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malice, or, at least, of screening themselves | faction they desired ; this plan was to debauch from the lash of my resentment, which they the faith of my companion and confidant, had effectually provoked. I enjoyed this who betrayed the trust I reposed in him, by triumph with great satisfaction; and not only imparting to them the particulars of my small rejected their offer with disdain, but in all my amours, which they published with such experformances, whether satire or panegyric, aggerations, that I suffered very much in the industriously avoided mentioning their names, opinion of every body, and was utterly diseven while I celebrated those of their inti- carded by the dear creatures whose names mates : this neglect mortified their pride had been called in question. While I was exceedingly, and incensed them to such a busy in tracing out the author of this treadegree, that they were resolved to make me chery, that I might not only be revenged on repent of my indifference. The first stroke him, but also vindicate my character to my of their revenge consisted in their hiring a friends, I one day perceived the looks of my poor collegian to write verses against me, landlady much altered, when I went home the subject of which was my own poverty, to dinner; and inquiring into the cause, she and the catastrophe of my unhappy parents ; screwed up her mouth, and fixing her eyes but, besides the badness of the composition on the ground, told me her husband had re(of which they themselves were ashamed), ceived a letter from Mr Bowling, with one they did not find their account in endeavour. inclosed for me; she was very sorry for ing to reproach me with those misfortunes what had happened, both for my sake and which they and their relations had brought his own; people should be more cautious of upon me, and which, consequently, reflected their conduct. She was always afraid his much more dishonour on themselves than on brutal behaviour would bring him into some me, who was the innocent victim of their misfortune or other. As for her part, she barbarity and avarice. Finding this plan would be very ready to befriend me, but she miscarry, they found means to irritate a young had a small family of her own to maintain. gentleman against me, by telling him I had The world would do nothing for her if she lampooned his mistress; and so effectually should come to want-charity begins at home: succeeded in the quality of incendiaries, that she wished I had been bound to some subthis enraged lover determined to seize me stantial handicraft, such as a weaver, or a next night, as I returned to my lodgings from shoemaker, rather than loiter away my time a friend's house that I frequented : with this in learning foolish nonsense that would never view, he waited in the street, attended by bring me in a penny-but some folks are two of his companions, to whom he had im- wise, and some are otherwise. I was listen. parted his design, of carrying me down to ing to this mysterious discourse with great the river, in which he proposed to have me amazement, when her husband entered, and, heartily ducked, notwithstanding the severity without speaking a syllable, put both the of the weather, it being then about the mid- letters into my hand. I received them tremdle of December. But this stratagem did bling, and read what follows: not succeed; for, being apprised of their « To Mr Roger Potion, ambush, I got home another way, and, by “SIR,—This is to let you know that I the help of my landlord's apprentice, dis- have quitted the Thunder man of war, being charged a volley from the garret window, obliged to sheer off for killing my captain, which did great execution upon them; and which I did fairly on the beach at Cape next day occasioned so much mirth at their Tiberoon, in the island of Hispaniola ; having expense, that they found themselves under a received his fire, and returned it, which went necessity of leaving the town, until the ad- through his body: and I would serve the best venture should be entirely forgotten. My man so that ever stept between stem and cousins (though twice baffled in their expec- stern, if so be that he struck me, as Captain tation) did not, however, desist from perse- Oakum did. I am (thank God) safe among cuting me, who had now enraged them beyond the French, who are very civil, thof I don't a possibility of forgiveness, by detecting their understand their lingo : and I hope to be malice, and preventing its effects ; neither restored in a little time, for all the great should I have found them more humane, had friends and parliamentary interest of the I patiently submitted to their rancour, and captain, for I have sent over to my landlord bore, without murmuring, the rigour of their in Deal an account of the whole affair, with unreasonable hate ; for I have found by expe- our bearings and distances while we were rience, that, though small favours may be engaged, whereby I have desired him to lay acknowledged, and slight injuries atoned, it before his Majesty, who (God bless him) there is no wretch so ungrateful as he whom will not suffer an honest tar to be wronged. you have most generously obliged, and no My love to your spouse, and am, your loving enemy so implacable as those who have done friend, and servant to command, while you the greatest wrong. These good-natured
