Car. [pointing to FASTIDIOUS.] Who, he? a gull, a fool, no salt in him i' the earth, man; he looks like a fresh salmon kept in a tub; he'll be spent shortly. His brain 's lighter than his feather already, and his tongue more subject to lye, than that is to wag; he sleeps with a muskcat every night, and walks all day hang'd in pomander chains for penance; he has his skin tann'd in civet, to make his complexion strong, and the sweetness of his youth lasting in the sense of his sweet lady; a good empty puff, he loves you well, signior.

Sog. There shall be no love lost, sir, I'll assure you.

Fast. [advancing to them.] Nay, Carlo, I am not happy in thy love, I see: pray thee suffer me to enjoy thy company a little, sweet mischief: by this air, I shall envy this gentleman's place in thy affections, if you be thus private, i'faith.

Enter CINEDO.

How now! Is the knight arrived? Cin. No, sir, but 'tis guess'd he will arrive presently, by his fore-runners.

Fast. His hounds! by Minerva, an excellent figure; a good boy.

Car. You should give him a French crown for it; the boy would find two better figures in that, and a good figure of your bounty beside.

Fast. Tut, the boy wants no crowns. Car. No crown; speak in the singular number, and we'll believe you.

Fast. Nay, thou art so capriciously conceited now. Sirrah damnation, I have heard this knight Puntarvolo reported to be a gentleman of exceeding good humor, thou know'st him; prithee, how is his disposition? I never was so favored of my stars, as to see him yet. Boy, do you look to the hobby?

Cin. Ay, sir, the groom has set him up. 'As CINEDO is going out, SOGLIARDO takes him aside. Fast. 'Tis well: I rid out of my way of intent to visit him, and take knowledge of his Nay, good Wickedness, his humor, his humor. Car. Why, he loves dogs, and hawks, and his wife well; he has a good riding face, and he can sit a great horse; he will taint a staff well at tilt; when he is mounted he looks like the sign of the George, that's all I know; save, that instead of a dragon, he will brandish against a tree, and break his sword as confidently upon the knotty bark, as the other did upon the scales of the beast.

Fast. O, but this is nothing to that's delivered of him. They say he has dialogues and discourses between his horse, himself, and his dog; and that he will court his own lady, as she were a stranger never encounter'd before.

Car. Ay, that he will, and make fresh love to her every morning; this gentleman has been a spectator of it, Signior Insulso.

sir:

Sog. I am resolute to keep a page. Say you, [Leaps from whispering with CINEDO. Car. You have seen Signior Puntarvolo accost his lady?

Sog. O, ay, sir.

Fast. And how is the manner of it, prithee, good signior?

Sog. Faith, sir, in very good sort; he has his

humors for it, sir: as first, (suppose he were now to come from riding or hunting, or so,) he has his trumpet to sound, and then the waitinggentlewoman she looks out, and then he speaks, and then she speaks, very pretty, i'faith, gentlemen.

Fast. Why, but do you remember no particulars, signior?

Sog. O, yes, sir, first, the gentlewoman, she looks out at the window.

Car. After the trumpet has summon'd a parle, not before?

Sog. No, sir, not before; and then says he,— ha, ha, ha, ha!

Car. What says he? be not rapt so.
Sog. Says he, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Fast. Nay, speak, speak.

Sog. Ha, ha, ha! says he, God save you, says he;-ha, ha!

Car. Was this the ridiculous motive to all this passion?

Sog. Nay, that that comes after is, ha, ha, ha, ha! Car. Doubtless he apprehends more than he utters, this fellow; or else

[A cry of hounds within Sog. List, list, they are come from hunting, stand by, close under this terras, and you shall see it done better than I can show it.

Car. So it had need, 'twill scarce poise the observation else.

Sog. Faith, I remember all, but the manner of it is quite out of my head.

Fast. O, withdraw, withdraw, it cannot be but a most pleasing object. [They stand aside. Enter PUNTARVOLO, followed by his Huntsman leading a greyhound.

Punt. Forester, give wind to thy horn. Enough; by this the sound hath touch'd the ears of the inclos'd: depart, leave the dog, and take with thee what thou hast deserved, the horn and thanks. [Exit Huntsman.

Car. Ay, marry, there is some taste in this. Fast. Is't not good?

Sog. Ah, peace; now above, now above! [A Waiting-gentlewoman appears at the window Punt. Stay; mine eye hath, on the instant, through the bounty of the window, received the form of a nymph. I will step forward three paces; of the which, I will barely retire one; and, after some little flexure of the knee, with an erected grace salute her; one, two, and three! Sweet lady, God save you!

