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all confpired to fill my imagination with the visionary happiness of the Arabian law-giver, and lifted me into an extacy of admiration.-Head of Confucius, cried I, to my friend, this is fine! this unites rural beauty with courtly magnificence; if we except the virgins of immortality that hang on every tree, and may be plucked at every defire, I don't fee how this falls fhort of Mahomet's Paradife !-As for virgins, cries my friend, it is true, they are a fruit that don't much abound in our gardens here; but if ladies were as plenty as apples in autumn, and as complying as an houry of them all, can content you, I fancy we have no need to go to heaven for paradife.
I was going to fecond his remarks, when we were called to a confultation by Mr. Tibbs and the rest of the company, to know in what manner we were to lay out the evening to the greatest advantage. Mrs. Tibbs. was for keeping the genteel walk of the garden, where, the obferved, there was always the very beft company; the widow, on the contrary, who came but once a seafon, was for fecuring a good standing-place to see the water-works, which she assured us would begin in lefs than an hour at fartheft; a dispute, therefore, began, and as it was managed between two of very oppofite characters, it threatened to grow more bitter at every reply. Mrs. Tibbs wondered how people could pretend to know the polite world, who had received all their rudiments of breeding behind a counter; to which the other replied, that though some people fat behind counters, yet they could fit at the head of their own tables too, and carve three good dishes of hot meat whenever they thought proper, which was more than fome people could
fay for themselves, that hardly knew a rabbit and onions from a green goose and gooseberries.
It is hard to fay where this might have ended, had not the husband, who probably knew the impetuofity of his wife's difpofition, proposed to end the difpute by adjourning to a box, and try if there was any thing to be had for supper that was fupportable. To this we all confented; but here a new diftrefs arofe; Mr. and Mrs. Tibbs would fit in none but a genteel box, a box where they might fee and be seen, one, as they expressed it, in the very focus of public view; but fuch a box was not easy to be obtained, for, though we were perfectly convinced of our own gentility, and the gentility of our appearance, yet we found it a difficult matter to perfuade the keepers of the box to be of our opinion; they chose to reserve genteel boxes for what they judged more genteel company.
At last, however, we were fixed, though fomewhat obfcurely, and supplied with the ufual entertainment of the place. The widow found the fupper excellent, but Mrs. Tibbs thought every thing deteftable: Come, come, my dear, cries the husband, by way of confolation, to be fure we can't find fuch dreffing here as we have at lord Crump's or lady Crimp's; but, for Vauxhall dreffing, it is pretty good; it is not their victuals, indeed, I find fault with, but their wine; their wine, cries he, drinking off a glass, indeed, is moft abominable,
By this laft contradiction, the widow was fairly conquered in point of politeness. She perceived now, that she had no pretenfions in the world to tafte, her very fenfes were vulgar, fince fhe had praised deteftable cuftard, and fmacked at wretched wine; fhe was, therefore,
content to yield the victory, and for the rest of the night to liften and improve. It is true, fhe would now and then forget herself, and confess she was pleased; but they foon brought her back again to miferable refinement. She once praised the painting of the box in which we were fitting, but was foon convinced, that fuch paltry pieces ought rather to excite horror than fatisfaction; she ventured again to commend one of the fingers, but Mrs. Tibbs foon let her know, in the style of a connoiffeur, that the finger in question had neither ear, voice, nor judgment.
Mr. Tibbs, now willing to prove that his wife's pretenfions to music were juft, entreated her to favour the company with a fong; but to this fhe gave a pofitive denial: For you know very well, my dear, says she, that I am not in voice to-day, and when one's voice is not equal to one's judgment what fignifies singing; besides, as there is no accompanyment, it would be but spoiling mufic. All these excuses, however, were over-ruled by the rest of the company, who, though one would think they already had mufic enough, joined in the entreaty. But particularly the widow, now willing to convince the company of breeding, preffed fo warmly, that she feemed determined to take no refufal. At last then, the lady complied, and after humming for fome minutes, began with such a voice, and such affectation, as, I could perceive, gave but little fatisfaction to any, except her husband. He fat with rapture in his eye, and beat time with his hand on the table.
You must observe, my friend, that it is the custom of this country, when a lady or gentleman happens to fing, for the company to fit as mute and motionless as ftatues.
Every feature, every limb muft feem to correspond in fixed attention, and while the fong continues, they are to remain in a state of universal petrifaction. In this mortifying fituation we had continued for fome time, liftening to the fong, and looking with tranquillity, when the master of the box came to inform us, that the waterworks were going to begin. At this information, I could inftantly perceive the widow bounce from her feat; but, correcting herself, she sat down again, repressed by motives of good breeding. Mrs. Tibbs, who had seen the water-works an hundred times, refolved not to be interrupted, continued her fong without any fhare of mercy, nor had the smallest pity on our impatience. The widow's face, I own, gave me high entertainment; in it I could plainly read the struggle fhe felt between good breeding and curiofity; fhe talked of the waterworks the whole evening before, and she seemed to have come merely in order to fee them; but then she could not bounce out in the very middle of a fong, for that would be forfeiting all pretenfions to high life, or high lived company ever after: Mrs. Tibbs, therefore, kept on finging, and we continued to liften, till at last, when the fong was juft concluded, the waiter came to inform us, that the water-works were over.
The water-works over! cried the widow, the waterworks over already! that's impoffible, they can't be over fo foon!-It is not my business, replied the fellow, to contradict your ladyship, I'll run again and fee; he went, and foon returned with a confirmation of the dif mal tidings. No ceremony could now bind my friend's disappointed mistress, she teftified her displeasure in the openest manner; in fhort, fhe now began to find fault
in turn, and at last, infifted upon going home, just at the time that Mr. and Mrs. Tibbs affured the company, that the polite hours were going to begin, and that the ladies would inftantaneously be entertained with the horns, Adieu.
FROM THE SAME.
NOT far from this city lives a poor tinker, who has
educated feven fons, all at this very time in arms, and fight ng for their country; and what reward do you think has the tinker from the flate for fuch important fervices? None in the world: his fons, when the war is over, may probably be whipt from parish to parish as vagabonds, and the old man, when paft labour, may die a prifoner in fome houfe of correction.
Such a worthy fubject in China would be held in universal reverence; his fervices would be rewarded, if not with dignities, at leaft with an exemption from labour; he would take the left hand at feafts, and mandarines themselves would be proud to show their submission. The English laws punifh vice, the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue.
Confidering the little encouragements given to matrimony here, I am not furprifed at the difcouragements given to propagation. Would you believe it, my dear Fum Hoam, there are laws made, which even forbid the people's marrying each other. By the head of Confucius I jeft not; there are fuch laws in being here; and their