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leave to ask him whether anything lay upon his advantage; and I resolved that I would, at least, mind with respect to his business and effects in feign to be as merry as he ; and that, in short, i the world ; that if it did, he knew what I had in he offered anything, he should have his will easily the world as well as I did ; and that if he wanted enough. money, I would let him have any sum for his 1 About one o'clock in the morning, for so long occasion, as far as five or six thousand pistoles, we sat up together, I said, " Come, 'tis one and he should pay me as his own affairs would, o'clock, I must go to bed.”_“ Well,” says he, permit; and that if he never paid me I would' “ I'll go with you.”—“ No, no,” says I, - go to never give him any trouble for it.
your own chamber;" he said he would go to bed He rose up with ceremony, and gave me thanks with me. “ Nay," says I, “ if you will, I don't in terms that sufficiently told me he had been know what to say; if I can't help it, you must." bred among people more polite and more cour. However, I got from him, left him, and Fent teous than is esteemed the ordinary usage of the into my chamber, but did not shut the door, and, Dutch; and after his compliment was over he' as he could easily see that I was undressing mycame nearer to me, and told me that he was self he steps to bis own room, which was but on obliged to assure me, though with repeated ac-' the same floor, and in a few minutes undresses knowledgments of my kind offer, that he was not himself also, and returns to my door in his gown in any want of money; that he had met with no and slippers. uneasiness in any of his affairs, no, not of any I thought he had been gone indeed, and so that kind whatever, except that of the loss of his wife he had been in jest ; and, by the way, thought and one of his children, which indeed had trou. either he had no mind to the thing, or that he bled him much; but that this was no part of never intended it; so I shut my door, that is what he had to offer to me, and by granting latched it, for I seldom locked or bolted it, and which I should balance all obligations; but that, i went to bed. I had not been in bed a minute. in short, it was that, seeing Providence had (as but he comes in his gown to the door, and opees it were for that purpose) taken his wife from him, it a little way, but not enough to come in, or I would make up the loss to him; and with that look in, and says softly, “ What, are you really he held me fast in his arms, and, kissing me,' gone to bed ?” -“ Yes, yes,” says I, * get you would not give me leave to say no, and hardly to gone.”—“ No, indeed,” says he," I shall not be breathe.
gone, you gave me leave before to come to bed, At length, having got room to speak, I told and you shan't say get you gone now.” So be him that, as I said before, I could deny him but comes into my room, and then turns about, and one thing in the world, I was very sorry he fastens the door, and immediately comes to the should propose that thing only that I could not bedside to me. I pretended to scold and struggie, grant.
and bid him begone, with more warmth than I could not but smile, however, to myself that before ; but it was all one; he had not a tag of he should make so many circles and roundabout clothes on but his gown and slippers and shirt, motions to come to a discourse which had no || so he throws off his gown, and throws open the such rarity at the bottom of it, if he had known | bed, and canne in at once. all. But there was another reason why I re T I made a seeming resistance, but it was no solved not to have him, when, at the same time, more indeed ; for, as above, I resolved from the if he had courted me in a manner less honest or beginning he should lie with me if he would, and virtuous, I believe I should not have denied him ; || for the rest I left it to come after. but I shall come to that part presently.
Well, he lay with me that night, and the two He was, as I have said, long a-bringing it out, next, and very merry we were all the three days but when he had brought it out he pursued it between; but the third night he began to be a with such importunities as would admit of no de- little more grave. “Now, my dear," says he, nial, at least he intended they should not; but I though I have pushed this matter farther than resisted them obstinately, and yet with expres- ever I intended, or than I believe you expected sions of the utmost kindness and respect for him || from me, who never made any pretences to you that could be imagined, often telling him there but what were very honest; yet to heal it all up was nothing else in the world that I could deny and let you see how sincerely I meant at first, him, and showing him all the respect, and upon and how honest I will ever be to you, I am ready all occasions treating him with intimacy and free to marry you still, and desire you to let it be done dom, as if he had been my brother.
