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ture. Homer, however, in his characters of Vulcan and Therfites, in his ftory of Mars and Venus, in his behaviour of Irus, and in other paffages, has been obferved to have lapfed into the buricfque character and to have departed from that ferious air which feems effential to the magnificence of an epic poem. I remember but one laugh in the whole neid, which rifes in the fifth book, upon Monotes, where he is reprefented as thrown overboard, and drying himself upon a rock. But this piece of mirth is fo well timed, that the fevereft critic can have nothing to fay against it; for it is in the book of games and diverfions, where the reader's mind may be supposed to be fufficiently relaxed for fuch an entertainment. The only piece of pleafantry in Paradife Loft, is where the evil fpirits are defcribed as rallying the angels upon the success of their new-invented artillery. This paffage I look npon to be the most exceptionable in the whole poem, as being nothing else but a string of puns, and thofe too very indifferent ones.

-Satan beheld their plight,

And to his mates thus in derifion call'd.


O friends, why come not on those victors proud! Ere-while they fierce were coming, and when we To entertain them fair with open front, And breaft, (what could we more?) propound

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ftraight they chang'd their minds, Flew off, and into ftrange vágaries fell As they would dance: yet for a dance they


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Principibus placuiffe viris non ultima laus eft.
Hor. Ep. 17. lib. 1. ver. 35.
To please the great is not the smallest praife.


CREECH. HE defire of pleafing makes a man agreeable or unwelcome to thofe with whom he converfes, according to the motive from which that inclination appears to flow. If your concern for pleafing others arifes from innate benevolence, it never fails of fuccefs: if from a vanity to excel, its difappointment is no lefs certain. What we call an agreeable man, is he who is endowed with the natural bent to do acceptable things from a delight he takes in them merely as fuch; and the affectation of that character is what conftitutes a fop. Under thefe

leaders one may draw up all thofe who make any manner of figure, except in dumb fhow. A rational and felect converfation is composed of perfons, who have the talents of pleafing with delicacy of fentiments flowing from habitual chastity of thought; but mixed company is frequently made up of pretenders to mirth, and is ufually peftered with constrained, obscene and painful witticisms. Now and then you meet with a man, fo exactly formed for pleafing, that it is no matter what he is doing or faying, that is to fay, that there need no manner of importance in it, to make him gain upon every body who hears or beholds him. This felicity is not the gift of nature only, but must be attended with happy circumftances, which add a dignity to the familiar behaviour which distinguishes him whom we call an agreeable man. It is from this that every body loves and efteems Polycarpus. He is in the vigor of his age and the gaiety of life, but has paffed through very confpicuous fcenes in it; though no foldier, he has fhared the danger, and acted with great gallantry and generofity on a decifive day of battle. To have thofe qualities which only make other men confpicuous in the world as it were fupernumerary to him, is a circumstance which gives weight to his most indifferent ac tions; for as a known credit is ready cash to a trader, fo is acknowledged merit immediate diftinction, and ferves in the place of equipage to a gentleman. This renders Polycarpus grace. ful in mirth, important in business, and regarded with love, in every ordinary occurrence. But not to dwell upon characters which have fuch particular recommendations to our hearts, let us turn our thought rather to the methods of pleafing which muft carry men through the world who cannot pretend to fuch advantages. Falling in with the particular humour or manner of one above you, abftracted from the general rules of good behaviour, is a life of a flave. A parafite differs in nothing from the meanest fervant, but that the footman hires himfelf for bodily labour, fubjected to go and come at the will of his mafter, but the other gives up his very foul: he is proftituted to fpeak, and profeffes to think after the mode of him whom he courts. This fervitude to a pa tron, in an honeft nature, would be more grievous than that of wearing his livery; therefore we will speak of thofe methods only, which are worthy and ingenuous.

