distinct speculation, and I shall observe for a day or two the behaviour of two or three happy pairs I am acquainted with, before I pretend to make a system of conjugal morality. I design in the first place to go a few miles out of town, and there I know where to meet one who practises all the parts of a fine gentleman in the duty of a husband. When he was a bachelor much business made him particularly negligent in his habit; but now there is no young lover living so exact in the care of his person. One who asked why he was so long washing his mouth, and so delicate in the choice and wearing of his linen, was answered: "Because there is a woman of merit obliged to receive me kindly, and I think it incumbent upon me to make her inclination go along with her duty."

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care whether she is so or not. It is possible you may not believe there are such tyrants in the world; but alas, I can tell you of a man who is ever out of humour in his wife's company, and the pleasantest man in the world every where else; the greatest sloven at home when he appears to none but his family, and most exactly well-dressed in all other places. Alas, Sir, is it of course, that to deliver one's self wholly into a man's power without possibility of appeal to any other jurisdiction but his own reflections, is so little an obligation to a gentleman, that he can be offended and fall into a rage, because my heart swells tears into my eyes when I see him in a cloudy mood? I pretend to no succour, and hope for no relief but from himself; and yet he that has sense and justice in every thing else, never reflects, that to come home only to sleep off an in- If a man would give himself leave to think, he temperance, and spend all the time he is there as if would not be so unreasonable as to expect deit were a punishment, cannot but give the anguish bauchery and innocence could live in commerce toof a jealous mind. He always leaves his home as gether: or hope that flesh and blood is capable of if he were going to a court, and returns as if he so strict an alliance, as that a fine woman must go were entering a gaol. I could add to this, that from on to improve herself till she is as good and impashis company and his usual discourse, he does not sive as an angel, only to preserve fidelity to a brute scruple being thought an abandoned man, as to his and a satyr. The lady who desires me for her sake morals. Your own imagination will say enough to to end one of my papers with the following letter, you concerning the condition of me his wife; and II am persuaded thinks such a perseverance very wish you would be so good as to represent to him, impracticable: for he is not ill-natured, and reads you much, that "HUSBAND, the moment I hear the door shut after him, I throw myself upon my bed, and drown the child he is so fond of with my tears, and often frighten it with my cries; that I curse my being; that I run to my glass all over bathed in sorrows, and help the utterance of my inward anguish by beholding the gush of my own calamities as my tears fall from my eyes. This looks like an imagined picture to tell you, but No. 179.] TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1711. indeed this is one of my pastimes. Hitherto I have only told you the general temper of my mind, but how shall I give you an account of the distraction of it? Could you but conceive how cruel I am one moment in my resentment, and at the ensuing minute when I place him in the condition my anger would bring him to, how compassionate; it would give you some notion how miserable I am, and how little I deserve it. When I remonstrate with the greatest gentleness that is possible against unhand-divisions, the mercurial and the saturnine. The first some appearances, and that married persons are under particular rules; when he is in the best humour to receive this, I am answered only, That I expose my own reputation and sense if I appear jealous. I wish, good Sir, you would take this into serious consideration, and admonish husbands and wives what terms they ought to keep towards each other. Your thoughts on this important subject will have the greatest reward, that which descends on such as feel the sorrows of the afflicted. Give me leave to subscribe myself,

"Your unfortunate humble servant, "CELINDA." I had it in my thoughts, before I received the letter of this lady, to consider this dreadful passion in the mind of a woman; and the smart she seems to feel does not abate the inclination I had to recommend to husbands a more regular behaviour, than to give the most exquisite of torments to those who love them, nay, whose torments would be abated if they did not love them.

It is wonderful to observe how little is made of this inexpressible injury, and how easily men get into a habit of being least agreeable, where they are most obliged to be so. But this subject deserves a

Stay more at home. I know where you visited at seven of the clock on Thursday evening. The colonel, whom you charged me to see no more, is in town.



Centuriæ seniorum agitant expertia frugis:
Celsi prætereunt austera poemata rhamnes,
Omne tulit punctum qui miscuit utile dulci,
Lectorem delectando, pariterque monendo.

HOR. Аrs. Poet. v. 341.