to-morrow morning; and I will give you the same He tried all the ways imaginable to bring his | fair conditions of marriage as I would have done design to pass, but I was inflexible; at last, he before." thought of a way, which, he flattered himself, This, it must be owned, was a testimony that would not fail; nor would he have been mis- || he was very honest, and that he loved me sintaken perhaps in any other woman in the world cerely; but I construed it quite another way, but me; this was, to try if he could take me at| namely, that he aimed at the money. But bow an advantage and get to bed to me, and then, as surprised did he look, and how was he confounded was most rational to think, I should willingly | when he found me receive his proposal with coldenough marry him afterwards.
ness and indifference, and still tell him that it We were so intimate together, that nothing was the only thing I could not grant ! but man and wife could, or at least ought, to be | He was astonished. “ What not take me more; but still our freedoms kept within the now !” says he, “when I have been a-bed with bounds of modesty and decency. But one even- || you !" 1 answered coldly, though respectfully ing, above all the rest, we were very merry, and still, “ It is true, to my shame be it spoken," says I fancied he pushed the mirth to watch for his 1l 1, “that you have taken me by surprise, and have
had your will of me; but I hope you will not || portune me to marry, though he had lain with take it ill that I cannot consent to marry, for all me, and still did lay with me as often as he that. If I am with child," said I, “ care must pleased, and I continued to refuse to marry him, be taken to manage that as vou direct; I hope / though I let him lay with me whenever he deyou won't expose me, for my having exposed || sired it; I say, as these two circumstances made myself to you, but I cannot go any farther.".|| up our conversation, it could not continue long and at that point I stood, and would hear of no l thus, but we must come to an explanation. matrimony by any means.
One morning, in the middle of our unlawful Now because this may seem a little odd, I shall || freedoms, that is to say, when we were in bed tostate the matter clearly; as I understood it my. Il gether he sighed, and told me, he desired my self. I knew that while I was a mistress, it is leave to ask me one question, and that I would customary for the person kept to receive from Il give him an answer to it, with the same ingenu. them that keep; but if I should be a wife, all I lous freedom and honesty, that I had used to had then was given up to the husband, and I was || treat him with. I told him I would. Why then thenceforth to be under his authority only; and his question was, why I would not marry him, as I had money enough, and needed not fear seeing I allowed him all the freedom of a husbeing what they call a cast-off mistress, so I had band? “ Or,” says he, “my dear, since you no need to give him twenty thousand pounds to have been so kind as to take me to your bed, marry me, which had been buying my lodging too | why will you not make me your own, and take dear a great deal.
me for good and all, that we may enjoy ourselves Thus his project of coming to bed to me was without any reproach to one another." a bite upon himself, while he intended it for all I told him, that as I confessed it was the only bite upon me; and he was no nearer his aim of thing I could not comply with him in, so it was marrying me than he was before. All his argu. the only thing in all my actions, that I could not ments he could urge upon the subject of matri. Il give him a reason for. That it was true I had mony were at an end, for I positively declined let him come to bed to me, which was supposed marrying him; and as he had refused the thou. to be the greatest favour a woman could grant ; sand pistoles which I had offered him in compen. but it was evident, and he might see it, that as I sation for his expenses and loss at Paris, with the || was sensible of the obligation I was under to him Jew, and had donc it upon the hopes he had of || for saving me from the worst circumstance it was marrying me; so when he found his way difficult || possible for me to be brought to, I could deny still, he was amazed, and I had some reason to him nothing; and if I had had any greater favour believe, repented that he had refused the money. to yield him, I should have done it, that of ma
But thus it is when men run into wicked mea. || trimony only excepted, and he could not but see sures to bring their designs about. I that was that I loved him to an extraordinary degree, in infinitely obliged to him before, began to talk to every part of my behaviour to him ; but that as him as if I had balanced accounts with him now, to marrying, which was giving up my liberty, it and that the favour of lying with a whore was | was what once he knew I had done, and he had equal, not to the thousand pistoles only, but to seen how it had hurried me up and down in the all the debt I owed him, for saving my life and world, and what it had exposed me to; that I all my effects.