Gent. [above.] No, forsooth; I am but the waiting-gentlewoman.

Car. He knew that before.

Punt. Pardon me: humanum est errare. Car. He learn'd that of his chaplain. Punt. To the perfection of compliment, (which is the dial of the thought, and guided by the sun of your beauties,) are required these three specials; the gnomon, the puntilios, and the superficies: the superficies is that we call place, the puntilios, circumstance; and the gnomon, ceremony; in either of which, for a stranger to err, 'tis easy and facile; and such am I.

Car. True, not knowing her horizon, he mus needs err; which I fear he knows too well.

Punt. What call you the lord of the castle, sweet face?

Gent. [above.] The lord of the castle is a knight, sir; signior Puntarvolo.

Punt. Puntarvolo! O

Car. Now must he ruminate.

Fast. Does the wench know him all this while, then?

Car. O, do you know me, man? why, therein lies the syrup of the jest; it's a project, a designment of his own, a thing studied, and rehearst as ordinarily at his coming from hawking or hunting, as a jig after a play.

Sog. Ay, e'en like your jig, sir.

Punt. "Tis a most sumptuous and stately edifice! Of what years is the knight, fair damsel?

Gent. Faith, much about your years, sir. Punt. What complexion, or what stature bears he?

Gent. Of your stature, and very near upon your complexion.

Punt. Mine is melancholy,

Car. So is the dog's, just.

Punt. And doth argue constancy, chiefly in love. What are his endowments? is he courteous ?

Gent. O, the most courteous knight in Christian land, sir.

Punt. Is he magnanimous ?

Gent. As the skin between your brows, sir. Punt. Is he bountiful?

Car. 'Slud, he takes an inventory of his own good parts.

Gent. Bountiful! ay, sir, I would you should know it; the poor are served at his gate, early and late, sir.

Punt. Is he learned?

Gent. O, ay, sir, he can speak the French and Italian.

Punt. Then he has travelled?

Fast. Nay, thou art such another cynic now, a man had need walk uprightly before thee.

Car. Heart, can any man walk more uprigh than he does? Look, look; as if he went in a frame, or had a suit of wainscot on: and the dog watching him, lest he should leap out on't. Fast. O, villain !

Car. Well, an c'er I meet him in the city, I'll have him jointed, I'll pawn him in Eastcheap, among the butchers, else.

Fast. Peace; who be these, Carlo?

Enter SORDIDO and FUNGOSO. Sord. Yonder's your godfather; do your duty to him, son.

Sog. This, sir? a poor elder brother of mine, sir, a yeoman, may dispend some seven or eight hundred a year; that's his son, my nephew, there.

Punt. You are not ill come, neighbor Sordido, though I have not yet said, well-come; what, my godson is grown a great proficient by this. Sord. I hope he will grow great one day, sir. Fast. What does he study? the law?

Sog. Ay, sir, he is a gentleman, though his father be but a yeoman.

Car. What call you your nephew, signior? Sog. Marry, his name is Fungoso.

Car. Fungoso! O, he look'd somewhat like a sponge in that pink'd yellow doublet, methought; well, make much of him; I see he was never born to ride upon a mule.

Gent. [reappears at the window.] My lady will come presently, sir.

Sog. O, now, now.

Punt. Stand by, retire yourselves a space; nay, pray you, forget not the use of your hat; the air is piercing.

[SORDIDO and FUNGOSO withdraw. Fast. What! will not their presence prevail against the current of his humor? Car. O, no; it's a mere flood, a torrent car

Punt. Is he religious?

Gent. Religious! I know not what you call religious, but he goes to church, I am sure. Fast. 'Slid, methinks these answers should offend him.

Car. Tut, no; he knows they are excellent, and to her capacity that speaks them.

Punt. Would I might but see his face! Car. She should let down a glass from the window at that word, and request him to look in't.

Punt. Doubtless the gentleman is most exact, and absolutely qualified; doth the castle contain him?

Gent. No, sir, he is from home, but his lady is within.

Punt. His lady! what, is she fair, splendidious, and amiable?

Gent. O, Lord, sir.

Punt. Prithee, dear nymph, intreat her beauties to shine on this side of the building.

[Exit Waiting-gentlewoman from the window. Car. That he may erect a new dial of compliment, with his gnomons and his puntilios.

