fortune who can render you independent at once. Nay, don't stare-I affirm that this scheme is both prudent and honourable: for I would not have you throw yourself away upon an old toothless wheezing dame, whose breath would stink you into a consumption in less than three months; neither would I advise you to assume the character of a wealthy squire, as your common fortune hunters do, by which means many a poor lady is cheated into matrimony, and instead of enjoying the pomp and grandeur that was promised, sees her dowry seized by her husband's rapacious creditors, and herself reduced to misery and despair. No, I know you have a soul that disdains such imposition; and are master of qualifications both of mind and body, which alone entitle you to a match that will set you above the world. I have clothes in my possession that a duke need not be ashamed to wear. I believe they will fit you as they are; if not, there are plenty of tailors in France. Let us take a short trip to Paris, and provide ourselves with all other necessaries, then set out for England, where I intend to do myself the honour of attending you in quality of a valet. This expedient will save the expense of a servant, shaving and dressing; and I doubt not but, by the blessing of God, we shall bring matters to a speedy and fortunate issue." Extravagant as this proposal was, I listened to it with pleasure, because it flattered my vanity, and indulged a ridiculous hope I began to entertain of my inspiring Narcissa with a mutual flame. After breakfast, Monsieur d'Estrapes went to pay his devoirs to the marquis, and was so successful in his application, that I obtained a discharge in a few days: upon which we set out for Paris. Here I had time to reflect and congratulate myself upon this sudden transition of fate, which to bear with moderation, required some degree of philosophy and self-denial. This truth will be more obvious, if I give a detail of the particulars, to the quiet possession of which I was raised in an instant, from the most abject misery and contempt. My wardrobe consisted of five fashionable coats full mounted, two of which were plain, one of cut velvet, one trimmed with gold, and another with silver lace; two frocks, one of white drab with large plate buttons, the other of blue with gold bindings; one waistcoat of gold brocade, one of blue satin embroidered with silver, one of green silk trimmed with broad figured gold lace, one of black silk with fringes, one of white satin, one of black cloth, and one of scarlet; six pairs of cloth breeches, one pair of crimson, and another of black velvet; twelve pairs of white silk stockings, as many of black silk, and the same number of fine cotton; one hat laced with gold point d'Espagne, another with silver lace scolloped, a third with gold binding, and a fourth plain; three dozen of fine ruffled shirts, as many neckcloths; one dozen of cambrick handkerchiefs, and the like number of silk. The other movables which I possessed, by the generosity and friendship of Strap, were a gold watch, with a chased case, two valuable diamond rings, two mourning swords, one with a silver handle, and a fourth cut steel inlaid with gold, a diamond stock-buckle, and a set of stone buckles for the knees and shoes; a pair of silver mounted pistols with rich housings; a gold-headed cane, and a snuff-box of tortoise-shell mounted with gold, having the picture of a lady on the top. The gentleman left many other things of value, which my friend had converted into cash before I met with him; so that, over and above these particulars, our stock in ready money amounted to something more than two hundred pounds. Thus equipped, I put on the gentleman of figure, and, attended by my honest friend, who was contented with the station⚫ of my valet, visited the Louvre, examined the gallery of Luxembourg, and appeared at Versailles, where I had the honour of seeing his most Christian majesty eat a considerable quantity of olives. During the month I spent at París, I went several times to court, the Italian comedy, opera, and play-house, danced at a masquerade, and, in short, saw every thing remarkable in and about that capital. Then we set out for England by the way of Flanders, passed through Brussels, Ghent, and Bruges, and took shipping at Ostend, from whence in fourteen hours we arrived at Deal, hired a post-chaise, and in twelve hours more got safe to London, having disposed of our heavy baggage in the waggon. CHAPTER XLV. I inquire for my uncle, and understand he is gone to sea-take lodgings at Charingcross-go to the play, where I meet with an adventure-dine at an ordinary; the guests described become acquainted with Medlar and Doctor Wagtail. As soon as we alighted at the inn, I dispatched Strap to inquire for my uncle, at the Union-flag in Wapping: and he returned in a little time, with an account of Mr Bowling's having gone to sea, mate of a merchantship, after a long and unsuccessful application and attendance at the Admiralty: where, it seems, the interest he depended upon was not sufficient to reinstate him, or recover the pay that was due to him when he quitted the Thunder. Next day I hired very handsome lodgings not far from Charing-cross; and, in the evening, dressed myself in a plain suit of the true Paris cut, and appeared in a front box at the play, where I saw a good deal of D company, and was vain enough to believe | fellows of fashion, standing in a corner, one that I was observed with an uncommon degree of attention and applause. This silly conceit intoxicated me so much, that I was guilty of a thousand