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NO 24. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28.

Accurrit quidam notus mihi nomine tantùm;
Arreptâque manu, quid agis dulciffime rerum?

Hor. Sat. ix. 1. i. ver. 3.

Comes up a fop (I knew him but by fame)
And feiz'd my hand, and called me by name-
My dear!-how do'st?

THERE are in this town a great number of infignificant people, who are by no means fit for the better fort of conversation, and yet have an impertinent ambition of appearing with those to whom they are not welcome. If you walk in the Park, one of them will certainly join with you, though you are in company with ladies; if you drink a bottle, they will find your haunts. What makes fuch fellows the more burdensome is, that they neither offend nor please so far as to be taken notice of for either. It is, I prefume, for this reason, that my correfpondents are willing by my means to be rid of them. The two following letters are writ by perfons who suffer by such impertinence. A worthy old bachelor, who sets in for his dose of claret every night at such an hour, is teized by a fwarm of them; who, because they are fure of room and good fire, have taken it in their heads to keep a fort of club in his company; though the fober gentleman himself is an utter enemy to such meetings.

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• Mr. SPECTATOR,

THE averfion I for fome years have had to clubs in general, gave me a perfect relish for your speculation on that fubject; but I have fince been extremely mortified, by the malicious world's rank

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ing me amongst the fupporters of fuch impertinent assemblies. I beg leave to state my cafe fairly; and that done, I shall expect redress from your judicious pen.

I am, Sir, a bachelor of fome standing, and a traveller; my business, to confult my own humour, ' which I gratify without controlling other peoples; I have a room and a whole bed to myself; and I ' have a dog, a fiddle, and a gun; they please me, and injure no creature alive. My chief meal is a supper, which I always make at a tavern. I am constant to an hour, and not ill-humoured; for which reafons, though I invite no body, I have no fooner fupped, than I have a croud about me of that fort of good company that know not whither elfe to go. It is true every man pays his share; yet, as they are intruders, I have an undoubted right to be the only speaker, or, at least, the loudest; which I maintain, and that to the great emolument of my audience. I sometimes bell th tell them their own in pretty free language; and sometimes divert them with merry tales, according as I am in humour. I am one of those who live in taverns to a great age, by a fort of regular intemperance; I never go to bed drunk, but always fiustered; I wear away very gently, am apt to be peevish, but never angry. Mr. SPECTATOR, if you have kept various company, you 'know there is in every tavern in town fome old humourist or other, who is master of the house as much as he that keeps it. The drawers are all in awe of him; and all the customers, who frequent his company, yield him a fort of comical obedience. I do not know but I may be such a • fellow as this myself. But I appeal to you, whether this is to be called a club, because so many impertinents will break in upon me, and come without appointment? Clinch of Barnet has a nightly meeting, and shows to every one that will

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' come in and pay; but then he is the only actor.

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Why should people miscal things? If his is allow

'ed to be a confort, why may not mine be a lecture? However, Sir, I submit it to you, and

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am,

GOOD SIR,

SIR,

• Your most obedient, &c.

Тно. КІMBOW.'

You and I were preffed against each other laft

winter in a croud, in which uneasy posture we fuffered together for almost half an hour. I thank you for all your civilities ever fince, in being of my acquaintance wherever you meet me. But the other day you pulled off your hat to me in the Park when I was walking with my mifstress. She did not like your air, and faid the wondered what stange fellows I was acquainted with. Dear Sir, confider it is as much as my life is worth, if she should think we were intimate; therefore I earnestly intreat you for the future to take no manner of notice of,

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A like impertinence is also very troublesome to the fuperior and more intelligent part of the Fair Sex. It is, it seems, a great inconvenience, that those of the meanest capacities will pretend to make vifits, though indeed they are qualified rather to add to the furniture of the house (by filling an empty chair) than to the conversation they come into when they visit. A friend of mine hopes for redress in this cafe, by the publication of her letter in my paper; which the thinks those she would be rid of will take to themselves. It seems to be written with an eye to one of those pert, giddy, unthinking girls, who, upon the recommendation only of an agreeable person, and a fashionable air,

take

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take themselves to be upon a level with women of the greatest merit.

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MADAM,

ITAKE this way to acquaint you with what com

mon rules and forms would never permit me to tell you otherwise; to wit, that you and I, though equals in quality and fortune, are by no means fuitable companions. You are, it is true, ve'ry pretty, can dance, and make a very good figure in a public affembly; but alas, Madam, you must 'go no further; distance and filence are your best recommendations; therefore let me beg of you never to make me any more vifits. You come in a literal sense to fee one, for you have nothing to fay. I do not say this, that I would by any means lofe your acquaintance; but I would keep it up with the strictest forms of good-breeding. Let us pay visits, but never fee one another: If you ' will be fo good as to deny yourself always to me, ' I shall return the obligation by giving the fame ' orders to my servants. When accident makes us meet at a third place, we may mutually lament the misfortune of never finding one another at home, go in the fame party to a benefit play, and 'fmile at each other, and put down glasses as we pass in our coaches. Thus we may enjoy as much ' of each other's friendship as we are capable: For there are some people who are to be known only by fight, with which fort of friendship I hope you ' will always honour, MADAM,

Your most obedient humble servant,
MARY TUESDAY.'

P. S. I fubfcribe myself by the name of the day

• I keep, that my fupernumerary friends may know. • who I am.'

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ADVERTISEMENT.

To prevent all mistakes that may happen among gentlemen of the other end of the town, who come but once a week to St. James's coffeehouse, either by mifcalling the fervants, or requiring fuch things from them as are not properly within their respective prowinces; this is to give notice, that Kidney, keeper of the book-debts of the outlying customers, and obferver of those who go off without paying, having resigned that employment, is fucceeded by John Sowton; to whose place of enterer of messages and first coffeegrinder William Bird is promoted; and Samuel Burdock comes as shoe-cleaner in the room of the faid Bird, R

NO 25. THURSDAY, MARCH 29.

-Ægrefcitque medendo. VIRG. Æn. xii. ver. 46. And fickens by the very means of health. THE following letter will explain itself, and needs no apology.

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SIR,

I Am one of that fickly tribe who are commonly known by the name of Valetudinarians; and ⚫ do confess to you, that I first contracted this ill 'habit of body, or rather of mind, by the study ' of phyfic. I no fooner began to peruse books of 'this nature, but I found my pulfe was irregular; and scarce ever read the account of any disease ' that I did not fancy myself afflicted with. Doctor Sydenham's learned Treatife of Fevers threw me ' into a lingering hectic, which hung upon me all 'the while I was reading that excellent piece. I ' then applied myself to the study of several au'thors, who have written upon phthifical distem

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pers,

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