The happy talent of pleasing either those abovę you or below you, feems to be wholly owing to the opinion they have of your fincerity. This quality is to attend the agreeable man in all the actions of his life; and I think there need is what forces the approbation even of your opno more be faid in honour of it, than that it ponents. The guilty man has an honour for the judge who with juftice pronounces against him the fentence of death itfelf. The author of the fentence at the head of this paper, was an excellent judge of human life, and paffed his own in company the most agreeable that ever was in the world. Auguftus lived amongst

his friends as if he had his fortune to make in his own court: candour and affability, accompanied with as much power as ever mortal was vefted with, were what made him in the utmost manner agreeable among a fet of admirable men, who had thoughts too high for ambition,

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and views too large to be gratified by what he could give them in the difpofal of an empire, without the pleasures of their mutual conver fation. A certain unanimity of tafte and judgment, which is natural to all of the fame order in the fpecies, was the band of this fociety; and the emperor affumed no figure in it, but

what was his due his private H

talents and qualifications, as they contributed to advance the pleafures and fentiments of the


Cunning people, hypocrites, all who are but half virtuous, or half wife, are incapable of bong the refined pleasure of fuch an equal

pany as could wholly exclude the regard of 15rtune in their converfations. Horace, in the difcourfe from whence I take the hint of the prefent fpeculation, lays down excellent rules for conduct in converfation with men of pow er; but he speaks it with an air of one who had no need of fuch an application for any thing which related to himself. It fhews he understood what it was to be a skilful courtier, by just admonitions against importunity, and fhewing how forcible it was to speak modeftly of your own wants. There is indeed fomething fo fhameless in taking all opportunities to speak of your own affairs, that he who is guilty of it towards him on whom he depends, fares like the beggar, who expofes his fores, which instead of moving compaffion makes the man he begs of turn away from the object.

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N° 281. TUESDAY, JANUARY 22. Pecoribus inbians fpirantia confulit exta. Virg. Æn. 4. ver. 64. Anxious the reeking entrails he confults. AVING already given an account of the diffection of a beau's Head, with the feveral difcoveries made on that occafion; I fhall here, according to my promife, enter upon the diffection of a coquette's heart, and communicate to the public fuch particularities as we obferved in that curious piece of anatomy.

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I cannot tell what is become of him, but I remember about fixteen years ago an honest fellow, who fo justly understood how disagreeable the mention or appearance of his wants would make him, that I have often reflected upon him as a counterpart of Irus, whom I have formerly mentioned. This man, whom I have miffed for fome years in my walks, and have heard was fome way employed about the army, made it a maxim, that good wigs, delicate linen, and a chearful air, were to a poor dependent the fame that working tools are to a poor artificer. It was no fmall entertainment to me, who knew his circumstances, to fee him who had fafted two days, attribute the thinnefs they told him of, to the violence of fome gallantries he had lately been guilty of. The skilful

diffembler carried this on with the utmoft addrefs and if any fufpected his affairs were narrow, it was attributed to indulging himself in fome fashionable vice rather than an irreproachable poverty, which faved his credit with thofe on whom he depended.

The main art is to be as little troublesome as you can, and make all you hope for come rather as a favour from your patron than claim from you. But I am here prating of what is the method of pleafing fo as to fucceed in the world, when there are crowds who have, in city, town, court, and country, arrived at confiderable acquifitions, and yet feem incapable of acting in any conftant tenor of life, but have gone on from one fuccefsful error to another; therefore I think I may fhorten this inquiry after the method of pleafing; and as the old Leau faid to his fon, once for all, "Pray, Jack, be a "fine gentleman," fo may I, to my reader, abridge my inftructions, and finish the art of pleafing, in a word, "Be rich 'T

I should perhaps have waved this undertaking, had not I been put in mind of my promife by feveral of my unknown correfpondents, who are very importunate with me to make an example of the coquette, as I have already done of the beau. It is therefore in compliance with the request of friends, that I have looked over the minutes of my former dream, in order to give the public an exact relation of it, which I fhall enter upon without farther preface.

Our operator, before he engaged in this vifionary diffection, told us, that there was nothing in his art more difficult than to lay open the heart of a coquette, by reafon of the many labyrinths and receffes which are to be found in it, and which do not appear in the heart of any other animal.