ridiculous coquetries; and I dare say, how favourable soever the thoughts of the company might be at my first appearance, they were soon changed, by my absurd behaviour, into pity or contempt. I rose and sat down, covered and uncovered my head twenty times between the acts; pulled out my watch, clapped it to my ear, wound it up, set it, gave it the hearing again; displayed my snuff-box, affected to take snuff, that I might have an opportunity of showing my brilliant, and wiped my nose with a perfumed handkerchief; then dangled my cane, and adjusted my sword knot, and acted many more fooleries of the same kind, in hopes of obtaining the character of a pretty fellow, in the acquiring of which I found two considerable obstructions in my disposition, namely, a natural reserve, and jealous sensibility. Fain would I have entered into conversation with the people around me; but I was restrained by fear of being censured for my assurance, as well as by reflecting that I was more entitled to a compliment of this kind from them, than they to such condescension from a stranger like me. How often did I redden at the frequent whispers and loud laughter of my fellow-beaux, which I imagined were excited by me! and how often did I envy the happy indifference of those choice spirits, who beheld the distress of the scene, without discovering the least symptom of approbation or concern! My attention was engaged in spite of myself, and I could not help weeping with the heroine of the stage; though I practised a great many shifts to conceal this piece of unpolite weakness. When the play was ended, I sat waiting for an opportunity of handing some lady to her coach but every one was attended by such a number of officious gallants, that for a long time I was balked in my expectation. At length, however, I perceived a very handsome creature, genteelly dressed, sitting by herself in a box, at some distance from me; upon which I went up to her, and offered my service. She seemed to be in some confusion, thanked me for my complaisance, and with a tender look declined giving me the trouble; looking at her watch, and testifying her surprise at the negligence of her footman, whom she had ordered to have a chair ready for her at that hour. I repeated my entreaty with all the eloquence and compliment I was master of; and, in the event, she was prevailed upon to accept of a proposal I made, to send my servant for a chair or coach: accordingly, Strap was detached for that purpose, and returned without succeeding: by this time the playhouse was quite empty, and we were obliged to retire. As I led her through the passage, I observed five or six young of whom, as I thought, tipt my charmer the wink, and when we were past, I heard them set up a loud laugh. This note aroused my attention, and I was resolved to be fully satisfied of this lady's character, before I should have any nearer connection with her. As no convenience appeared, I proposed to conduct her to a tavern, where we might stay a few minutes, till my servant could fetch a coach from the Strand. She seemed particularly shy of trusting herself in a tavern with a stranger; but at last yielded to my pathetic remonstrances, rather than endanger her health, by remaining in a cold damp thoroughfare. Having thus far succeeded, I begged to know what wine she would be pleased to drink a glass of; but she professed the greatest aversion to all sorts of strong liquors; and it was with much difficulty that I could persuade her to eat a jelly. In the mean time, I endeavoured to alleviate the uneasiness she discovered, by saying all the agreeable things I could think of; at which she would often sigh, and regard me with a languishing look, that seemed, however, too near akin to the lewd leer of a courtezan. This discovery, added to my former suspicion, while it put me upon my guard against her arts, divested me of reserve, and enabled me to entertain her with gaiety and freedom. In the course of our conversation, I pressed her to allow me the honour of waiting upon her next day at her lodgings; a request which she, with many apologies, refused, lest it should give unbrage to Sir John, who was of a disposition apt to be fretted with trifles. This information, by which I was to understand that her husband was a knight, did not check my addresses, which became more and more importunate, and I was even hardy enough to ravish a kiss. But, O heavens! instead of banqueting on the ambrosial flavour that her delicacy of complexion promised, I was almost suffocated with the steams of geneva! An exhalation of this kind, from a mouth which had just before declared an utter abhorrence of all spirituous liquors, not only changed my doubts into certainty, but my raptures into loathing; and it would have been impossible for me to have preserved common complaisance five minutes longer, when my servant returned with the coach. I took the advantage of this occasion, and presented my hand to the lady, who put in practice against me the whole artillery of her charms, ogling, languishing, sighing and squeezing, with so little reserve, that Strap perceived her tenderness, and rubbed his hands with joy as he followed us to the door; but I was proof against all her endearments, and handed her into the coach with an intention to take my leave immediately. She guessed my design, and invited me to her house, whispering, that now Sir John was gone to bed, she could have the pleasure of 66 my conversation for half an hour without | that was advanced in favour of his most interruption. I told her, there was no mor- Christian