THE firft of these Divifions that is to be exhibited by the 10. Race-Horfes, may probably have its Ufe; but the two laft, in which the Affes and Men are concerned, feem to me altogether extraordinary and unaccountable. Why they should keep Running Affes at Coleshill, or how making Mouths turns to account in Warwickshire, more than in any other Parts of England, I cannot comprehend. I have looked over all the Olympic Games, and do not find any thing in them like an Afs-Race, or a Match at Grinning. However it be, I am informed that several Affes are now kept in Body-Clothes, and fweated every Morning upon the Heath, and that all the Country-Fellows within ten Miles of the Swan, grin an Hour or two in their Glaffes every Morning, in order to qualify themfelves for the 9th of October. The Prize, which is propofed to be Grinn'd for, has raised such an Ambition among the Common People of out-grinning one another, that many very difcerning Perfons are afraid it should spoil moft of the Faces in the County; and that a Warwickfhire Man will be known by his Grin, as Roman-Catholicks imagine a Kentish Man is by his Tail. The Gold Ring which is made the Prize of Deformity, is juft the Reverse of the Golden Apple that was formerly made the Prize of Beauty, and should carry for its Pofy the old Motto inverted.

Detur tetriori.

Or to accommodate it to the Capacity of the Combatants, The frightfullt Grinner

Be the Winner.

IN the mean while I would advise a Dutch Painter to be prefent at this great Controverfy of Faces, in order to make a Collection of the most remarkable Grins that fhall be there exhibited.

I must not here omit an Account which I lately received of one of thefe Grinning-Matches from a Gentleman, who, upon reading the abovementioned Advertisement, entertained a Coffee-houfe with the following Narrative. Upon the taking of Namure, amidst other publick Rejoicings made on that Occafion, there was a Gold Ring given by a Whig Juftice of Peace to be grinn'd for. The first Competitor

Competitor that entered the Lifts, was a black fwarthy Frenchman, who accidentally paffed that way, and being a Man naturally of a wither'd Look, and hard Features, promised himself good Succefs. He was placed upon a Table in the great Point of View, and looking upon the Company like Milton's Death,

Grinn'd horribly a Ghaftly Smile

HIS Muscles were fo drawn together on each Side of his Face, that he fhew'd twenty Teeth at a Grin, and put the Country in fome Pain, left a Foreigner fhould carry away the Honour of the Day; but upon a farther Trial they found he was Mafter only of the merry Grin.

THE next that mounted the Table was a Malecontent in thofe Days, and a great Mafter in the whole Art of Grinning, but particularly excelled in the angry Grin. He did his Part fo well, that he is faid to have made half a dozen Women mifcarry; but the Juftice being apprised by one who stood near him, that the Fellow who grinn'd in his Face was a Facobite, and being unwilling that a Difaffected Perfon should win the Gold Ring, and be looked upon as the best Grinner in the Country, he ordered the Oaths to be tendered unto him upon his quitting the Table, which the Grinner refufing, he was fet afide as an unqualified Perfon. There were feveral other Grotesk Figures that prefented themfelves, which it would be too tedious to defcribe. I must not however, omit a Ploughman, who lived in the farther Part of the Country, and being very lucky in a Pair of long Lanthorn-Jaws, wrung his Face into fuch an hideous Grimace, that every Feature of it appeared under a different Distortion. The whole Company flood aftonifh'd at fuch a complicated Grin, and were ready to affign the Prize to him, had it not been proved by one of his Antagonists, that he had practifed with Verjuice for fome Days before, and had a Crab found upon him at the very time of Grinning; upon which the best Judges of Grinning declared it as their Opinion, that he was not to be looked upon as a fair Grinner, and therefore ordered him to be fet afide as a Cheat.

THE Prize, it seems, fell at length upon a Cobler, Giles Gorgon by Name, who produced feveral new Grins of his own Invention, having been used to cut Faces for

many

many Years together over his Laft. At the very firft Grin he caft every human Feature out of his Countenance, at the fecond he became the Face of a Spout, at the third a Baboon, at the fourth the Head of a Bafs-Viol, and at the fifth a Pair of Nut-crackers. The whole Affembly wondered at his Accomplishments, and beftowed the Ring on him unanimoufly; but, what he esteemed more than all the reft, a Country Wench, whom he had wooed in vain for above five Years before, was fo charmed with his Grins, and the Applaufes which he received on all Sides, that the married him the Week following, and to this Day wears the Prize upon her Finger, the Cobler having made ufe of it as his Wedding-Ring.

THIS Paper might perhaps feem very impertinent, if it grew ferious in the Conclufion. I would nevertheless leave it to the Confideration of those who are the Patrons of this monstrous Trial of Skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in fome measure, of an Affront to their Species, in treating after this manner the Human Face Divine, and turning that Part of us, which has fo great an Image impreffed upon it, into the Image of a Monkey; whether the raifing fuch filly Competitions among the Ignorant, propofing Prizes for fuch useless Accomplishments, filling the common People's Heads with fuch fenfeless Ambitions, and infpiring them with fuch abfurd Ideas of Superiority and Preeminence, has not in it fomething immoral as well as ridiculous.