had an aversion to it, and desired he would not But he drew himself into it, and though it was insist upon it. He might easily see I had no a dear bargain, yet it was a bargain of his own | aversion to him; and that if I was with child by making ; he could not say I had tricked him into him, he should see a testimony of my kindness it ; but as he projected and drew me into lie to the father, for that I would settle all I had in with him, depending that it was a sure game in the world upon the child. order to a marriage, so I granted him the favour, | He was mute a good while; at last, says he, as he called it, to balance the account of favours | “ Come, my dear, you are the first woman in the received from him, and keep the thousand pistoles world that ever lay with a man, and then refused with a good grace.
to marry him, and therefore there must be some He was extremely disappointed in this article, other reason for your refusal ; and I have there. and knew not how to manage for a great while ; fore one other request, and that is, if I guess at and as I dare say, if he had not expected to have the true reason, and remove the objection, will made it an earnest for marrying me, he would | you then yield to me?” I told him if he removed never have attempted me the other way; so, I the objection I must needs comply, for I should believed, if it had not been for the money, which certainly do everything that I had no objection he knew I had, he would never have desired to against. marry me after he had lain with me. For, where * Why then, my dear, it must be that either is the man that cares to marry a whore, though | you are already engaged, and married to some of his own making? And as I knew him to be no other man, or you are not willing to dispose of fool, so I did him no wrong, when I supposed your money to me, and expect to advance your. that, but for the money, he would not have had self higher with your fortune. Now, if it be the any thoughts of me that way, especially after my first of these, my mouth will be stopped, and I yielding is I had done; in which it is to be re have no more to say; but if it be the last, I am membered that I made no capitulation for marry prepared effectually to remove the objections, ing him, when I yielded to him, but let him do and answer all you can say on that subject." just what he pleased, without any previous bar I took him up short at the first of these, telling gain.
him he must have base thoughts of me indeed, to Well, hitherto we went upon guesses at one think that I could yield to him in such a manner another's designs; but as he continued to im." as I had done, and continue it with so much freedom, as he found I did, if I had a husband, or || as he had the trust, so he had the toil of life were engaged to any other man; and that he upon him; his was the labour, his the anxiety might depend upon it that was not my case, nor || of living; that the woman had nothing to do any part of my case.
but to eat the fat and drink the sweet; to sit "Why then," said he, “as to the other, I have still and look round her, to be waited op and an offer to make to you that shall take off all || made much of, be served, and loved, and made the objection, viz., That I will not touch one pis. || easy, especially if the husband acted as became tole of your estate more than shall be with your him; and that, in general, the labour of the own voluntary consent, neither now or at any man was appointed to make the woman live other time, but you shall settle it as you please quiet and unconcerned in the world ; that they for your life, and upon whom you please after your || had the name of subjection without the thing; death ;” that I should see he was able to main | and if, in inferior families, they had the drudgery tain me without it; and that it was not for that of the house, and care of the provisions upon that he followed me from Paris.
them, yet they had, indeed, much the easier part; I was indeed surprised at that part of his offer, |for in general, the women had only the care of and he might casily perceive it ; it was not only || managing, that is, spending what their husbands what I did not expect, but it was that I knew | get; and that a woman had the name of subjeenot what answer to make to. He had, indeed, tion, indeed, but that they generally commanded, removed my principal objection, nay, all my ob- | not the men only, but all they had; managed all jections, and it was not possible for me to give || for themselves ; and where the man did his duty, any answer; for if upon so generous an offer 1 || the woman's life was all ease and tranquillity, and should agree with him, I then did as good as con- | that she had nothing to do but to be easy, and fess that it was upon the account of my money to make all that were about her both easy and that I refused him; and that though I could give merry. up my virtue, and expose myself, yet I would || I returned, that while a woman was single, she not give up my money, which, though it was true, I was a masculine in her politic capacity; that she yet was really too gross for me to acknowledge, I had then the full command of what she had, and and I could not pretend to marry him upon that the full direction of what she did ; that she was principle neither. Then as to baving him, and || a man in her separated capacity, to all intents make over all my estate out of his hands, so | and purposes that a man could be so to himself; as not to give him the management of what I || that she was controled by none, because unachad, I thought it would be not only a little countable to none : so I sung these two lines of Gothic and inhuman, but it would be always a Mr 's. foundation of unkindness between us, and render
