his own; people should be more cautious of their conduct. She was always afraid his brutal behaviour would bring him into some misfortune or other. As for her part, she would be very ready to befriend me, but she had a small family of her own to maintain. The world would do nothing for her if she should come to want-charity begins at home: she wished I had been bound to some substantial handicraft, such as a weaver, or a shoemaker, rather than loiter away my time in learning foolish nonsense that would never bring me in a penny-but some folks are wise, and some are otherwise. I was listening to this mysterious discourse with great amazement, when her husband entered, and, without speaking a syllable, put both the letters into my hand. I received them trembling, and read what follows: malice, or, at least, of screening themselves faction they desired; this plan was to debauch from the lash of my resentment, which they the faith of my companion and confidant, had effectually provoked. I enjoyed this who betrayed the trust I reposed in him, by triumph with great satisfaction; and not only imparting to them the particulars of my small rejected their offer with disdain, but in all my amours, which they published with such experformances, whether satire or panegyric, aggerations, that I suffered very much in the industriously avoided mentioning their names, opinion of every body, and was utterly diseven while I celebrated those of their inti- carded by the dear creatures whose names mates: this neglect mortified their pride had been called in question. While I was exceedingly, and incensed them to such a busy in tracing out the author of this treadegree, that they were resolved to make me chery, that I might not only be revenged on repent of my indifference. The first stroke him, but also vindicate my character to my of their revenge consisted in their hiring a friends, I one day perceived the looks of my poor collegian to write verses against me, landlady much altered, when I went home the subject of which was my own poverty, to dinner; and inquiring into the cause, she and the catastrophe of my unhappy parents; screwed up her mouth, and fixing her eyes but, besides the badness of the composition on the ground, told me her husband had re(of which they themselves were ashamed), ceived a letter from Mr Bowling, with one they did not find their account in endeavour-inclosed for me; she was very sorry for ing to reproach me with those misfortunes what had happened, both for my sake and which they and their relations had brought upon me, and which, consequently, reflected much more dishonour on themselves than on me, who was the innocent victim of their barbarity and avarice. Finding this plan miscarry, they found means to irritate a young gentleman against me, by telling him I had lampooned his mistress; and so effectually succeeded in the quality of incendiaries, that this enraged lover determined to seize me next night, as I returned to my lodgings from a friend's house that I frequented: with this view, he waited in the street, attended by two of his companions, to whom he had imparted his design, of carrying me down to the river, in which he proposed to have me heartily ducked, notwithstanding the severity of the weather, it being then about the middle of December. But this stratagem did not succeed; for, being apprised of their ambush, I got home another way, and, by the help of my landlord's apprentice, discharged a volley from the garret window, which did great execution upon them; and next day occasioned so much mirth at their expense, that they found themselves under a necessity of leaving the town, until the adventure should be entirely forgotten. My cousins (though twice baffled in their expectation) did not, however, desist from persecuting me, who had now enraged them beyond a possibility of forgiveness, by detecting their malice, and preventing its effects; neither should I have found them more humane, had I patiently submitted to their rancour, and bore, without murmuring, the rigour of their unreasonable hate; for I have found by experience, that, though small favours may be acknowledged, and slight injuries atoned, there is no wretch so ungrateful as he whom you have most generously obliged, and no enemy so implacable as those who have done you the greatest wrong. These good-natured creatures, therefore, had recourse to a scheme which conspired with a piece of bad news I soon after received, to give them all the satis "To MR ROGER POTION, "SIR,-This is to let you know that I have quitted the Thunder man of war, being obliged to sheer off for killing my captain, which I did fairly on the beach at Cape Tiberoon, in the island of Hispaniola; having received his fire, and returned it, which went through his body: and I would serve the best man so that ever stept between stem and stern, if so be that he struck me, as Captain Oakum did. I am (thank God) safe among the French, who are very civil, thof I don't understand their lingo: and I hope to be restored in a little time, for all the great friends and parliamentary interest of the captain, for I have sent over to my landlord in Deal an account of the whole affair, with our bearings and distances while we were engaged, whereby I have desired him to lay it before his Majesty, who (God bless him) will not suffer an honest tar to be wronged. My love to your spouse, and am, your loving friend, and servant to command, while "THOMAS BOWLING." "TO RODERICK RANDOM, "DEAR