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When we fuffer ourselves to be thus carried away by mere beauty, or mere wit, Omniamante, with all her vice, will bear away as much of our good-will as the most innocent virgin or difcreetest matron; and there cannot be a more abject flavery in this world than to dote upon what we think we ought to condemn: Yet this must be our condition in all the parts of life, if we fuffer ourselves to approve any thing but what tends to the promotion of what is good and honourable. If we would take true pains with ourselves to confider all things by the light of reafon and juftice, though a man were in the height of youth and amorous inclinations, he would look upon a coquette with the fame contempt or indifference as he would upon a coxcomb: The wanton carriage in a woman would disappoint her of the admiration which the aims at; and the vain drefs or discourse of a man would destroy the comeliness of his shape, or goodness of his understanding. I fay the goodness of his understanding, for it is no less common to fee men of fenfe commence coxcombs; than beautiful women become immodest. When this happens in either, the favour we are naturally inclined to give to the good qualities they have from nature fhould abate in proportion. But however juft it is to measure the value of men by the application of their talents, and not by the eminence of thofe qualities abstracted from their ufe; I fay, however juft fuch a way of judging is, in all ages as well as this, the contrary has prevailed upon the generality of mankind. How many lewd devices have been preserved from one age to another, which had perished as foon as they were made, if painters and sculptors had been efteemed as much for the purpofe as the execution of their defigns? Modeft and well-governed imaginations have by this means loft the reprefentations of ten thousand charming portraitures, filled with images of innate truth, generous zeal, courageous faith, and tender humanity; instead of which, fatyrs, furies, and monsters are recommended by those arts to a fhameful eternity.
The unjust application of laudable talents, is tolerated in the general opinion of men, not only in fuch cafes as are here mentioned, but also in matters which concern ordinary life. If a lawyer were to be esteemed only as he ufes his parts in contending for juftice, and were immediately defpicable when he appeared in a caufe which he could not but know was an unjust one, how honourable would his character be? And how honourable is it in fuch among us, who follow the profeffion no otherwife, than as labouring to protect the injured, to fubdue the oppreffor, to imprifon the careless debtor, and do right to the painful artificer; but many of this excellent character are overlooked by the greater number; who affect covering a weak place in a client's title, diverting the courfe of an inquiry, or finding a skilful refuge to palliate a falfhood; yet it is ftill called eloquence in the latter, though thus unjustly employed: But refolution in an affaflin is according to reafon quite as laudable, as know. ledge and wisdom exercised in the defence of an
the fame figure after breach of promife, as two knights of the poft convicted of perjury. But conversation is fallen fo low in point of morality, that as they fay in a bargain, Let the Buyer look to it; fo in friendship, he is the man in danger who is moft apt to believe. He is the more likely to fuffer in the commerce, who begins with the obligation of being the more ready to enter into
But thofe men only are truly great, who place their ambition rather in acquiring to themselves the confcience of worthy enterprizes, than in the profpect of glory which attends them. These exalted fpirits would rather be fecretly the authors of events which are serviceable to mankind, than, without being fuch, to have the publick fame of it. Where therefore an eminent merit is robbed by artifice or détraction, it does but increase by fuch endeavours of its enemies: The impotent pains which are taken to fully it, or diffuse it among a crowd to the injury of a single perfon, will naturally produce the contrary effect; the fire will blaze out, and burn up all that attempt to fmother what they cannot extinguish.
There is but one thing neceffary to keep the poffeffion of true glory, which is, to hear the oppofers of it with patience, and preferve the virtue by which it was acquired. When a man is thoroughly perfuaded that he ought neither to admire, with for, or purfue any thing but what is exactly his duty, it is not in the power of feat fons, perfons, or accidents, to diminish his value. He only is a great man who can neglect the applaufe of the multitude, and enjoy himself independent of its favour. This is indeed an arduous tafk; but it fhould comfort a glorious fpirit that it is the highest step to which human nature can arrive. Triumph, applaufe, acclamation, are dear to the mind of man; but it is ftill a more exquifite delight to fay to yourself, you have done well, than to hear the whole human race pronounce you glorious, except you yourfelf can join with them in your own reflections. mind thus equal and uniform may be deserted by little fashionable admirers and followers, but will ever be had in reverence by fouls like itself. The branches of the oak endure all the feafons of the year, though its leaves fall off in autumn; and thefe too will be restored with the returning spring.
