirers hare as frightful as herfelf. But being a longheaded gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine the R has fome further defign than you have yet pe- : netrated; and perhaps has more mind to the
Your humble fervant,
Spectator than any of his fraternity, as the per- No 53. TUESDAY, MAY 1.
fon of all the world fhe could like for a paramour: and if fo, really I cannot but applaud ⚫her choice; and fhould be glad if it might lie in my power, to effect an amicable accommodation betwixt two faces of fuch different extremes, as the only poffible expedient, to mend the breed, and rectify the phyfiognomy of the family on both fides. And again, as fhe is a lady of a very fluent elocution, you need not *sar that your first child weborn dumb,
• Mr. Spectator,
AM glad I can inform you, that your endeavours to adorn that fex, which is the fairest • part of the vifible creation, are well received, and like to prove not unfuccefsful. The triumph of Daphne over her fifter Lætitia has been the fubject of converfation at feveral tea-tables where I have been prefent; and I have obferved "the fair circle not a little pleafed to find you con'fidering them as reafonable creatures, and en'deavouring to banish that Mahometan custom 'which had too much prevailed even in this island, ' of treating women as if they had no fouls. I 'must do them the juftice to fay, that there feems · to be nothing wanting to the finishing of thefe ⚫ lovely pieces of human nature, befides the turning and applying their ambition properly, and the keeping them up to a fenfe of what is their true merit. Epictetus, that plain honeft philo fopher, as little as he had of gallantry appears to have understood them, as well as the polite St. 'Evremont, and has hit this po nt very luckily. "When young women, says he, arrive at a certain
age, they hear themselves called Miftreffes, and
are made to believe that their only business is to "please the men; they immediately begin to "drefs, and place all their hopes in the adorning "of their perfons; it is therefore," continues he, "worth the while to endeavour by all means to "make them fenfible, that the honour paid to "them is only upon account of their conducting "themselves with virtue, modefty, and difcre❝tion."
Now to pursue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the 'fair ones more effectual, I would propofe a new method, like thofe applications which are faid to convey their virtue by fympathy; and that is, that in order to embellifh the miftrefs, you fhould give a new education to the lover, and teach the men not to be any longer dazzled by ⚫ false charms and unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if our fex knew always how to place their efteem juftly, the other would not be fo often wanting to themfelves in deferving it. For as the being enamoured with a woman of fenfe and virtue is an improvement to a man's un⚫derstanding and morals, and the paffion is enno
bled by the object which infpires it; fo on the • other fide, the appearing amiable to a man of a ⚫ wife and elegant mind, carries in itself no fmall degree of merit and accomplishment. I con'clude therefore, that one way to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more • virtuous. I am, Sir,
Your moft humble fervant,
regulated by the rules of honour and prudence; and have thought it an obfervation not ill made, that, where that was wholly denied, the women loft their wit, ard the men their good manners. 'Tis fure, from thofe improper liberties you mentioned, that a fort of undiftinguishing people fhall banish from their drawing-rooms the ⚫ beft-bred men in the world, and condemn those that do not. Your ftating this point, might, I 'think, be of good ufe, as well as much oblige, Sir, • Your admirer and 'most humble fervant,
April 29. OURS of Saturday last I read, not without fome refentment; but I will fuppofe, ' when you fay you expect an inundation of ribbons and brocades, and to fee many new vanities which the women will fall into upon a peace with France, that you intend only the ❝ unthinking part of our fex; and what methods can reduce them to reafon is hard to imagine.
But, Sir, there are others yet, that your in'ftructions might be of great ufe to, who, after their beft endeavours, are fometimes at a lofs to acquit themselves to a cenforious world; I am 'far from thinking you can altogether disapprove ' of converfation between ladies and gentlemen,
No anfwer to this, till Anna Bella fends a defcription of thofe fhe calls the beft-bred men in the world. • Mr. Spectator,
Am a gentleman who for many years last past have been well known to be truly fplenetic, and that my fpleen arifes from having contracted fo great a delicacy, by reading the beft authors, and keeping the most refined company, that I cannot bear the leaft impropriety of language, or rufticity of behaviour. Now, Sir, I have ever looked upon this as a wife diftemper; but by late obfervations find that every heavy wretch, who has nothing to fay, excufes his dulnefs by complaining of the fpleen. Nay, 'I faw the other day, two fellows in a tavernkitchen fet up for it, call for a pint and pipes, and only by guzzling liquor to each other's health, and wafting smoke in each other's face, pretend to throw off the fpleen. I appeal to you whether thefe difhonours are to be done to 'the distemper of the great and the polite. Ibefeech you, Sir, to inform thefe fellows that they have not the fpleen, because they cannot talk without the help of a glafs at their mouths, or convey their meaning to each other without the interpofition of clouds. If you will not do this with all speed, I affure you, for my part, I will wholly quit the disease, and for the future be merry with the vulgar.
I am, Sir,
"Your humble fervant."
