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silence, and ordered me to withdraw. In less than a quarter of an hour I was called in again, received my qualification sealed up, and was ordered to pay five shillings. I laid down my half-guinea upon the table, and stood some time until one of them bade me begone; to this I replied, I will, when I have got my change; upon which another threw me five shillings and sixpence, saying I would not be a true Scotchman if I went away without my change. I was afterwards obliged to give three shillings and sixpence to the beadles, and a shilling to an old woman who swept the hall. This disbursement sunk my finances to thirteen pence half penny, with which I was sneaking off, when Jackson perceiving it, came up to me, and begged I would tarry for him, and he would accompany me to the other end of the town, as soon as his examination should be over. I could not refuse this to a person that was so much my friend; but I was astonished at the change of his dress, which was varied in half an hour from what I have already described, to a very grotesque fashion. His head was covered with an old smoked tiewig that did not boast one crooked hair, and a slouched hat over it, which would have very well become a chimney-sweeper or a dust-man; his neck was adorned with a black crape, the ends of which he had twisted and fixed in the button-hole of a shabby great coat that wrapt up his whole body; his white silk stockings were converted into black worsted hose; and his countenance was rendered venerable by wrinkles and a beard of his own painting. When I expressed my surprise at this metamorphosis, he laughed, and told me it was done by the advice and assistance of a friend who lived over the way, and would certainly produce something very much to his advantage; for it gave him the appearance of age, which never fails of attracting respect. I applauded his sagacity, and waited with impatience for the effects of it. At length he was called in; but whether the oddness of his appearance excited a curiosity more than usual in the board, or his behaviour was not suitable to his figure, I know not; he was discovered to be an impostor, and put into the hands of the beadle, in order to be sent to Bridewell. So that, instead of seeing him come out with a cheerful countenance, and a surgeon's qualification in, his hand, I perceived him led through the outward hall as a prisoner, and was very much alarmed and anxious to know the occasion; when he called, with a lamentable voice and piteous aspect, to me, and some others who knew him," for God's sake, gentlemen, bear witness that I am the same individual John Jackson, who served as surgeon's second mate on board the Elizabeth, or else I shall go to Bridewell." It would have been impossible for the most austere hermit that ever lived to have re
frained from laughing at his appearance and address; we therefore indulged ourselves a good while at his expense, and afterwards pleaded his cause so effectually with the beadle, who was gratified with half a crown, that the prisoner was dismissed, and, in a few moments, resumed his former gaiety; swearing, since the board had refused his money, he would spend it every shilling before he went to bed in treating his friends; at the same time inviting us all to favour him with our company. It was now ten o'clock at night, and, as I had a great way to walk through streets that were utterly unknown to me, I was prevailed upon to be of their party, in hopes he would afterwards accompany me to my lodgings, according to his promise. He conducted us to his friend's house, who kept a tavern over the way, where we continued drinking punch, until the liquor mounted up to our heads and made us all extremely frolicsome. I, in particular, was so much elevated, that nothing would serve me but a wench; at which demand Jackson expressed much joy, and assured me I should have my desire before we parted. Accordingly, when he had paid the reckoning, we sallied out, roaring and singing; and were conducted by our leader to a place of nocturnal entertainment, where I immediately attached myself to a fair one, with whom I proposed to spend the remaining part of the night; but she not relishing my appearance, refused to grant my request before I should have made her an acknowledgement; which not suiting with my circumstances, we broke off our correspondence, to my no small mortification and resentment, because I thought the mercenary creature had not done justice to my merit. In the mean time, Mr Jackson's dress had attracted the inclinations and assiduities of two or three nymphs, who loaded him with caresses, in return for the arrack punch with which he treated them; till at length, notwithstanding the sprightly sallies of those charmers, sleep began to exert his power over us all, and our conductor called, "To pay." When the bill was brought, which amounted to twelve shillings, he put his hand in his pocket, but might have saved himself the trouble, for his purse was gone. This accident disconcerted him a good deal at first; but, after some recollection, he seized the two dulcicineas who sat by him, one in each hand, and swore, if they did not immediately restore his money, he would charge a constable with them. The good lady at the bar, seeing what passed, whispered something to the drawer, who went out; and then, with great composure, asked what was the matter? Jackson told her he was robbed, and swore, if she refused him satisfaction, he would have her and her whores committed to Bridewell. "Robbed!" cried she, "robbed in my house! gentlemen and ladies, I take you all to wit
fined each party in three shillings, to be laid out in a bowl of punch, wherein we drowned all animosities, to the inexpressible joy of my two late acquaintances and me, who had been in the state of the damned ever since Jackson mentioned Bridewell and Newgate. By the time we had finished our bowl, to which, by the by, I had contributed my last shilling, it was morning; and I proposed to move homeward, when the constable gave me to understand, he could discharge no prisoners, but by order of the justice, before whom we must appear. This renewed my chagrin; and I cursed the hour