N° 173. TUESDAY, SEPT. 18.
N a late paper I mentioned the project of an handicraft prizes to be contended for by our British artifans, and the influence they might nufactures. I have fince that been very much have towards the improvement of our several mafurprifed with the following advertisement which I find in the Poft-Boy of the eleventh inftant, and again repeated in the Poft-Boy of the fifteenth.
Were the intention stedfastly confidered, as the measure of approbation, all falfhood would foon be out of countenance: and an addrefs in impo. fing upon mankind, would be as contemptible in one ftate of life as another. A couple of courtiers making profeffions of esteem, would make of fix guineas value, three heats, by any horfe,
N the ninth of October next will be run for upon Celebill-Heath in Warwickshire, a plate
mare, or gelding that hath not won above the va lue of five pounds, the winning horse to be fold for ten pounds, to carry ten ftone weight, if fourteen hands high; if above or under to carry or be allowed weight for inches, and to be entered Friday the fifteenth at the Swan in Coleshill, before fix in the evening. Also a plate of less value to be run for by affes. The fame day a gold ring to be grinned for by men.
The first of thefe diverfions that is to be exhibited by the ten pounds race-horfes, may p:obably have its ufe; but the two laft in which the affes and men are concerned, feem to me altogether extraordinary unaccountable. Why they thould keep running affes at Coleshill, or how making mouths turns to account in Warwickshire, more than in any other parts of England, I cannot comprehend. I have looked over all the olympic games, and do not find any thing in them like an afs-race, or a match at grinning. However it be, I am informed that feveral affes are now kept in body-clothes, and fweated every morning upon the heath, and that all the country-fellows within ten miles of the Swan, grin an hour or two in their glaffes every morning, in order to qualify themfelves for the ninth of October. The prize, which is propofed to be grinned for, has raifed fuch an ambition among the common-people of out-grinning one another, that many very difcerning perfons are afraid it should spoil most of the faces in the country; and that a Warwickfire man will be known by his grin, as Roman catholics imagine a Kentifn man is by his tail. The gold ring which is made the prize of deformity, is juft the reverfe of the golden apple that was formerly made the prize of beauty, and should carry for its pofy the old motto inverted
Detur tetriori. Or to accommodate it to the capacity of the combatants,
The frightfull'ft grinner Be the winner.
In the mean while I would advise a Dutch painter to be prefent at this great controverfy of faces, in order to make a collection of the moft remarkable grins that shall be there exhibited.
I must not here omit an account which I lately received of one of these grinning-matches from a gentleman, who, upon reading the above-mentioned advertisement, entertained the coffee-houfe with the following narrative. Upon the taking of Namur, amidit other public rejoicings made on that occafion, there was a gold ring given by a whig juftice of peace to be grinned for. The first competitor that entered the lifts, was a black fwarthy Frenchwho accidentally paffed that way, and being a man naturally of a withered look, and hard features, promised himself good fuccefs. He was placed upon a table in the great point of view, and looking upon the company like Milton's Death.
Grinn'd horribly a ghaftly fmile His mufcles were fo drawn together on each fide of his face, that he fhewed twenty teeth at a grin, and put the country in fome pain, left a foreigner fhould carry away the honour of the day; but upon a farther trial they found he was mafter only of the merry grin.