Old age is only fond of moral truth,
Lectures too grave disgust aspiring youth;
But he who blends instruction with delight.
Wins every reader, nor in vain shall write.-P
I MAY cast my readers under two general

are the gay part of my disciples, who require spe-
culations of wit and humour; the others are those
of a more solemn and sober turn, who find no plea-
sure but in papers of morality and sound sense.
The former call every thing that is serious, stupid;
the latter look upon every thing as impertinent that
is ludicrous. Were I always grave, one half of my
readers would fall off from me; were I always merry,
I should lose the other. I make it, therefore, my
endeavour to find out entertainments for both kinds,
and by that means, perhaps, consult the good of
both, more than I should do, did I always write to
the particular taste of either. As they neither of
them know what I proceed upon, the sprightly
reader, who takes up my paper in order to be di-
verted, very often finds himself engaged unawares
in a serious and profitable course of thinking; as,
on the contrary, the thoughtful man who perhaps
may hope to find something solid, and full of deep
reflection, is very often insensibly betrayed into a
fit of mirth. In a word, the reader sits down to my
entertainment without knowing his bill of fare, and
has therefore at least the pleasure of hoping there
may be a dish to his palate.

I must confess, were I left to myself, I would rather aim at instructing than diverting; but if we

will be useful to the world, we must take it as we find it. Authors of professed severity discourage the looser part of mankind from having any thing to do with their writings. A man must have virtue in him, before he will enter upon the reading of a Seneca or an Epictetus. The very title of a moral treatise has something in it austere and shocking to the careless and inconsiderate

for lost. The pickled-herring however found the way to shake him; for upon his whistling a country jig, this unlucky wag danced to it with such a variety of distortions and grimace, that the countryman could not forbear smiling upon him, and by that means spoiled his whistle, and lost the prize.


"The next that mounted the stage was an undercitizen of the Bath, a person remarkable among the For this reason several unthinking persons fall in inferior people of that place for his great wisdom, my way who would give no attention to lectures de- and his broad band. He contracted his mouth livered with a religious seriousness or a philosophic with much gravity, and, that he might dispose his gravity. They are insnared into sentiments of wis- mind to be more serious than ordinary, began the dom and virtue when they do not think of it; and if tune of the Children in the Wood. He went through by that means they arrive only at such a degree of part of it with good success, when on a sudden the consideration as may dispose them to listen to more wit at his elbow, who had appeared wonderfully studied and elaborate discourses, I shall not think grave and attentive for some time, gave him a touch my speculations useless. I might likewise observe, upon the left shoulder, and stared him in the face that the gloominess in which sometimes the minds with so bewitching a grin, that the whistler relaxed of the best men are involved, very often stands in his fibres into a kind of simper, and at length burst need of such little incitements to mirth and laughter, out into an open laugh. The third who entered the as are apt to disperse melancholy, and put our fa-lists was a footman, who in defiance of the merryculties in good humour. To which some will add, andrew and all his arts, whistled a Scotch tune, and that the British climate, more than any other, makes an Italian sonata, with so settled a countenance that entertainments of this nature in a manner necessary. he bore away the prize, to the great admiration of If what I have here said does not recommend, it some hundreds of persons, who, as well as myself, will at least excuse, the variety of my speculations. were present at this trial of skill. Now, Sir, 1 I would not willingly laugh but in order to instruct, humbly conceive, whatever you have determined of or if I sometimes fail in this point, when my mirth the grinners, the whistlers ought to be encouraged, ceases to be instructive, it shall never cease to be not only as their art is practised without distortion, innocent. A scrupulous conduct in this particular but as it improves country-music, promotes gravity, has, perhaps, more merit in it than the generality and teaches ordinary people to keep their counteof readers imagine; did they know how many nances, if they see any thing ridiculous in their betthoughts occur in a point of humour, which a dis-ters; besides that it seems an entertainment very creet author in modesty suppresses; how many strokes of raillery present themselves, which could not fail to please the ordinary taste of mankind, but are stifled in their birth by reason of some remote tendency which they carry in them to corrupt the "After having dispatched these two important minds of those who read them: did they know how points of grinning and whistling, I hope you will many glances of ill-nature are industriously avoided oblige the world with some reflections upon yawning, for fear of doing injury to the reputation of another, as I have seen it practised on a twelfth-night among they would be apt to think kindly of those writers other Christmas gambols at the house of a very who endeavour to make themselves diverting, with-worthy gentleman, who always entertains his tenants out being immoral. One may apply to these authors that passage in Waller:

Poets lose half the praise they would have got,
Were it but known what they discreetly blot.

