ed that awful sentence to be pronounced upon me every moment, "Depart, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels." The devil was continually sounding in my ears that I was not one. of the elect, therefore I need not trouble myself, for I had sinned away the day of grace, and for such there was no hope. I sometimes mixed with the world again, but could receive no pleasure as heretofore, it always leaving a void which nothing but the blood of Christ could satisfy. I would again take the word of God, and ask the Lord to lead me into all truth. But, O! the thunderings of Sinai would again sound in my ears in such passages as these; "The soul that sinneth shall die;" and "Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things written in the book of the law, to do them; and if ye fail in one point, ye are guilty of all." I then would throw down the Bible in anger, and vow never more to take it up again, because every page condemned me, and cut me up root and branch, and left me no place of standing. My comeliness was turned into corruption; my soul cried out from very trouble. I sunk in deep waters where there was no standing. I cursed the day wherein I was born, and even my parents for being the means of bringing such a wretch into the world. The devil would again harass me, and tell me I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, and for such the Lord declared there is no pardon, neither in this world nor in the world to come. On one occasion I went to hear a minister of the Establishment preach at a neighbouring church, and in the course of the sermon he observed, that nothing unclean ever entered the kingdom of heaven. Thus, you see, I was again sent home with broken bones. I would sometimes try to pray, but could get no access to a throne of grace. Thus the Lord was pleased to lead me on for three years, letting me see my own nothingness and my utter helplessness in ever performing anything pleasing in his sight, or anything whereby I could ever be accepted. About this time, I read "Bunyan's Two Covenants," amidst hope and fear, lest it also should condemn me. I had not read many pages before the same passage in Corinthians, with another parallel to it in the first chapter of Timothy, stared me in the face, adding, "Pay me what thou owest," which words were sharper than any two-edged sword, dividing asunder the soul and spirit. I was laying the book aside, when the Lord said, "Go on!" and O the unutterable joy that burst into my soul directly. The peace of God flowed as a river, and his righteousness as the waves of the sea. My sins were all lost, and when they were sought for, they could not be found. No; blessed be his holy name, they were all cast behind the Lord's back, into the great sea of oblivion and the wilderness of forgetfulness, never more to be remembered against me. From that time the condemnation of the law was taken away, but I am still at times the subject of great darkness and distress of mind. The devil tempts me, and says, 66 It is all a delusion-all the heated imagination of your head. Your religion will come to nothing." This, with the deceitful workings of my own evil heart, beset me on every side, and would drive me into despair, did not the Lord appear for me, and say, 66 Fear not, for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name, thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flames kindle upon thee." Then I am enabled to 66 say, The Lord is my Lord, my Father, my Prophet, my Priest, and my King;" and rely upon his promise by faith, because he is faithful that has promised; he cannot deny himself. When These are a few of the dealings of a covenant God with my soul, and but few, for time would fail me to tell of the mercies I have received, as well as of the harassings of soul through unbelief. prayer was a task, and the Bible a sealed book, not one promise could I lay hold of by faith; but this is the greatest of mercies, that the bush continues to burn. Thus, dear Sirs, I have, through much weakness, endeavoured to lay before you my case, I trust not to exalt self, but with a single eye to the glory of God, that through his blessing resting upon it, it may be a means of encouragement to the weakest believer. The insertion of this, although written in a confused state, in your Gospel Standard, would oblige, Near Sleaford, Sept. 2, 1838. Yours in the best bonds, J. T. Dear Brethren and Companions in Tribulation,-Some months ago, I attempted to address you through the medium of the Standard in a piece entitled "No Changes; no Heaven;" but believe me, I have since then experienced such an awful change in my feelings, that I have believed for weeks together, with little intermission, that there was no heaven prepared for such a monstrous sinner as I, but, on the contrary, that the hottest hell would inevitably be my portion; and such a horror of darkness lay upon me, that I could not discern the least feature of a child of God, but, in feeling, was like an incarnate devil, and verily in heart and affection his works I did. Indeed, there is not a