"Where are you going?" said George "To see a Selwyn to an acquaintance. friend." Well, I'll go with you, for I never saw one yet." It seems that his curiosity might have been gratified with little difficulty "It is the general desire of princes and opu ousness, adulation, and dependents, but not friends; the sycophants that surround them disappear when the lure that attracted them is lost: beguiled by blandishments, deceived by hypoc charge and entire superintendence of twenty-five o'clock, to Mr. Dawers, perfumer, No. 16, Cralittle boys. She must be able to instruct them in ven Street, Strand." reading, spelling, writing, and the rudiments of history and geography. She will be expected to give her constant attention to the children; and, as the manners and deportment of young boys are matters of importance, it is requisite that she shall have moved in a genteel society. She will be expected to remain in the Establishment, on approval, for the first three months without salary, but her washing will be found her. If she stops after that period, her salary will be twenty-lent men to live friendless-they gain obsequifive pounds a-year, when she must find her own laundress. She will have to wash the children's faces and hands every morning, and walk out twice with them daily; to keep their wardrobes in repair, and mend their stockings in the eve-risy, and lulled by professions, they do not disning, after which her time will be her own, and cover imposture till adversity detects it. The she will mix with the family. On Saturdays she evil is unbounded-they never obtain a sincere will have to comb their heads with the small- opinion, whether regarding pecuniary embartooth comb, and after the servant has washed rassment or domestic dissension-in any pertheir feet, she will cut their toe-nails; but on no plexed and unhappy event they receive no counaccount must she chastise the children-the la-sel but that which benefits the sinister views of dies of the Establishment reserve to themselves that him who gives it. Of what advantage is fortune privilege, having a peculiar method of their own. if it transforms friends into parasites, and we are In matters of this sort it is best to be explicit; to live in constant delusion; or, isolated and seand therefore it is right to mention, that during cluded, we must exist like hermits, to shun interthe Christmas and Midsummer vacations she course with our fellow beings, and escape perfidy? will be allowed three weeks to visit her friends, One whose affluence precludes speculation, who but will not be permitted to be absent on any has proved himself undaunted in danger and unpretence during the half-years. She will have shaken in fidelity, proffers his friendship to him the advantage of visiting the parish church twice who deserves it, and will know how to apprecion a Sunday with the children, and hearing them ate it;-his reading has not afforded mere absay their prayers every morning and evening. stract knowledge, but has been rendered auxiliUnexceptionable references will be required as ary for a vast intercourse with the living world; to temper, character, and respectability. Ad-years have furnished experience, reflection has dress, post-paid, L. L. 51, Poultry." improved it; his advice and aid he hopes is not insignificant, be the station of him who requires them ever so elevated. As there can be no in dependence where there is not equality of circumstances, no one of inferior condition can be noticed." earnest Here is another, little less exacting"A Cook-Housemaid, or Housemaid-Cook is wanted, for the service of a single gentleman, where only one other, a man-servant, is kept.The age of the woman wanted must not be less From the zeal with which the following than 25, nor more than 40 years; and it is re-advertisement was repeated day after day, quisite that she should be equally excellent in it is to be presumed that the writer was in the two capacities of cook and housemaid. Her character must be unexceptionable for sobriety, honesty, and cleanliness. The sobriety, how- "To INDEPENDENT GENTLEMEN.-WANTED, ever, which consists in drinking deep without by a respectable, modest young man, who can staggering, will not do; nor will the honesty produce a cubic yard of testimonials, a living suffice which would make up for the possible without a master-that is, he wishes to become absence of pilfering by waste. Neither will the a companion to some gentleman, and be his faccleanliness answer which is content with bust- totum. He can ride, shoot, sing, fish, (but never ling only before the employer's eyes-a sure better than his patron, without he is wanted,) symptom of a slattern. The servant advertised keep accounts, see that servants do their duty, for must be thoroughly and truly cleanly, hon-do twenty other things equally necessary in this est, and sober. As it is probable that not a drab life, and make it his whole duty to please and be out of place who reads this advertisement but pleased. Any one seriously wishing such a perwill be for imposing herself, though perhaps in-son, may address, post-paid, to Z., to be left at capable of cooking a sprat, and about as nice as 41, Haymarket." a Hottentot, all such are warned not to give themselves useless trouble. On the other hand, It is much to be regretted that led Capa steady, clean woman, really answering the tains have gone out of fashion. This genabove