HIS is to let you understand, that I am a reformed Starer, and conceived a deteftation for that practice from what you have writ upon the subject. But as you have been very ievere upon the behaviour of us men at divine fervice, I hope you will not be fo apparently partial to the women, as to let them go wholly unobferved. If they do every thing that is poffible to attract our eyes, are we more culpable than they, for looking at them? I happened laft Sunday to be fhut into a pew, which was full of young ladies in the bloom of youth and beauty. When the fervice began, I had not room to kneel at the confeffion, but as I ftood kept my eyes from wandring as well as I was able, till one of the young ladies, who is a Peeper, refolved to bring down my looks, and fix my devotion on herself. You are to know, Sir, that a Peeper works with her hands, eyes, and fan; one of 'which is continually in motion, while fhe thinks fhe is not actually the admiration of fome Ogier or Starer in the congregation. As I ftood, utterly at a lofs how to behave myself, furrounded as I was, this Peeper fo placed herself as to be kneeling
⚫ kneeling just before me. She difplayed the most beautiful bofom imaginable, which heaved and fell with fome fervour, while a delicate wellfhaped arm held a fan over her face. It was not ⚫ in nature to command one's eyes from this object, I could not avoid taking notice also of her fan, which had on it various figures, very improper to behold on that occafion. There lay in the body of the piece a Venus, under a purple canopy furled with curious wreaths of drapery, half naked, attended with a train of Cupids, who were bufied in fanning her as the flept. Behind her was drawn a fatyr peeping over the filken fence, and threatening to break through it. I frequently offered to turn my fight another way, but was ftill detained by the fafcina⚫tion of the Peeper's eyes, who had long practifed
afkill in them, to recal the parting glances of her ⚫ beholders. You fee my complaint, and hope · you will take thefe mifchievous people, the Peepers, into your confideration: I doubt not but you will think a Peeper as much more pernicious than a Starer, as an ambuscade is more to be feared than an open assault.
'I am, Sir,
Your most obedient fervant.'
This Peeper using both fan and eyes, to be confidered as a Pict, and proceed accordingly.
• King Latinus to the Spectator, greeting.
famous refidence of learning; and is perhaps the
Cambridge, April 26.
of liberal arts and fciences, and glad of any 'information from the learned world, I thought an account of a fect of philofophers very frequent among us, but not taken notice of, as far as I can remember, by any writers either ancient or modern, would not be unacceptable to you. The philofophers of this feet are in the language ' of our Univerfity called Lowngers. I am of opinion, that, as in many other things, fo likewife in this, the ancients have been defective; viz. in mentioning no philofophers of this fort. Some indeed will affirm that they are a kind of Peripatetics, becaufe we fee them continually walking about. But I would have thefe gentlemen confider, that though the ancient Peripatetics walked much, yet they wrote much alfo; witnefs, to the forrow of this feet, Aristotle and others: whereas it is notorious that most of cur profeffors never lay out a farthing either in pen, ink, or paper. Others are for deriving them 'from Diogenes, becaufe feveral of the leading men of the fect have a great deal of the cynical 'humour in them, and delight much in fun-fhine. 'But then again, Diogenes was content to have
who after all his ftudy and learning, profeffed, That all he then knew was, that he knew nothing. You eafily fee this is but a fhallow argument, and may be foon confuted.
his conftant habitation in a narrow tub, whilst " our philofophers are fo far from being of his opiHOUGH fome may think we defcend Inion, that it is death to them to be confined from our imperial dignity, in holding cor- within the limits of a good, handfome, conve• refpondence with a private Litterato; yet, as nient chamber but for half an hour. Others we have great respect to all good intentions for 'there are, who from the clearness of their heads • our service, we do not esteem it beneath us to 'deduce the pedigree of Lowngers from that great • return you cur royal thanks for what you pub-man, I think it was either Plato or Socrates, lifhed in our behalf, while under confinement in the inchanted caftle of the Savoy, and for your mention of a fubfidy for a prince in misfortune. This your timely zeal has inclined the hearts of divers to be aiding unto us, if we could propofe the means. We have taken their good-will into confideration, and have contrived a method which will be easy to those who fhall give the aid, and not unacceptable to us who ⚫ receive it. A concert of mufic fhall be prepared at Haberdashers-Hall for Wednofday the fecond of May, and we will honour the faid entertain❝ment with our own prefence, where each perfon fhall be affeffed but at two fhillings and fixWhat we expect from you is, that you pence. publish these our royal intentions, with injunction that they be read at all tea-tables within the cities of London and Westminster; and fo we bid you heartily farewel.
Latinus King of the Volfcians."
• Given at our court in Vinegar-Yard, story the third from the earth, April 28, 1711.'
HOR. Ep. I. xi. 28. Laborious idlenefs our powers employs. HE following letter being the first that I have received from the learned University of Cambridge, I could not but do myself the honour of publishing it. It gives an account of a new feet of philofophers which has arofe in that
I have with great pains and industry made my obfervations from time to time, upon thefe fages; and having now all materials ready, am compiling a treatife, wherein I shall set forth the rife and progrefs of this famous fect, together with their maxims, aufterities, manner of living, &c. Having prevailed with a friend, who defigns fhortly to publish a new edition of Diogenes Laertius, to add this treatife of mine by way of fupplement; I shall now, to let the world fee what may be expected from me, first begging Mr. Spectator's leave that the world may fee it, briefly touch upon fome of my chief obfervations, and then fubfcribe myself your humble fervant. In the first place I fhall give you two or three of their maxims: the fundamental one, upon which their whole fyftem is built, is this, viz. That time being an implacable enemy to and deftroyer of all things, ought to be paid in his own coin, and be destroyed and murdered ' without mercy, by all the ways that can be invented. Another favourite faying of theirs is, That bufinefs was defigned only for knaves, and study for block-heads. A third feems to be a ludicrous one, but has a great effect upon their lives; and is this, That the devil is at home. Now for their manner of living: and here I have a large field to expatiate in: but I fhall re'ferve particulars for my intended difcourfe, and now only mention one or two of their principal 'exercises. The elder proficients employ themfelves in infpecting mores hominum multorum; in