species of iniquity or sin practised by the most abandoned of men or inveterate devil but what I felt working in my desperately wicked and deceitful heart, and so determined have I felt to give up all thoughts of God and godliness, all communion with his people and ways, that I sought occasion, in this state, more than once, to rush into the vilest acts of sin with the vilest of sinners in the sight of men, and so make it manifest that I belonged to their number. But here I would record, to the honour of God, that be held me fast by an invisible power, nor would he suffer me foully to fall by the hand of the enemy. (Note this, ye votaries of free-will and free-agency, and take it as from the pen of a dying man, in the sight of a heart-searching God, that I could not, with all the power of sin in my members, and the devil the author of it, move one step farther than God permitted; so that a living man cannot do the evil that he would; though he be ever so determined upon it, nor can he do the good that he would, without sovereign power and free-grace mercy be given unto him.) But O, what bitterness of soul, what anguish of spirit did these sinful and dreadful wanderings bring upon me! O what heavy groans, and deep fetched sighs, and cursing of the day in which I was brought forth, to see and feel such horrifying abominations. In this situation, my dear brethren, I wanted not a cushion to kneel upon to go to prayer night and morning. No. All I could do was to smite upon my breast, looking downward on the earth to see it stained with the footsteps of such a fountain of filthiness as I, and feel astonished that God did not open its jaws and let me down alive into the pit of hell, as he did Dathan, Korah, and Abiram; nor had I any more hope in feeling exercise than the brute beasts that perish. Had I not experienced this, I never should have believed it of any Christian. But, brethren, it is an awful truth that by sinuing against God we wrong our own souis; yea, rob them of every grain of consolation, and nothing is felt but pining sickness, sore anguish, and fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation from the Lord, (which the apostle says shall devour the adversaries,) and I believed I was one of them. It is here our beauty is made to consume away like a moth fretting or gnawing a garment. O what a gnawing worm is guilt to the conscience. My dear brethren, it is hell itself, I cannot describe it. It may be some of you have felt it; but, conviction of guilt in a natural conscience may go as far as this, and much farther, without a grain of godly sorrow and contrition for sin. This is the alone gift of God, given to none but his own dear, though ever so rebellious children. And I believe this is effected in the soul by the manifestations of pardoning mercy, and by none other means, for "Law and terrors do but harden, All the while they work alone; But a sense of blood-bought pardon, Soon dissolves a heart of stone."-HART. Yes, it is mercy, manifested to the vilest of the vile, that brings the sinner down before the Lord, and extorts from the depth of an honest heart a feeling and heart-broken confession of all its sin. And when my poor wandering soul was brought into this state, O how precious was Jesus and his blood to my guilt-stung conscience. And while I was kept pouring out my complaints, loathing, abhorring, and abominating my wretched self, with all the vehemency of soul that I could at his dear feet, so much the more did the pardoning blood and love of our long-suffering and gracious God teem forth from the loving, broken, and bruised heart of the now glorious Redeemer, into my wounded spirit, till I cried out, "It is enough; thou art still my God, and I will extol thee." And, believe me, my dear afflicted brethren, the time was not long before I performed my vow, for I rose up, shouting, dancing, praising, and adoring him, till my little strength was entirely exhausted. I then begged most heartily, (yea, like a criminal for his life,) that he would henceforth keep and preserve me, uphold and protect me, and let me live to honour and glorify him, or else die before the morning to sing his praises through blissful eternity. But, here I am still, and it is my heart's desire that not one of his dear children may ever feel such frightful and appalling temptations as I still labour under, (if it be his sovereign will,) for they are indeed such as I dare not even hint at, but the very thought of them makes the hair of my head to stand upright; yet, anon, they keep breaking in upon me like a mighty flood upon the low lands. Brethren, pray for me, that I may never fall a prey, but be upheld by sovereign power, in the sight of men and devils, a monument of God's great goodness and delivering grace. I remain, yours in tribulation, Trowbridge, Nov. 18th, 1838. DAVID. Messrs. Editors,-In the month of July last, I was favoured with a short visit from my valued friend, Mr. Warburton. In the course of the day, I read to him the letter of a Christian lady, lately deceased; and the contents of the letter were so