description, will, by applying as below, tleman would have made an excellent one. hear of a place not easily equalled in comfort; A marriage advertisement is now generwhere the wages are good and constantly increasing, and where servants are treated as fel-ally regarded as a hoax ; but a prospectus low-creatures, and with a kindness which, to the discredit of their class, is seldom merited. Personal application to be made, from one to three put forth a year or two ago by a Mr. and Mrs. Proudfoot, looked like business, and was certainly not intended as a joke. It professes to be composed for this worthy |py to say, is succeeding in a manner far beyond couple by a clergyman of the Church of his most sanguine expectations. England and graduate of the University of Oxford. He begins thus "THE success which in other countries has at tended Establishments for the purpose of promoting Matrimonial Alliances, first inspired the idea of undertaking a similar project here. It is well known that in the cities of France, Holland, and Germany, such Establishments exist, and have been, for a long course of years, productive of the greatest benefit. If, in the comparatively limited circle of the population of these cities, it has been found advantageous that means of introduction to that state of life which the language of religion styles 'holy,' and the voice of all ages and nations pronounces to be 'honorable,' should be rendered easy of access-how much more necessary must they not appear in such a population as that of London, the very vastness of which acts only as a barrier against the formation of intimacies or friendships? It is proverbial, that people may live here all their lives in utter ignorance of their next door neighbor; and the experience of every one will suggest to him how narrow and circumscribed are the limits of the circle in which he moves." Something of the sort has certainly existed at Paris. In a country where matches are frequently made up by the families or friends of the parties, without much regard to prior inclination on either part, it is no great step to call in the assistance of strangers. One instance has become notorious. Monsieur Lafarge procured his wife through a marriage-broker; but possibly Mr. Proudfoot will not thank us for the precedent.The clergyman, after a few judicious obser: vations on the artificial state of society, and the difficulty which is experienced by young ladies, particularly clergymen's daughters, in finding husbands, proceeds to describe the constitution of the establishment "It is conducted by a gentleman and his wife, both persons of the highest character, respectability, and connexions. They have separate houses at some distance from each, at which the husband gives interviews to gentlemen, and his wife to ladies. The negotiations are conducted in conformity with printed rules, from which not the slightest deviation will be allowed, and every thing is managed in a manner which cannot offend the most fastidious delicacy, or deter the most easily excited diffidence. It is quite impossible that ladies or gentlemen applying to the establishment can see each other, until a meeting be finally and satisfactorily arranged, and all effects of idle curiosity are effectually checked. The rules are to be purchased for ten shillings-the price is set upon them for no other reason than as some guard against the thoughtless, the idle, or the ill-disposed-at Mr. Proudfoot's, 63, Mortimer Street, Cavendish Square, and they entitle the purchaser to a speedy interview. In these rules will be found a thorough explanation of the whole system, which, the Director is hap "In conclusion, he has only to add, that untiring zeal and implicit secrecy may be depended upon, both upon his own part and on that of his lady. He reflects with much pleasure, that he has been already instrumental in procuring honorable connexions and sincere happiness to many, who otherwise might have spent their days in degrading attachments, or unhappy ne. glect; and as he knows that his own feelings are pure and spotless, he can fearlessly assure any lady or gentleman, whose eye this may meet, that there is nothing in the slightest degree improper or indecorous in their employing him as an humble agent in endeavoring to guide them prosperously in taking what must always be considered the most important step in life." This prospectus was put into circulation two or three years ago. An advertisement which appeared within the year, proves the continuance, if not the prosperity, of the establishment "MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCE.-The Pamphlets, Rules, and Regulations of this Establishment, for promoting MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCES, may be obtained by applying to A. B., care of Mr. Proudfoot, 63, Mortimer Street, Cavendish Square.Price of the pamphlet, 1s. The Portfolio of February is now ready, containing letters from gentlemen in every sphere of life, possessing property from £400 to £3000 per annum, and charge, at the agent's, 63, Mortimer Street, as be purchased or inspected by ladies, free of above." may The favor shown to ladies is sufficiently exemplified by the fact, that the portfolio, which they are allowed to inspect gratis, is charged two guineas to gentlemen. monial advertisement may be allowedA single specimen of the regular matri "WANTED-A Young Lady, about 17 or 21 years of age as a wife. She must be well acquainted with the necessary accomplishments of such; she must understand washing and ironing, baking bread, making good coffee, roasting beef, veal, etc., boiling a fowl, broiling a fish, making tarts, plum-puddings, and desserts of all kinds, preserving fruits and pickles, expert with the needle, keeping a clean and snug house; must know reading, writing, and arithmetic; never been in the habit of attending the ball-rooms; she must have been taught true and genuine principles of religion, and a member in a Church of good standing. She must not be addicted to making too free use of her tongue, such as repeating any report that is injurious to her neighbor; or using any taunting language to any person about her house. Any lady finding herself in possession of the above accomplishments, will please address to ALPHONSO. It will not be required that she should exercise all those requisites unless a change in fortune should take place, at which time it will be necessary, in order to live with such economy as to prevent a trespass on our friends, whose frowns and caprices we otherwise must endure, which every man of noble mind will despise. At present, she shall have a coach and four at her command, servants in abundance, a house furnished in the first modern style; shall always be treated with that tender affection which female delicacy requires, and nothing shall be wanting that will be necessary to contribute to her happiness." Our next, we well remember, excited no inconsiderable sensation among the fair"COUNT SARSFIELD LUCAN, lineal descendant of the royal line of Lorraine and Capets, and other Sovereigns of Europe, desires to join in an alliance of marriage with a Lady whose quality and abilities will enable her to support the rank and titles she will obtain by this honorable alliance. Address to Count Sarsfield Lucan, Poste Restante, à Paris." canvass, and analyzed the scrapings, in the hope of discovering the secret of that great master in coloring; but it seems that the required richness and mellowness of tone might have been obtained at a cheaper rate, by scraping or pounding a mummy "EGYPTIAN MUMMY FOR PAINTING.-Those who practise the superior style of oil-painting, may be supplied with a perfectly genuine Egyp tian Mummy in its original state, at Mr. Hawe's, chemist, Longacre." Fashion has varied as much with regard to the canine race as in any other object of feminine fancy or caprice— "JUST COME FROM FLANDERS.-Some of the most beautiful DOGS, of the Lion, Spanish, and The next may also be placed under the Dutch breeds, so very small that ladies may put head of matrimony "RUN AWAY FROM PATRICK M'DALLAGH.Whereas my Wife, Mrs. Bridget M'Dallagh, is again walked away with herself, and left me with her four small children, and her poor old blind mother, and nobody else to look after house and home, and, I hear, has taken up with Tim Guigan, the lame fiddler-the same that was put in the stocks last Easter for stealing Barday Doody's gamecock.-This is to give notice, that I will not pay for bite or sup on her or his account to man or mortal, and that she had better never show the marks of her ten toes near my home again. "PATRICK M'DALLAGH. "N. B.-Tim had better keep out of my sight." An advertisement for Rats and Weeds will be admitted to be an anomaly "WANTED IMMEDIATELY, to enable me to leave the House which I have for these last five years inhabited, in the same plight and condition in which I found it, 500 LIVE RATS, for which I will gladly pay the sum of £5 sterling; and, as I cannot leave the Farm attached thereto in the same order in which I got it without at least Five Millions of Docks, Dockens (weeds), I do hereby promise a further sum of £5 sterling for (Signed) said number of Dockens. "Dated 31st October 1816. "N. B. The Rats must be full grown, and no cripples." This was a thoroughly conscientious ten: ant, fully aware of the obligations imposed upon him by the ordinary covenant, to leave the premises in the same state of repair in which he found them. This covenant, by the way, suggested the chief objection to Lady Mary Wortley Montagu's favorite scheme, for putting the marriage contract on the same footing as a lease, and making it for seven, or fourteen years at the pleasure of the parties. How," asked Mr. Cheney, "is the gentleman to put the lady into good and tenantable repair at the end of the time?" Sir Joshua Reynolds is reported to have scraped more than one Titian bare to the them in their muffs or pockets. "N. B.-Some all white." This is clearly a different race of animals from those now in favor, which Landseer is immortalizing. well knownThe superstition connected with cauls is "A CHILD'S CAUL to be disposed of, particularly recommended to persons going to the Continent on pleasure or business, officers in his Majesty's navy, merchants trading to the East and West Indies, and all other parts of the globe, being exposed to the danger of the seas, having the Caul in their possession, their life will most assuredly be always preserved from any similar danger that recently befell those unfortunate persons at Rochester. Address by letter only, prepaid, to Mr.W., Temple Chambers, Falcon Court, Fleet Street." What could be the motive of the individual who inserted this ? "WANTED, a SECOND-HAND COAT-OF-ARMS of her Royal Highness the Princess Augusta.Address, post-paid, to A. B., 13, Skinner Street, Snow Hill." A friend recently arrived from Calcutta. has given us a specimen of the kind of composition produced by the blending of the Irish with the Oriental style. The native liveliness of the writer appears to have been little, if at all, affected by the locality "NOTICE.