faid to have made half a dozen women miscarry, but the juftice being apprised by one who stood near him, that the fellow who grinned in his face was a Jacobite, and being unwilling that a difaffected perfon should win the gold ring, and be looked upon as the best grinner in the country, he ordered the oaths to be tendered unto him upon his quitting the table, which the grinner refufing, he was fet afide as an unqualified perfon. There were feveral other grotesque figures that prefented themselves, which it would be too tedious to defcribe. I must not however omit a ploughman, who lived in the farther part of the country, and being very lucky in a pair of long lanthorn jaws, wrung his face into fuch an hideous grimace, that every feature of it appeared under a different diftortion. The whole company stood aftonished at such a complicated grin, and were ready to affign the prize to him, had it not becn proved by one of his antagonists, that he had practifed with verjuice for fome days before, and had a crab found upon him at the very time of grinning; upon which the beft judges of grinning declared it as their opinion, that he was not to be looked upon as a fair grinner, and therefore ordered him to be fet afide as a cheat.
The prize it feems fell at length upon a coblet, Giles Gorgon by name, who produced feveral new grins of his own invention, having been used to cut faces for many years together over his last. At the very first grin he caft every human feature out of his countenance, at the fecond he became the face of a fpout, at the third a baboon, at the fourth the head of a bass viol, and at the fifth a pair of nut-crackers. The whole affembly wondered at his accomplishments, and bestowed the ring on him unanimoufl; but, what he esteemed more than all the reft, a country wench, whom he had wooed in vain for above five years before was fo charmed with his grins, and the applaufes which he received on all fides, that the married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize upon her finger, the cobler having made ufe of it as his wedding-ring.
The next that mounted a table was a malecontent in thofe days, and a great mafter in the whole art of grinning, but particularly excelled in the angry grin. He did his part fo well, that he is
This paper might perhaps feem very impertinent, if it grew ferious in the conclufion. I would nevertheless leave it to the confideration of thofe who are the patrons of this monstrous trial of skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in fome meafure, of an affront to their fpecies, in treating after this manner the Human Face Divine, and turning that part of us, which has fo great an image impreffed upon it, into the image of a monkey; whether the raising fuch filly competitions among the ignorant, propofing prizes for fuch ufelefs accomplishments, filling the common people's heads with fuch fenfelefs ambitions, and infpiring them with fuch abfurd ideas of fuperiority and pre-eminence, has not in it fomething immoral as well as ridiculous.
No 174. WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 19.
HERE is fcarce any thing more common than animofities betweeen parties that cannot fubfift but by their agreement: This was well reprefented in the fedition of the members of
the human body in the old Roman fable. It is
Captain Sentry obferved Sir Andrew very diligent in hearing Sir Roger, and had a mind to turn the difcourfe, by taking notice in general, from the highest to the lowest parts of human fociety, there was a fecret, though unjuft, way among men, of indulging the feeds of ill-nature and envy, by comparing their own state of life to that of another, and grudging the approach of their neighbour to their own happiness; and on the other fide, he who is the lefs at his eafe, repines at the other, who he thinks, has unjustly the advantage over him. Thus the civil and military lifts look upon each other with much ill-nature; the foldier repines at the courtier's power, and the courtier rallies the foldier's honour; or, to come to lower instances, the private men in the horse and foot of an army, the carmen and coachmen in the city'streets, mutually look upon each other with ill-will, when they are in competition for quarters or the way in their respective motions.