tion. About nine o'clock, we were escorted to the house of a certain justice, not many miles distant from Covent Garden; who no sooner saw the constable enter with a train of prisoners at his heels, than he saluted him as follows:-"So, Mr Constable, 'you are a diligent man-what den of rogues have you been scouring?" Then, looking at us, who appeared very much dejected, he continued,
ness, this person has scandalized my reputa- | ally, that she condescended to make him tion.". At that instant, seeing the constable umpire: he accordingly proposed an arbitraand watch enter, she proceeded,-"what! tion, to which we gave our assent; and he you must not only endeavour, by your false aspersions, to ruin my character, but even commit an assault upon my family! Mr Constable, I charge you with this uncivil person, who has been guilty of a riot here; I shall take care and bring an action against him for defamation." While I was reflecting on this melancholy event, which had made me quite sober, the lady whose favours I had solicited, being piqued at some repartee that passed between us, cried,-"They are all concerned;" and desired the constable to take us all into custody: an arrest which was performed instantly, to the utter astonishment and despair of us all, except Jack-in which I had yielded to Jackson's invitason, who, having been often in such scrapes, was very little concerned, and charged the constable in his turn with the landlady and her whole bevy: upon which we were carried all together prisoners to the round house, where Jackson (after a word of comfort to us) informed the constable of his being robbed, to which he said he would swear next morning before the justice. "Ay, ay," says the bawd, we shall see whose oath shall most ay, ay, thieves I see-old offenders-O, signify." In a little time the constable, your humble servant, Mrs Harridan! I supcalling Jackson into another room, spoke to pose these fellows have been taken robbing him thus: "I perceive that you and your your house-yes, yes, here's an old acquaintcompany are strangers, and am very sorry ance of mine: you have used expedition," for your being involved in such an ugly busi- said he to me, "in returning from transporness. I have known this woman a great tation; but we shall save you the trouble for while; she has kept a notorious house in the the future-the surgeons will fetch you from neighbourhood these many years, and, al-your next transportation at their expense." though often complained of as a nuisance, still I assured his worship he was mistaken in escapes, through her interest with the jus- me, for he had never seen me in his life tices, to whom she, and all of her employ-before. To this declaration he replied,— ment, pay contribution quarterly for protec-"how! you impudent rascal, dare you say tion. As she charged me with you first, her so to my face? Do you think I am to be complaint will have the preference; and she imposed upon by that northern accent which can procure evidence to swear whatever she you have assumed? but it shan't avail youshall please to desire of them. So that, un- you shall find me too far north for you. less you can make it up before morning, you Here, clerk, write this fellow's mittimus. and your companions may think yourselves His name is Patrick Gahagan." Here Mr happily quit for a month's hard labour in Jackson interposed, and told him I was a Bridewell. Nay, if she should swear a Scotchman lately come to town, descended robbery or assault against you, you will be of a good family, and that my name was committed to Newgate, and tried next ses- Random. The justice looked upon this sions at the Old Bailey for your life. This assertion as an outrage upon his memory, last piece of information had such an effect on which he valued himself much; and, upon Jackson, that he agreed to make it up, strutting up to Jackson, with a fierce counprovided his money might be restored. The tenance, put his hands in his sides, and said, constable told him, that, instead of retrieving" Who are you, sir? do you give me the lie? what he had lost, he was pretty certain it take notice, gentlemen, here's a fellow who would cost him some more before they would affronts me upon the bench; but I'll lay you come to any composition. But, however, he fast, sirrah, I will; for, notwithstanding your had compassion on him, and would, if he laced jacket, I believe you are a notorious pleased, sound them about a mutual release. felon." My friend was so much abashed at The unfortunate beau thanked him for his this menace, which was thundered out with friendship, and, returning to us, acquainted great vociferation, that he changed colour us with the substance of this dialogue; while and remained speechless. This confusion the constable, desiring to speak in private his worship took for a symptom of guilt, and with our adversary, carried her into the to complete his discovery, continued his next room, and pleaded our cause so effectu-threats-" now I am convinced you are a
thief-your face discovers it-you tremble all over your conscience won't lie stillyou'll be hanged, sirrah," raising his voice, "you'll be hanged; and happy had it been for the world, as well as your own miserable soul, if you had been detected and cut off in the beginning of your career. Come hither, clerk, and take this man's confession." I was in an agony of consternation, when the constable, going into another room with his worship, acquainted him with the truth of the story; which, having learned, he returned with a smiling countenance, and, addressing himself to us all, said it was always his way to terrify young people, when they came before him, that his threats might make a strong impression on their minds, and deter them from engaging in scenes of riot and debauchery, which commonly ended before the judge. Thus having cloaked his own want of discernment under the disguise of paternal care, we were dismissed, and I found myself as much lightened as if a mountain had been lifted off my breast.