As nothing is more easy than to be a wit, with all
the above-mentioned liberties, it requires some ge-
nius and invention to appear such without them.

What I have here said is not only in regard to the public, but with an eye to my particular correspondent, who has sent me the following letter, which I have castrated in some places upon these considerations:


"Having lately seen your discourse upon a match of grinning, I cannot forbear giving you an account of a whistling match, which, with many others, I was entertained with about three years since at the Bath. The prize was a guinea, to be conferred upon the ablest Whistler, that is, on him who could whistle clearest, and go through his time without laughing, to which at the same time he was provoked by the antic postures of a merry-andrew, who was to stand upon the stage and play his tricks in the eye of the performer. There were three competitors for the guinea. The first was a ploughman of a very promising aspect; his features were steady, and his muscles composed in so inflexible stupidity, that upon his first appearance every one gave the guinea

particularly adapted to the Bath, as it is usual for a
rider to whistle to his horse when he would make
his water pass.
"I am, Sir," &c.


at that time of the year. They yawn for a Cheshire cheese, and begin about midnight, when the whole company is disposed to be drowsy. He that yawns widest, and at the same time so naturally as to produce the most yawns among the spectators, carries home the cheese. If you handle this subject as you ought, I question not but your paper will set half the kingdom a yawning, though I dare promise you it will never make any body fall asleep."-L.

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torn from him so many of his countries, and de- charity to believe, they have not done all the ser prived him of the fruit of all his former victories. vice they were capable of doing in their generaFor my own part, if I were to draw his picture, Ition. In so long a course of years great part of should be for taking him no lower than to the peace them must have died, and all the rest must go off of Ryswick, just at the end of his triumphs, and at last, without leaving any representatives behind. before his reverse of fortune: and even then I By this account he must have lost not only 800,000 should not forbear thinking his ambition had been subjects, but double that number, and all the invain, and unprofitable to himself and his people. crease that was reasonably to be expected from it. "As for himself, it is certain he can have gained nothing by his conquests, if they have not rendered him master of more subjects, more riches, or greater power. What I shall be able to offer upon these heads, I resolve to submit to your consideration. "To begin then with his increase of subjects. From the time he came of age, and has been a manager for himself, all the people he had acquired were such only as he had reduced by his wars, and were leit in his possession by the peace; he had conquered not above one-third of Flanders, and consequently no more than one-third part of the inhabitants of that province.

"About one hundred years ago the houses in that country were all numbered, and by a just computation the inhabitants of all sorts could not then exceed 750,000 souls. And if any man will consider the desolation by almost perpetual wars, the numerous armies that have lived almost ever since at discretion upon the people, and how much of their commerce has been removed for more security to other places, he will have little reason to imagine that their numbers have since increased; and therefore with one-third part of that province that prince can have gained no more than one-third part of the inhabitants, or 250,000 new subjects, even though it should be supposed they were all contented to live still in their native country, and transfer their allegiance to a new master.

"The fertility of this province, its convenient situation for trade and commerce, its capacity for furnishing employment and subsistence to great numbers, and the vast armies that have been maintained here, make it credible that the remaining twothirds of Flanders are equal to all his other conquests; and consequently by all, he cannot have gained more than 750,000 new subjects, men, women, and children, especially if a reduction shall be made of such as have retired from the conqueror, to live under their old masters.

"It is said in the last war there was a famine in his kingdom, which swept away two millions of his people. This is hardly credible. If the loss was only one-fifth part of that sum, it was very great. But it is no wonder there should be famine, where so much of the people's substance is taken away for the king's use, that they have not sufficient left to provide against accidents; where so many of the men are taken from the plough to serve the king in his wars, and a great part of the tillage is left to the weaker hands of so many women and children. Whatever was the loss, it must undoubtedly be placed to the account of his ambition.

"And so must also the destruction or banishment of 3 or 400,000 of his reformed subjects; he could have no other reasons for valuing those lives so very cheap but only to recommend himself to the bigotry of the Spanish nation.