It is very well, good captain, interrupted Sir Andrew: You may attempt to turn the difcourfe if you think fit; but I must however have a word or two with Sir Roger, who, I fee, thinks he has paid me off, and been very fevere upon the merchant. I fhall not, continued he, at this time remind Sir Roger of the great and noble monuments of charity and public fpirit, which have been erected by merchants fince the reformation, but at present content myself with what he allows us, parfimony and frugality. If it were confiftent with the quality of fo ancient a baronet as Sir Roger, to keep an account, or measure things by the most infallible way, that of numbers, he would prefer our parfimony to his hofpitality. If to drink fo many hogfheads is to be hospitable, we do not contend for the fame of that virtue;
but it would be worth while to confider, whe ther fo many artificers at work ten days together by my appointment, or fo many peasants made made merry on Sir Roger's charge, are the men more obliged? I believe the families of the arti ficers will thank me, more than the houshold of the peasants fhall Sir Roger. Sir Roger gives to his men, but I place mine above the neceffity of obligation of my bounty. I am in very little pain for the Roman proverb upon the Carthaginian traders; the Romans were their profeffed enemies: I am only forry no Carthaginian histories have come to our hands; we might have been taught perhaps by them fome proverbs against the Roman generofity, in fighting for and bes ftowing other people's goods. But fince Sir Ro ger has taken occafion from an old proverb to be out of humour with merchants, it should be no offence to offer one not quite fo old in their defence. When a man happens to break in Hol land, they fay of him that "he has not kept true <c accounts. This phrafe, perhaps among us, would appear a foft or humorous way of fpeak ing, but with that exact nation it bears the higheft reproach; for a man to be mistaken in the calculation of his expence, in his ability to an fwer future demands, or to be impertinently fanguine in putting his credit to too great an adven ture, are all inftances of as much infamy as with gayer nations to be failing in courage or common honefty.
Numbers are fo much the meafure of every thing that is valuable, that it is not poffible to demonftrate the fuccefs of any action, or the prudence of any undertaking without them. I fay this in answer to what Sir Roger is pleafed to fay, that little that is truly noble can be expected from one who is ever poring on his cafh-book, or balancing his accounts. When I have my returns from abroad, I can tell to a fhilling, by the help of numbers, the profit or lofs by my adven ture; but I ought alfo to be able to fhew that I had reafon for making it, either from my own experience, or that of other people, or from a reasonable prefumption that my returns will be fufficient to answer my expence and hazard; and this is never to be done without the skill of numbers. For inftance, if I am to trade to Turkey, I ought beforehand to know the demand of our manufactures there, as well as of their filks in England, and the customary prices that are given for both in each country. I ought to have a clear knowledge of thefe matters beforehand, that I may prefume upon fufficient returns to anfwer the charge of the cargo I have fitted out, the freight and affurance out and home, the cuftoms to the Queen, and the interest of my own money, and befides all these expences, a reasonable profit to myself. Now what is there of fcandal in this skill? What has the merchant done, that he should be fo little in the good graces of Sir Roger? He throws down no man's inclosures, and tramples upon no man's corn; he takes nothing from the industrious labourer; he pays the poor man for his work; he communicates his profit with mankind; by the preparation of his cargo, and the manufacture of his returns, he furnihes employment and fubfiftence to greater numbers than the richest nobleman; and even the nobleman is obliged to him for finding out foreign markets for the produce of his estate, and for making a great addition to his rents; and you
yet it is tertain, that none of all thefe things could be done by him without the exercise of his skill in numbers.
This is the economy of the merchant; and the conduct of the gentleman must be the fame, unless by fcorning to be the fteward, he refolves the steward fhall be the gentleman. The gentleman, no more than the merchant, is able, without the help of numbers, to account for the fuccefs of any action, or the prudence of any adventure. If, for inftance, the chace is his whole adventure, his only returns must be the ftag's horns in the great hall, and the fox's nose upon the ftable door. Without doubt Sir Roger knows the full value of these returns; and if beforehand he had computed the charges of the chace, a gentleman of his difcretion would certainly have hanged up all his dogs, he would never have brought back fo many fine horfes to the kennel, he would never have gone so often, like a blast, over fields of corn. If fuch too had been the conduct of all his ancestors, he might truly have boafted at this day, that the antiquity of his family had never been fullied by a trade; a mer-morning to hear her talking out of her window chant had never been permitted with his whole eftate to purchase a room for his picture in the gallery of the Coverley's, or to claim his defcent from the maid of honour. But it is very happy for Sir Roger that the merchant paid fo dear for his ambition. It is the misfortune of many other gentlemen to turn out of the feats of their anceftors, to make way for fuch new mafters as have been more exact in their accounts than themfelves; and certainly he deferves the estate a great deal better, who has got it by his industry, than he who has loft it by his negligence.
quite cross the street, with another woman that 'lodges over me: I am fince informed, that the 'made her a visit, and got acquainted with her within three hours after the fall of my window-curtains.