“ Thomas Bowling." creatures, therefore, had recourse to a scheme “ To RODERICK RANDOM, which conspired with a piece of bad news I “ Dear Rory, Don't be grieved at my soon after received, to give them all the satis- I misfortune-but mind your book, my lad. I have got no money to send you; but what of regard to my leaving his house, this prethat ? -Mr Potion will take care of you, for tended friend affected a stare, and exclaimed, the love he bears to me, and let you want • Is it possible you could behave so ill to the for nothing, and it shall go hard but I will man who had treated you so kindly all along!" see him one day repaid. No more at pre. My surprise at hearing this was not at all sent, but rests, your dutiful uncle and servant affected, whatever his might be; and I gave till death,
“ Thomas Bowling." him to understand, with some warmth, that This letter (which, with the other, was I did not imagine he would so unreasonably dated from Port Louis, in Hispaniola) I had espouse the cause of a scoundrel, who ought no sooner read, than the apothecary, shaking to be expelled from every social community. his head, began: “I have a very great regard This heat of mine gave him all the advantage for Mr Bowling, that's certain, -and could he desired over me; and our discourse, after be well content—but times are very hard. much altercation, concluded in his desiring There's no such thing as money to be got- never to see me again in that place; to which I believe 'tis all vanished under ground, for desire I yielded my consent, assuring him, my part. Besides, I have been out of pocket that had I been as well acquainted with his already, having entertained you since the principles formerly as I was now, he never beginning of this month without receiving a should have had an opportunity of making sixpence,-and God knows if ever I shall -- that request. And thus we paried. for I believe it will go hard with your uncle. On my return, I met my comrade Squire And more than that, I was thinking of giving Gawky, whom his father had sent some time you warning, for I want your apartment for ago to town, for his improvement in writing, å new 'prentice, whom I expect from the dancing, fencing, and other modish qualificacountry every hour. So I desire you will tions. As I had lived with him, since his this week provide yourself with another lodg- arrival, on the footing of our old intimacy, I ing.” The indignation which this harangue made no scruple of informing him of the lowinspired, gave me spirits to support my re- ness of my circumstances, and asking a small verse of fortune, and to tell him, I despised supply of money, to answer my present exhis mean selfish disposition so much, that I pense: upon which he pulled out a handful would starve rather than be beholden to him of half-pence, with a shilling or two among for one single meal. Upon which, out of my them, and swore that was all he had to keep pocket-money, I paid him to the last farthing his pocket till next quarter-day, he having of what I owed, and assured him I would lost the greatest part of his allowance the not sleep another night under his roof. This night before at billiards. Though this assersaid, I sallied out in a transport of rage and tion might very well be true, I was extremely sorrow, without knowing whither to fly for mortified at his indifference; for he neither shelter, having not one friend in the world expressed any sympathy for my mishap, nor capable of relieving me, and only three shil- desire of alleviating my distress; and, accordlings in my purse. After giving way for a ingly, I left him without uttering one word: few minutes to the dictates of my rage, I but, when I afterwards understood that he went and hired a small bed-room, at the rate was the person who had formerly betrayed of one shilling and sixpence per week, which me to the malice of my cousins, to whom I was obliged to pay per advance, before the likewise he had carried the tidings of my landlord would receive me. Thither I re- forlorn situation, which afforded them great moved my luggage; and next morning got matter of triumph and exultation, I deterup, with a view of craving the advice and mined with myself to call him to a severe assistance of a person who had on all occa- account; for which purpose I borrowed a sions loaded me with caresses, and made sword, and wrote a challenge, desiring him frequent offers of friendship, while I was to meet me at a certain time and place, that under no necessity of accepting them. He I might have an opportunity of punishing his received me with his wonted affability, and perfidy, at the expense of his blood. He insisted on my breakfasting with him, a accepted the invitation, and I betook myself favour which I did not think fit to refuse. to the field, though not without feeling conBut, when I communicated the occasion of siderable repugnance to the combat, which my visit, he appeared so disconcerted, that I frequently attacked me in cold sweats by the concluded him wonderfully affected with the way: but the desire of revenge, the shame misery of my condition, and looked upon of retracting, and hope of conquest, conhim as a man of the most extensive sympathy spired to repel these unmanly symptoms of and benevolence. He did not leave me long fear, and I appeared on the plain with a good under this mistake; for, recovering himself grace: there I waited an hour beyond the from his confusion, he told me, he was grieved time appointed, and was not ill pleased to at my misfortune, and desired to know what find he had no mind to meet me, because I had passed between my landlord, Mr Potion, should have an opportunity of exposing his and me. Whereupon I recounted the con- cowardice, displaying my own courage, and versation; and when I repeated the answer of beating him soundly wheresoever I should I made to his ungenerous remonstrance with 'find him, without any dread of the conse.
