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I can think of no one objection that will possibly be raised against this [340 proposal, unless it should be urged that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and was indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individual kingdom of Ireland and for no other that ever was, is, or I think ever can be upon earth. Therefore let no man talk to [350 me of other expedients: of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound; of using neither clothes nor household furniture except what is of our own growth and manufacture; of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury; of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women; of introducing vein of parsimony, prudence, and tem- [360 perance; of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even from LAPLANDERS and the inhabitants of TOPINAMBOO; of quitting our animosities and factions, nor act any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken; of being a little cautious not to sell our country and conscience for nothing; of teaching landlords to have at least one degree [370 of mercy toward their tenants; lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our shopkeepers; who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it. [380
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, till he hath at least some glimpse of hope that there will be ever some hearty and sincere attempt to put them in practice.
But as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal; which, as it [390 is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little trouble,
full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging ENGLAND. For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country which would be glad to eat up our whole nation with- [400 out it.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two [410 points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession to the [420 bulk of farmers, cottagers, and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have [430 avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for ever. [440 I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving
the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and [450 my wife past child-bearing.
From THE JOURNAL TO STELLA
Sept. 30, 1710. Have not I brought myself into a fine premunire to begin writing letters in whole sheets? and now I dare not leave it off. I can't tell whether you like these journal letters: I believe they would be dull to me to read them over; but, perhaps, little MD is pleased to know how Presto passes his time in her absence. I always begin my last the same day I ended the former. I told [10 you where I dined to-day at a tavern with Stratford: Lewis, who is a great favorite of Harley's, was to have been with us; but he was hurried to Hampton Court, and sent his excuse, and that next Wednesday he would introduce me to Harley. 'Tis good to see what a lamentable confession the Whigs all make me of my ill usage; but I mind them not. I am already represented to Har- [20 ley as a discontented person, that was used ill for not being Whig enough; and I hope for good usage from him. The Tories dryly tell me, I may make my fortune, if I please; but I do not understand them, or rather, I do understand them.
Oct. 4. After I had put out my candle last night, my landlady came into my room, with a servant of Lord Halifax, [30 to desire I would go dine with him at his house near Hampton Court; but I sent him word I had business of great importance that hindered me, etc. And, to-day, I was brought privately to Mr. Harley, who received me with the greatest respect and kindness imaginable: he has appointed me an hour on Saturday at four, afternoon, when I will open my business to him. [40
Oct. 7. I wonder when this letter will be finished: it must go by Tuesday, that is certain; and if I have one from MD before, I will not answer it, that's as certain too! 'Tis now morning, and I did not finish my papers for Mr. Harley last
night; for you must understand Presto was sleepy, and made blunders and blots. Very pretty that I must be writing to young women in a morning fresh and [50 fasting, faith. Well, good morrow to you: and so I go to business, and lay aside -At this paper till night, sirrahs. night. Jack How told Harley, that if there were a lower place in hell than another, it was reserved for his porter, who tells lies so gravely, and with so civil a manner. This porter I have had to deal with, going this evening at four to visit Mr. Harley, by his own appointment. [60 But the fellow told me no lie, though I suspected every word he said. He told me his master was just gone to dinner, with much company, and desired I would come an hour hence, which I did, expecting to hear Mr. Harley was gone out; but they had just done dinner. Mr. Harley came out to me, brought me in, and presented me to his son-in-law, Lord Doblane (or some such name), and his [70 own son, and among others, Will Penn the Quaker: we sat two hours, drinking as good wine as you do; and two hours more he and I alone; where he heard me tell my business; asked for my powers, and read them; and read likewise a memorial I had drawn up, and put it in his pocket. to show the Queen; told me the measures he would take; and, in short, said everything I could wish; told me he must [80 bring Mr. St. John (Secretary of State) and me acquainted; and spoke so many things of personal kindness and esteem for me, that I am inclined half to believe what some friends have told me, that he would do everything to bring me over. He has desired to dine with me (what a comical mistake was that), I mean, he has desired me to dine with him on Tuesday; and after four hours being with him, [90 set me down at St. James's Coffeehouse, in a hackney coach. All this is odd and comical if you consider him and me. He knew my Christian name very well. I could not forbear saying thus much upon this matter, although you will think it tedious. But I will tell you; you must know, 'tis fatal to me to be a scoundrel and a prince the same day: for being to see him at four, I could not engage [100
myself to dine at any friend's; so I went to Tooke, to give him a ballad and dine with him; but he was not at home; so I was forced to go to a blind chop house, and dine for tenpence upon gill ale, bad broth, and three chops of mutton; and then go reeking from thence to the first minister of state. And now I am going in charity to send Steele a Tatler, who is very low of late. I think I am civiller than I used [10 to be; and have not used the expression of "you in Ireland" and "we in England," as I did when I was here before, to your great indignation.-They may talk of the you know what; but, gad, if it had not been for that, I should never have been able to get the access I have had; and if that helps me to succeed, then that same thing will be serviceable to the church. But how far we must depend upon [120 new friends, I have learned by long practice, though I think, among great ministers, they are just as good as old ones. And so I think this important day has made a great hole in this side of the paper; and the fiddle faddles of to-morrow and Monday will make up the rest; and, besides, I shall see Harley on Tuesday before this letter goes.
