with Mr Jackson; am examined; a fierce dis-geon, who procures a warrant for me, and makes
pute arises between two of the examiners; me a present of clothes; a battle between a mid-
Jackson disguises himself to attract respect; is shipman and me; the surgeon leaves the ship;
detected; in hazard of being sent to Bridewell; the captain comes on board with another surgeon;
he treats us at a tavern; carries us to a night- a dialogue between the captain and Morgan; the
house; a troublesome adventure there; we are sick are ordered to be brought upon the quarter-
committed to the round house; carried before a deck and examined; the consequences of that
justice; his behaviour.

52 order; a madman accuses Morgan, and is set at
Chap. XVIII. I carry my qualification to the liberty by command of the captain, whom he

navy-office; the nature of it; the behaviour of the instantly attacks and pummels without mercy.

secretary; Strap's concern for my absence; a


battle between him and a blacksmith; the CHAP. XXVIII. The captain enraged, threat-
troublesome consequence of it; his harangue to ens to put the madman to death with his own
me; his friend the schoolmaster recommends me hand; is diverted from that resolution by the ar-
to a French apothecary, who entertains me as a guments and persuasions of the first lieutenant

56 and surgeon; we set sail for St Helen's, join the
XIX. The characters of Mr Lavement, his feet under the command of Sir C-n-r 0-le,
wife and daughter; some anecdotes of the family; and proceed for the West Indies; are overtaken
the mother and daughter rivals; I am guilty of a by a terrible tempest; my friend Jack Rattlin has
mistake that gives me present satisfaction, but his leg broken by a fall from the main-yard; the
is attended with troublesome consequences. 58 behaviour of Dr Mackshane; Jack opposes the

XX. I am assaulted and dangerously wounded; amputation of his limb, in which he is seconded
suspect O'Donnell, and am confirmed in my opin- by Morgan and me, who undertake the cure, and

ion; concert a scheme of revenge, and put it in perform it successfully.


execution; O'Donnell robs his own servant, and XXIX. Mack shane's malice; I am taken up
disappears; I make my addresses to a lady, and and imprisoned for a spy; Morgan meets with
am miraculously delivered from her snare. 61 the same fate; Thomson is tampered with to

XXI. Squire Gawky comes to lodge with my turn evidence against us; disdains the proposal,
master; is involved in a troublesome affair, out and is maltreated for his integrity; Morgan is
of which he is extricated by me; he marries my released to assist the surgeon during an engage-
master's daughter; they conspire against me; I ment with some French ships of war; I remain
am found guilty of theft; discharged; deserted by fettered on the poop, exposed to the enemy's
my friends; 1 hire a room in St Giles's; where, by shot, and grow delirious with fear; am comfort.
accident, I find the lady to whom I made my ad- ed after the battle by Morgan, who speaks freely
dresses in a miserable condition; I relieve her. 63 of the captain; is overheard by the sentinel, who

XXII. The history of Miss Williams. 67 informs against him, and again imprisoned;

XXIII. She is interrupted by a bailiff, who Thomson grows desperate, and, notwithstanding

arrests and carries her to the Marshalsea; I ac- the remonstrances of Morgan and me, goes over-

company her; bring witnesses to prove she is not board in the night.

the person named in the writ; the bailiff is fain XXX. We lament the fate of our companion.

to give her a present, and discharge her; we The captain offers Morgan his liberty, which he

shift our lodging; she resumes her story, and refuses to accept. We are brought before him,

ends it; my reflections thereupon; she makes and examined; Morgan is sent back into custody,

me acquainted with the progress of a common whither also I am remanded, after a curious

woman of the town; resolves to quit that way of trial.



XXXI. I discover a suborpation against me,
XXIV. I am reduced to great misery; as- by means of a quarrel between two of the evi-

saulted on Tower-hill by a press gang, who put dences; in consequence of which I am set at

me on board a tender; my usage there; my ar- liberty, and prevail upon Morgan to accept of

rival on board of the Thunder man of war, his freedom on the same terms; Mackshane's

where I am put in irons, and afterwards released malice; we arrive at Jamaica, from whence, in

by the good offices of Mr Thomson, who recom- a short time, we beat up to Hispaniola, in con-

mends me as assistant to the surgeon; he relates junction with the West-India squadron; we take

his own story, and makes me acquainted with in water, sail again, and arrive at Carthagena;

the characters of the captain, surgeon, and first reflections on our conduct there.