-Mr. W. M'Cleish begs to state to his friends and the public, that he has received by the most recent arrivals the Prettiest Waist coat Pieces that ever were seen: really it would be worth any gentleman's while even to look at them. It surpasses his weak understanding, how man, who is born of a woman and full of trouble, could invent such pretty things; it strikes him forcibly that the patterns and texture must have been undoubtedly invented by some wise philos opher." If they are not well finished, or the best of trimmings, I will undertake to eat backs, breasts, sleeves, and linings." "No. 39, Cossitollah (Calcutta.) Jan. 4, 1824." Innumerable advertisements may be traced to vanity; but we have only met with one that implies the entire absence of it "ARTIFICIAL TEETH-Lost, about fourteen or fifteen days since, fixed in bone, from four to six in number. Whoever will bring or send them on Wednesday next, at twelve o'clock precisely, to Mr. Mickham, tobacco and snuff manufacturer, 180, Fleet Street, will receive half-a-guinea for the trouble." It is not uncommon to hear a wealthy citizen, or retired grazier, when complimented on his daughter's proficiency on the Piano, observe, that she ought to play well, for she had cost him a mint of money. Henceforth there will be no occasion for an extravagant outlay "MUSIC.--An extraordinary opportunity for being instructed in music either in town or country. The advertiser has found out a method by which he teaches to play on either the pianoforte, violin, or guitar, in the completest manner, by only the practice of one single lesson, which he does on the most reasonable terms." It really makes one tremble to think of the consequences to society if an engagement of this sort could be fulfilled. Our collection would be clearly incomplete without a specimen of the old Lottery advertisements and I am certain sixpence in a pair is worth sav "Romanis against the whole World, at his Mart, 33, Cheapside." Mr. Romanis understands the character of his countrymen. Who could refrain from buying stockings at a shop where such temptations are held out? We only wish another Romanis would appear to enable us to pay the income-tax. The following appeared about twenty Monkton Hall might chance to be brought years ago: The time is important, as Mr. to the bar of the House of Commons and questioned by the member for Bath— "ELEVATED AND IMPORTANT SEAT.-A man of honor and fortune may immediately obtain an Elevated Seat, upon liberal terms. Address, with real names, to Mr. Monkton Hall, No. 7, St. James's Place." The next illustrates the audacity with which the law against gambling was defied" in the good old times of Faro Mr. Harding's, Piccadilly, nearly opposite Bond "FARO AT ROUTS.-As faro is the fashionable circular game in the haut ton, to prevent the company from being sunk into melancholy by whist parties, a gentleman of unexceptionable honor will, on invitation, do himself the honor to attend the rout of any lady, nobleman, or gentle"A laughable circumstance occurred at the man with a Faro Bank, and adequate funds from Opera House a few evenings since. The Hon-500 to 2000 guineas. Address to G. A., Esq., at orable Mrs. HC, in the confusion that takes place in the lobby on quitting the theatre, dropped her reticule, and was some minutes before she regained it; when, on looking at its contents, she exclaimed, 'I have lost my duplicates!' This created surprise, not that the company had any doubt when the lady pledged her word, but they thought she had pledged her jewels. However, on inquiry, it was found that the lost duplicates were Two Tickets of one number (which she had purchased that evening) in the Lottery to be drawn the next Tuesday; luckily she soon after found them, and anticipated getting £20,000, as she had procured them at a well-known office at Charing Cross." We quote the following, for the sake of its naïveté "MAY THE WINGS OF EXTRAVAGANCE BE CLIPPED BY THE SCISSORS OF ECONOMY-Was the constant toast of a person who knew very well the value of a sixpence. To all good economists would Romanis wish to be recommended, though but a bad practitioner himself, (he is a little like the clergy--Don't do as I do, but as I tell you to do.') When you want real good Stockings at a low price, come to the Sign of the Regent, 33 in Cheapside-there you have them in perfection, The art of talking with the fingers was once in great repute, but lost its value as soon as it became general— there "THE DIGITALIAN LANGUAGE.