" O! 'tis pleasant to be free, us suspected one to another; so that upon the
The sweetest Miss is Liberty." whole I was obliged to give a new turn to it, and talk upon a kind of an elevated strain, which I added, that whoever the woman was that had really was not in my thoughts at first, at all; || an estate, and would give it up to be the slave of for I own, as above, the divesting myself of my | a great man, that woman was a fool, and must be estate and putting my money out of my hand, fit for nothing but a beggar; that it was my opi. was the sum of the matter that made me refuse || nion a woman was as fit to govern and enjoy her to marry; but, I say, I gave it a new turn upon own estate, without a man, as a man was without this occassion, as follows:
a woman; and that, if she had a mind to gratify I told him I had, perhaps, differing notions | herself as to sexes, she might entertain a man, of matrimony from what the received custom as a man does a mistress; that while she was had given us of it, that I thought a woman thus single she was her own, and if she gave away was a free agent, as well as a man, and was born | that power, she merited to be as miserable as it free, and could she manage herself suitably, || was possible that any creature could be. might enjoy that liberty to as much purpose | All he could say could not anwer the force of as the men do; that the laws of matrimony were | this as to argument, only this, that the other indeed otherwise, and mankind at this time acted | way was the ordinary method that the world was quite upon other principles; and those such that guided by; that he had reason to expect I should a woman gave herself entirely away from herself, || be content with that which all the world was in marriage, and capitulated only to be, at best, contented with; that he was of the opinion, that but an upper servant, and from the time she || a sincere affection between a man and his wife took the man, she was no better or worse than | answered all the objections that I had made about the servant among the Israelites, who had his ll the being a slave, a servant, and the like, and ears bored, that is, nailed to the door-post, who where there was a mutual love there could be no by that act gave himself up to be a servant bondage; but that there was but one interest during life.
one aim, one design, and all conspired to make That the very nature of the marriage con both very happy. tract was, in short, nothing but giving up lib. “Ay,” said 1, " that is the thing I complain of erty, estate, authority, and everything, to the The pretence of affection takes from a woman man, and the woman was indeed a mere woman everything that can be called herself; she is to ever after, that is to say, a slave.
have no interest, no aim, no view ; but all is the He replicd, that though in some respects it interest, aim, and view, of the husband ; she is was as I had said, yet I ought to consider that to be the passive creature you spoke of," said l. ; as an equivalent to this, the man had all the “ She is to lead a life of perfect indolence, and care of things devolved upon him; that the living by faith (not in God, but) in her husband, weight of business lay upon his shoulders, and Il she sinks or swims, as he is either fool or wise
man, unhappy or prosperous; and in the middle Well, he did not give it over yet, ont came to of what she thinks is her happiness and prospe the serious part, and there he thought he should rity, she is engulfed in misery and beggary, be too many for me; he first hinted that mar. which she had not the least notice, knowledge, or riage was decreed by heaven; that it was the suspicion of. How often have I seen a woman fixed state of life, which God had appointed living in all th, splendor that a plentiful fortune for man's felicity, and for establishing a legal ought to allow her! with her coaches and equi. posterity; and there could be no legal claim of pages, her family and rich furniture, her attend estates by inheritance, but by children born in ants and friends, her visiters and good company, wedlock; that all the rest sunk under scandal all about her to-day; to-morrow surprised with and illegitimacy; and very well he talked upon a disaster, turned out of all by a commission of that subject indeed. bankrupt, stripped-to the clothes on her back, ll But it would not do; I took bim short there her jointure, suppose she had it, is sacrificed to “ Look you, sir,” said I, “ you have the advanthe creditors, so long as her husband lived, and tage of me there indeed, in my particular case ; she turned into the street, and left to live on the but it would not be generous to make use of it. charity of her friends, if she has any, or follow the I readily grant, that it were better for me to have monarch, her husband, into the Mint, and live married you, than to admit you to the liberty I there on the wreck of his fortunes till he is forced | have given you; but as I could not reconcile my to run away from her, even there, and then she I judgment to marriage, for the reasons above, and sees her children starve, herself miserable, breaks had kindness enough for you, and obligation too her heart, and cries herself to death? This," much on me to resist you, I suffered your rudeness, says I, " is the state of many a lady that has had and gave up my virtue ; but I have two things ten thousand pounds to her portion."