77 XXXII. Our land forces being disembarked,
XXV. The behaviour of Mr Morgan; bis erect a fascine battery; our ship is ordered, with

pride, displeasure, and generosity; the economy four more, to batter the fori of Boca-Chica;

of our

mess described; Thomson's further Mack shane's cowardice; the chaplain's frenzy;

friendship; the nature of my duty explained; the honest Rattlin loses one hand; his heroism, and

situation of the sick.

80 reflections on the battle; Crampley's behaviour

XXVI. A disagreeable accident happens to to me during the heat of the fight.


me in the discharge of my office; Morgan's nose XXXIII. A breach being made in the walls,
is offended; a dialogue between him and the ship's our soldiers give the assauli, and take the place
steward; upon examination, I find more causes of without opposition; our sailors at the same time
complaint than one; my hair is cut off; Morgan's become masters of all the other strengths near
cookery; the manner of sleeping on buard; I am Boca Chica, and take possession of the harbour;
awaked in the night by a dreadful noise. 82 the good consequence of this success; we move

XXVII. I acquire the friendship of the sur- nearer the town; find two forts deserted, and the


channel blocked np with sunk ressels, which, I library and performances; her extravagant be-

however, we find means to clear; land our sol- haviour.


diers at La Quinta; repulse a body of militia; CHAP. XL. My mistress is surprised at my
attack the castle of St Lazar, and are forced to learning; communicates her performances to
retreat with great loss; the remains of our army me; I impart some of mine to her; am mortified
are re-embarked; an effort of the admiral to take at her faint praise; Narcissa approves of my
the town; the economy of our expedition de conduct; I gain an involuntary conquest over the

97 cook-wench and dairy-maid; their mutual re-
CHAP. XXXIV. An epidemic fever rages sentment and insinuations; the jealousy of their

among us; we abandon our conquests; I am seized lovers.


with the distemper; write a petition to the captain, XLI. Narcissa being in danger from the bru-

which is rejected; I am in danger of suffocation tality of Sir Timothy, is rescued by me, who

through the malice of Crampley, and relieved by revenge myself on my rival; I declare my pas-

a serjeant; my fever increases; the chaplain wants sion, and retreat to the sea-side; am surrounded

to confess me; I obtain a favourable crisis; Mor- by smugglers, and carried to Boulogne; find my

gan's affection for me proved; the behaviour of uncle, Lieutenant Bowling, in great distress,

Mackshane and Crampley towards me; Captain and relieve him; our conversation.


Oakum is removed into another ship, with his XLII. He takes his passage in a cutter for
beloved doctor; our new captain described; an Deal; we are accosted by a priest, who proves
adventure of Morgan.

99 to be a Scotchman; his profession of friendship;
XXXV. Captain Whiffle sends for me; his he is affronted by the lieutenant, who afterwards

situation described; his surgeon arrives, pre- appeases him by submission; my uncle embarks;

scribes for him, and puts him to bed; a bed is put I am introduced by a priest to a capuchin, in

up for Mr Simper contiguous to the state-room, whose company I set out for Paris; the character

which, with other parts of the captain's beha- of my fellow-traveller; an adventure on the road;

viour, gives the ship's company a very unfavour- I am shocked at his behaviour.


able idea of their commander; I am detained in XLIII. We lodge at a house near Amiens,

the West Indies by the admiral, and go on where I am robbed by the capuchin, who escapes

board of the Lizard sloop of war in quality of while I am asleep; I go to Noyons in search of


surgeon's mate, where I make myself known to him, but without success; make my condition

the surgeon, who treats me very kindly; I go on known to several people, but find no relief;

shore, sell my ticket, purchase necessaries, and, grow desperate; join a company of soldiers; en-

at my return on board, am surprised at the sight list in the regiment of Picardy; we are ordered

of Crampley, who is appointed lieutenant of the into Germany; I find the fatigues of the march

sloop; we sail on a cruize; take a prize, in which almost intolerable; quarrel with my comrade in

I arrive at Port Morant, under the command of a dispute about politics; he challenges me to the

my messmate, with whom I live in great har-field, wounds and disarms me.