RORY,-Don't be grieved at my misfortune-but mind your book, my lad. I have got no money to send you; but what of | This letter (which, with the other, was dated from Port Louis, in Hispaniola) I had no sooner read, than the apothecary, shaking his head, began: "I have a very great regard for Mr Bowling, that's certain, and could be well content-but times are very hard. There's no such thing as money to be gotI believe 'tis all vanished under ground, for my part. Besides, I have been out of pocket already, having entertained you since the beginning of this month without receiving a sixpence, and God knows if ever I shall; for I believe it will go hard with your uncle. And more than that, I was thinking of giving you warning, for I want your apartment for a new 'prentice, whom I expect from the country every hour. So I desire you will this week provide yourself with another lodging." The indignation which this harangue inspired, gave me spirits to support my reverse of fortune, and to tell him, I despised his mean selfish disposition so much, that I would starve rather than be beholden to him for one single meal. Upon which, out of my pocket-money, I paid him to the last farthing of what I owed, and assured him I would not sleep another night under his roof. This said, I sallied out in a transport of rage and sorrow, without knowing whither to fly for shelter, having not one friend in the world capable of relieving me, and only three shillings in my purse. After giving way for a few minutes to the dictates of my rage, I went and hired a small bed-room, at the rate of one shilling and sixpence per week, which I was obliged to pay per advance, before the landlord would receive me. Thither I removed my luggage; and next morning got up, with a view of craving the advice and assistance of a person who had on all occasions loaded me with caresses, and made frequent offers of friendship, while I was under no necessity of accepting them. He received me with his wonted affability, and insisted on my breakfasting with him, a favour which I did not think fit to refuse. But, when I communicated the occasion of my visit, he appeared so disconcerted, that I concluded him wonderfully affected with the misery of my condition, and looked upon him as a man of the most extensive sympathy and benevolence. He did not leave me long under this mistake; for, recovering himself from his confusion, he told me, he was grieved at my misfortune, and desired to know what had passed between my landlord, Mr Potion, and me. Whereupon I recounted the conversation; and when I repeated the answer I made to his ungenerous remonstrance with regard to my leaving his house, this pretended friend affected a stare, and exclaimed, Is it possible you could behave so ill to the man who had treated you so kindly all along!" My surprise at hearing this was not at all affected, whatever his might be; and I gave him to understand, with some warmth, that I did not imagine he would so unreasonably espouse the cause of a scoundrel, who ought to be expelled from every social community. This heat of mine gave him all the advantage he desired over me; and our discourse, after much altercation, concluded in his desiring never to see me again in that place; to which desire I yielded my consent, assuring him, that had I been as well acquainted with his principles formerly as I was now, he never should have had an opportunity of making that request. And thus we parted. On my return, I met my comrade Squire Gawky, whom his father had sent some time ago to town, for his improvement in writing, dancing, fencing, and other modish qualifications. As I had lived with him, since his arrival, on the footing of our old intimacy, I made no scruple of informing him of the lowness of my circumstances, and asking a small supply of money, to answer my present expense: upon which he pulled out a handful of half-pence, with a shilling or two among them, and swore that was all he had to keep his pocket till next quarter-day, he having lost the greatest part of his allowance the night before at billiards. Though this assertion might very well be true, I was extremely mortified at his indifference; for he neither expressed any sympathy for my mishap, nor desire of alleviating my distress; and, accordingly, I left him without uttering one word: but, when I afterwards understood that he was the person who had formerly betrayed me to the malice of my cousins, to whom likewise he had carried the tidings of my forlorn situation, which afforded them great matter of triumph and exultation, I determined with myself to call him to a severe account; for which purpose I borrowed a sword, and wrote a challenge, desiring him to meet me at a certain time and place, that I might have an opportunity of punishing his perfidy, at the expense of his blood. He accepted the invitation, and I betook myself to the field, though not without feeling considerable repugnance to the combat, which frequently attacked me in cold sweats by the way: but the desire of revenge, the shame of retracting, and hope of conquest, conspired to repel these unmanly symptoms of fear, and I appeared on the plain with a good grace: there I waited an hour beyond the time appointed, and was not ill pleased to find he had no mind to meet me, because I should have an opportunity of exposing his cowardice, displaying my own courage, and of beating him soundly wheresoever I should 'find him, without any dread of the conse the opponents; who, chancing