before me to heal up that breach of honour with. He did not kno'v how feelingly I spoke this, out that desperate one of marriage, and those and what extremities I had gone through of this are, repentance for what is past, and putting an kind; how near I was to the very last article end to it for time to come.” above, viz. crying myself to death; and how I He seemed to be concerned to think that I really starved for almost two years together. should take him in that manner; he assured me
But he shook his head, and said, “Where had that I misunderstood him, that he had more I lived ? and what dreadful families had I lived manners as well as more kindness for me, and among, that had frightened me into such terrible more justice than to reproach me with what he apprehensions of things ? that these things in had been the aggressor in, and had surprised me deed might happen where men run into hazard into. That what he spoke referred to my words ous things in trade, and without prudence or due above, that the woman, if she thought fit, might consideration, launch their fortunes in a degree entertain a man, as the man did a mistress; and beyond their strength, grasping at adventures that I seemed to mention that way of living as beyond their stocks, and the like; but that, as justifiable, and setting it as a lawful thing, and he was stated in the world, if I would embark I in the place of matrimony. with him, he had a fortune equal with mine; Well, we strained some compliments upon those that together we should have no occasion of en points not worth repeating; and I added, I supgaging in business any more, but that in any posed when he got to bed to me he thought him. part of the world where I had a mind to live, self sure of me; and, indeed, in the ordinary whether England, France, Holland, or where I course of things, after he had lain with me he would, we might settle, and live as happily as the ought to think so, but that, upon the same foot world could make any one live; that if I desired of argument which I had discoursed with him the management of our estate, when put toge upon, it was just the contrary; and when a ther, if I would not trust him with mine, he woman had been weak enough to yield up the would trust me with his ; that we would be upon last point before wedlock, it would be adding one one bottom, and I should steer.-" Ay,' says I, weakness to another to take the man afterwards, * you'll allow me to steer, that is, hold the helm, to pin down the shame of it upon herself all the but you'll con the ship, as they call it ; that is, days of her life, and bind herself to live all her
s at sca, a boy serves to stand at the helm, but time with the only man that could upbraid her but he that gives him the orders is pilot.". with it. That in yielding at first she must be a
He laughed at my simile; “ No," says he || fool, but to take the man is to be sure to be - you shall be pilot then, you shall con the ship.” called a fool; that to resist a man is to act with - Ay," says !, * as long as you please, but you courage and vigour, and to cast off the reproach, an take the helm out of my hand when you which, in the course of things, drops out of lease, and bid me go spin. It is not you," says knowledge and dies. The man goes one way
"that I suspect, but the laws of matrimony! and the woman another, as Fate and the circumuts the power into your hands, and bids you do stances of living direct; and if they keep one ; commands you to command; and binds me, another's counsel, the folly is heard no more of; rsooth, to obey : you, that are now upon even | but to take the man," says I, “is the most prerms with me, and I with you," says I, “are the posterous thing in nature, and (saving your pre*t hour set upon the throne, and the humble sence) is to befoul one's self, and live always in fe placed at your footstool : all the rest, all the smell of it. No, no," added I, “after a man at you call oneness of interest, mutual affec has lain with me as a mistress, he ought never to
n, and the like, is courtesy and kindness then, Illie with me as a wife. That's not only preserving Ja woman is indeed infinitely obliged where the crime in memory, but it is recording it in the e meets with it, but cannot help herself where family; if the woman marries the man afterails."
llwards, she bears the reproach of it to the last hour; if her husband is not a man of a nundred || great deal of substance, wnich indeed, having Do thousand, he soinetime or other upbraids her frieods there, was the more dangerous to me with it; if he has children, they fail not one way This obliged me to take him one morning, or other to hear of it: if the children are vir. when I saw him, as I thought, a little anxious tuous, they do their mother the justice to hate about his going, and irresolute; says I to him, her for it ; if they are wicked, they give her the “ | fancy you can hardly find in your beart to mortification of doing the like, and giving her for leave me now."-" The more unkind is it in you, the example. On the other hand, if the man said he, “ severely unkind, to refuse a man that and the woman part, there is an end of the crime, | knows not how to part with you." and an end of the clamour; time wears out the “ I am so far from being unkind to you," said memory of it, or a woman may remove but a
I, “ that I will go over all the world with you, i few streets, and she soon outlives it, and hears you desire me, except to Paris, where you knos no more of it.”