N° 175. THURSDAY, SEPT. 20.
SHALL this day entertain my readers with two or three letters I have received from my correfpondents: The first difcovers to me a fpecies of females which have hitherto escaped my notice, and is as follows.
AM a young gentleman of a competent fortune, and a fufficient taste of learning, to 'fpend five or fix hours every day very agreeably among my books. That I might have nothing to divert me from my ftudies, and to avoid the noifes of coaches and chairmen, I have taken lodgings in a very narrow street not far from Whitehall; but it is my misfortune to be fo ⚫ pofted, that my lodgings are directly oppofite to thofe of a Jezebel. You are to know, Sir, that a Jezebel (fo called by the neighbourhood from difplaying her pernicious charms at her window) appears constantly dreffed at her fath, and has a thousand little tricks and fooleries to < attract the eyes of all the id young fellows in the neighbourhood. I have feen more than fix 'perfons at once from their feveral windows ob
tarch with great tranquillity of mind; but was < a little vexed to find that in lefs than a month 'fhe had confiderably ftolen upon my time, fo 'that I refolved to look at her no more. But the
ferving the Jezebel I am now complaning of. ⚫ I at first looked on her myself with the higheft contempt, could divert myself with her airs for ⚫ half an hour, and afterwards take up my Plu
Jezebel, who, as I fuppofe, might think it a 'diminution to her honour, to have the number of her gazers leffened, refolved not to part with me fo, and began to play fo many new tricks at her window, that it was impoffible for me to 'forbear obferving her. I verily believe the put 'herfelf to the expence of a new wax baby on purpose to plague me; the used to dandle and play with this figure as impertinently as if it ' had been a real child: Sometimes the would 'let fall a glove or a pin-cushion in the street, and fhut or open her cafement three or four ' times in a minute. When I had almoft weaned myself from this, he came in her shift fleeves, and dreffed at the window. I had no way left 'but to let down my curtains, which I fubmitted 'to though it confiderably darkened my room, ' and was pleased to think that I had at last got the better of her; but was surprised the next
Sir, I am plagued every moment in the day, one way or other, in my own chambers; and the Jezebel has the fatisfaction to know, that though I am not looking at her, I am listening to her impertinent dialogues that pafs over my head. I would immediately change my lodg'ings, but that I think it might look like a plain confeffion, that I am conquered; and besides this, I am told that most quarters of the town are infefted with thefe creatures. If they are fo, I am fure it is fuch an abuse, as a lover of learning and filence ought to take notice of. I am,
I am afraid, by fome lines in this letter, that my young student is touched with a diftemper which he hardly feems to dream of, and is too far gone in it to receive advice. However, I fhall animadvert in due time on the abufe which he mentions, having myself obferved a neft of Jezebels near the Temple, who make it their diverfion to draw up the eyes of young Templars, that at the fame time they may fee them ftumble in an unlucky gutter, which runs under the window.
Have lately read the conclufion of your forty-feventh fpeculation upon Butts with great pleasure, and have ever fince been throughly perfuaded that one of thofe gentlemen is extremely neceffary to enliven converfation. I had an entertainment last week upon the water for a lady to whom I make my addreffes, with feveral of our friends of both fexes. To divert the company in general, and to shew my mistress in particular, my genius for raillery, I took one of the most celebrated Butts in town along with me. It is with the utmost shame and confusion that I must acquaint you with the sequel of my adventure: As foon as we were got into the boat, I played a fentence or
two at my Butt, which I thought very smart, when my ill genius, who I verily believe infpired him purely for my deftruction, fuggested to him fuch a reply, as got all the laughter on his fide. I was dafhed at fo unexpected a turn; which the Butt perceiving, refolved not to let me recover myfelf, and purfuing his victory, rallied and toffed me in a moft unmerciful and barbarous manner until we came to Chelfea. I had fome fmall fuccefs while we were eating cheefe-cakes: but coming home, he renewed his attacks with his former good fortune, and equal diverfion to the whole company. fhort, Sir, I moft ingenuously own that I was never fo handled in all my life; and to complete my misfortune, I am fince told that the Butt, flushed with his late victory, has made a vifit or two to the dear object of my wifhes, fo that I am at once in danger of lofing all my pretenfions to wit, and my miftrefs into the bargain. This, Sir, is a true account of my prefent troubles, which you are the more obliged to affift me in, as you were yourself in a great measure the cause of them, by recommending to us an inftrument, and not inftructing us at the fame time how to play upon it.