I carry my qualification to the navy-officethe nature of it-the behaviour of the secretary-Strap's concern for my absence-a battle between him and a blacksmith-the troublesome consequence of it—his harangue to me-his friend the schoolmaster recommends me to a French apothecary, who entertains me as a journeyman.
tion to me, who, far from being in a capacity to gratify a ravenous secretary, had not wherewithal to purchase a dinner. I therefore answered, I had not yet determined what to give; and sneaked off towards my own lodgings, cursing my fate all the way, and inveighing, with much bitterness, against the barbarity of my grandfather, and sordid avarice of my relations, who left me a prey to contempt and indigence. Full of these disagreeable reflections, I arrived at the house where I lodged, and relieved my landlord from great anxiety on my account; for this honest man believed I had met with some dismal accident, and that he should never see me again. Strap, who had come to visit me in the morning, understanding I had been abroad all night, was almost distracted, and, after having obtained leave of his master, had gone in quest of me, though he was even more ignorant of the town than I. Not being willing to inform my landlord of my adventure, I told him I had met with an acquaintance at surgeons' hall, with whom I spent the evening and night; but, being very much infested by bugs, I had not slept much, and therefore intended to take a little repose; so saying, I went to bed, and desired to be awakened if Strap should happen to come while I should be asleep. I was accordingly roused by my friend himself, who entered my chamber about three o'clock in the afternoon, and presented a figure to my eyes, that I could scarce believe real. In short, this affectionate shaver, setting out towards surgeons' hall, had inquired for me there to no purpose; from thence he found his way to the navy-office, where he could I WOULD willingly have gone home to sleep, hear no tidings of me, because I was unbut was told by my companion, that we must known to every body then present; he afterdeliver our letters of qualification at the wards went upon 'Change, in hopes of seenavy-office before one o'clock; accordingly, ing me upon the Scotch-walk, but without we went thither, and gave them to the sec- success: at last, being almost in despair of retary, who opened and read them; and I finding me, he resolved to ask every body he was mightily pleased to find myself qualified met in the street, if perchance any one could for second mate of a third rate. When he give him information about me; and actually had stuck them altogether on a file, one of put his resolution into practice, in spite of our company asked if there were any vacan- the scoffs, curses and reproaches with which cies? to which interrogation he answered, he was answered; until a blacksmith's 'prenno. Then I ventured to inquire if any ships tice, seeing him stop a porter with a burden were to be put in commission soon? At on his back, and hearing his question, for which question he surveyed me with a look which he received a hearty curse, called to of ineffable contempt, and, pushing us out him, and asked if the person he inquired after of his office, locked the door, without deign- was not a Scotchman? Strap replied with ing us another word. We went down stairs, great eagerness,-"yes, and had on a brown and conferred together on our expectations, coat with long skirts." "The same," said when I understood that each of them had the blacksmith, "I saw him pass by an hour been recommended to one or other of the ago." "Did you so?" cried Strap, rubbing commissioners, and each of them promised the his hands,-"odd! I am very glad of thatfirst vacancy that should fall; but that none of which way went he?" "Towards Tyburn them relied solely upon that interest, with-in a cart," said he; "if you make good speed, out a present to the secretary, with whom some of the commissioners went snacks. For which reason each of them had provided a small purse; and I was asked what I proposed to give? This was a vexatious ques
you may get thither time enough to see him hanged." This piece of wit incensed my friend to such a degree, that he called the blacksmith scoundrel, and protested he would fight him for half a farthing. "No no," said