quence. Elated with these suggestions, of reconciliation, by the respective wives of which entirely banished all thoughts of my the opponents; who, chancing to meet at a deplorable condition, I went directly to Gaw- christening, disagreed about precedence, proky's lodgings, where I was informed of his ceeded from invectives to blows, and were precipitate retreat, he having set out for the with great difficulty, by the gossips, prevented country in less than an hour after he had from converting the occasion of joy into a received my billet: and I was vain enough to scene of lamentation. have the whole story inserted in the news, The difference between these rivals was although I was fain to sell a gold-laced hat in the height of rancour, when I received the to my landlord for less than half price, to message of Crab, who received me as civilly defray the expense, and contribute to my as I could have expected from one of his dissubsistence.
position; and, after desiring me to sit, inquired into the particulars of my leaving the house of
Potion; which, when I had related, he said, CHAPTER VII.
with a malicious grin,-" There's a sneaking
dog !-I always thought him a fellow without I am entertained by Mr Crab descrip- a soul, d-n me!-a canting scoundrel, who
tion of him-I acquire the art of surgery has crept into business by his hypocrisy, and -consult Crab's disposition—become kissing the a- of every body.” “Ay, ay," necessary to him—an accident happens— says another, “one may see with half an eye he advises me to launch out into the world that the rascal has no honesty in him, by his -assists ine with money—1 set out for going so regularly to church.” This sen. London.
tence was confirmed by a third, who assured
his companion, that Potion was never known The fumes of my resentment being dissi- to be disguised in liquor but once, at a meet. pated, as well as the vanity of my success, I ing of the godly, where he had distinguished found myself deserted to all the horrors of himself by an extempore prayer an hour long. extreme want, and avoided by mankind as a After this preamble Crab addressed himself creature of a different species, or rather as a to me in these words : “ Well, my lad, I solitary being, nowise comprehended within have heard a good character of you, and I'!! the scheme or protection of Providence. do for you. You
your things to My despair had rendered me almost quite my house when you please. I have given stupified, when I was one day told, that a orders for your reception. Zounds! what gentleman desired to see me at a certain does the booby stare at ?—if you have no public-house, whither I immediately repaired, mind to embrace my courteous offer, you and was introduced to one Mr Launcelot may let it alone, and be d-d." I answered, Crab, a surgeon in town, who was engaged with a submissive bow, that I was far from with two more in drinking a liquor called rejecting his friendiy offer, which I would pop-in, composed by mixing a quartern of immediately accept, as soon as he should brandy with a quart of small-beer. Before I inform me on what footing I was to be enterrelate the occasion of this message, I believe tained. What footing! den my blood," it will not be disagreeable to the reader, if I cried he, “d'ye expect to have a footman describe the gentleman who sent for me, and and a couple of horses to be kept for you ?" inention some circumstances of his character “ No, sir," I replied, “ my expectations are and conduct, which may illustrate what fol. not quite so sanguine. That I may be as lows, and account for his behaviour to me. little burdensome as possible, I would will.
This member of the faculty was aged fifty, ingly serve in your shop, by which means I about five feet high, and ten round the belly; may save you the expense of a journeyman, his face was capacious as a full moon, and or porter at least ; for I understand a little much of the complexion of a mulberry ; bis pharmacy, having employed some of my nose, resembling a powder-horn, was swelled leisure hours in the practice of that art while to an enormous size, and studded all over I lived with Mr Pótion: neither am I alto. with carbuncles; and his little grey eyes re- gether ignorant of surgery, which I have flected the rays in such an oblique manner, studied with great pleasure and application." that while he looked a person full in the face, "O ho! you did ?" says Crab. “Gentlemen, one would have imagined he was admiring here is a complete artist! Studied surgery! the buckle of his shoe. He had long enter. what, in books, I suppose ? shall have you tained an implacable resentment against disputing with me one of these days on points Potion, who, though a young practitioner, of my profession. You can already account was better employed than he, and once had for muscular motion (I warrant), and explain the assurance to perform a cure, whereby be the mystery of the brain and nerves-ha! disappointed and disgraced the prognostic of You are too learned for me, d-n me. But the said Crab. This quarrel, which was at let's hear no more of this stuff. Can you one time upon the point of being made up by bleed and give a clyster, spread a plaster, the interposition and mediation of friends, and prepare a potion ?". Upon my answering had been lately inflamed beyond a possibility in the affirmative, he shook his head, telling
