No. 24. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28. Accurrit quidam notus mihi nomine tantùm ; Comes up a fop, (I knew him but by fame), ΤΗ HERE are in this town a great number of infignificant people, who are by no means fit for the better fort of converfation, and yet have an impertinent ambition of appearing with those to whom they are not welcome. If you walk in the Park, one of them will certainly join with you, though you are in company with ladies; if you drink a bottle, they will find your haunts. What makes fuch fellows the more burdenfome is, that they neither offend nor please fo far as to be taken notice of for either. It is, I prefume, for this reafon, that my correfpondents are willing by my means to be rid of them. The two following letters are writ by perfons who fuffer by fuch impertinence. A worthy old bachelor, who fets in for his dofe of claret every night at fuch an hour, is teized by a swarm of them; who, because. they are fure of room and good fire, have taken it in their heads to keep a fort of club in his com pany; though the fober gentleman himself is an utter enemy to fuch meetings. • Mr. SPECTATOR, • The averfion I for fome years have had to clubs ⚫ in general, gave me a perfect relish for your fpeculation on that subject; but I have fince been extremely mortified, by the malicious world's rank ing me amongst the fupporters of fuch imperti⚫nent affemblies. I beg leave to ftate my cafe fairly; and that done, I fhall expect redress from ⚫ judicious pen. your I am, Sir, a bachelor of some standing, and a traveller; my business, to confult my own humour, which I gratify without controlling other people's; I have a room and a whole bed to myfelf; and I have a dog, a fiddle, and a gun; they please me, and injure no creature alive. My chief meal is a fupper, which I always make at a tavern. I am ⚫ conftant to an hour, and not ill-humoured; for which reafons, though I invite nobody, I have no • fooner fupped, than I have a crowd about me of that fort of good company that know not whither ⚫elfe to go. It is true every man pays his fhare; yet, as they are intruders, I have an undoubted right to be the only speaker, or, at leaft, the loud• eft; which I maintain, and that to the great emolument of my audience. I fometimes tell them ⚫ their own in pretty free language; and fometimes ⚫ divert them with merry tales, according as I am in humour. I am one of those who live in taverns to a great age, by a fort of regular intemperance; I never go to bed drunk, but always flustered; I < wear away very gently, am apt to be peevish, but never angry. Mr. SPECTATOR, if you have kept various company, you know there is in every ta• vern in town fome old humourist or other, who is • mafter of the house as much as he that keeps it. The drawers are all in awe of him; and all the customers, who frequent his company, yield him a fort of comical obedience. I do not know but I ⚫ may be fuch a fellow as this myself. But I appeal to you, whether this is to be called a club, because fo many impertinents will break in upon me, and come without appointment? Clinch of Barnet has a nightly meeting, and fhows to every one that will come in and pay; but then he is the only actor. Why • Why should people mifcal things? If his is allowed to be a confort, why may not mine be a lec ⚫ture? However, Sir, I fubmit it to you, and am,. SIR, • GOOD SIR, • Your most obedient, &c. THO. KIMBOW • You and I were preffed against each other laft winter in a crowd, in which uneafy posture we • fuffered together for almost half an hour. I thank you for all your civilities ever fince, in being of my acquaintance where-ever you meet me. But the other day you pulled off your hat to me in the • Park when I was walking with my miftrefs. She ⚫ did not like your air, and faid the wondered what • ftrange fellows I was acquainted with. Dear Sir, ⚫ confider it is as much as my life is worth, if the fhould think we were intimate; therefore I ear• neftly entreat you for the future to take no mannes of notice of, • SIR, • Your obliged humble fervant, A like impertinence is alfo very troublesome to the fuperior and more intelligent part of the fair fex. It is, it feems, a great inconvenience, that those of the meaneft capacities will pretend to make vifits, though indeed they are qualified rather to add to the furniture of the houfe (by filling an empty chair) than to the converfation they come into when they vifit. A friend of mine hopes for redress in this cafe, by the publication of her letter in my paper; which the thinks thofe fhe would be rid of will take to themselves. It feems to be written with an eye to one of thofe pert, giddy, unthinking girls, who, upon the recommendation only of an agreeable perfon, and a fashionable air, take take themfelves to be upon a level with women of the greateft merit. • MADAM, I take this way to acquaint you with what com• mon rules and forms would never permit me to • tell you otherwife; to wit, that you and I, though equals in quality and fortune, are by no means fuitable companions. You are, it is true, very pretty, can dance, and make a very good figure in a public affembly; but alas, Madam, you must go no further: distance and filence are your beft recom•mendations; therefore let me beg of you never to • make me any more vifits. You come in a literal fenfe to fee one, for you have nothing to fay. I do not fay this, that I would by any means lofe your acquaintance; but I would keep it up with the ftricteft forms of good-breeding. Let us pay vifits, but never fee one another: if you will be fo good as to deny yourself always to me, I shall return the obligation by giving the fame orders to my fervants. When accident makes us meet at a third place, we may mutually lament the misfor• tune of never finding one another at home, go in the fame party to a benefit play, and smile at each • other, and put down glaffes as we pafs in our ⚫ coaches. Thus we may enjoy as much of each other's friendship as we are capable: for there are fome people who are to be known only by fight, ⚫ with which fort of friendship I hope you will al⚫ways honour, • MADAM, Your moft obedient humble fervant, • P. S. I fubfcribe myself by the name of the day I keep, that my fupernumerary friends may know who I am." ADVERTISE ADVERTISEMENT. To prevent all miftakes that may happen among gentlemen of the other end of the town, who come but once a week to St. James's coffeehouse, either by mifcalling the fervants, or requiring fuch things from them as are not properly within their respective provinces; this is to give notice, that Kidney, keeper of the book-debts of the outlying customers, and obferver of those who go off without paying, having refigned that employment, is fucceeded by John Sowton; to whose place of enterer of messages, and first coffeegrinder, William Bird is promoted; and Samuel Burdock comes as fhoe-cleaner in the room of the faid Bird. R No. 25. THURSDAY, MARCH 29. -Egrefcitque medendo. VIRG. Æn. xii. ver. 46. And fickens by the very means of health. THE HE following letter will explain itself, and needs no apology. ‹ SIR, I am one of that fickly tribe who are commonly known by the name of Valetudinarians; and do confefs to you, that I first contracted this ill habit of body, or rather of mind, by the study of phyfic. I no fooner began to peruse books of this nature, but I found my pulfe was irregular'; and scarce ever read the account of any disease that I did not fancy myself afflicted with. Doctor Sydenham's learned Treatife of levers threw me into a lingering hectic, which hung upon me all the while I was reading that excellent piece. I then applied myself to the ftudy of feveral au thors, who have written upon phthifical distem. 'pers, |