You hear that boy laughing? You think he's The angel took a sapphire pen

MISS FLORA MCFLIMSEY, of Madison Square,
Has made three separate journeys to Paris,
And her father assures me, each time she was
there,

That she and her friend Mrs. Harris

(Not the lady whose name is so famous in his-
tory,

But plain Mrs. H., without romance or mystery)
Spent six consecutive weeks without stopping
In one continuous round o. shopping, -
Shopping alone, and shopping together,

At all hours of the day, and in all sorts of
weather,

For all manner of things that a woman can put
On the crown of her head or the sole of her foot,
Or wrap round her shoulders, or fit round her
waist,

Or that can be sewed on, or pinned on, or laced,
Or tied on with a string, or stitched on with a
bow,

In front or behind, above or below;

In all quarters of Paris, and to every store,
While McFlimsey in vain stormed, scolded, an

swore,

They footed the streets, and he footed the bills,

The last trip, their goods shipped by the steamer
Arago,

Formed, McFlimsey declares, the bulk of he

cargo,

Not to mention a quantity kept from the rest,
Sufficient to fill the largest-sized chest,
Which did not appear on the ship's manifest,
But for which the ladies themselves manifested
Such particular interest, that they invested
Their own proper persons in layers and rows
Of muslins, embroideries, workedunder-clothes,
Gloves, handkerchiefs, scarfs, and such trifles as
those ;

Then, wrapped in great shawls, like Circassian
beauties,

Gave good-by to the ship, and go-by to the duties.
Her relations at home all marvelled, no doubt,
Miss Flora had grown so enormously stout

For an actual belle and a possible bride;
But the miracle ceased when she turned inside
out,

And the truth came to light, and the dry-goods beside,

Which, in spite of collector and custom-house
sentry,

Had entered the port without any entry.
And yet, though scarce three months have passed
since the day

This

merchandise went, on twelve carts, up
Broadway,

This same Miss McFlimsey, of Madison Square,
The last time we met was in utter despair,
Because she had nothing whatever to wear!

NOTHING TO WEAR! Now, as this is a true ditty,
I do not assert - this, you know, is between

us

That she's in a state of absolute nudity,

Like Powers Greek Slave, or the Medici Venus; But I do mean to say, I have heard her declare,

When, at the same moment, she had on a dress Which cost five hundred dollars, and not a cent less,

For bonnets, mantillas, capes, collars, and shawls;
Dresses for breakfasts and dinners and balls;
Dresses to sit in and stand in and walk in ;
Dresses to dance in and flirt in and talk in ;
Dresses in which to do nothing at all;
Dresses for winter, spring, summer, and fall;
All of them different in color and pattern,
Silk, muslin, and lace, crape, velvet, and satin,
Brocade, and broadcloth, and other material,
Quite as expensive and much more ethereal ;
In short, for all things that could ever be thought I should mention just here, that out of Miss
of,

Or milliner, modiste, or tradesmen be bought of, From ten-thousand-francs robes to twentysous frills;

And jewelry worth ten times more, I should

guess,

That she had not a thing in the wide world to wear !

Flora's

Two hundred and fifty or sixty adorers,

I had just been selected as he who should throw all
The rest in the shade, by the gracious bestowal

So being relieved from that duty, I followed
Inclination, which led me, you see, to your
door;

And now will your ladyship so condescend
As just to inform me if you intend

But in a front parlor, most brilliantly lighted,
Beneath the gas-fixtures we whispered our love,
Without any romance or raptures or sighs,
Without any tears in Miss Flora's blue eyes,
Or blushes, or transports, or such silly actions,
It was one of the quietest business transactions,
With a very small sprinkling of sentiment, if any, To the Stuckups, whose party, you know, is to-

And a very large diamond imported by Tiffany.

On her virginal lips while I printed a kiss,
She exclaimed, as a sort of parenthesis,

And by way of putting me quite at my ease,

66

You know, I'm to polka as much as I please,

And flirt when I like, now, stop, don't you

speak,

Your beauty and graces and presence to lend
(All of which, when I own, I hope no one will
borrow)

morrow?"