I can't go." He was confounded at this discourse, and told
“ It is a pity so much love," said he," on both me he could not say but that I was right in the sides should ever separate." main. That as to that part relating to managing “ Why, then," said I, “ do you go away from estates, it was arguing à la cavalier, it was in me?" some sense right, if the women were able to carry “ Because," said he, “ you won't take me." it on so, but that in general the sex were not “ But if I won't take you," said I, “ you may capable of it; their heads were not turned for it,
take me anywhere but to Paris.” and they had better choose a person capable and
He was very loth to go anywhere, he said, honest, that knew how to do them justice, as
without me; but he must go to Paris or to the il women, as well as to love them; and that then || East Indies.' the trouble was all taken off of their hands.
I told him I did not use to court, but I durst I told him it was a dear way of purchasing || venture myself to the East Indies with him, i their ease, for very often when the trouble was
there was a necessity of his going taken off their hands, so was their money too;
He told me, God be thanked, he was in Do and that I thought it was far safer for the sex not
necessity of going any where, but that he had a to be afraid of the trouble but to be really afraid
| tempting invitation to go to the Indies. of their money, and that if no body was trusted,
I I answered, I would say nothing to that: but nobody would be deceived; and the staff in their ll that I desired he would go anywhere but to Paris, own hands was the best security in the world. I
because there he knew I must not go. He replied, that I had started a new thing in
He said he had no remedy but to go where I the world ; that however I might support it by
I could not go ; for he could not bear to see me, subtle reasoning, yet it was a way of arguing that
| if he must not have me. was contrary to the general practice, and that he
I told him that was the unkindest thing he confessed he was much disappointed in it; that
could say of me, and that I ought to take it very had he known I would have made such an use
ill, sccing I knew how very well to oblige him to of it, he would never attempted wbat he did,
stay, without yielding to what he knew I could which he had no wicked design in, resolving to
not yield to. make me reparation, and that he was very sorry
This amazed him, and he told me I was he had been so unhappy; that he was very sure
I pleased to be mysterious; but that he was sure he should never upbraid 'me with it hereafter,
it was in nobody's power to hinder him going, i and had so good an opinion of me as to believe I did not suspect him ; but seeing I was positive
he resolved upon it, except me, who had influence in refusing him, notwithstanding what had passed,
cnough upon him to make him do anything. he had nothing to do but to secure me from re
Yes, I told him, I could hinder him, because proach, by going back again to Paris, that so,
I knew he could no more do an unkind thing by according to my own way of arguing, it might
me than he could do an unjust one; and to put die out of memory, and I might never meet with
him out of his pain, I told him I was with child it again to my disadvantage.
He came to me, and taking me in his arms I was not pleased with this part at all, for I ll and kissing me a thousand times almost, said, had no mind to let him go neither; and yet I
Why would I be so unkind not to tell him that had no mind to give him such bold of me as he before? would have had ; and thus I was in a kind of
I told him 'twas hard, that to have him suspense, irresolute, and doubtful what course to stay, I should be forced to do as criminals do take. .
to avoid the gallows, plead my belly; and I was in the house with him, as I have ob
that I thought I had given him testimonies served, and I saw evidently that he was pre
enough of an affection equal to that of a wife, if paring to go back to Paris; and particularly, I
I had not only lain with him ; been with child by found he was remitting money to Paris, which | him, shown myself unwilling to part with hin, was, as I understood afterwards, to pay for some but offered to go the East Indies with him; and wines, which he had given order to have bought except one thing that I could not grant, what for him at Troyes in Champagne; and I knew could he ask more? not what course to take ; and besides that I was He stood mute a good while, but afterwards very loth to part with him, I found also that I || told me, he had a great deal more to say, it!!! was with child by him, which was what I had not could assure him that I would not take ill what yet told him of; and sometimes I thought not to ll ever freedom he might use me in his discourse tell him of it at all; but I was in a strange. I told him that he might use any freedom in place, and had no acquaintance, though I had a" words; for a woman who had given leave to soch!