103 XLIV. In order to be revenged, I learn the
XXXVI. A strange adventure; in consequence science of defence; we join the mareschal duc
of which I am extremely happy; Crampley does de Noailles; are engaged with the allies at Det-
me ill offices with the captain; but his malice is tingen, and put to fight; the behaviour of the
defeated by the good nature and friendship of French soldiers on that occasion; I industriously
the surgeon; we return to Port Royal; our cap- seek another combat with the old Gascon, and
tain gets the command of a larger ship, and is vanquish him in my turn; our regiment is put
succeeded by an old man; Brayl is provided for; into winter-quarters at Rheims, where I find my
we receive orders to sail for England. 105 friend Strap; our recognition; he supplies me

XXXVII. We depart for Europe; a misun- with money, and procures my discharge; we

derstanding arises between the captain and sur-take a trip to Paris; from whence, by the way

geon, through the scandalous" aspersions of of Flanders, we set out for London, where we

Crampley; the captain dies; Crampley tyrannizes safely arrive.


over the surgeon, who falls a victim to his cru- XLV. I inquire for my uncle, and understand

elty; I am also ill used; the ship strikes; the he is gone to sea; take lodgings at Charing-

behaviour of Crampley and the seamen on that cross; go to the play, where I meet with an ad-

occasion; I get on shore, challenge the captain venture; dine at an ordinary, the guests described;

to single combat; am treacherously knocked become acquainted with Medlar and Doctor

down, wounded and robbed.

107 Wagtail.

XXXVIII. I get up, and crawl into a barn, XLVI. Wagtail introduces me to a set of fine

where I am in danger of perishing through the gentlemen, with whom I speud the evening at a

fear of the country people; their inhumanity; I tavern; our conversation; the characters of my

am succoured by a reputed witch; her story; her new companions; the doctor is roasted; the issue

advice; she recommends me as a valet to a single of our debauch.

lady, whose character she explains. 109 XLVII. Strap communicates to me a con-

XXXIX. My reception by that lady; I bequest he had made of a chandler's widow; finds

come enamoured of Narcissa; recount the parti- himself miserably mistaken; I go to the opera;
culars of my last misfortune; acquire the good admire Melinda; am cautioned by Banter; go to
opinion of my mistress; an account of the young the assembly at Hampstead; dance with that
squire; I am made acquainted with more parti- young lady; receive an insolent message from
culars of Narcissa's situation; conceive a mortal Bragwell, whose metal is soon cooled; am in
hatred against Sir Timothy; examine my lady's favour with my mistress, whom I visit next day,

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and am bubbled out of eighteen guineas at cards; Crap. LIV. Day breaking, I have the plea-
Strap triumphs at my success, but is astonished sure of viewing the person of Miss Snapper,
at my expense; Banter comes to my lodging, is whom I had not seen before; the soldier is witty
very sarcastic at my expense, and borrows five upon me; is offended, talks much of his valour;
guineas from me, as a proof of his friendship. 139 is reprimanded by a grave gentlewoman; we are

CHAP. XLVIII. We repair to the coffee- alarmed with the cry of highwaymen; I get out
house, where we overhear a curious dispute be- of the coach, and stand in my own defence; they
tween Wagtail and Medlar, which is referred ride off without having attacked us; I pursue
to our decision; the doctor gives an account of them; one of them is thrown from his horse and
his experiment; Medlar is roasted by Banter at taken; I return to the coach; am complimented
the ordinary; the old gentleman's advice to me. by Miss Snapper; the captain's behaviour on this

143 occasion; the prude reproaches me in a soliloquy;
XLIX. I receive a challenge; the consequen- I upbraid her in the same manner; the beha-

ces of it; the quarrel being made up, am put in viour of Mrs Snapper at breakfast disobliges

arrest, by the care and affection of Strap; but me; the lawyer is witty upon the officer, who

immediately released upon explaining my affair; threatens him.


the behaviour of Mr Oregan and his two friends; LV. I resolve to ingratiate myself with the

I visit Melinda, whom I divert with an account mother, and am favoured by accident; the pre-

of the duel; propose marriage; she refers the cise lady finds her husband, and quits the coach;

matter to her mother, of whom I make a solemn the captain is disappointed of his dinner; we

demand of her daughter; the old lady's beha- arrive at Bath; I accompany Miss Snapper to

viour; I am discarded; resent their disdain. 144 the long room, where she is attacked by Beau

L. I long to be revenged on Melinda; apply Nash, and turns the laugh against him; I make

to Banter for his assistance; he contrives a love to her, and receive a check; squire her to

scheme for that purpose, which is put in execu- an assembly, where I am blessed with a sight

tion with great success; I make an attempt on of my dear Narcissa, which discomposes me so

the heart of Miss Gripewell, but am disappoint- much, that Miss Snapper, observing my disor-

ed; grow melancholy, and have recourse to the der, is at pains to discover the cause; is piqued

bottle; receive a billet-doux; am ravished with at the occasion, and, in our way home, pays me

the contents; find myself involved in an intrigue, a sarcastic compliment; I am met by Miss Wil-

which I imagined would make my fortune; am liams, who is maid and confidante of Narcissa;

contounded at my mistake, which banishes all she acquaints me with her lady's regard for me

thoughts of matrimony.