to meet at a christening, disagreed about precedence, proceeded from invectives to blows, and were with great difficulty, by the gossips, prevented from converting the occasion of joy into a scene of lamentation. quence. Elated with these suggestions, | of reconciliation, by the respective wives of which entirely banished all thoughts of my deplorable condition, I went directly to Gawky's lodgings, where I was informed of his precipitate retreat, he having set out for the country in less than an hour after he had received my billet: and I was vain enough to have the whole story inserted in the news, although I was fain to sell a gold-laced hat to my landlord for less than half price, to defray the expense, and contribute to my subsistence. CHAPTER VII. I am entertained by Mr Crab-a description of him-I acquire the art of surgery -consult Crab's disposition become necessary to him—an accident happenshe advises me to launch out into the world --assists me with money—I set out for London. THE fumes of my resentment being dissipated, as well as the vanity of my success, I found myself deserted to all the horrors of extreme want, and avoided by mankind as a creature of a different species, or rather as a solitary being, nowise comprehended within the scheme or protection of Providence. My despair had rendered me almost quite stupified, when I was one day told, that a gentleman desired to see me at a certain public-house, whither I immediately repaired, and was introduced to one Mr Launcelot Crab, a surgeon in town, who was engaged with two more in drinking a liquor called pop-in, composed by mixing a quartern of brandy with a quart of small-beer. Before I relate the occasion of this message, I believe it will not be disagreeable to the reader, if I describe the gentleman who sent for me, and mention some circumstances of his character and conduct, which may illustrate what follows, and account for his behaviour to me. The difference between these rivals was in the height of rancour, when I received the message of Crab, who received me as civilly as I could have expected from one of his disposition; and, after desiring me to sit, inquired into the particulars of my leaving the house of Potion; which, when I had related, he said, with a malicious grin,-" There's a sneaking dog! I always thought him a fellow without a soul, d-n me!-a canting scoundrel, who has crept into business by his hypocrisy, and kissing the a- of every body.' "Ay, ay," says another, "one may see with half an eye that the rascal has no honesty in him, by his going so regularly to church." This sentence was confirmed by a third, who assured his companion, that Potion was never known to be disguised in liquor but once, at a meeting of the godly, where he had distinguished himself by an extempore prayer an hour long. After this preamble Crab addressed himself to me in these words: Well, my lad, I have heard a good character of you, and I'll do for you. You may send your things to my house when you please. I have given orders for your reception. Zounds! what does the booby stare at?-if you have no mind to embrace my courteous offer, you may let it alone, and be d-d." I answered, with a submissive bow, that I was far from rejecting his friendly offer, which I would immediately accept, as soon as he should inform me on what footing I was to be entertained. "What footing! d-n my blood," cried he, "d'ye expect to have a footman and a couple of horses to be kept for you?” 66 64 No, sir," I replied, "my expectations are not quite so sanguine. That I may be as little burdensome as possible, I would willThis member of the faculty was aged fifty, ingly serve in your shop, by which means I about five feet high, and ten round the belly; may save you the expense of a journeyman, his face was capacious as a full moon, and or porter at least; for I understand a little much of the complexion of a mulberry; his pharmacy, having employed some of my nose, resembling a powder-horn, was swelled leisure hours in the practice of that art while to an enormous size, and studded all over I lived with Mr Potion: neither am I altowith carbuncles; and his little grey eyes re-gether ignorant of surgery, which I have flected the rays in such an oblique manner, studied with great pleasure and application.” that while he looked a person full in the face," Oho! you did?" says Crab. Gentlemen, one would have imagined he was admiring here is a complete artist! Studied surgery! the buckle of his shoe. He had long enter- what, in books, I suppose? I shall have you tained an implacable resentment against disputing with me one of these days on points Potion, who, though a young practitioner, of my profession. You can already account was better employed than he, and once had for muscular motion (I warrant), and explain the assurance to perform a cure, whereby he the mystery of the brain and nerves-ha! disappointed and disgraced the prognostic of You are too learned for me, d-n me. the said Crab. This quarrel, which was at let's hear no more of this stuff. Can you one time upon the point of being made up by bleed and give a clyster, spread a plaster, the interposition and mediation of friends, and prepare a potion?" Upon my answering had been lately inflamed beyond a possibility in the affirmative, he shook his head, telling But So say me he believed he should have little good of | I'll do your business,-yes, yes, I'll teach me, for all my promises; but, however, he you to lift your hand against