[Lady PUNTARVOLO appears at the window. Punt. What more than heavenly pulchritude What magazine, or treasury of bliss? [is this, Dazzle, you organs to my optic sense, To view a creature of such eminence: O, I am planet-struck, and in yon sphere A brighter star than Venus doth appear! Fast. How! in verse!

Cur. An extacy, an extacy, man.

Lady P. [above.] Is your desire to speak with me, sir knight?

Car. He will tell you that anon; neither his brain nor his body are yet moulded for an an

swer.

Punt. Most debonair, and luculent lady, I decline me as low as the basis of your altitude.

Cor. He makes congies to his wife in geometri. cal proportions.

Mit. Is it possible there should be any such hu

morist?

Cor. Very easily possible, sir, you see there is.

Punt. I have scarce collected my spirits, but lately scattered in the admiration of your form; to which if the bounties of your mind be any way responsible, I doubt not but my desires shall find a smooth and secure passage. I am a

poor knight-errant, lady, that hunting in the adjacent forest, was, by adventure, in the pursuit of a hart, brought to this place; which hart, dear madam, escaped by enchantment: the evening approaching, myself and servant wearied, my suit is, to enter your fair castle and refresh me.

Lady. Sir knight, albeit it be not usual with me, chiefly in the absence of a husband, to admit any entrance to strangers, yet in the true regard of those innated virtues, and fair parts, which so strive to express themselves in you; I am resolved to entertain you to the best of my unworthy power; which I acknowledge to be nothing, valued with what so worthy a person may deserve. Please you but stay while I descend. [Exit from the window. Punt. Most admired lady, you astonish me. [Walks aside with SORDIDO and his son. Car. What! with speaking a speech of your own penning?

Fast. Nay, look; prithee, peace.

Car. Pox on't! I am impatient of such foppery. Fast. O let us hear the rest.

Car. What! a tedious chapter of courtship, after sir Lancelot and queen Guenever? Away! I marle in what dull cold nook he found this lady out; that, being a woman, she was blest with no more copy of wit but to serve his humor thus. 'Slud, I think he feeds her with porridge, I; she could never have such a thick brain else.

Sog. Why, is porridge so hurtful, signior?

Car. O, nothing under heaven more prejudicial to those ascending subtle powers, or doth sooner abate that which we call acumen ingenii, than your gross fare: Why, I'll make you an instance; your city-wives, but observe 'em, you have not more perfect true fools in the world bred than they are generally; and yet you see by the fineness and delicacy of their diet, diving into the fat capons, drinking your rich wines, feeding on larks, sparrows, potato-pies, and such good unctuous meats, how their wits are refined and rarified; and sometimes a very quintessence of conceit flows from them, able to drown a weak apprehension.

Enter Lady PUNTARVOLO and her Waiting-woman. Fast. Peace, here comes the lady. Lady. Gad's me, here's company! turn in again. [Exit with her Woman. Fast. 'Slight, our presence has cut off the convoy of the jest.

Car. All the better, I am glad on't; for the issue was very perspicuous. Come let's discover, and salute the knight. [They come forward. Punt. Stay; who be these that address themselves towards us? What, Carlo! Now by the sincerity of my soul, welcome; welcome, gentlemen and how dost thou, thou Grand Scourge, or Second Untruss of the time?

Car. Faith, spending my metal in this reeling world (here and there), as the sway of my affection carries me, and perhaps stumble upon a ycoman-feuterer, as I do now; or one of fortune's mules, laden with treasure, and an empty cloak-bag, following him, gaping when a bag

vill untic.

Punt. Peace, you bandog, peace! What brisk Nymphadoro is that in the white virgin-boot there?

Car. Marry, sir, one that I must intreat you to take a very particular knowledge of, and with more than ordinary respect; monsieur Fastidious.

Punt. Sir, I could wish, that for the time of your vouchsafed abiding here, and more real entertainment, this my house stood on the Muses hill, and these my orchards were those of the Hesperides.

Fast. I possess as much in your wish, sir, as if I were made lord of the Indies; and I pray you believe it.

Car. I have a better opinion of his faith, than to think it will be so corrupted.

Sog. Come, brother, I'll bring you acquainted with gentlemen, and good fellows, such as shall do you more grace than

Sord. Brother, I hunger not for such acquaintance: Do you take heed, lest

[CARLO comes toward them. Sog. Husht! My brother, sir, for want of education, sir, somewhat nodding to the boor, the clown; but I request you in private, sir.