He defired us first of all to obferve the pericardium, or outward cafe of the heart, which we did very attentively; and by the help of our glaffes difcerned in it millions of little fcars, which feemed to have been occafioned by the points of innumerable darts and arrows, that from time to time had glanced upon the outward coat though we could not difcover the smallest orifice, by which any of them had entered and pierced the inward substance.

Every fmatterer in anatomy knows that this pericardium, or cafe of the heart, contains in it a thin reddish liquor, fuppofed to be bred from the vapours which exhale out of the heart, and being stopped here, are condensed into this watery fubitance. Upon examining this liquor, we found that it had in it all the qualities of that fpirit which is made ufe of in the thermometer, to fhew the change of weather.

Nor muft I here omit an experiment one of the company affured us he himself had made with this liquor, which he found in great quantity about the heart of a coquette whom he had formerly diffected. He affirmed to us, that he had actually inclofed it in a small tube made after the manner of a weather-glafs; but that inftead of acquainting him with the variations of the atmosphere, it fhewed him the qualities of thofe perfons who entered the room where it ftood. He affirmed alfo, that it rofe at the approach of a plume of feathers, an embroidered coat, or a pair of fringed gloves; and that it fell as foon as an ill-fhaped periwig, a clumfy pair of fhoes, or an unfashionable coat came into his houfe: nay, he proceeded so far as to affure us, that upon his laughing aloud when he food by it, the liquor mounted very fenfibly, and immediately funk again upon his looking serious. In short, he told us, that he knew very well by this invention whenever he had a man of fenfe or a coxcomb in his room.

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Having cleared away the pericardium, or the cafe and liquor above-mentioned, we came to the heart itself. The outward furface of it was extremely flippery, and the mucro, or point, fo very cold withal, that, upon endeavouring to take hold of it, it glided through the fingers like a fmooth piece of ice.

The fibres were turned and twisted in a more intricate and perplexed manner than they are ufually found in other hearts; infomuch that the whole heart was wound up together in a gordian knot, and must have had very irregular and unequal motions, whilft it was employed in its vital function.

One thing we thought very obfervable, namely, that upon examining all the veffels which came into it or iffued out of it, we could not discover any communication that it had with the tongue.

We could not but take notice likewife, that feveral of those little nerves in the heart which are affected by the fentiments of love, hatred, and other paffions, did not defcend to this before us from the brain, but from the mufcles which lie about the eye.

Upon weighing the heart in my hand, I found it to be extremely light, and consequently very hollow, which I did not wonder at, when, upon looking into the infide of it, I faw multitudes of cells and cavities running one within another, as our hiftorians defcribe the apartments of Rofamond's bower. Several of thefe little hollows were ftuffed with innumerable forts of trifles, which I fhall forbear giving any particular account of, and fhall therefore only take notice of what lay first and uppermoft, which, upon our unfolding it, and applying our microscopes to it, appeared to be a flame-colour

ed hood.

As we were admiring this ftrange phænomenon, and standing round the heart in a circle, it gave a moft prodigious figh or rather crack, and difperfed all at once in smoke and vapour. This imaginary noife, which methought was louder than the burft of a cannon, produced fuch a violent shake in my brain, that it diffipated the fumes of fleep, and left me in an instant broad awake.

No 282. WEDNESDAY, JAN. 23.

-Spes incerta futuri.

Virg. Æn. 8. ver. 580. Hopes and fears in equal balance laid.



T is a lamentable thing that every man is full of complaints, and conftantly uttering fentences against the fickleness of fortune, when people generally bring upon themfelves all the calamities they fall into, and are conftantly heaping up matter for their own forrow and difappointment. That which produces the greatest part of the delufions of mankind, is a falfe hope which people indulge with fo fanguine a flattery to themselves, that their hearts are bent upon fantastical advantages which they had no reafon to believe fhould ever have arrived to them. By this unjust measure of calculating their happinefs, they often mourn with real affiction for imaginary loffes. When I am talking of this unhappy way of accounting for ourselves, I cannot but reflect upon a particular fet of people, who, in their own favour, refolve every thing that is poffible into what is probable, and then reckon on that probability as on what must certainly happen. Will Honeycomb, upon my obferving his looking on a lady with fome particular attention, gave me an account of the great diftreffes which had laid wafte her very fine face, and had given an air of melancholy to a very agreeable perfon. That lady and a couple of fifters of her's, were, faid Will, fourteen years ago, the greatest fortunes about town; but without having any lofs by bad tenants, by bad fecurities, or any damage by fea or land, are reduced to very narrow circumftances. They were at that time the most inacceffible, haughty beauties in town; and their pretenfions to take upon them at that unmerciful rate, were raifed upon the following fcheme, according to which all their lovers were answered.