me." would take me in for the sake of charity.ing, he retired, and left me under dreadful I was accordingly that very night admitted apprehension.s, which vanished entirely at to his house, and had an apartment assigned our next meeting, when he behaved with to me in the garret, which I was fain to put unusual complacency, and treated me with a up with, notwithstanding the mortification glass of punch after dinner. By this con. my pride suffered in this change of circum- duct, I got the ascendancy over him in a stances. I was soon convinced of the real short time, and became so necessary to him, motives which induced Crab to receive me in managing his business while he was enin this manner: for, besides the gratification gaged at the bottle, that fortune began to of his revenge, by exposing the selfishness wear a kinder aspect; and I consoled myself of his antagonist, in opposition to his own for the disregard of my former acquaintance, generosity, which was all affectation, he had with the knowledge I daily imbibed, by a occasion for a young man who understood close application to the duties of my employsomething of the profession, to fill up the ment, in which I succeeded beyond my own place of his eldest apprentice, lately dead, expectation. I was on very good terms with not without violent suspicion of foul play from my master's wife, whose esteem I acquired his master's brutality. The knowledge of and cultivated, by representing Mrs Potion this circumstance, together with his daily in the most ridiculous lights my satirical behaviour to his wife and the young appren- talents could invent, as well as by rendering tice, did not at all contribute to my enjoying her some christian offices, when she had been my new situation with ease: however, as I too familiar with the dram-bottle, to which did not perceive how I could bestow myself she had oftentimes recourse for consolation, to better advantage, I resolved to study Crab's under the affliction she suffered from a bartemper with all the application, and manage barous husband. In this manner I lived, it with all the address, in my power. And without hearing the least tidings of my uncle, it was not long before I found out a strange for the space of two years, during which peculiarity of humour, which governed his time I kept little or no company, being neibehaviour towards all his dependents. I ob- ther in a humour to relish, nor in a capacity served, when he was pleased, he was such a to maintain, much acquaintance: for the niggard of his satisfaction, that, if his wife Nabal, my master, allowed me no wages; or servants betrayed the least symptom of and the small perquisites of my station scarce participation, he was offended to an insup- supplied me with the common necessaries portable degree of choler and fury, the effects of life. I was no longer a pert unthinking of which they seldom failed to feel. And, coxcomb, giddy with popular applause, and when his indignation was roused, submission elevated with the extravagance of hope: my and soothing always exasperated it beyond misfortunes had taught me how little the the bounds of reason and humanity. I there- caresses of the world, during a man's prosfore pursued a contrary plan; and one day, perity, are to be valued by him; and how when he honoured me with the names of seriously and expeditiously he ought to set ignorant whelp and lazy raggamuffin, I boldly about making himself independent of them. replied, I was neither ignorant nor lazy, since My present appearance, therefore, was the I both understood and performed my business least of my care, which was wholly engrossed as well as he could do for his soul; neither in laying up a stock of instruction that might was it just to call me raggamuffin, for I had secure me against the caprice of fortune for a whole coat on my back, and was descended the future. I became such a sloven, and from a better family than any he could boast contracted such an air of austerity, that every an alliance with. He gave tokens of great body pronounced me crest-fallen; and Gawky amazement at this assurance of mine, and returned to town, without running any risk shook his cane over my head, regarding me from my resentment, which was by this time all the time with a countenance truly diabo- pretty much cooled, and restrained by prulical. Although I was terribly startled at his dential reasons so effectually, that I never so menacing looks and posture, I yet had reflec- much as thought of obtaining satisfaction for tion enough left to convince me I had gone the injuries he had done me. When I deemed too far to retract, and that this was the criti- myself sufficiently master of my business, I cal minute which must decide my future lot began to cast about for an opportunity of in his service; I therefore snatched up the launching into the world, in hope of finding pestle of a mortar, and swore, if he offered some provision that might make amends for to strike me without a cause, I should see the difficulties I had undergone; but, as this whether his skull or my weapon was hardest. could not be effected without a small sum of He continued silent for some time, and at money to equip me for the field, I was in the last broke forth into these ejaculations: utmost perplexity how to raise it, well know"This is fine usage from a servant to a mas-ing that Crab, for his own sake, would never ter,-very fine!-damnation !