Feb. 4, 1711. I went to Mr. Addi- [130 son's, and dined with him at his lodgings; I had not seen him these three weeks; we are grown common acquaintance: yet what have I not done for his friend Steele? Mr. Harley reproached me the last time I saw him, that to please me, he would be reconciled to Steele, and had promised and appointed to see him, and that Steele never came. Harrison, whom Mr. Addison recommended to me, I have introduced to [140 the Secretary of State, who has promised me to take care of him; and I have represented Addison himself so to the ministry, that they think and talk in his favor, though they hated him before.-Well; he is now in my debt, and there's an end; and I never had the least obligation to him, and there's another end. This evening I had a message from Mr. Harley, desiring to know whether I was alive, [150 and that I would dine with him to-morrow. They dine so late, that since my head has been wrong, I have avoided being with them.
Feb. 6. Mr. Harley desired I would dine with him again to-day; but I refused him, for I fell out with him yesterday, and will not see him again till he makes me amends; and so I go to bed. [160 Feb. 7. I was this morning early with Mr. Lewis of the Secretary's office, and saw a letter Mr. Harley had sent to him, desiring to be reconciled; but I was deaf to all entreaties, and have desired Lewis to go to him, and let him know I expect farther satisfaction. If we let these great ministers pretend too much, there will be no governing them. He promises to make me easy, if I will but come and see [170 him; but I won't, and he shall do it by message, or I will cast him off. I'll tell you the cause of our quarrel when I see you, and refer it to yourselves. In that he did something, which he intended for a favor, and I have taken it quite otherwise, disliking, both the thing and the manner, and it has heartily vexed me, and all I have said is truth, though it looks like jest; and I absolutely re- [180 fused to submit to his intended favor, and expect further satisfaction.
Feb. 13. I have taken Mr. Harley into favor again.
June 30, 1711. We have plays acted in our town, and Patrick was at one of them, oh, oh. of them, oh, oh. He was damnably mauled one day when he was drunk; he was at cuffs with a brother footman, who dragged him along the floor on his [190 face, which looked for a week after as if he had the leprosy; and I was glad enough to see it. I have been ten times sending him over to you; yet now he has new clothes, and a laced hat, which the hatter brought by his orders, and he offered to pay for the lace out of his wages. Farewell, my dearest lives and lights, I love you better than ever, if possible, as hope saved, I do, and ever will. [200 God Almighty bless you ever, and make us happy together; I pray for this twice every day; and I hope God will hear my poor hearty prayers. Remember, if I am used ill and ungratefully, as I have formerly been, 'tis what I am prepared for, and shall not wonder at it. Yet, I am now envied, and thought in high favor,
and have every day numbers of considerable men teasing me to solicit [210 for them. And the ministry all use me perfectly well, and all that know them say they love me. Yet I can count upon nothing, nor will, but upon MD's love and kindness. They think me useful; they pretended they were afraid of none but me; and that they resolved to have me; they have often confessed this: yet all makes little impression on me. Pox of these speculations! they give me [220 the spleen; and that is a disease I was not born to.-Let me alone, sirrahs, and be satisfied: I am, as long as MD and Presto are well:
And much health, And a life by stealth;
that is all we want; and so, farewell, dearest MD; Stella, Dingley, Presto, all together, now and forever all to- [230 gether. Farewell again and again.
May 31, 1712. I'll say no more to oo tonite, sellohs, because I must send away the letter, not by the bell, but early: and besides, I have not much more to say at zis plesent liting. Does MD never read at all now, pee? But oo walk plodigiousry, I suppose,-You make nothing of walking to, to, to, ay, to Donybrook. I walk too as much as I can, [240 because sweating is good; but I'll walk more if I go to Kensington. I suppose I shall have no apples this year neither, for I dined t'other day with Lord Rivers, who is sick at his country house, and he showed me all his cherries blasted. Nite deelest sollahs; farewell deelest Rives; rove poor Pdfr. Farewell deelest richar MD, MD, MD, FW, FW, FW, FW, FW, ME, ME, Lele, ME, Lele, Lele, [250 richar MD.