the other, stripping, "I'll have none of your faction, and I was charging the enemy at money-you Scotchmen seldom carry any the head of my own regiment, when Strap's about with you-but, I'll fight you for love." return interrupted my reverie. The schoolThere was a ring immediately formed by the master had made him a present of the tiemob; and Strap, finding he could not get off wig which he wore when I was introduced honourably without fighting, at the same time to him, together with an old hat, whose brim burning with resentment against his adver- would have overshadowed a colossus. Though sary, quitted his clothes to the care of the Strap had ventured to wear them in the dusk, multitude, and the battle began with great he did not choose to entertain the mob by violence on the side of Strap, who in a few day; he therefore went to work immediately, minutes exhausted his breath and spirits on and reduced them both to a moderate size. his patient antagonist, who sustained the While he was employed in this office, he assault with great coolness, till, finding the addressed me thus:-"To be sure, Mr Ranbarber quite spent, he returned the blows he dom, you were born a gentleman, and have a had lent him with such interest, that Strap, great deal of learning-and indeed look like after having received three falls on the hard a gentleman; for, as to person, you may hold stones, gave out, and allowed the blacksmith up your head with the best of them. On the to be the better man. The victory being other hand, I am a poor but honest cobler's thus decided, it was proposed to adjourn to son—my mother was as industrious a woman a cellar hard by, and drink friends. But as ever broke bread, till such time as she when my friend began to gather up his took to drinking, which you very well know clothes, he perceived that some honest per--but every body has failings-humanum est son or other had made free with his shirt, errare. Now, for myself, I am a poor journeckcloth, hat, and wig, which were carried neyman barber, tolerably well made, and unoff; and probably his coat and waistcoat derstand some Latin, and have a smattering would have met with the same fate, had they of Greek-but what of that? perhaps I might been worth stealing. It was in vain for him also say that I know a little of the world— to make a noise, which only yielded mirth to but that is to no purpose-though you be the spectators: he was fain to get off in this gentle and I simple, it does not follow but manner, which he accomplished with much that I who am simple may do a good office difficulty, and appeared before me all be- to you who are gentle. Now this is the smeared with blood and dirt. Notwith-case-my kinsman the schoolmaster-perstanding this misfortune, such was his trans- haps you did not know how nearly he is report at finding me safe and sound, that he lated to me-I'll satisfy you in that presently had almost stifled and stunk me to death with his mother and my grandmother's sister's his embraces. After he had cleaned himself, and put on one of my shirts, and a woollen night cap, I recounted to him the particulars of my night's campaign, which filled him with admiration, and made him repeat, with great energy, an observation which was often in his mouth, namely," that surely London is the devil's drawing-room." As neither of us had dined, he desired me to get up; and the milk-woman coming round at that instant, he went down stairs, and brought up a quart, with a penny-brick, on which we made a comfortable meal. He then shared his money with me, which amounted to eighteen pence, and left me with an intention to borrow an old wig and hat of his old friend the schoolmaster.
nephew-no, that's not it! my grandfather's brother's daughter-rabbit it! I have forgot the degree, but this I know, he and I are cousins seven times removed." My impatience to know the good office he had done me got the better of my temper, and I interrupted him at this place with "d-n your relation and pedigree! if the schoolmaster or you can be of any advantage to me, why don't you tell me without all this preamble?" When I pronounced these words with some vehemence, Strap looked at me for some time with a grave countenance, and then went on:"Surely my pedigree is not to be d-d, because it is not so noble as yours. I am very sorry to see such an alteration in your temper of late-you was always fiery, but now He was no sooner gone, than I began to you are grown as crabbed as old Perriwinkle, consider my situation with great uneasiness, the drunken tinker, on whom you and I (God and revolved all the schemes my imagination forgive us) played so many unlucky tricks could suggest, in order to choose and pursue while we were at school. But I will no some one that might procure me bread; for longer detain you in suspense, because, it is impossible to express the pangs I felt, doubtless, nothing is more uneasy than doubt when I reflected on the miserable dependence dubio, procul dubio, nil dubius. My in which I lived at the expense of a poor friend, or relation, or which you will, or barber's boy. My pride took the alarm, and both, the schoolmaster, being informed of having no hopes of succeeding at the navy- the regard I have for you-for, you may be office, I came to the resolution of enlisting sure, I did not fail to let him know your good in the foot-guards next day, be the event qualities-by-the-bye he has undertaken to what it would. This extravagant design, by teach you the pronunciation of the English flattering my disposition, gave great satis-tongue, without which, he says, you will be