majesty, with a surliness truly tification I would not undergo, rather than English. But this trusty patriot, who had endanger the repose of her ladyship; and, never been out of his own country, and drew bidding the coachman drive on, wished her all his maxims and notions from prejudice a good night. She lost all temper at my and hearsay, was very unequal to his antago indifference, and stopping the coach at the nists, who were superior to him in learning distance of about twenty yards from me, and experience, and often took the liberty of popped out her head, and bawled, with the travellers, in asserting things which were not lungs of a fish-woman-" D-n you, you dog, strictly true, because they thought themselves wont you pay the coach-hire?" As I made in no danger of being detected by him. The no answer, she held forth against me with claim of the queen of Spain to the Austrian an eloquence peculiar to herself; calling me dominions in Italy, was fully explained and pitiful fellow, scoundrel, and an hundred such vindicated by a person who sat opposite to appellations; concluding, with an oath, that me, and by the solemnity of his manner, and for all my appearance, she believed I had got the richness of his apparel, seemed to be a no money in my pocket. foreign ambassador. This dissertation produced another on the pragmatic sanction, handled with great warmth by a young gentleman at my right hand, dressed in a green frock trimmed with gold, who justified the French king for his breach of that contract, and affirmed that he could not have observed it without injuring his own glory. Although I was not at all convinced by this gentleman's arguments, I could not help admiring his vivacity, which I imagined must be the effect of his illustrious birth and noble education, and accordingly rated him in my conjecture as a young prince on his travels. The discourse was afterwards shifted by an old gentleman, of a very martial appearance, to the last campaign, when the battle of Dettingen was fought over again, with so many circumstances to the honour of the French, and disadvantage of the allies, that I began to entertain some doubts of my having been there in person, and took the liberty to mention some objections to what he advanced. This freedom introduced a dispute, which lasted a good while, to the mortification of all present; and was at last referred to the determination of a grave person, whom they styled doctor, and who, under a show of great moderation, decided it against me, with so little regard to truth, that I taxed him with partiality in pretty severe terms, to the no small entertainment of the true English politician, who rejoiced at my defence of a cause he had so often espoused without success. My opponent, pleased with the victory he had gained, affected a great deal of candour, and told me, he should not have been so positive, if he had not been at great pains to inform himself of each particular. Indeed," said he, "I am convinced that, the previous steps considered, things could not happen otherwise; for we generals who have seen service, though we may not be on the spot ourselves, know by the least sketch of the disposition what must be the event." He then censured, with great freedom, every circumstance of the conduct of those who commanded the allies; from thence made a transition to the ministry, which he honoured with many invectives, for employing people Having thus vented her indignation, she ordered the coachman to proceed, and I returned to the tavern, where I bespoke something for supper, very well pleased at the issue of this adventure. I dispensed with the attendance of the waiter at table, on pretence that my own servant was present; and when we were alone, said to Strap, -"Well, Monsieur d'Estrapes, what do you think of this lady?" My friend, who had not opened his mouth since her departure, could make no other reply than the monosyllable Think!" which he pronounced with a note of fear and astonishment. Surprised at this emphasis, I surveyed my valet, and perceiving a wildness in his looks, asked if he had seen his grandfather's ghost? -"Ghost!" said he, "I am sure I have seen a devil incarnate! Who would have thought that so much devilish malice and Billingsgate could lurk under such sweetness of countenance and modesty of behaviour? Ah! God help us! Fronti nulla fidesnimium ne crede colori-but we ought to down on our knees, and bless God for delivering us from the jaws of that painted sepulchre." I was pretty much of Strap's opinion, and though I did not believe myself in any danger from the allurements of that sisterhood, I determined to act with great circumspection for the future, and shun all commerce of that kind, as equally prejudicial to my purse and constitution. My next care was to introduce myself into a set of good acquaintaince; for which purpose I frequented a certain coffee-house, noted for the resort of good company, English as well as foreigners, where my appearance procured all the civilities and advances I could desire. As there was an ordinary in the same house, I went up stairs to dinner with the other guests, and found myself at a table with thirteen people, the greatest part of whom were better dressed than myself. The conversation, which was mostly carried on in French, turned chiefly on politics; and I soon found the whole company was in the French interest, myself excepted, and a testy old gentleman, who contradicted every thing 66 who had neither experience nor capacity, to the prejudice of old officers who had been distinguished for both; dropped many