Nov. 15, 1712. Before this comes to your hands, you will have heard of the most terrible accident that hath almost ever happened. This morning at eight, my man brought me word that Duke of Hamilton had fought with Lord Mohun, and killed him, and was brought home wounded. I immediately sent him to the Duke's house, in St. James's Square; [260 but the porter could hardly answer for
tears, and a great rabble was about the house. In short, they fought at seven this morning. The dog Mohun was killed on the spot; and while the Duke was over him, Mohun shortening his sword, stabbed him in at the shoulder to the heart. The Duke was helped toward the cake-house by the ring in Hyde Park (where they fought), and died on the [270 grass, before he could reach the house; and was brought home in his coach by eight, while the poor Duchess was asleep. Macartney, and one Hamilton, were the seconds, who fought likewise, and are both fled. I am told, that a footman of Lord Mohun's stabbed Duke of Hamilton; and some say Macartney did so too. Mohun gave the affront, and yet sent the challenge. I am infinitely concerned [280 for the poor Duke, who was a frank, honest, good-natured man. I loved him very well, and I think he loved me better. He had the greatest mind in the world to have me go with him to France, but durst not tell it to me; and those he did, said I could not be spared, which was true. They have removed the poor Duchess to a lodging in the neighborhood, where I have been with her two [290 hours, and am just come away. I never saw so melancholy a scene; for indeed all reasons for real grief belong to her; nor is it possible for any body to be a greater loser in all regards. She has moved my very soul. The lodging was inconvenient, and they would have removed her to another; but I would not suffer it, because it had no room backward, and she must have been tortured with [300 the noise of the Grub Street screamers mentioning her husband's murder to her
I believe you have heard the story of my escape, in opening the ben-box sent to Lord-Treasurer. The prints have told a thousand lies of it; but at last we gave them a true account of it at length, printed in the evening; only I would not. suffer them to name me, having been [310 so often named before, and teased to death with questions. I wonder how I came to have so much presence of mind, which is usually not my talent; but so it pleased God, and I saved myself and him;
for there was a bullet apiece. A gentleman told me, that if I had been killed, the Whigs would have called it a judgment, because the barrels were of inkhorns, with which I had done them [320 so much mischief. There was a pure Grub Street of it, full of lies and inconsistencies. I do not like these things at all, and I wish myself more and more among my willows. There is a devilish spirit among people, and the ministry must exert themselves, or sink. Nite dee sollahs, I'll
Nov. 16. I thought to have finished this yesterday, but was too much [330 disturbed. I sent a letter early this morning to Lady Masham, to beg her to write some comforting words to the poor Duchess. I dined to-day with Lady Masham at Kensington. She has promised me to get the Queen to write to the Duchess kindly on this occasion; and tomorrow I will beg Lord-Treasurer to visit and comfort her. I have been with her two hours again, and find her [340 worse. Her violences not so frequent, but her melancholy more formal and settled. She has abundance of wit and spirit; about thirty-three years old; handsome and airy, and seldom spared anybody that gave her the least provocation; by which she had many enemies, and few friends. Lady Orkney, her sister-inlaw, is come to town on this occasion, and behaved herself with great human- [350 ity. They have always been very ill together, and the poor Duchess could not have patience when people told her I went often to Lady Orkney's. But I am resolved to make them friends; for the Duchess is now no more the object of envy, and must learn humility from the severest master, Affliction. I design to make the ministry put out a proclamation (if it can be found proper) against [360 that villain Macartney. What shall we do with these murderers? I cannot end this letter to-night, and there is no occasion; for I cannot send it till Tuesday, and the coroner's inquest on the Duke's body is to be to-morrow, and I shall know no more. But what care oo for all this? Iss, MD im sorry for poo Pdfr's friends; and this is a very surprising event. 'Tis
late, and I'll go to bed. This looks [370 like journals. Nite.
Nov. 18. The committee of council is to sit this afternoon upon the affair of Duke of Hamilton's murder, and I hope a proclamation will be out against Macartney. I was just now ('tis now noon) with the Duchess, to let her know LordTreasurer will see her. She is mightily out of order. The jury have not yet brought in their verdict upon the cor- [380 oner's inquest. We suspect Macartney stabbed the Duke while he was fighting. The Queen and Lord-Treasurer are in great concern at this event. I dine to-day again with Lord-Treasurer; but must send this to the post-office before, because else I shall not have time; he usually keeps me so late.
JOSEPH ADDISON (1672-1719)
From THE CAMPAIGN, A POEM TO HIS GRACE THE DUKE OF MARLBOROUGH
But, O my muse, what numbers wilt thou find
To sing the furious troops in battle joined! Methinks I hear the drum's tumultuous
The victor's shouts and dying groans confound,
The dreadful burst of cannon rend the skies,
And all the thunder of the battle rise! 'Twas then great Marlborough's mighty soul was proved.
That, in the shock of charging hosts unmoved,
Amidst confusion, horror, and despair, Examined all the dreadful scenes of war; In peaceful thought the field of death surveyed,
To fainting squadrons sent the timely aid, Inspired repulsed battalions to engage, 285 And taught the doubtful battle where to rage.
So when an angel by divine command With rising tempests shakes a guilty land, Such as of late o'er pale Britannia past, Calm and serene he drives the furious 290