-I have had an opportunity for some time of communicating to the world my acquirements in this science; having thought that language distinct from speech would be both useful and desirable to ladies in the higher circles; but at the present moment, when the tongue is likely to be curtailed of its creative functim, it may, perhaps, be more particularly, as well as generally necessary. fore do myself the honor to inform ladies and gentlemen who may be desirous to acquire this new mode of conversation, that the attainment of it is by no means arduous, and by receiving their commands will be waited on, and particularly explained by, ladies and gentlemen, your obedient servant, G. HAYES. "No. 11, St. Clement's Churchyard. Mr. H. will wait on the ladies, if requested." The words in italics enable us to fix the date of this gentleman's announcement.He evidently flourished about the time of what were called the late Lord Londonder- expatiates on snug lying in a quiet situation; ry's Gagging Bills. Our rupture with China naturally put teadealers on their mettle, and many elderly females invested a large portion of their savings in Souchong, in order to be provided against contingencies. Captain Pidding occupied a conspicuous place amongst the interested alarmists, and made the most of the panic the other on picturesque lying in a romantic one; whilst both agree that no time is to be lost, if the purchaser partakes of the same feeling as the Somersetshire squire, who strictly enjoined his heir to bury him in a field with his favorite dog and best horse, so that, when the last trump sounded, the horse might enable him to get a good start, and the dog keep off the crowd. When Sir Lucius spoke of "snug lying," he spoke without the fear of resurrectionmen before his eyes. Since his time, a new source of apprehension has sprung up, from which none of us can be altogether free, unless we think and act like old Dr. Monsey, (old enough to know better, for he was more than ninety when he died,) who directed his body, after undergoing dissection, to be crammed into a box with holes, and flung into the Thames. As many, par "KE-SHIN, THE DREADED HOUR.' "If there be any thing in a name, that of Keshin, the Chinese commissioner nominated to meet Elliot at Canton, is, in its Chinese definition given above, ominous of sad results. Our previous knowledge of Ke-shin's opinion of the best 'Mode of Managing the English,' gives us reason to dread the hour' when he shall sit in judgment upon English commerce. Ke-shin, in a Memorial addressed to the Emperor in Dec. 1838, recommends him to 'put an entire stop to all foreign intercourse for ten years, when," he says, 'the English will pay gold and silver for tea and rhubarb.' The foreigners,' says Ke-ticularly women, feel a sort of creeping and shin, 'subsist, day by day, upon beef and mutton, shivering at the idea of a post-mortem examand every day after meals they take this divine ination, they may not be sorry to hear that medicine, i. e. tea and rhubarb, in order to get a there is a mode of averting this exposure— motion in their bowels. This is the advice of Ke-shin, the most influential minister at the Court of Pekin, and now appointed Examiner of the English." Ke-shin's policy may be read with a smile, but "mutato nomine, de te (in a double sense) fabula narratur." It is an exact imitation of Mr. Percival's, who gravely enumerated the straitening of their materia medica as one of the inconveniences likely to incline the French to peace. The inimitable Peter Plymley has embalmed the memory of this plan "At what period was this great plan of conquest and constipation fully developed ? In whose mind was the idea of destroying the pride and the plasters of France first engendered? Without castor oil they might for some months, to be sure, have carried on a lingering war; but can they do without bark? Will the people live under a Government where antimonial powders cannot be procured? Will they bear the loss of mercury? There's the rub. Depend upon it, the absence of the materia medica will soon bring them to their senses, and the cry of Bourbon and Bolus burst forth from the Baltic to the Mediterranean." Sir Lucius O'Trigger, after very properly laying before Bob Acres the chances of a fatal result, inquires: "How, if that should be the case, would you choose to be pickled and sent home? Or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey? I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey."This is much the style in which the propriety of choosing a Cemetery is pressed upon the public by rival companies. The one "PATENT COFFIN FOR THE SECURITY OF THE DEAD.-As the time has arrived when the graverobbers commence their depredations, the proprietors beg leave to inform the public, that the Patent Coffins are on such a principle as to prevent their being opened, and that they have been generally approved by the great number of ladies and gentlemen who have seen them." An assembly to inspect coffins must have been a grave spectacle. The advertisement of Tanner's pens is a curiosity of the first water. It is headed by a shower of mottoes ,'Il faut saisir l'occasion aux chevaux. "Probatum est-Bona fide--Utile dulce-Ne plus ultra-Summum bonum-Credenda. Upon Il faut casser le noyau pour avoir l'amande, "Depicting ideas into vision in the portraiture of conception, by legible characters, is the noblest invention of which mankind can boast,and such is the characterisic reputation of this beautifully finished instrument, in accomplishing with perfecshed fluid with such pre-eminent qualities, which tion the above desired object-indeed no pen ever its excelsitudinal station sufficiently attestates; therefore Richard Tanner is proud to acknowledge that a discerning public has presented the most gratifying tribute to its merits in an extensive and still increasing consumption. "But yet you draw not iron, for my heart "Richard Tanner's celebrated, resplendent, unparagoned, caligraph, incomparable, pre-emi |