"How should there be industry in a country where all property is precarious? What subject will sow his land, that his prince may reap the whole harvest? Parsimony and frugality must be strangers to such a people; for will any man save to-day, what he has reason to fear will be taken from him to-morrow? And where is the encouragement for marrying? Will any man think of raising children without any assurance of clothing for their backs, or so much as food for their bellies? And thus, by his fatal ambition, he must have lessened the number of his subjects, not only by slaughter and destruction, but, by preventing their very birtns, he has done as much as was possible towards destroying posterity itself.

"Is this then the great, the invincible Louis ? This the immortal man, the tout puissant, or the almighty, as his flatterers have called him? Is this the man that is so celebrated for his conquests? For every subject he has acquired, has he not lost three that were his inheritance? Are not his troops fewer, and those neither so well fed, or clothed, or paid, as they were formerly, though he has now so much greater cause to exert himself? And what can be the reason of all this, but that his revenue is a great deal less, his subjects are either poorer, or not so many to be plundered by constant taxes for his use?

"It is time now to set his loss against his profit, and to show for the new subjects he had acquired, how many old ones he had lost in the acquisition. I think that in his wars he has seldom brought less into the field, in all places, than 200,000 fighting men, besides what has been left in garrisons; and I think the common computation "It is well for him he had found out a way to is, that of an army, at the end of a campaign, with- steal a kingdom; if he had gone on conquering out sieges or battles, scarce four-fifths can be mus- as he did before, his ruin had been long since fitered of those that came into the field at the begin-nished. This brings to my mind a saying of King ning of the year. His wars at several times, until Pyrrhus, after he had a second time beat the Rothe last peace, have held about twenty years; and mans in a pitched battle, and was complimented by if 40,000 yearly lost, or a fifth part of his armies, his generals; Yes,' says he, such another vie are to be multiplied by 20, he cannot have lost less tory, and I am quite undone.' And since I have than 800,000 of his old subjects, and all able-bodied mentioned Pyrrhus, I will end with a very good, men; a greater number than the new subjects he though known story of this ambitious madman. had acquired. When he had shown the utmost fondness for his expedition against the Romans, Cineas, his chief minister, asked him what he proposed to himself by this war? Why,' says Pyrrhus, to conquer the

"But this loss is not all. Providence seems to have equally divided the whole mass of mankind into different sexes, that every woman may have her husband, and that both may equally contribute to the continuance of the species. It follows then, that for all the men that have been lost, as many women must have lived single, and, it were but

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"I am," &c.

Romans, and reduce all Italy to my obedience.' may be relieved by any impressions which the What then?' says Cineas. To pass over into reading of this in your paper may make upon him. Sicily,' says Pyrrhus, and then all the Sicilians must be our subjects.' And what does your majesty intend next?' 'Why truly, says the king, to conquer Carthage, and make myself master of all Africa.' And what, Sir,' says the minister, 'is to be the end of all your expeditions?' Why then,' says the king, for the rest of our lives we will sit down to good wine.' How, Sir,' replied Cineas, to better than we have now before us? Have we not already as much as we can drink?'

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"Among all the distresses which happen in families, I do not remember that you have touched upon the marriage of children without the consent of their parents. I am one of these unfortunate persons. I was about fifteen when I took the liberty to choose for myself; and have ever since languished under the displeasure of an inexorable father, who, though he sees me happy in the best of husbands, and blessed with very fine children, can never be prevailed upon to forgive me. He was so kind to me before this unhappy accident, that indeed it makes my breach of duty in some measure inexcusable; and at the same time creates in me such a tenderness towards him, that I love him above all things, and would die to be reconciled to him. I have thrown myself at his feet, and besought him with tears to pardon me; but he always pushes me away, and spurns me from him. I have written several letters to him, but he will neither open nor receive them. About two years ago I sent my little boy to him, dressed in new apparel; but the child returned to me crying, because he said his grandfather would not see him, and had ordered him to be put out of his house. My mother is won over to my side, but dares not mention me to my father, for fear of provoking him. About a month ago he lay sick upon his bed, and in great danger of his life; I was pierced to the heart at the news, and could not forbear going to inquire after his health. My mother took this opportunity of speaking in my behalf: she told him, with abundance of tears, that I was come to see him, that I could not speak to her for weeping, and that I should certainly break my heart if he refused at that time to give me his blessing, and be reconciled to me. He was so far from relenting towards me, that he bid her speak no more of me, unless she had a mind to disturb him in his last moments; for, Sir, you must know that he has the reputation of an honest and religious man, which makes my misfortune so much the greater. God be thanked he has since recovered: but his severe usage has given me such e blow that I shall soon sink under it, unless I

