"perhaps fo mathematically put together as he "could with. And again, How that for want "of a due confideration of what you firft advance, viz. That our faces are not of our own chufing, "people had been tranfported beyond all goodbreeding, and hurried themselves into unaccount"able and fatal extravagancies: as, how many "impartial looking-glaffes had been cenfured and "calumniated, nay, and fometimes fhivered into "ten thousand fplinters, only for a fair reprefenta❝tion of the truth? How many head-ftrings and "garters had been made acceffory, and actually for feited, only because folks must needs quarrel with "their own fhadows? And who,' continues he,' but " is deeply fenfible, that one great fource of the un"eafinefs and mifery of human life, efpecially a"mongst thofe of diftinction, arifes from nothing in "the world elfe, but too fevere a contemplation of "an indefeasible contexture of our external parts, or "certain natural and invincible difpofitions to be fat "or lean? When a little more of Mr. SPECTA"TOR's philofophy would take off all this: and, in "the mean time, let them obferve, that there is not "one of their grievances of this fort, but perhaps, in "fome ages of the world, has been highly in vogue; "and may be fo again; nay, in fome country or other, "ten to one, is fo at this day. My Lady Ample is "the most miferable woman in the world, purely of her own making: fhe even grudges herfelf meat ❝and drink, for fear fhe fhould thrive by them; and "is conftantly crying out, In a quarter of a year "more I fhall be quite out of all manner of fhape! "Now the Lady's misfortune feems to be only this, "that he is planted in a wrong foil; for, go but "to the other fide of the water, it is a jeft at Har"lem to talk of a fhape under eighteen ftone. "Thefe wife traders regulate their beauties as they "do their butter, by the pound; and Miss Cross, when the first arrived in the Low-countries, was ❝ not "not computed to be fo handfome as Madam Van "Brifket by near half a tun. On the other hand, there is Squire Lath, a proper gentleman of fifteen hundred pounds per annum, as well as of an "unblameable life and converfation; yet would I "not be the Efquire for half his eftate; for if it was as much more he would freely part with it "all for a pair of legs to his mind: whereas in "the reign of our firft King Edward of glorious memory, nothing more modifh than a brace of "your fine taper fupporters; and his Majefty,, 66 without an inch of calf, managed affairs in 66 peace and war as laudably as the bravest and most "politic of his ancestors; and was as terrible to his neighbours under the royal name of Longfbanks, as Coeur de Lion to the Saracens before him. If we look farther back into history, we fhall find that Alexander the Great wore his head a little over the left fhoulder; and then not at foul stirred out until he had adjusted his neckbone; the whole nobility addreffed the prince "and each other obliquely, and all matters of im-· "portance were concerted and carried on in: the: "Macedonian court with their polls on one fide. "For about the first century nothing made more: "noife in the world than Roman noses, and then: "not a word of them until they revived again in "eighty-eight. Nor is it fo very long fince Richard' "the Third fet up half the backs of the nation;. "and high fhoulders, as well as high nofes, were "the top of the fashion. But, to come to our: felves, gentlemen, though I find by my quinquennial obfervations, that we fhall never get "ladies enough to make a party in our own coun try, yet might we meet with better fuccefs among "fome of our allies. And what think you if our "board fat for a Dutch piece? Truly I am of opi"nion, that, as odd as we appear in flesh and blood,, "we thould be no fuch ftrange things in Metzo "tinto. But this project may reft until our num"ber is complete, and this being our election night, "give me leave to propofe Mr. SPECTATOR. You "fee his inclinations, and perhaps we may not have "his fellow.' I found most of them (as is ufual in all fuch ca, fes) were prepared; but one of the feniors (whom · by the by Mr. Prefident had taken all this pains to bring over) fat ftill, and cocking his chin, which feemed only to be levelled at his nofe, very gravely declared, That, in cafe he had had fufficient "knowledge of you, no man fhould have been "more willing to have ferved you; but that he, for "his part, had always had regard to his own con"fcience, as well as other people's merit; and he "did not know but that you might be a handfome "fellow; for, as for your own certificate, it was "every body's bufinefs to fpeak for themselves.' Mr. Prefident immediately retorted, A hand"fome fellow! why he is a wit, Sir, and you know "the proverb; and, to eafe the old gentleman of his fcruples, cried, That for matter of merit it "was all one, you might wear a mask.' This threw him into a paufe, and he looked defirous of three < days to confider on it; but Mr. Prefident improved the thought, and followed him up with an old ftory, That wits were privileged to wear what "malks they pleafed in all ages; and that a vi"zard had been the conftant crown of their la bours, which was generally prefented them by "the hand of some fatyr, and fometimes of Apollo "himfelf:' for the truth of which he appealed to the frontispiece of feveral books, and particularly to the English Juvenal, to which he referred him; and only added, That fuch authors were the "Larvati, or Larvá donati of the ancients.' This cleared up all, and in the conclufion you were chofe probationer; and Mr. Prefident put round ⚫ your health as fuch, protesting, That, though * indeed "indeed he talked of a vizard, he did not believe "all the while you had any more occafion for it than the cat-a-mountain;' fo that all you have ་ now to do is to pay your fees, which here are very • reasonable, if you are not impofed upon; and you may ftyle yourself Informis Societatis Socius: which I am defired to acquaint you with; and upon the ⚫ fame I beg you to accept of the congratulation of, • SIR, Oxford, March 21. Your obliged humble fervant, R A. C. No. 33. SATURDAY, APRIL 7. Fervidus tecum puer; & folutis HOR. Od. xxx. l. 1. ver. 5. The graces, with their zones unloos'd; From ev'ry spring, and ev'ry plain: A CREECH. Friend of mine has two daughters, whom I will call Latitia and Daphne: the former is one of the greatest beauties of the age in which fhe lives; the latter no way remarkable for any charms in her perfon. Upon this one circumstance of their out-ward form, the good and ill of their life feems to turn. Latitia has not, from her very childhood, heard any thing elfe but commendations of her fea tures tures and complexion, by which means fhe is nơ other than nature made her, a very beautiful outside. The consciousness of her charms has rendered her infupportably vain and infolent towards all who have to do with her. Daphne, who was almost twenty before one civil thing had ever been faid to her, found herself obliged to acquire fome accomplishments to make up for the want of those attractions which the faw in her fifter. Poor Daphne was fel-dom fubmitted to in a debate wherein he was con cerned; her difcourfe had nothing to recommend it but the good fenfe of it, and fhe was always under a neceffity to have very well confidered what the was to fay before the uttered it; while Latitia was liftened to with partiality, and approbation fat in the countenances of those she converfed with, before she communicated what he had to fay: Thefe caufes have produced fuitable effects, and Lætitia is as infipid a companion as Daphne is an agreeable one: Latitia, confident of favour, has studied no arts, to pleafe; Daphne, despairing of any inclination towards her perfon, has depended only on her merit. Latitia has always fomething in her air that is sullen, grave,. and difconfolate. Daphne has a countenance that, appears cheerful, open, and unconcerned. A young. gentleman faw Latitia this winter at a play, and became her captive. His fortune was fuch that he wanted very little introduction to fpeak his fentiments to her father. The lover was admitted with the utmost freedom into the family, where a con-ftrained behaviour, fevere looks, and diftant civilities, were the higheft favours he could obtain of Lætitia; while Daphne ufed him with the goodhumour, familiarity, and innocence of a fifter: infomuch that he would often fay to her, Dear Daphne, wert thou but as handfome as Lætitia !She received fuch language with that ingenious and pleafing mirth, which is natural to a woman with. out defign. He ftill fighed in vain for Latitia, but found |