Fung. [looking at FASTIDIOUS BRISK.] By heaven, it is a very fine suit of clothes.

[Aside.

Fung. 'Fore me, it's an excellent suit, and as neatly becomes him. [Aside.] — What said you, uncle?

Sog. When saw you my niece? Fung. Marry, yesternight I supp'd there.That kind of boot does very rare too. [Aside.

Sog. And what news hear you? Fung. The gilt spur and all! Would I were hang'd, but 'tis exceeding good. [Aside.] - Say you, uncle?

Sog. Your mind is carried away with somewhat else: I ask what news you hear?

Fung. Troth, we hear none. In good faith, [looking at FASTIDIOUS BRISK,] I was never so pleased with a fashion, days of my life. O an I might have but my wish, I'd ask no more of heaven now, but such a suit, such a hat, such a band, such a doublet, such a hose, such a Loot, and such a [Aside.

Sog. They say, there's a new motion of the city of Nineveh, with Jonas and the whale, to be seen at Fleet-bridge. You can tell, cousin?

Fung. Here's such a world of questions with him now! Yes, I think there be such a thing, I saw the picture. Would he would once be satisfied! Let me see, the doublet, say fifty shillings the doublet, and between three or four pound the hose; then boots, hat, and band: some ten or eleven pound will do it all, and suit me, for the heavens! [Aside.

Sog. I'll see all those devices an I come to London once.

Fung. Ods 'slid, an I could compass it, 'twere rare. [Aside.]-Hark you, uncle.

Sog. What says my nephew? Fung. Faith, uncle, I would have desired you to have made a motion for me to my father, in a thing that Walk aside, and I'll tell you, sir; no more but this: there's a parcel of law books (some twenty pounds worth) that lie in a place for little more than half the money they cost; and I think, for some twelve pound, or twenty mark, I could go near to redeem them; there's Plowden, Dyar, Brooke, and Fitz-Herbert, divers such as I must have ere long; and you know, I were as good save five or six pound, as not, uncle. I pray you, move it for me.

Sog. That I will: when would you have me do it? presently?

Fast. Sir, I affirm it to you upon my credit and judgment, she has the most harmonious and musical strain of wit that ever tempted a true ear; and yet to see!-a rude tongue would profane heaven, if it could.

Punt. I am not ignorant of it, sir.

Fast. Oh, it flows from her like nectar, and she doth give it that sweet quick grace, and exornation in the composure, that by this good air, as I am an honest man, would I might never stir, sir, but she does observe as pure a phrase, and use as choice figures in her ordinary conferences, as any be in the Arcadia.

Car. Or rather in Green's works, whence she may steal with more security.

Sord. Well, if ten pound will fetch 'em, you shall have it; but I'll part with no more. Fung. I'll try what that will do, if you please. Sord. Do so; and when you have them, study hard.

Punt. Then have you the count Gratiato? Fast. As true noble a gentleman too as any breathes; I am exceedingly endear'd to his love: By this hand, I protest to you, signior, I speak it not gloriously, nor out of affectation, but there's he and the count Frugale, signior Illustre, signior Luculento, and a sort of 'em, that when I am at court, they do share me amongst them; happy is he can enjoy me most private. I do wish myself sometime an ubiquitary for their love, in good faith.

Car. There's ne'er a one of these but might lie a week on the rack, ere they could bring forth his name; and yet he pours them out as familiarly, as if he had seen them stand by the fire in the presence, or ta'en tobacco with them over the stage, in the lord's room.

Punt. Then you must of necessity know our court-star there, that planet of wit, madona Saviolina?

Fast. O Lord, sir, my mistress?
Punt. Is she your mistress.

Fast. Faith, here be some slight favors of hers, sir, that do speak it, she is; as this scarf, sir, or this ribbon in my ear, or so; this feather grew in her sweet fan sometimes, though now it be my poor fortune to wear it, as you see, sir: slight, slight, a foolish toy.

Punt. Well, she is the lady of a most exalted and ingenious spirit.

Fast. Did you ever hear any woman speak like her? or enriched with a more plentiful discourse?

Car. O villainous! nothing but sound, sound, a mere echo; she speaks as she goes tired, in cobweb-lawn, light, thin; good enough to catch flies withal.

Punt. O manage your affections. Fast. Well, if thou be'st not plagued for this blasphemy one day

Punt. Come, regard not a jester: It is in the power of my purse to make him speak well or ill of nie.