We were informed that the lady of this heart,
when living, received the addreffes of feveral
who made love to her, and did not only give
gach of them encouragement, but made every
one she converfed with believe that the regard-
ed him with an eye of kindnefs; for which
reason we expected to have seen the impreffion
of multitudes of faces among the feveral plaits
and foldings of the heart; but to our great
furprise not a fingle print of this nature difco-
vered itself until we came into the very core
and center of it. We there obferved a little fi-
gure, which, upon applying our glaffes to it,
appeared dreffed in a very fantastic manner,
The more I looked upon it, the more I thought
I had seen the face before, but could not poffi-
bly recollect either the place or time; when, at
length, one of the company, who had exami-
ned this figure more nicely than the reft, fhew-annum, at 20 years purchase, is worth 16,000l.

ed us plainly by the make of its face, and the
feveral turns of its features; that the little idol
which was thus lodged in the very middle of
the heart was the deceafed beau, whofe head I
-gave fome account of in my last Tuesday's

As foon as we had finished our diffection, we
refolved to make an experiment of the heart,
not being able to determine among ourselves
the nature of its substance, which differed in fo
many particulars from that of the heart in other
females. Accordingly we laid it into a pan of
burning coals, when we obferved in it a certain
falamandrine quality, that made it capable of
living in the midft of fire and flame, without
being consumed, or so much as finged,

Our father is a youngish man, but then our ⚫ mother is fomewhat older, and not likely to have any children; his eftate, being 8ool. per

Our uncle, who is above 50, has 400l. per annum, which at the aforefaid rate is 8ccol. There's a widow aunt, who has 10,000l. at her own difpofal left by her husband, and an • old maiden aunt who has 6000l. Then our father's mother has gool. per annum, which is worth 18,000l. and 10col. each of us has of her own, which cannot be taken from us. Thefe fummed up together stand thus:

Father's 800
Uncle's 400

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Aunts {10,000

ZZ 20

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£. 16000 8000 us three amounts


to20,000l each;& an allowance be


This equally divided between

Grandmother 900
Qwn 1000 each

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very nature disappointing, is in conftant farch of care, folicitude, remorfe, and confufion.

£. 18000 3000

ing given for enlargement upon common fame,, we may lawfully Total 61,000 pafs for 30,000l. fortunes.

Mr. Spectator,

Jan. 14, 1712.


Am a young woman, and have my fortune to make, for which reafon I come conftantly to church to hear divine fervice, and make conquests: but one great hindrance in this ( my defign is, that our clerk, who was once


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In profpect of this, and the knowledge of their own perfonal merit, every one was contemptible in their eyes, and they refused thofe offers which had been frequently made them. But mark the end: the mother dies, the father is married again and has a fon, on him

a gardener, has this Christmas fo over-decked the church with greens, that he has quite fpoiled my profpect, infomuch that I have fcarce feen the young baronet I drefs at thefe





was entailed the father's, uncle's, and grand-three weeks, though we have both been very
'mother's eftate. This cut off 42,000l. The
maiden aunt married a tall Irishman, and
with her went the 6oool. The widow died,
and left but enough to pay her debts and bury
her; fo that there remained for thefe three
girls but their own Icool. They had by this
time paffed their prime, and got on the
wrong fide of thirty; and must pass the re-
'mainder of their days, upbraiding mankind
that they mind nothing but money, and be-
wailing that virtue, fenfe, and modefty, are
had at prefent in no manner of estimation.'