The fair Flora looked up with a pitiful air,

And answered quite promptly, "Why, Harry

mon cher,

I should like above all things to go with you there;

And you must not come here more than twice in But really and truly -- I've nothing to wear."

the week,

Or talk to me either at party or ball,

But always be ready to come when I call ;
So don't prose to me about duty and stuff,

If we don't break this off, there will be time
enough

For that sort of thing; but the bargain must be
That, as long as I choose, I am perfectly free,
For this is a sort of engagement, you see,
Which is binding on you but not binding on me.'

66

Nothing to wear! go just as you are;
Wear the dress you have on, and you'll be by
far,

I engage, the most bright and particular star
On the Stuckup horizon"-I stopped -- for
her eye,

Notwithstanding this delicate onset of flattery,
Opened on me at once a most terrible battery

Of scorn and amazement. She made no reply,
But gave a slight turn to the end of her nose
(That pure Grecian feature), as much as to say,

Well, having thus wooed Miss McFlimsey and "How absurd that any sane man should suppose

gained her,

With the silks, crinolines, and hoops that con

tained her,

I had, as I thought, a contingent remainder
At Least in the property, and the best right
To appear as its escort by day and by night;
And it being the week of the Stuckups' grand
ball,

Their cards had been out a fortnight or so,
And set all the Avenue on the tiptoe,
I considered it only my duty to call,

And see if Miss Flora intended to go.
I found her, as ladies are apt to be found,
When the time intervening between the first
sound

Of the bell and the visitor's entry is shorter
Than usual, — I found — I won't say, I caught
her,

Intent on the pier-glass, undoubtedly meaning
To see if perhaps it did n't need cleaning.

That a lady would go to a ball in the clothes,
No matter how fine, that she wears every day!"

(Here the nose took again the same elevation)—But this only proved as a spark to the powder,

66

'I would n't wear that for the whole of creation." And the storm I had raised came faster and 'Why not? It's my fancy, there's nothing could strike it

louder;

It blew and it rained, thundered, lightened, and

hailed

Interjections, verbs, pronouns, till language quite
failed

To express the abusive, and then its arrears
Were brought up all at once by a torrent of tears,
And my last faint, despairing attempt at an obs-
Ervation was lost in a tempest of sobs.

Well, I felt for the lady, and felt for my hat,
too,

Improvised on the crown of the latter a tattoo,
In lieu of expressing the feelings which lay

Opposition, "that gorgeous toilette which you Quite too deep for words, as Wordsworth would

sported

In Paris last spring, at the grand presentation, When you quite turned the head of the head of the nation;

And by all the grand court were so very much courted."

The end of the nose was portentously tipped up, And both the bright eyes shot forth indignation, As she burst upon me with the fierce exclamation, "I have worn it three times at the least calculation,

say;

Then, without going through the form of a bow, Found myself in the entry I hardly knew how,

On doorstep and sidewalk, past lamp-post and

square,

At home and up stairs, in my own easy-chair;

Poked my feet into slippers, my fire into blaze, And said to myself, as I lit my cigar, Supposing a man had the wealth of the Czar Of the Russias to boot, for the rest of his days, And that and most of my dresses are ripped On the whole, do you think he would have much up!" to spare,

Here I ripped out something, perhaps rather rash, If he married a woman with nothing to wear? Quite innocent, though; but, to use an ex

Since that night, taking pains that it should not be bruited

Abroad in society, I've instituted

A course of inquiry, extensive and thorough,
On this vital subject, and find, to my horror,
That the fair Flora's case is by no means sur-
prising,

But that there exists the greatest distress
In our female community, solely arising

From this unsupplied destitution of dress,
Whose unfortunate victims are filling the air
With the pitiful wail of "Nothing to wear."
Researches in some of the "Upper Ten " districts
Reveal the most painful and startling statistics,
Of which let me mention only a few :
In one single house, on Fifth Avenue,
Three young ladies were found, all below twenty-
two,

Who have been three whole weeks without any.
thing new

Our engagement is ended, sir—yes, on the spot;
You're a brute, and a monster, and I don't In the way of flounced silks, and thus left in the

know what."

I mildly suggested the words

Hottentot,

Pickpocket, and cannibal, Tartar, and thief,
As gentle expletives which might give relief;

lurch

Are unable to go to ball, concert, or church.
In another large mansion, near the same place,
Was found a deplorable, heartrending case