pleasing and satisfactory to his own mind, that he advised me to send a copy of the same to the Standard, for publication, adding, in his own words, "It will be blessed to the children of God." Urged by the persuasion of my friend, I shortly afterwards transmitted to my highly respected friend, Mr. W. Gadsby, a copy of the same, informing him of the circumstance, and leaving it entirely to his judgment, whether it should be inserted in the Standard, or otherwise. Before closing my letter, I hastily penned a kind of postscript, referring to a passage in J. M'K.'s letter, of Preston, inserted in the Standard of August, (page 186) and which passage in the sense I then understood it, was decidedly "opposed to the truth." My remarks were purely of a private nature, and never intended for publication. On the contrary, I solicited my respected friend, Mr. G., to cast his eye upon the passage, (See Standard of October, page 234,) and point out, as by his own pen, "the glaring error." It appears, however, that my friend was induced, doubtless for good reasons, to give publicity to my remarks, and place them in the Standard of October, before the public eye; nor do I regret their publicity, but, on the contrary, I rejoice; since, through their instrumentality, an explanation has been subjoined in the Standard of November, which has relieved the minds of some of God's dear children from their perplexity. I have been thus minute in stating these circumstances, that my friend of Preston might be assured that my attack was no "wanton attack;" and though he has been pleased thus to misname it, I trust he will be induced to consider otherwise, when he finds this misnamed "wanton attack" dwindles down to the private communication of one friend to another, under the mild form of a postscript in a private letter. Bath, Nov. 2, 1838. EDITORS' REMARKS. G. HUNT. We were divided in opinion as to the propriety of inserting Mr. Hunt's letter in reply to J. M'K. (Nov. No.); but when we considered that, were we to give it insertion, J. M'K. would be fully entitled to reply, and that this might lead to a protracted and unprofitable controversy, we agreed that it would be better to omit it, at least that part of it which animadverted upon J. M'K.'s answer. To the extract, however, which we have inserted, we felt called upon to give a place, because it is merely a detail of facts; and our only reason for making public Mr. H.'s first letter (Oct. No.) was, that we believed J. M'K.'s meaning would not be understood by many, and that an explanation from him would be profitable. Mr. H., however, has evidently misunderstood the sentence in J. M'K.'s reply, in which the words "wanton attack" appear. J. M'K. did not apply them to Mr. H., but, ironically, to himself (J. M'K.), as Mr. H. will see if he will again read the paragraph. The doctrine, at first sight, appeared to be new; but we are glad to find that many, Mr. Hunt amongst the number, who previously quarrelled with it, are now satisfied as to its truth; and we would strongly recommend some, who have taken upon themselves to be masters in Israel, and who still fight against that which they can never destroy, to search diligently for their register, lest they, as polluted, should be put from the priesthood. (Ezra. ii. 62.) A few words to James. When we said that Dr. Hawker was not a great man, we meant that he was not deeply taught in the mysteries of a tried Christian's path. He knew, or at least in his writings says very little, if anything, about the perplexities, contradictions, and ever-varying experience of heavenly travellers, a fact quite evident from his voluminous works. They are very full of the doctrines of God's grace, but even these are stated in a roundabout, and for the most part, sapless way. Judging from his works, as respects vital experience, we still say he was not a great man. We believe that he was a child of God; but we do not believe he was ever sifted as Job, or Peter was; and no man, as a minister, can be very useful to those who have been thus sifted, till he has himself been in the sieve. When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren," said Christ to Peter. Our correspondent talks about the Dr. "shining as a glorious star in the kingdom of glory, for, as an instrument, he was greatly honoured in turning many from darkness to light." Does he think that the Dr. will shine brighter in glory than others because of this? He may not mean so, but he speaks as if he did. Surely he does not hold the rotten sentiment of different degrees in glory! The most illiterate and obscure chimney sweep, who never was the instrument of turning one to righteousness, if found washed in the blood of the Lamb, will shine as bright as the Dr., and we believe the Dr. will shine as bright as any other saint. POETRY. AS SORROWING, YET REJOICING. My heart is grown faint, and my love is grown cold, My soul is bow'd down, I'm unable to rise; He beats me, he bangs me, he tells me great lies. He darkens my path, that I can't see my way; He says now look here, now look there, don't you see |