'conftant at our devotions, and do not fit above
three pews off. The church, as it is now
equipped, looks more like a green-houfe than
a place of worship: the middle ifle is a very
pretty fhady walk, and the pews look like fo
many arbours on each fide of it. The pulpit
itfelf has fuch clusters of ivy, holly, and rofe-
mary about it, that a light fellow in our pew
tock occafion to fay, that the congregation
heard the word out of a bush, like Mofes..
Sir Anthony Love's pew in particular is fo
'well hedged, that all my batteries have no ef-
I am obliged to fhoot at random among
the boughs, without taking any manner of
aim. Mr. Sperator, unless you will give or-
ders for removing these greens, I shall grow
a very awkward creature at church, and foon
have little elfe to do there but to fay my
< prayers. I am in hafte,

Dear Sir,

Your moft obedient fervant,
6. Jenny Simper.'

I mention this cafe of ladies before any other, because it is the moft irreparable for though youth is the time lefs capable of reflection, it is in that fex the only feafon in which they can advance their fortunes. But if we turn our thoughts to the men, we fee fuch crowds of unhappy from no other reafon, but an illgrounded hope, that it is hard to fay which they rather deferve, our pity or contempt. It is not unpleasant to fee a fellow, grown old in attendance, and after having paffed half a life in fervitude, call himfelf the unhappiest of all men, and pretend to be disappointed becaufe acourtier broke his word. He that promifes himfelf any thing but what may naturally arife from his own property or labour, and goes beyond the defire of poffeffing above two parts in three even of that, lays up for himfelf an increafing heap of affliction and difappointments. There are but two means in the world of gaining by other men, and thefe are by being either agreeable or confiderable. The generality of mankind do all things for their own fakes; and when you hope any thing from perfons above you, if you cannot fay, I can be thus agreeable or thus ferviceable, it is ridiculous to pretend to the dignity of being unfortunate when they leave you; you were injudicious, in hoping for any other than to be neglected for fuch as can come within thefe defcriptions of being capable to please or serve your patron, when his humour or interefts call for their capacity either way.


It would not methinks be an useless comparifon between the condition of a man who fhuns all the pleafures of life, and of one who makes it his business to purfue them. Hope in the reclufe makes his aufterities comfortable, while the luxurious man gains nothing but uneafinefs from his enjoyments. What is the difference in the happiness of him who is macerated by abftinence, and his who is furfeited with excefs? He who refigns the world, has no temptation to envy, hatred, malice, anger, but is in Conftant poffeffion of a ferene mind; he who follows the pleatures of it, which are in their

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N 283. THURSDAY, JAN. 24.

Magifter artis & largitor ingent



Perf. Prolog. ver. 10.
Neceffity is the mother of inycntion.
English Proverb,

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UCIAN rallies the philofophers in his time, who could not agree whether they should admit riches into the number of real goods; the profeffors of the feverer fects threw them quite out, while others as refolutely inferted them.

I am apt to believe, that as the world grew more polite, the rigid doctrines of the first were wholly difcarded; and I do not find any one to hardy at prefent as to deny that there are very great advantages in the enjoyment of a plentiful fortune. Indeed the best and wifeft of men, though they may poffibly defpife a good part of thofe things which the world calls pleafure, can, I think, hardly be insensible of that weight and dignity which a moderate thare of wealth adds to their characters, counfels, and actions.

We find it is a general complaint in profeffions and trades, that the richest members of them are chiefly encouraged, and this is falfely imputed to the ill-nature of mankind, who are ever beftowing their favours on fuch as least want them whereas if we fairly confider their proceedings in this cafe, we fhall find them founded on undoubted reason fince suppofing both equal in their natural integrity, I ought,

in common prudence, to fear foul play from an indigent perfon, rather than from one whofe circumstances seem to have placed him above the bare temptation of money.

This reafon alfo makes the common wealth regard her richeft fubjects, as thofe who are most concerned for her quiet and intereft, and confequently fitteft to be intrufted with her higheft enjoyments. On the contrary, Catiline's faying to thofe men of defperate fortunes, who applied themfelves to him, and of whom he afterwards composed his army, that "they had nothing to hope for but a civil war," was too true not to make the impreffions he defired.