unfit for business in this country. I say, my relation has spoke in your behalf to a French apothecary who wants a journeyman: and, on his recommendation, you may have fifteen pounds per year, bed and board, whenever you please. I was too much interested in this piece of news to entertain it with indifference; but, jumping up, insisted on Strap's immediately accompanying me to the house of his friend, that I might not lose this opportunity through the least delay or neglect on my part. We were informed that the schoolmaster was in company at a public-house in the neighbourhood, whither we repaired, and found him drinking with the very individual apothecary in question. When he was called to the door at our desire, and observing my impatience, he broke out into his usual term of admiration :-"O C-st! I suppose, when you heard of this offer, you did not take leisure enough to come down stairs, but leapt out of the window; did you overturn no porter nor oysterwoman in your way! It is a mercy of God you did not knock your brains out against some post in your career. Omy conscience! I believe, had I been in the inmost recesses of my habitation-the very penetralia,-even in bed with my wife, your eagerness would have surmounted bolts, bars, decency, and every thing. The den of Cacus or sanctum sanctorum could not have hid me from you. But come along, the gentleman of whom I spoke is in the house, I will present you to him forthwith." When I entered the room, I perceived four or five people smoking, one of whom the schoolmaster accosted thus:"Mr Lavement, here's the young man of whom I spoke to you." The apothecary, who was a little old withered man, with a forehead about an inch high, a nose turned up at the end, large cheek bones, that helped to form a pit for his little grey eyes, a great bag of loose skin hanging down on each side in wrinkles like the alforjas of a baboon, and a mouth so accustomed to that contraction which produces grinning, that he could not pronounce a syllable without discovering the remains of his teeth, which consisted of four yellow fangs, not improperly by anatomists called canine. This person (I say) after having eyed me some time, said, "Oho, 'tis very well, Mons. Concordance-young man, you are ver welcome, take one coup of bierre-and come to mine house to-morrow morning: Mons. Concordance vil show you de way." Upon this I made my bow, and as I went out of the room, could hear him say, may foy! c'est un beau garcon, c'est galliard. As I had, by my own application, while I served Crab, acquired the French tongue well enough to read authors written in that language, and understand any thing that occurred in conversation, I determined to pretend ignorance to my new master, that he and his family,
whom I supposed to be of the same country, not being on the reserve before me, might possibly discover something in discourse, which would either yield me amusement or advantage. Next morning Mr Concordance carried me to the apothecary's house, where the bargain was made, and orders given to provide an apartment for me immediately. But, before I entered upon business, the schoolmaster recommended me to his tailor, who gave me credit for a suit of clothes, to be paid out of the first moiety of my wages, and they were begun upon that very day; he afterwards accommodated me with a new hat, on the same terms; so that, in a few days, I hoped to make a very fashionable appearance. In the mean time Strap conveyed my baggage to the place allotted for me, which was a back-room up two pairs of stairs, furnished with a pallet for me to lie upon, a chair without a back, an earthen chamberpot without a handle, a bottle by way of candlestick, and a triangular piece of glass instead of a mirror, the rest of its ornaments having been lately removed to one of the garrets, for the convenience of the servant of an Irish captain, who lodged in the first floor.
The character of Mr Lavement-his wife and daughter-some anecdotes of the family the mother and daughter rivals -I am guilty of a mistake that gives me present satisfaction, but is attended with troublesome consequences.
NEXT day, while I was at work in the shop, a bouncing damsel, well dressed, came in, on pretence of finding a phial for some use or other; and taking an opportunity, when she thought I did not mind her, of observing me narrowly, went away with a silent look of disdain. I easily guessed her sentiments, and my pride took the resolution of entertaining the same indifference and neglect towards her. At dinner the maids, with whom I dined in the kitchen, gave me to understand that this was my master's only daughter, who would have a very handsome fortune, on account of which, and her beauty, a great many young gentlemen made their addresses to her: that she had been twice on the brink of marriage, but disappointed by the stinginess of her father, who refused to part with a shilling to promote the match; for which reason the young lady did not behave to her father with all the filial veneration that might be expected; in particular, she harboured the most perfect hatred for his countrymen, in which disposition she resembled her mother, who was an Englishwoman; and, by the hints they dropped, I learned the grey mare was the better horse; that she was a matron of a