L

N° 174

Wednesday, September 19.

Hæc memini & victum fruftra contendere Thyrfin.
Virg. Ecl.7.v.69.

Thefe Rhymes I did to Memory commend,

When vanquish'd Thyrfis did in vain contend. DRYDEN.

T

HERE is fcarce any thing more common than Animofities between Parties that cannot fubfift but by their Agreement: this was well reprefented in the Sedition of the Members of the Human Body in the old

-Roman

Roman Fable. It is often the Cafe of leffer confederate States against a fuperior Power, which are hardly held together, though their Unanimity is neceffary for their common Safety: And this is always the Cafe of the landed and trading Intereft of Great Britain: the Trader is fed by the Product of the Land, and the landed Man cannot be clothed but by the Skill of the Trader; and yet those Interefts are ever jarring.

WE had laft Winter an Inftance of this at our Club, in Sir ROGER DE COVERLEY and Sir ANDREW FREEPORT, between whom there is generally a conftant, though friendly, Oppofition of Opinions. It happened that one of the Company, in an hiftorical Difcourse, was obferving, that Carthaginian Faith was a proverbial Phrase to intimate Breach of Leagues. Sir ROGER faid it could hardly be otherwife: That the Carthaginians were the greatest Traders in the World; and as Gain is the chief End of fuch a People, they never pursue any other: The Means to it are never regarded; they will, if it comes eafily, get Money honeftly; but if not, they will not fcruple to attain it by Fraud or Cozenage: And indeed, what is the whole Business of the Trader's Account, but to over reach him who trufts to his Memory? But were that not fo, what can there great and noble be expected from him whose Attention is for ever fixed upon balancing his Books, and watching over his Expences? And at beft, let Frugality and Parfimony be the Virtues of the Merchant, how much is his punétual Dealing below a Gentleman's Charity to the Poor, or Hofpitality among his Neighbours?

CAPTAIN SENTRY obferved Sir ANDREW very diligent in hearing Sir ROGER, and had a mind to turn the Discourse, by taking notice in general, from the highest to the loweft Parts of human Society, there was fecret, tho' unjuft, Way among Men, of indulging the Seeds of Ill-nature and Envy, by comparing their own State of Life to that of another, and grudging the Approach of their Neighbour to their own Happiness; and on the other Side, he, who is the less at his Eafe, repines at the other, who he thinks, has unjustly the Advantage over him. Thus the Civil and Military Lifts look upon each other with much Ill-nature; the Soldier repines at VOL. III.

B

the

the Courtier's Power, and the Courtier rallies the Soldier's Honour; or, to come to lower Inftances, the private Men in the Horfe and Foot of an Army, the Carmen and Coachmen in the City Streets, mutually look upon each other with Ill-will, when they are in Competition for Quarters or the Way, in their refpective Motions.

IT is very well, good Captain, interrupted Sir ANDREW: You may attempt to turn the Discourse if you think fit; but I muft however have a Word or two with Sir ROGER, who, I fee, thinks he has paid me off, and been very fevere upon the Merchant. Ifhall not, continued he, at this Time remind Sir ROGER of the great and noble Monuments of Charity and Publick Spirit, which have been erected by Merchants fince the Reformation, but at prefent content myself with what he allows us, Parfimony and Frugality. If it were confiftent with the Quality of fo ancient a Baronet as Sir ROGER, to keep an Account, or measure Things by the most infallible Way, that of Numbers, he would prefer our Parfimony to his Hofpitality. If to drink fo many Hogfheads is to be Hofpitable, we do not contend for the Fame of that Virtue; but it would be worth while to confider, whether fo many Artificers at work ten Days together by my Appointment, or fo many Peasants made merry on Sir ROGER'S Charge, are the Men more obliged? I believe the Families of the Artificers will thank me, more than the Houthold of the Peafants fhall Sir ROGER. Sir ROGER gives to his Men, but I place mine above the Neceffity or Obligation of my Bounty. I am in very little Pain for the Roman Proverb upon the Carthaginian Traders; the Romans were their profeffed Enemies: I am only forry no Carthaginian Hiftories have come to our Hands; we might have been taught perhaps by them fome Proverbs against the Roman Generofity, in fighting for and bestowing other People's Goods. But fince Sir ROGER has taken Occafion from an old Proverb to be out of Humour with Merchants, it fhould be no Offence to offer one not quite fo old in their Defence. When a Man happens to break in Holland, they fay of him that he has not kept true Accounts. This Phrafe, perhaps among us, would appear a foft or humorous way of fpeaking, but with that exact Nation it bears the highest

Reproach;