Of all hardnesses of heart there is none so inexcusable as that of parents towards their children. An obstinate, inflexible, unforgiving temper is odious upon all occasions; but here it is unnatural. The love, tenderness, and compassion which are apt to arise in us towards those who depend upon us, is that by which the whole world of life is upheld. The supreme Being, by the transcendant excellency and goodness of his nature, extends his mercy towards all his works; and because his creatures have not such a spontaneous benevolence and compassion towards those who are under their care and protection, he has implanted in them an instinct, that supplies the place of this inherent goodness. I have illustrated this kind of instinct in former papers, and have shown how it runs through all the species of brute creatures, as indeed the whole animal creation subsists by it.

This instinct in man is more general and uncircumscribed than in brutes, as being enlarged by the ourselves attentively, we shall find that we are not dictates of reason and duty. For if we consider only inclined to love those who descend from us, but that we bear a kind of natural affection to every thing which relies upon us for its good and preservation. Dependance is a perpetual call upon hu mauity, and a greater incitement to tenderness and pity, than any other motive whatsoever.

The man, therefore, who, notwithstanding any passion or resentment, can overcome this powerful instinct, and extinguish natural affection, debases his mind even below brutality, frustrates, as much as in him lies, the great design of Providence, and strikes out of his nature one of the most divine principles that is planted in it.

Among innumerable arguments which might be brought against such an unreasonable proceeding, I shall only insist on one. We make it the condition of our forgiveness that we forgive others. In our very prayers we desire no more than to be treated by this kind of retaliation. The case therefore before us seems to be what they call a "case in point;" the relation between the child and father, being what comes nearest to that between a creature and its Creator. If the father is inexorable to the child who has offended, let the offence be of never so high a nature, how will he address himself to the supreme Being, under the tender appellation of a father, and desire of him such a forgiveness as he himself refuses to grant ?

To this I might add many other religious, as well as many prudential considerations; but if the lastmentioned motive does not prevail, I despair of succeeding by any other, and shall therefore conclude my paper with a very remarkable story, which is recorded in an old chronicle published by Freher, among the writers of the German history.

Eginhart, who was secretary to Charles the Great, became exceedingly popular by his behaviour in that post. His great abilities gained him the favour of his master, and the esteem of the whole court. Imma, the daughter of the emperor, was so pleased with his person and conversation, that she fell in love with him. As she was one of the greatest beauties of the age, Eginhart answered her with a more than equal return of passion. They stifled their flames for some time, under the apprehension of the fatal consequences that might ensue. Egin.

myself am a woman who have been one of the unhappy that have fallen into this misfortune, and that by the insinuation of a very worthless fellow, who served others in the same manner, both before my ruin and since that time. I had, as soon as the rascal left me, so much indignation and resolution as not to go upon the town, as the phrase is, but took to work for my living in an obscure place, out of the knowledge of all with whom I was before acquainted.