me he believed he should have little good of I'll do your business,-yes, yes, I'll teach me, for all my promises; but, however, he you to lift your hand against me.” So say. would take me in for the sake of charity. ing, he retired, and left me under dreadtiul I was accordingly that very night admitted apprehensions, which vanished entirely at to his house, and had an apartment assigned our next meeting, when he behaved with to me in the garret, which I was fain to put unusual complacency, and treated me with a up with, notwithstanding the mortification glass of punch after dinner. By this con. my pride suffered in this change of circum- duct, I got the ascendancy over him in a stances. I was soon convinced of the real short time, and became so necessary to him, motives which induced Crab to receive me in managing his business while he was enin this manner: for, besides the gratification gaged at the vottle, that fortune began to of his revenge, by exposing the selfishness wear a kinder aspect; and I consoled myself of his antagonist, in opposition to his own for the disregard of my former acquaintance, generosity, which was all affectation, he had with the knowledge I daily imbibed, by a occasion for a young man who understood close application to the duties of my employ. something of the profession, to fill up the ment, in which I succeeded beyond my own place of his eldest apprentice, lately dead, expectation. I was on very good terms with not without violent suspicion of foul play from my master's wife, whose esteem I acquired his master's brutality. The knowledge of and cultivated, by representing Mrs Potion this circumstance, together with his daily in the most ridiculous lights my satirical behaviour to his wife and the young appren- talents could invent, as well as by rendering tice, did not at all contribute to my enjoying her some christian offices, when she had been my new situation with ease: however, as I too familiar with the dram-bottle, to which did not perceive how I could bestow myself she had oftentimes recourse for consolation, to better advantage, I resolved to study Crab's under the afliction she suffered from a bartemper with all the application, and manage barous husband. In this manner I lived, it with all the address, in my power. And without hearing the least tidings of my uncle, it was not long before I found out a strange for the space of two years, during which peculiarity of humour, which governed his time I kept little or no company, being neibehaviour towards all his dependents. I ob- ther in a humour to relish, nor in a capacity served, when he was pleased, he was such a to maintain, much acquaintance: for the niggard of his satisfaction, that, if his wife Nabal, my master, allowed me no wages; or servants betrayed the least symptom of and the small perquisites of my station scarce participation, he was offended to an insup- supplied me with the common necessaries portable degree of choler and fury, the effects of life. I was no longer a pert unthinking of which they seldom failed to feel. And, coxcomb, giddy with popular applause, and when his indignation was roused, submission elevated with the extravagance of hope: my and soothing always exasperated it beyond misfortunes had taught me how litile the the bounds of reason and humanity. I there. caresses of the world, during a man's prosfore pursued a contrary plan; and one day, perity, are to be valued by him; and how when he honoured me with the names of seriously and expeditiously he ought to set ignorant whelp and lazy raggamuffin, I boldly about making himself independent of them. replied, I was neither ignorant nor lazy, since My present appearance, therefore, was the I both understood and performed my business least of my care, which was wholly engrossed as well as he could do for his soul; neither in laying up a stock of instruction that might was it just to call me raggamuffin, for I had secure me against the caprice of fortune for a whole coat on my back, and was descended the future. I became such a sloven, and from a better family than any he could boast contracted such an air of austerity, that every an alliance with. He gave tokens of great body pronounced me crest-fallen; and Gawky amazement at this assurance of mine, and returned to town, without running any risk shook his cane over my head, regarding me from my resentment, which was by this time all the time with a countenance truly diabo- pretty much cooled, and restrained by prulical. Although I was terribly startled at his dential reasons so effectually, that I never so menacing looks and posture, I yet had reflec- much as thought of obtaining satisfaction for tion enough left to convince me I had gone the injuries he had done me. When I deemed too far to retract, and that this was the criti- myself sufficiently master of my business, I cal minute which must decide my future lot began to cast about for an opportunity of in his service; I therefore snatched up the launching into the world, in hope of finding pestle of a mortar, and swore, if he offered some provision that might make amends for to strike me without a cause, I should see the difficulties I had undergone; but, as this whether his skull or my weapon was hardest. could not be effected without a small sum of He continued silent for some time, and at money to equip me for the field, I was in the last broke forth into these ejaculations : utmost perplexity how to raise it, well know. “ This is fine usage from a servant to a mas- ing that Crab, for his own sake, would never ter,-very fine !-damnation !-but no mat- put me in a condition to leave him, when his ter, you shall pay for this, you dog, you shall. I interest was so much concerned in my stay.