Sord. I wonder it rains not: the almanack says, we should have store of rain to-day.

[Aside.

Punt. Why, sir, to-morrow I will associate you to court myself, and from thence to the city about a business, a project I have; I will expose it to you, sir; Carlo, I am sure, has heard of it.

Car. What's that, sir?

Punt. I do intend, this year of jubilee coming on, to travel and because I will not altogether go upon expense, I am determined to put forth some five thousand pound, to be paid me five for one, upon the return of myself, my wife, and my dog from the Turk's court in Constantinople. If all or either of us miscarry in the journey, 'tis gone; if we be successful, why, there will be five and twenty thousand pound to entertain time withal. Nay, go not, neighbor Sordido; stay to-night, and help to make our society the fuller. Gentlemen, frolic: Carlo! what! dull now?

Car. I was thinking on your project, sir, an you call it so. Is this the dog goes with you?

Punt. This is the dog, sir.

Car. He does not go barefoot, does he?
Punt. Away, you traitor, away!

Car. Nay, afore God, I speak simply; he may prick his foot with a thorn, and be as much as the whole venture is worth. Besides, for a dog that never travell'd before, it's a huge journey to Constantinople. I'll tell you now, an he were mine, I'd have some present conference with a physician, what antidotes were good to give him, preservatives against poison; for assure you, if once your money be out, there'il be divers attempts made against the life of the poor animal.

Punt. Thou art still dangerous.

Fast. Is signior Deliro's wife your kinswoman?

Sog. Ay, sir, she is my niece, my brother's daughter here, and my nephew's sister. Sord. Do you know her, sir?

Mit. Methinks, Cordatus, he dwelt somewhat too long on this scene; it hung in the hand.

Re-enter FIDO, with more perfumes and flowers.
Fido. Where will you have them burn, sir?
Deli. Here, good Fido.

What, she did not see thee?
Fido. No, sir.

Deli. That is well.

and to have made the humors perspicuous enough.

Mit. True, as his subject lies; but he might have altered the shape of his argument, and explicated them better in single scenes.

Cor. That had been single indeed. Why, be they not the same persons in this, as they would have been in those? and is it not an object of more state, to behold the scene full, and relieved with variety of speakers to the end, than to see a vast empty stage, and the actors come in one by one, as if they were dropt down with a feather into the eye of the spec

tators?

Mit. Nay, you are better traded with these things than I, and therefore I'll subscribe to your judgment; marry, you shall give me leave to make objections.

Cor. O, what else? it is the special intent of the author you should do so; for thereby others, that are present, may as well be satisfied, who haply would object the same you would do.

Mit. So, sir; but when appears Macilente again? Cor. Marry, he stays but till our silence give him leave: here he comes, and with him signior Deliro, a merchant at whose house he is come to sojourn: make your own observation now, only transfer your thoughts to the city, with the scene: where suppose they speak.

[so! Maci. What means this, signior Deliro? all this censing?

Deli. Cast in more frankincense, yet more; So passing fair! so passing-fair-unkind! O Macilente, I have such a wife! [well said. But of such worth, and right to be unkind, Since no man can be worthy of her kindness Maci. What, can there not?

Deli. No, that is as sure as death, No man alive. I do not say, is not, But cannot possibly be worth her kindness, How, said I do her right! as though I could, Nay, it is certain, let me do her right. As though this dull, gross, tongue of mine

could utter

That sit, as high as I can look, within her!
The rare, the true, the pure, the infinite rights

Maci. This is such dotage as was never heard.
Deli. Well, this must needs be granted.
Maci. Granted, quoth you?

The goodness of your judgment to deny it
Deli. Nay, Macilente, do not so discredit
For I do speak the very least of her:
And I would crave, and beg no more of Heaven,
For all my fortunes here, but to be able
To utter first in fit terms, what she is,
And then the true joys I conceive in her.

Maci. Is't possible she should deserve so well. As you pretend?

Deli. Ay, and she knows so well [them. Her own deserts, that, when I strive t'enjoy She weighs the things I do,with what she merits; And, seeing my worth out-weigh'd so in her She is so solemn, so precise, so froward, [graces, That no observance I can do to her

Can make her kind to me: if she find fault,
I mend that fault; and then she says, I faulted,
That I did mend it. Now, good friend, advise

me,

How I may temper this strange spleen in her.

Maci. You are too amorous, too obsequious, And make her too assured she may command you.

When women doubt most of their husbands' loves,

They are most loving. Husbands must take hecd