I have been thinking whether it might not be highly convenient that all Butts fhould wear an infcription aifixed to fome part of their bodies, fhewing on which fide they are to be come at, and that if any of them are perfons of unequal tempers, there fhould be fome me
thod taken to inform the world at what time
it is fafe to attack them, and when you had best let them alone. But, fubmitting these matters to your more ferious confideration, I am, SIR, your's, &c.'
I have, indeed, feen and heard of feveral young gentleman under the fame misfortune with my prefent correfpondent. The best rule I can lay down for them to avoid the like calamities for the future, is thoroughly to confider not only "Whether their companions are weak," but "Whether themselves are wits."
and being credibly informed that what it contains is matter of fact, I fhall give it my reader as it
was fent me.
Exeter, Sept. 7. OU were pleafed in a late fpeculation to take notice of the inconvenience we lie under in the country, in not being able to keep pace with the fafhion: But there is another misfortune which we are fubject to, and is no lefs grievous than the former, which has hitherto escaped your obfervation. I mean, the having things palmed upon us for London fashions, which were never once heard of
A lady of this place had fome time fince a box of the neweft ribbons fent down by the coach whether it was her own malicious invention, or the wantonnefs of a London milliner, I am not able to inform you; but among the reft, there was one cherry-coloured ribbon, confifting of about half a dozen yards, made up in the figure of a finall head-drefs. The aforefaid lady had the affurance to affirm, a• midst a circle of female inquifitors, who were " prefent at the opening of the box, that this
was the newest fashion worn at court. cordingly the next Sunday we had feveral females, who came to church with their heads dreffed wholly in ribbons, and looked like fo many victims ready to be facrificed. This is ftill a reigning mode among us. At the fame time we have a fet of gentlemen who take the liberty to appear in all public places without any buttons to their coats, which they fupply with feveral little filver hafps, though our fresheft advices from London, make no men tion of any fuch fashion; and we are fomething thy of affording matter to the button-makers for a fecond petition.
What I would humbly propofe to the public is, that there may be a fociety erected in London, to confift of the most fkilful perfons of both fexes, for the "Infpection of modes and fathions ;" and that hereafter no perfon or perfons fhall prefume to appear fingularly habited in any part of the country, without a teftimo nial from the aforefaid fociety, that their drefs is anfwerable to the mode at London. By this means, Sir, we fhall know a little whereabout
• Mr. Spectator,
Do not deny but you appear in many of your papers to understand human life well pretty 3 but there are very many things which you cannot poffibly have a truc notion of, in a fingle life; thefe are fuch as refpect the married ftate; otherwife I cannot account for your hav ing overlooked a very good fort of people, which are commonly called, in fcorn, the Hen peckt. You are to understand that I am one of thofe innocent mortals who fuffer derifion under that word, for being governed by the best wives. It would be worth your confideration to enter into the nature of affection itself, and tell us, according to your philofophy, why it is that our Dears fhould do what they will with us, fhall be froward, ill-natured, affuming, fometimes whine, at others rail, then fwoon
away, then come to life, have the use of speech to the greateft fluency imaginable, and then fink away again, and all because they fear we do not love them enough; that is, the poor things love us fo heartily, that they cannot think it poffible we fhould be able to love them in fo great a degree, which makes them take on fo. I fay, Sir, a true good natured man, whom rakes and libertines call Hen-peckt, fhall fall into all thefe different moods with his dear