-but no mat-put me in a condition to leave him, when his ter, you shall pay for this, you dog, you shall. interest was so much concerned in my stay. CHAPTER VIII. I arrive at Newcastle-meet with my old school-fellow Strap-we determine to walk together to London-set out on our journey put up at a solitary ale-houseare disturbed by a strange adventure in the night. But a small accident, which happened about would lend me money sufficient not only for this time, determined him in my favour. This that purpose, but also to maintain me comwas no other than the pregnancy of his maid-fortably in London, until I should procure a servant, who declared her situation to me, warrant for my provision on board of some assuring me, at the same time, that I was ship. I gave him a thousand thanks for his the occasion of it. Although I had no reason obliging offer (although I was very well apto question the truth of this imputation, I prised of his motive, which was no other was not ignorant of t familiarities which than a design to lay the bastard to my charge, had passed between her master and her; after my departure), and accordingly set out taking the advantage of which, I represented in a few weeks for London; my whole forto her the folly of laying the burden at my tune consisting of one suit of clothes, half a door, when she might dispose of it to much dozen of ruffled shirts, as many plain, two better purpose with Mr Crab. She listened pairs of worsted, and a like number of thread to my advice, and next day acquainted him stockings, a case of pocket instruments, a with the pretended success of their mutual small edition of Horace, Wiseman's Surgery, endeavours. He was far from being over- and ten guineas in cash, for which Crab took joyed at this proof of his vigour, which he my bond, bearing five per cent interest; at foresaw might have very troublesome conse- the same time giving me a letter to the memquences; not that he dreaded any domestic ber of parliament for our town, which, he grumblings and reproaches from his wife, said, would do my business effectually. whom he kept in perfect subjection, but because he knew it would furnish his rival Potion with a handle for insulting and undermining his reputation; there being no scandal equal to that of uncleanness, in the opinion of those who inhabit the part of the island where he lived. He therefore took a resolution worthy of himself; which was to persuade the girl that she was not with child, but only afflicted with a disorder incident to young women, which he would easily remove. With this view (as he pretended) he prescribed for her such medicines as he thought would infallibly procure abortion; but, in this scheme, he was disappointed: for the maid, being advertised by me of his design, and at the same time well acquainted with her own condition, absolutely refused to follow his directions, and threatened to publish her situation to the world, if he would not immediately take some method of providing for the important occasion, which she expected in a few months. It was not long before I guessed the result of his deliberation, by his addressing himself to me, one day, in this manner. "I am surprised that a young fellow like you discovers no inclination to push his fortune in the world. Before I was of your age, I was broiling on the coast of Guinea. Damme, what's to hinder you from profiting by the war, which will certainly be declared in a short time against Spain? You may easily get on board of a king's ship, in quality of a surgeon's mate; where you will certainly see a great deal of practice, and stand a good chance of getting prize-money." I laid hold of this declaration, which I had long wished for, and assured him I would follow his advice with pleasure, if it was in my power; but that it was impossible for me to embrace an opportunity of that kind, as I had no friend to advance a little money to supply me with what necessaries I should want, and defray the expenses of my journey to London. He told me that few necessaries were required; and as for the expense of my journey, he THERE is no such convenience as a wagon in this country, and my finances were too weak to support the expense of hiring a horse; I determined, therefore, to set out with the carriers who transport goods from one place to another on horseback; and this scheme I accordingly put in execution on the first day of November 1739, sitting upon a pack-saddle between two baskets, one of which contained my goods in a knapsack. But, by the time we arrived in Newcastleupon-Tyne, I was so fatigued with the tediousness of the carriage, and benumbed with the coldness of the weather, that I resolved to travel the rest of my journey on foot, rather than proceed in such a disagreeable manner. The ostler of the inn at which we put up, understanding I was bound for London, advised me to take my passage in a collier, which would be both cheap and expeditious, and withal much easier than to walk upwards of three hundred miles through deep roads in the winter time; a journey which, he believed, I had not strength enough to perform. I was almost persuaded to take his advice, when, one day, stepping into a barber's shop to be shaved, the young man, while he lathered my face, accosted me thus:-"Sir, I presume you are a Scotchman." I answered in the affirmative. Pray," continued he, "from what part of Scotland?"-I no sooner told him, than he discovered great emotion, and not confining his operation to my chin and upper lip, besmeared my whole face with great agitation. I was so offended at this 66 |