hints of his own importance; and concluded with observing that the French and Spaniards knew better how to value.generals of merit; the good effects of which were seen in the conquests they gain, and the admirable discipline of their troops, which are at the same time better clothed and paid than any soldiers in the universe. These remarks furnished the green knight with an opportunity of launching out in the praise of the French government in general, civil as well as military; on which occasion he made many odious comparisons to the disadvantage of the English. Every body almost assented to the observations he made; and the doctor gave his sanction, by saying, the people in France were undoubtedly the happiest subjects in the world. I was so much astonished and confounded at their infatuation and effrontery, that I had not power to utter one word in opposition to their assertions; but my morose associate could not put up with the indignity that was offered to Old England, and therefore, with a satirical grin, addressed himself to the general in these words :-"Sir, sir, I have often heard it said, she's a villainous bird that befouls her own nest. As for what those people who are foreigners say, I don't mind it, they know no better; but you, who were bred and born, and have got your bread under the English government, should have more regard to gratitude, as well as truth, in censuring your native country. If the ministry have thought fit to lay you aside, I suppose they have their own reasons for so doing; and you ought to remember that you still live on the bounty of the nation. As for these gentlemen (meaning the prince and ambassador), who make so free with the constitution, laws, and genius of our people, I think they might show a little more respect for their benefactors, who, I must own, are to blame, in harbouring, protecting, and encouraging such ungrateful vagrants as they are." At these words the chevalier in green started up in a great passion, and laying his hand on the hilt of his hanger, exclaimed, "Ha, foutre !" The Englishman, on the other hand, grasping his cane, cried,-"Don't foutre me, sirrah, or, by G-d, I'll knock you down." The company interposed,-the Frenchman sat down again, and his antago-hours Mareschal Boufflers was fain to capit nist proceeded "Lookee, monsieur, you know very well, that, had you dared to speak so freely of the administration of your own country in Paris, as you have done of ours in London, you would have been sent to the Bastile without ceremony, where you might have rotted in a dungeon, and never seen the light of the sun again. Now, sir, take my word for it, although our constitution screens us from such oppression, we want not laws to chastise the authors of seditious discourse; and if I hear another syllable out of your mouth, in contempt or prejudice of this kingdom, I will give you a convincing proof of what I advance, and have you laid by the heels for your presumption." This declaration had an effect on the company as sudden as surprising. The young prince became supple as a spaniel; the ambassador trembled; the general sat silent and abashed; and the doctor, who, it seems, had felt the rod of power, grew pale as death, and assured us all, that he had no intention to affront any person or people. Your principles, doctor," resumed the old gentleman, "are no secretI have nothing to say to you upon that head; but am very much surprised, that a man, who despises us so much, should, notwithstanding, live among us, when he has no visible motive for so doing.-Why don't you take up your habitation in your beloved France, where you may rail at England without censure?" To this remonstrance the doctor thought proper to make no reply; and an unsocial silence ensued; which I perceiving, took notice, that it was pity such idle disputes, maintained very often through whim or diversion, should create. any misunderstanding among gentlemen of good sense; and proposed to drink down all animosity in another bottle. This motion was applauded by the whole company: the wine was brought, and the English champion declaring he had no spleen against any man for differing in opinion from him, any more than for difference of complexion, drank to the good health of all present; the compliment was returned, and the conversation once more became unreserved, though more general than before. Among other topics, the subject of war was introduced, on which the general declaimed with great eloquence, recounting many of his own exploits by way of illustration. In the course of his harangue, he happened to mention the word epaulement; upon which the testy gentleman asked the meaning of that term. "I'll tell you what an epaulement is," replied he,-"I never saw an epaulement but once-and that was at the siege of Namur-In a council of war, Monsieur Cohorn, the famous engineer, affirmed that the place could not be taken." "Yes," said the prince of Vaudemont, "it may be taken by an epaulement." This was immediately put in execution, and in twenty-four ulate." Here he made a full stop; and the old gentleman repeated the question,-“ But pray what is an epaulement?" To this interrogation the officer made no immediate reply, but rung the bell, and called for a bill, which being brought, he threw down his proportion of the reckoning, and, telling the company he would show them an epaulement when his majesty should think fit to entrust him with the command of our army abroad, strutted away with great dignity. I could not imagine why he was so shy of explaining one of the most simple terms of