But a small accident, which happened about would lend me money sufficient not only for this time, determined him in my favour. This that purpose, but also to maintain me comwas no other than the pregnancy of his maid-fortably in London, until I should procure a servant, who declared her situation to me, warrant for my provision on board of some assuring me, at the same time, that I was ship. I gave him a thousand thanks for his the occasion of it. Although I had no reason obliging offer (although I was very well apto question the truti of this imputation, I prised of his motive, which was no other was not ignorant of the familiarities which than a design to lay the bastard to my charge, had passed between her master and her; after my departure), and accordingly set out taking the advantage of which, I represented in a few weeks for London ; my whole forto her the folly of laying thu burden at my tune consisting of one suit of clothes, half a door, when she might dispose of it to much dozen of ruffled shirts, as many plain, two better purpose with Mr Crab. She listened pairs of worsted, and a like number of thread to my advice, and next day acquainted him stockings, a case of pocket instruments, a with the pretended success of their mutual small edition of Horace, Wiseman's Surgery, endeavours. He was far from being over and ten guineas in cash, for which Crab took joyed at this proof of his vigour, which he my bond, bearing five per cent interest ; at foresaw might have very troublesome conse- the same time giving me a letter to the memquences; not that he dreaded any domestic ber of parliament for our town, which, he grumblings and reproaches from his wife, said, would do my business effectually. whom he kept in perfect subjection, but because he knew it would furnish his rival Potion with a handle for insulting and undermining
CHAPTER VIII. his reputation; there being no scandal equal to that of uncleanness, in the opinion of those I arrive at Newcastle-meet with my old who inhabit the part of the island where he school-fellow Strap—we determine to lived. He therefore took a resolution worthy walk together to London-set out on our of himself; which was to persuade the girl journey-put up at a solitary ale-housethat she was not with child, but only afflicted are disturbed by a strange adventure in with a disorder incident to young women,
the night. which he would easily remove.
With this view (as he pretended) he prescribed for her There is no such convenience as a wagon such medicines as he thought would infallibly in this country, and my finances were too procure abortion; but, in this scheme, he was weak to support the expense of hiring a disappointed: for the maid, being advertised horse; I determined, therefore, to set out by me of his design, and at the same time with the carriers who transport goods from well acquainted with her own condition, one place to another on horseback; and this absolutely refused to follow his directions, scheme I accordingly put in execution on and threatened to publish her situation to the the first day of November 1739, sitting upon world, if he would not immediately take some a pack-saddle between two baskets, one of method of providing for the important occa- which contained my goods in a knapsack. sion, which she expected in a few months. But, by the time we arrived in NewcastleIt was not long before I guessed the result upon-Tyne, I was so fatigued with the tediousof his deliberation, by his addressing himself ness of the carriage, and benumbed with the to me, one day, in this manner.“I am coldness of the weather, that I resolved to surprised that a young fellow like you dis- travel the rest of my journey on foot, rather covers no inclination to push his fortune in than proceed in such a disagreeable manner. the world. Before I was of your age, I was
The ostler of the inn at which we put up, broiling on the coast of Guinea. Damme, understanding I was bound for London, adwhat's to hinder you from profiting by the vised me to take my passage in a collier, war, which will certainly be declared in a which would be both cheap and expeditious, short time against Spain? You may easily and withal much easier than to walk upwards get on board of a king's ship, in quality of a of three hundred miles through deep roads in surgeon's mate; where you will certainly see the winter time; a journey which, he bea great deal of practice, and stand a good lieved, I had not strength enough to perform. chance of getting prize-money.” Iaid hold I was almost persuaded to take his advice, of this declaration, which I had long wished when, one day, stepping into a barber's shop for, and assured him I would follow his ad- to be shaved, the young man, while he lathered vice with pleasure, if it was in my power; my face, accosted me thus :—“Sir, I prebut that it was impossible for me to embrace sume you are a Scotchman.” I answered an opportunity of that kind, as I had no friend in the affirmative. “Pray,” continued he, to advance a little money to supply me with from what part of Scotland ?"-I no sooner what necessaries I should want, and defray told him, than he discovered great emotion, the expenses of my journey to London. He and not confining his operation to my chin told me that few necessaries were required ; and upper lip, besmeared my whole face with and as for the expense of my journey, he great agitation. I was so offended at this