hart at length resolving to hazard all rather than live deprived of one whom his heart was so much set upon, conveyed himself one night into the princess's apartment, and knocking gently at the door, was admitted as a person who had something to cominunicate to her from the emperor. He was with her in private most part of the night; but upon his preparing to go away about break of day, he observed that there had fallen a great snow during his stay with the princess. This very much perplexed him, lest the prints of his feet in the "It is the ordinary practice and business of life snow might make discoveries to the king, who with a set of idle fellows about this town to write often used to visit his daughter in the morn-letters, send messages, and form appointments with ing. He acquainted the Princess Imma with his little raw unthinking girls, and leave them after fears: who, after some consultations upon the mat-possession of them, without any mercy, to shame, ter, prevailed upon him to let her carry him through infamy, poverty, and disease. Were you to read the snow upon her own shoulders. It happened the nauseous impertinences which are written on that the emperor, not being able to sleep, was at these occasions, and to see the silly creatures sighthat time up and walking in his chamber, when upon ing over them, it could not but be matter of mirth looking through the window he perceived his daugh- as well as pity. A little 'prentice girl of mine has ter tottering under her burden and carrying his been for some time applied to by an Irish fellow, first minister across the snow; which she had no who dresses very fine, and struts in a lace coat, sooner done, but she returned again with the utmost and is the admiration of seamstresses, who are speed to her own apartment. The emperor was ex- under age in town, Ever since I had some knowtremely troubled and astonished at this accident; ledge of the matter, I have debarred my 'prentice but resolved to speak nothing of it until a proper from pen, ink, and paper. But the other day he opportunity. In the mean time, Eginhart knowing bespoke some cravats of me: I went out of the that what he had done could not be long a secret, shop, and left his mistress to put them up in a determined to retire from court; and in order to it band-box in order to be sent to him when his man begged the emperor that he would be pleased to called. When I came into the shop again, I took dismiss him, pretending a kind of discontent at his occasion to send her away, and found in the bottom not having been rewarded for his long services. The of the box written these words, Why would you emperor would not give a direct answer to his peti- ruin a harmless creature that loves you?' then in tion, but told him he would think of it, and apthe lid, There is no resisting Strephon :' I pointed a certain day when he would let him know searched a little further, and found in the rim of the his pleasure. He then called together the most box, 'At eleven o'clock at night come in a hack. faithful of his counsellors, and acquainting them ney-coach at the end of our street.' with his secretary's crime, asked them their advice enough to alarm me; I sent away the things, and in so delicate an affair. They most of them gave took my measures accordingly. An hour or two their opinion, that the person could not be too se- before the appointed time, I examined my young verely punished, who had thus dishonoured his lady, and found her trunk stuffed with impertinent master. Upon the whole debate, the emperor de- letters and an old scroll of parchment in Latin, clared it was his opinion, that Eginhart's punish- which her lover had sent her as a settlement of fifty ment would rather increase than diminish the shame pounds a year. Among other things, there was of his family, and that therefore he thought it the also the best lace I had in my shop to make him a most advisable to wear out the memory of the fact, present for cravats. I was very glad of this last by marrying him to his daughter. Accordingly circumstance, because I could very conscientiously Eginhart was called in, and acquainted by the swear against him that he had enticed my servant emperor, that he should no longer have any pre-away, and was her accomplice in robbing me: I tence of complaining his services were not rewarded, for that the Princess Imma should be given him in marriage, with a dower suitable to her quality; which was soon after performed accordingly. L.

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procured a warrant against him accordingly. Every thing was now prepared, and the tender hour of love approaching, I who had acted for myself in my youth the same senseless part, knew how to manage accordingly; therefore, after having locked up my maid, and not being so much unlike her in height and shape, as in a huddled way not to pass

No. 182.] FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 1711. for her, I delivered the bundle designed to be car

Plus aloes quam mellis habet

The bitter overbalances the sweet

Juv Sat vi. 180

ried off, to her lover's man, who came with the signal to receive them. Thus I followed after to As all parts of human life come under my obser- the coach, where when I saw his master take them vation, my reader must not make uncharitable in-in, I cried out, thieves! thieves! and the constable ferences from my speaking knowingly of that sort of crime which is at present treated of He will, 1 hope, suppose I know it only from the letters of correspondents, two of which you shall have as follow: "MR. SPECTATOR,

"It is wonderful to me, that among the many enormities which you have treated of, you have not mentioned that of wenching, and particularly the ensnaring part. I mean that it is a thing very fit for your pen, to expose the villany of the practice of deluding women. You are to know, Sir, that I

with his attendants seized my expecting lover. I kept myself unobserved until I saw the crowd sufficiently increased, and then appeared to declare the goods to be mine; and had the satisfaction to see my man of mode put into the round-house, with the stolen wares by him, to be produced in evidence gainst him the next morning. This matter is notoriously known to be fact; and I have been contented to save my 'prentice, and take a year's rent of this mortifed lover, not to appear further in the matter. This was some penance; but, Sir, is tais

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