fortification; which I forthwith described as a side-work composed of earth, gabions, or fascines: but I was very much surprised when I afterwards understood that his reserve proceeded from his ignorance. Having paid our bill, we adjourned to the coffee-room, where my fellow-labourer insisted on treating me with a dish, giving me to understand, at the same time, that I had acquired his good opinion, both with respect to my principles and understanding. I thanked him for his compliment, and, professing myself an utter stranger in this part of the world, begged he would have the goodness to inform me of the quality and characters of the people who dined above. This request was a real favour to one of his disposition, which was no less communicative than curious: he therefore complied with great satisfaction, and told me, to my extreme astonishment, that the supposed young prince was a dancer at one of the theatres, and the ambassador no other "The than a fiddler belonging to the opera. doctor," said he, "is a Roman Catholic priest, who sometimes appears in the character of an officer, and assumes the name of captain; but more generally takes the garb, title, and behaviour of a physician, in which capacity he wheedles himself into the confidence of weak-minded people, and, by arguments no less specious than false, converts them from their religion and allegiance. He has been in the hands of justice more than once for such practices; but he is a sly dog, and manages matters with so much craft, that hitherto he has escaped for a short imprisonment. As for the general, you may see he has owed his promotion more to his interest than his capacity; and now that the eyes of the ministry are opened, his friends dead, or become inconsiderable, he is struck off the list, and obliged to put up with a yearly pension. In consequence of this reduction, he is become malcontent, and inveighs against the government in all companies, with so little discretion, that I am surprised at the lenity of the administration in overlooking his insolence; but the truth of the matter is, he owes his safety to his weakness and want of importance. He has seen a little, and but a little service; and yet, if you would take his word for it, there has not been a great action performed in the field since the revolution in which he was not principally concerned. When a story is told of any great general, he immediately matches it with one of himself, though he is often unhappy in his invention, and commits such gross blunders in the detail, that every body is in pain for him. Cæsar, Pompey, and Alexander the Great are continually in his mouth and as he reads a good deal, without any judgment to digest it, his ideas are confused, and his harangues as unintelligible as infinite; for, once he begins, there is no chance of his leaving off speaking, while one person remains to yield attention; therefore, the only expedient I know for putting a stop to his loquacity, is to lay hold of some incongruity he has uttered, and demand an explanation; or ask the meaning of some difficult term that he knows by name only. This method will effectually put him to silence, if not to flight, as it happened when I inquired about an epaulement. Had he been acquainted with the signification of that word, his triumph would have been intolerable, and Having thus we must have quitted the field first, or been worried with impertinence." gratified my curiosity, the old gentleman began to discover his own, in questions relating to myself, to which I thought proper to re"I presume, sir," turn ambiguous answers. said he, "you have travelled?" I answered, "Yes." "I dare say you would find it very expensive," said he. I replied,-" To be sure, one cannot travel without money.' "That I know by experience," said he, "for I myself take a trip to Bath or Tunbridge every season; and one must pay sauce for what he has on the road, as well in other countries as in this-That's a very pretty stone in your ring,-give me leave, sir,-the French have attained a wonderful skill in making compositions of this kind. Why, now, this looks almost as well as a diamond." "Almost as well, sir," said I, "why not altogether? I am sure if you understand any thing of jewels, you must perceive at first sight that this stone is a real diamond, and that of a very fine water. Take it in your hand and examine it." He did so with some confusion, and returned it, saying,-"I ask your pardon, I see it is a true brilliant of immense value." I imagined his respect for me increased after this inquiry; therefore, to captivate his esteem the more, I told him I would show him a seal of composition, engraved after a very valuable antique; upon which I pulled out my watch, with a rich gold chain, adorned with three seals set in gold, and an opal ring. He viewed each of them with great eagerness, handled the chain, admired the chased case, and observed that the whole must have cost me a vast sum of "Some trifle of sixty money. I affected indifference, and replied, in a careless manner,or seventy guineas." He stared in my face some time, and then asked me if I was an Englishman. I answered in the negative. "You are from Ireland, then, sir, I presume," said he. I made the same reply. "O! perhaps," said he, "you were born in one of our settlements abroad." I still answered, "No." He seemed very much surprised, and said, he was sure I was not a foreigner. I made He could not no reply, but left him upon the tenterhooks of impatient uncertainty. contain his anxiety, but asked pardon for the liberties he had taken, and to encourage me |