ON SEEING A YOUNG LADY WRITING VERSES WITH

A HOLE IN HER STOCKING.

To see a lady of such grace,

With so much sense, and such a face,

So slatterly, is shocking!

Oh! if you would with Venus vie,
Your pen and poetry lay by,

And learn to mend your stocking.

THE SIGNS DISCONTENTED.

By Lord Dreghorn.

The signs enquired why Jove had not,
In heaven, a stock of females laid in,
And but one woman there had brought,
Who was, provoking, still a maiden?

Bluntly the Ram set forth, that he

Often had cast a sheep's eye at her;
Aquarius represented, she

Had often made his teeth to water.

The Bull wou'd have the god to know,
Either he would no longer stay there;
Or if he did not get a cow,

In faith he would Pasiphæ her.

Poor Virgo, how to please them all,
Being really at a loss to know,

To Sagittarius said, I shall

Have more than two strings to my bow.

Nay, if to them I should prove kind,
Others would make the same request;
Shall I be with a Scorpion joined ?

Or take a Cancer to my breast?

SIR ISAAC NEWTON, BEAU NASH, AND MR. Pope.

On seeing a whole length picture of Nash between the busts of Sir Isaac Neuton and Mr. Pope in the rooms at Bath.

Immortal Newton never spoke

More truth than here you'll find;
Nor Pope himself e'er penned a joke
More cruel on mankind.

The picture placed the busts between,
Gives satire all its strength;
Wisdom and wit are little seen,
But folly at full length.

SIMPLICITY EXEMPLIFIED.

When Dr. Percy first published his collection of Ancient English Ballads, he was lavish in commendation of their beautiful simplicity and poetic merit. This provoked Dr. Johnson to observe one evening, at Miss Reynold's tea-table, that what they called nature was a poor substitute for the graces of poetry, and that he could rhyme as well in common conversation. For instance," said he, "what can be more natural than these lines?

As with my hat upon my head
I walk'd along the Strand,
I there did meet another man,
With his hat in his hand.

"Or to render such poetry subservient to my own immediate use,
I therefore pray thee, Renny dear,
That thou wilt give to me,

With cream and sugar sweetened well,
Another dish of tea.

Nor fear that I, my gentle maid,
Shall long detain the cup,
When once unto the bottom I
Have drunk the liquor up.

Yet hear, alas! this mournful truth,
Nor hear it with a frown-
Thou canst not make the tea so fast
As I can gulp it down."

A NEW SUN-DIAL.

Let Dick some summer's day expose
Before the sun his monstrous nose,
And stretch his giant mouth to cause
Its shade to fall upon his jaws :
With nose so long and mouth so wide,
And those twelve grinders side by side,
Dick with a very little trial,

Would make an excellent sun-dial.

USUAL FATE OF LAW-SUITS.

Önce (says an author, where, I need not say)
Two trav'llers found an oyster in their way;
Both fierce, both hungry; the dispute grew strong,
While, scale in hand, dame Justice pass'd along.
Before her, each with clamour pleads the laws,
Explain'd the matter, and would win the cause.

Dame Justice, weighing long the doubtful right, Takes, opens, swallows it before their sight. The cause of strife removed so rarely well, "There, take (says Justice) take ye, each a shell. We thrive at Westminster, on fools like you : 'Twas a fat oyster-Live in peace—Adieu !"

OXFORD LAW-SCHOOL.

On part of the University Church being turned into a Law school. Yes, yes, you may rail at the Pope as you please. But trust me, that miracles never will cease; See here an event which no mortal suspected, See law and divinity closely connected;

To prove the old proverb, which long had seem'd

odd,

That the nearest the church are the farthest from God.

TO A BRIEFLESS BARRISTER.

If to reward them for their various evil,
All lawyers go hereafter to the devil;
So little mischief dost thou, from the laws,
Thou'lt surely go below without a cause.

THE PHYSICIAN AND PATIENT.

The following impromptu was written on hearing that a reverend gentleman died while his physician was writing a prescription for him. "How could'st thou thus so hasty be, O death?

"And why be so precipitate with me;

Why not some moments longer spare my breath, "And let thy friend, the doctor, get his fee."

K k

SUMMER FRIENDS.

Gulloso, when I gave a treat,
Was sure my other friends to meet,
Acknowledg'd that I was the most
Amusing man and gen'rous host;
But since, for many a weighty reason,
I scarcely treat but once a season,
Gulloso's friendship somehow sleeps,
Whilst he due distance ever keeps.
Tully no more I think a hummer,

Who calls such friends mere birds of summer;
By which the orator intends

To note them as mere Swallow friends.

MATRIMONIAL CONCORD.

By Ben Johnson.

Who says that Giles and Joan at discord be?
Th' observing neighbours no such mood can see.
Indeed poor Giles repents he married ever;

But that his Joan doth too. And Giles would never,
By his free will, be in Joan's company :

No more would Joan he should. Giles riseth early,
And having got him out of doors is glad;
The like is Joan. But turning home is sad :
And so is Joan. Oft-times, when Giles doth find
Harsh sights at home, Giles wisheth he were blind.
All this doth Joan. Or that his long-yarn'd life
Were quite outspun. The like wish hath his wife.
In all affections she concurreth still.

If now, with man and wife, to will and nill
The self-same things, a note of concord be,
I know no couple better can agree.