147 while under the disguise of a servant, and de-

LI. I cultivate an acquaintance with two no- scribes the transports of Narcissa on seeing me

blemen; am introduced to Earl Strutwell; his at the assembly, in the character of a gentleman;

kind promises and invitation; the behaviour of I am surprised with an account of her aunt's

his porter and lacquey; he receives me with an marriage, and make an appointment to meet

appearance of uncommon affection; undertakes Miss Williams next day.


to speak in my behalf to the minister; informs LVI. I become acquainted with Narcissa's

me of his success, and wishes me joy; introduces brother, who invites me to his house, where I

a conversation about Petronius Arbiter; falls in am introduced to that adorable creature; after

love with my watch, which I press upon him; I dinner, the squire retires to take his nap; Free-

make a present of a diamond ring to Lord man, guessing the situation of my thoughts,

Straddle; impart my good fortune to Strap and withdraws likewise, on pretence of business; I

Banter, who disabuses me, to my utter mortifi- declare my passion to Narcissa; am well received;

151 charmed with her conversation; the squire de-
LII. I attempt to recover my watch and jewel, tains us to supper; I elude his design by a stra-

but to no purpose; resolve to revenge myself on tagem, and get home sober.


Strutwell by my importunity; am reduced to my LVII. Miss Williams informs me of Narcis-

last guinea; obliged to inform Strap of my ne- sa's approbation of my flame; I appease the

cessity, who is almost distracted with the news; squire; write to my mistress, am blessed with

but, nevertheless, obliged to pawn my best an answer; beg leave of her brother lo dance

sword for present subsistence; that small supply with her at a ball; obtain his consent and her's;

being exhausted, I am almost stupified with my enjoy a private conversation with her; am per-

misfortunes; go to the gaming table, by the ad- plexed with reflections; have the honour of ap-

vice of Banter, and come off with unexpected pearing her partner at a ball; we are compli-

success; Strap's ecstacy; Mrs Gawky waits upon mented by a certain nobleman; he discovers

me, professes remorse for her perfidy, and im- some symptoms of a passion for Narcissa; I am

plores my assistance; I do myself a piece of stung with jealousy; Narcissa alarmed, retires;

justice by her means, and afterwards reconcile I observe Melinda in the company; the squire is

her to her father.
155 captivated by her beauty.


LIII. I purchase new clothes; reprimand LVIII. Tortured with jealousy, I go home

Strutwell and Straddle; Banter proposes another and abuse Strap; receive a message from Nar.
matrimonial scheme; I accept of his terms; set cissa, in consequence of which hasten to her
out for Bath in a stage-coach, with the young apartment, where her endearing assurances
lady and her mother; the behaviour of an officer banish all my doubts and apprehensions; in my
and lawyer; our fellow-travellers described; a retreat discover somebody in the dark, whom,
smart dialogue between my mistress and the suspecting to be a spy, 1 resolve to kill; but, to

158 my great surprise, am convinced of his being no

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other than Strap; Melinda slanders me; I become he prevails upon me to engage with his owners as

acquainted with Lord Quiverwit, who endeavours surgeon of the ship which he commands; he makes

to sound me with regard to Narcissa; the squire me a considerable present; entertains Strap as

is introduced to his lordship, and grows cold his steward; I take leave of my friends, and go

towards me; I learn from my confidant, that this on board; the ship arrives in the Dowos. 192

nobleman professes honourable love to my mis- Chap. LXV. I set out for Sussex; consult Mrs

tress, who continues faithful to me, notwith-Sagely; achieve an interview with Narcissa; re-

standing the scandalous reports she has heard to turn to the ship; we get clear of the channel; I

my prejudice; I am mortified with an assurance learn our destination; we are chased by a large

that her whole fortune depends upon the plea- ship; the company are dismayed, and encouraged

sure of her brother; Mr Freeman condoles me by the captain's speech; our pursuer happens to

on the decline of my character, which I vindicate be an English man of war; we arrive at the coast

so much to his satisfaction, that he undertakes to of Guinea, purchase 400 negroes, sail for Para-

combat Fame in my behalf.

