so as to consume my body, and make even my life dangerous, through the blessing of thy grace, it had a saving effect upon my soul: but in all other times, the natural effect of it has been, to make me intermit my devotions, and disturb my pious thoughts; to make me uneasy and discontented with my condition, and impatient after change. But in other afflictions, while the health of the body remains entire, the heart is humbled, our devotions are quickened, and we fast and pray to good purpose, till our soul is brought over to thee, and confirmed in thy ways. If I now fast, it is not only all the time in pain, but ends in more, by encreasing my distemper, and indisposing my mind for the exercises of religion; the constant practice of which alone maintains the life of my soul. And yet thou choosest thus to afflict me still! However, Lord, I will fast, and O! that I may never omit to pray. And do thou, O Lord, fortify my soul, I beseech thee, that in that I may ever persevere : let me consider, that the life of my soul is above the health of my body, however I find it daily to decay. Upon the whole, O my God, I am weary of being discontented and murmuring against thee. I humbly confess, that I have found, in the depth of my heart, that my prayers to thee, for making me contented with my condition, have had too often this meaning, that thou shouldest make my condition such as I might (vouchsafe to) be contented with; and that when I have resolved to submit myself to thee, and be contented, it has been with a prospect, or secret hopes, after such a condition; and that, therefore, when thou hast disappointed these wilful and ground

less hopes, I have resumed my former impatience : this, Lord, upon a serious review, has been too often the sense of my heart. But behold, I am truly displeased at myself, and both weary and ashamed of my impatience; and, therefore, do desire most humbly to return unto thee, and with thee to condemn myself. Thou hast vouchsafed often to enlighten and quiet my soul, who have not deserved that favour from thee: and this one consideration shall satisfy me, as it has done, that thou only knowest the time of my life here, and how to make a suitable provision for that time. Yet, O Lord, I groan under the burden of an aching flesh, and many, (though not extreme, which is thy mercy) never intermitting pains. My sins indeed deserve this, and more: but might I choose for the good of my soul, as I said (which I know thou dost favour,) I should, with submission to thy wisdom, desire some other kind of chastisement, and take leave to wonder at thy dispensation to me. But I am abundantly satisfied, and assured in myself, from thy immense wisdom and exceeding love, to which I heartily and cheerfully resign up myself, that even this is best for my soul, however unlikely it seems to me. Thy wisdom is above my shallow comprehension, and, therefore, to thee I sacrifice these glimmering sparks of my faint reason, and shall repose myself upon thy mighty love."

Another time, reflecting upon the sins which had been the effects of his sickness and affliction, he endeavours to quiet his mind, by proposing to it the more dangerous sins, which generally attend prosperity and health. "You see, O my soul," says he,

"what sins sickness and affliction lead you to, (which indeed are ill, and the Lord in mercy grant me pardon for them,) but you do not see to how much greater health and plenty, freedom and applause, honour, and the good things of this world, would have brought you, had God vouchsafed them. It is not possible for thee to have a prospect of these; but from the wickedness of thy heart, thou mayest guess what would have become of thee, had he dealt with thee with a more bountiful hand, and as he does with some others. The child that dare sin, even under the rod, what would it have done in the midst of smiles?

"O let the consideration of those sins, from which the goodness of God has kept thee, make thee heartily contented with the way that he hath taken with thee; and exceedingly joyful with that condition, which hath been a means to thee of avoiding any one sin. It is a cursed delusion of the devil, who plunges souls in sin, that have begun to tamper with it: and draws them wholly away from God, who have wantonly turned a little out of the right path, by making them believe, that now their hand is in, they may go on; that since they have begun a score, it will not much increase their guilt, to gratify themselves in the next enjoyments: the sum of their guilt will be much the same, if having gone so far, they take the other satisfaction in also; the same repentance will serve to account for both, and the same humiliation to wipe out all, and this temptation seldom fails to carry it; especially when there is a strong party within, and a predisposition in our minds by former commissions. But, O my soul, let me know that it is infinite matter

of rejoicing to be saved from one sin; that we, who bear upon God's patience by our commissions, should rather than displease him, suffer any thing, to avoid one evil. The contrary is the language of a heart alienated from God, and that has forgot the sweets of his favour: besides, the consequence is more fatal, and seldom terminates in one sin; but increasing the enmity of our will towards God, disposes us afterwards to commit the same, and other sins, maliciously, and in a kind of defiance to him, which before we did out of weakness and childish infirmity. For the first sins which are committed by a child of God are innocent, in respect of the additional repetitions, which are committed on presumption of God's reconcileableness, and hopes of repentance: for this does two things; it habituates the person to the sin, and makes him more powerfully disposed to it by a bodily and mental habit and inclination: and it raises in his mind a sense of greater guilt, and by consequence of God's displeasure; the effect of which is, that he contracts an enmity to God; for being habituated and inclined to his sin, and knowing, on the other side, that God is displeased with him for it, he likewise becomes angry with God, who stands in the way of his enjoyment and gratifying himself; and this breeds enmity to God, which is the constant affection of a sinner, as love is of a saint; and nothing more hardens our heart from returning to God, or concludes us in a state of sin, than this does; because it makes us sin maliciously; the breach is made wide, and reconciliation not easy; and in the mean time, habit grows powerful, and they carry away the soul that is thus

estranged from God, with the same ease that a wolf devours a solitary sheep that is gone astray, and quite out of the sight of its shepherd. It is in the condition of the Israelites, when Moses was so long on the Mount; As for this man, (and this God) who brought us out of Egypt, we know not what is become of them; up, let us make other gods.'

"Hear, O Lord my God, the humble request of thy unworthy servant, according as I unfeignedly desire to pour it out before thee; let me have grace to serve thee; let me be delivered from every sin, and all occasions of falling; let me have grace to wait upon thee with never ceasing diligence in well doing, in humble, constant, and earnest prayer; let me proceed in holiness, exemplariness, and all Christian graces; make me inwardly sound in respect to myself, and outwardly influential to all I converse with; that thy grace may be in my heart, and on my tongue, in my looks, and in my eyes, and shine bright in all my actions.

"Teach me, O my God, the wisdom of salvation, and let me understand thy will, and way of proceeding in dealing with my soul. In all my sufferings, I find that this gives me ease, and makes me able quietly to submit, while thou dost tell my soul, 'It is my will thou shouldest thus suffer;' for in submitting to thy will, I hope to please thee; and in gaining thy favour, I gain more than the world can make me lose. Farewell then all projects and vain contrivances; this is the will of my God; this must be best for my soul; here I will stay, and here will I submit."

The great benefit of these severe trials from sick