I believe I need not fear but that what I have

faid in praife of money, will be more than fufficient with most of my readers to excufe the subject of my prefent paper, which I intend as an effay on the ways to raife a man's fortune, "or the art of growing rich.".

The first and most infallible method towards the attaining of this end is thrift: all men are not equally qualified for getting money, but it is in the power of every one alike to practife this virtue; and I believe there are very few perfons, who, if they pleafe to reflect on their paft lives, will not find that had they faved all thofe little fums which they have spent unneceffarily, they might at prefent have been mafters of a competent fortune. Diligence juftly claims the next place to thrift: I find both thefe excellently well recommended to common ufe in the three following Italian proverbs.

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But befides these ordinary forms of growing rich, it must be allowed that there is room for genius as well in this as in all other circumftances of life. JAVITE

gaged replied, That his whole art confifted in doing one thing at once. If, fays he, I have any neceffary difpatches to make, think of nothing elfe until thofe are finifhed; if any domeftic affairs require my attention, I give myfelf up wholly to them until they are fet in order.

Though the ways of getting money were long fince very numerous, and though fo many new ones have been found out of late years, there is certainly ftill remaining fo large a field for inven-' tion, that a man of an indifferent head might eafily fit down and draw up such a plan for the conduct and fupport of his life, as was never yet once thought of.

We daily fee methods put in practice by hungry and ingenious men, which demonftrate the power of invention in this particular.

It is reported of Scaramouche, the first fa-` mous Italian comedian, that being at Paris and in great want, he bethought himself of conftantly plying near the door of a noted perfumer in that city, and when any one came out who had been buying fnuff, never failed to defire a taste of them when he had by this means got together a quantity made up of feveral different forts, he fold it again at a lower rate to the fame perfumer, who finding out the trick, called it “ Tabac de mille fleurs, or "fnuff of a thoufand flowers." The story farther tells us, that by this means he got a very comfortable fubfiftence, until making too much hate to grow rich, he one day took fuch an unreafonable pinch out of the box of a Swifs officer, as engaged him in a quarrel, and obliged him to quit this ingenious way of life.

Nor can I in this place omit doing juftice to a youth of my own country, who, though he is fcarce yet twelve years old, has with great industry and application attained to the art of beating the grenad er's march on his chin. I am credibly informed that by this means he does not only maintain himself and his mother, but that he is laying up money every day, with a defign, if the war continues, to purchase a drum at least, if not a pair of colours.

I fhall conclude thefe inftances with the device of the famous Rabelais, when he was at a great distance from Paris, and without money to bear his expences thither. This ingenious author being thus fharp fet, got together a convenient quantity of brick-duft, and having difpofed of it in different papers, writ upon one," poifon, for Monfieur," upon a fecond, "poifon for the Dauphin,' and on a third, "poifon for the King." Having made this provifion for the royal family of France, he laid his papers fo that his landlord, who was an inquifitive man, and a good fubject, might get a fight of them.

The plot fuccceded as he defired: the hoft gave immediate intelligence to the fecretary of ftate. The fecretary presently fent down a special meffenger, who brought up the traitor to court, and provided him at the King's expence with proper accommodations on the road. foon as he appeared, he was known to be the celebrated Rabelais, and his powder upon examination being found very innocent, the jeft was only laughed at; for which a lefs eminent droll would have been fent to the gallies.


Trade and commerce might doubtless be ftill varied a thousand ways, out of which would arife fuch branches as have not yet been touched. The famous Doily is ftill fresh in every one's memory, who raifed a fortune by finding out materials

In short, we often fee men of dull and phlegmatic tempers, arriving to great eftates, by making a regular and orderly difpofition of their bufinefs, and that without it the greateft parts and most lively imaginations rather puzzle their affairs, than bring them to an happy iffue.

From what has been faid, I think I may lay it down as a maxim, that every man of good common fenfe may, if he pleafes, in his particular station of life, moft certainly be rich. The reafon why we fometimes fee that men of the greatest capacities are not fo, is either becaufe they defpife wealth in comparison to fomething elfe; or, at least are not content to be getting an eftate, unlefs they may do it in their own way, and at the fame time enjoy all the pleafures and gratifications of life." 5

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