174 guay, get safe into the river of Plate, and sell

Chap. LIX. I receive an extraordinary mes- our cargo to great advantage.


sage at the door of the long-room, which I how- LXVI. I am invited to the villa of a Spanish

cver enter, and affront the squire, who threatens Don, where we meet with an English gentleman,

to take the law of me; rebuke Melinda for her and make a very interesting discovery; we leave

malice; she weeps with vexation; Lord Quiver- Buenos Ayres, and arrive at Jamaica.

wit is severe upon me; I retort his sarcasm; am LXVII. I visit my old friend Thomson; we

received with the utmost tenderness by Narcissa, set sail for Europe; meet with an odd adventure;

who desires to hear the story of my life; we vow arrive in England; I ride across the country

eternal constancy to one another; I retire; am from Portsmouth to Sussex; converse with Mrs

waked by a messenger, who brings a challenge Sagely, who informs me of Narcissa's being in

from Quiverwit, whom I meet, engage, and van- London; in consequence of this intelligence I


176 proceed to Canterbury; meet with my old friend

LX. I am visited by Freeman, with whom I Morgan; arrive at London; visit Narcissa; in-

appear in public, and am caressed; am sent for troduce my father to her; he is charmed with

by Lord Quiverwit, whose presence I quit in a her good sense and beauty; we come to a deter-

assion; Narcissa is carried off by her brother; mination of demanding her brother's consent to

I intend to pursue him, and am dissuaded by my our marriage.


friend; engage in play, and lose all my money; LXVIII. My father makes a present to Nar-

set out for London; try my fortune at the gam- cissa; the letter is dispatched to her brother; I

ing-table without success; receive a letter from appear among my acquaintance; Banter's beha-

Narcissa; bilk my tailor.

179 viour; the squire refuses his consent; my uncle

LXI. I am arrested; carried to the Marshal- comes to town; approves of my choice; I am
sea; find my old acquaintance Beau Jackson married; we meet the squire and his lady at the
in that jail; he informs me of his adventures; play; our acquaintance is courted.


Strap arrives, and with difficulty is comforted; LXIX. My father intends to revisit the place

Jackson introduces me to a poet; I admire his of his nativity; we propose to accompany him;

conversation and capacity; am deeply affected my uncle renews his will in my favour, deter-

with my misfortune; Strap hires himself as a mining to go to sea again; we set ont for Scotland;

journeyman barber.

181 arrive at Edinburgh; purchase our paternal es-

LXII. I read Melopoyn's tragedy, and con- tate; proceed to it; halt at the town where I was

ceive a vast opinion of his genius; he recounts educated; take up my bond to Crab; the beha-

his adventures.

184 viour of Potion and his wife, and one of my

LXIII. The continuation and conclusion of female cousins; our reception at the estate;

Mr Melopoyn's story.

187 Strap marries Miss Williams, and is settled by

LXIV. I am seized with a deep melancholy, my father to his own satisfaction; I am more and

and become a sloven; am relieved by my uncle; more happy.




CHAP. VII. In which the knight resumes his Chap. XVII. Containing adventures of chiv-


237 | alry equally new and surprising.


VIII. Which is within a hair's breadth of XVIII. In which the rays of chivalry shine

proving highly interesting.

241 with renovated lustre.


IX. Which may serve to show that true patrio- XIX. Containing the achievements of the

tism is of no party.

244 knights of the griffin and crescent.


X. Which showeth that he who plays at bowls XX. In which our hero descends into the

will sometimes meet with rubbers.

247 mansions of the damned.


XI. Description of a modern magistrate. 251 XXI. Containing further anecdotes relating

XII. Which shows there are more ways to to the children of wretchedness.


kill a dog than hanging.

255 XXII. In which Captain Crowe is sublimed

XIII. In which our knight is tantalized with into the regions of astrology.


a transient glimpse of felicity.

259 XXIII. In which the clouds that cover the

XIV. Which shows, that a man cannot always catastrophe begin to disperse.


sip, when the cup is at his lip.

262 XXIV. The knot that puzzles human wisdom,

XV. Exhibiting an interview, which, it is to the hand of Fortune sometimes will untie fami-

be hoped, will interest the curiosity of the liar as her garter.



266 CHAPTER THE Last. Which, it is to be

XVI. Which, it is to be hoped, the reader will hoped, will be, on more accounts than one,

find an agreeable medley of mirth and madness, agreeable to the reader.


sense and absurdity.



The Tears of Scotland.


Burlesque Ode.

Ode to Mirth.








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