Launce. With my master's ship? why, it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word. What news, then, in your paper? Launce. The blackest news that ever thou heardest. Speed. Why, man, how black? Launce. Why, as black as ink. Speed. Let me read them. Speed. liquor.' Item: She will often praise her 351 Launce. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item: She is too liberal.' Launce. Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep shut: now, of another Launce. Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, not read. Speed. Thou liest; I can. 291 Launce. I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee? Speed Marry, the son of my grandfather. Launce. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read. Speed. Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper. Launce. There; and Saint Nicholas be thy speed! 301 Speed. [Reads] 'Imprimis: She can milk.'" Speed Item: She brews good ale.' Launce. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Speed. Item: She can knit.' 310 Launce. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock? Speed. Item: She can wash and scour.' Launce. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured. Speed. Item: She can spin.' Launce. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. Speed. virtues.' 320 Launce. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers and therefore have no names. 'Item: She hath many nameless Speed. 'Here follow her vices.' Launce. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item: She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath.' Launce. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. Speed. Item: She hath a sweet mouth.' 330 Launce. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item: She doth talk in her sleep.' Launce. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk Speed. Item: She is slow in words.' Speed. Item: she is proud.' proceed. 360 Speed. Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.' Launce. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more. Speed. Item: She hath more hair than wit,'Launce. More hair than wit? It may be; I'll prove it. The cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And more faults than hairs,'Launce. That's monstrous: O, that that were out! Speed. And more wealth than faults.' Launce. Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I'll have her: and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,Speed. What then?" 380 Launce. Why, then will I tell thee-that thy master stays for thee at the North-gate. Speed. For me? Launce. For thee! ay, who art thou? he hath stayed for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Launce. Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long that going will scarce serve the SCENE II. The same. The DUKE's palace. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight. Forsworn my company and rail'd at me, Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure Launce. I care not for that neither, because How now, Sir Proteus! Is your countryman I love crusts. Speed. Item: She is curst.' Launce. Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. According to our proclamation gone? Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine With falsehood, cowardice and poor descent, Three things that women highly hold in hate. Duke. Ay, but she'll think that it is spoke in hate. Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it: Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken By one whom she esteemeth as his friend. Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loath to do: "Tis an ill office for a gentleman, Especially against his very friend. 40 Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage him, Your slander never can endamage him; Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it By ought that I can speak in his dispraise, Lest it should ravel and be good to none, 50 Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind, Because we know, on Valentine's report, 60 And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. Much is the force of heaven-bred poesy. Pro. Say that upon the altar of her beauty You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart: Write till your ink be dry, and with your tears Moist it again, and frame some feeling line I kill'd a man, whose death I much repent; First Out. Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so. 30 But were you banish'd for so small a fault? Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy, Or else I often had been miserable. Third Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction! First Out. We'll have him. Sirs, a word. Speed. Master, be one of them; it's an honourable kind of thievery. 40 Val Peace, villain! Sec. Out. Tell us this: have you any thing to take to? Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you: 60 Are you content to be our general? To make a virtue of necessity And live, as we do, in this wilderness? Third Out. What say'st thou? wilt thou be of our consort? Say ay, and be the captain of us all: We'll do thee homage and be ruled by thee, First Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. Sec. Out. Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offer'd. Val. I take your offer and will live with you, Provided that you do no outrages On silly women or poor passengers. 71 Third Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, SCENE II. Milan. Outside the DUKE's palace, under SILVIA's chamber. Enter PROTEUS. Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine And now I must be as unjust to Thurio. She twits me with my falsehood to my friend; And give some evening music to her ear. Enter THURIO and Musicians. Thu. How now, Sir Proteus, are you crept before us? Host. How now! are you sadder than you were before? How do you, man? the music likes you not. Jul. You mistake; the musician likes me not. Host. Why, my pretty youth? Jul. He plays false, father. 60 Host. How? out of tune on the strings? Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my very heart-strings. Host. You have a quick ear. ful. Ay, I would I were deaf; it makes me have a slow heart. Host. I perceive you delight not in music. Host. You would have them always play but one thing? 71 Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this Sir Proteus that we talk on Often resort unto this gentlewoman? And to your shadow will I make true love. Ful. [Aside] If'twere a substance, you would, sure, deceive it, And make it but a shadow, as I am. Sil. I am very loath to be your idol, sir; But since your falsehood shall become you well To worship shadows and adore false shapes, 131 Send to me in the morning and I'll send it: And so, good rest. Pro. As wretches have o'ernight Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told That wait for execution in the morn. me: he loved her out of all nick. Jul. Where is Launce? Host. Gone to seek his dog: which to-morrow, by his master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady. 80 Jul. Peace! stand aside: the company parts. Pro. Sir Thurio, fear not you: I will so plead That you shall say my cunning drift excels." Thu. Where meet we? That I may compass yours. Sil. You have your wish; my will is even this: That presently you hie you home to bed. Thou subtle, perjured, false, disloyal man! Think'st thou I am so shallow, so conceitless, To be seduced by thy flattery, 100 That hast deceived so many with thy vows? Jul. [Aside] Twere false, if I should speak it; For I am sure she is not buried. ΠΟ Sil. Say that she be; yet Valentine thy friend Survives; to whom, thyself art witness, I am betroth'd: and art thou not ashamed To wrong him with thy importunacy? Pro. likewise hear that Valentine is dead. Sil. And so suppose am I; for in his grave Assure thyself my love is buried. Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth. Sil. Go to thy lady's grave and call hers thence, [Exeunt Pro. and Sil. severally. Jul. Host, will you go? Host. By my halidom, I was fast asleep. Jul. Pray you, where lies Sir Proteus? Host. Marry, at my house. Trust me, I think 'tis almost day. Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night That e'er I watch'd and the most heaviest. SCENE III. The same. Enter EGLAMOUR. 141 [Exeunt. Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself: According to your ladyship's impose, I am thus early come to know what service It is your pleasure to command me in. Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentlemanThink not I flatter, for I swear I do notValiant, wise, remorseful, well accomplish'd: Thou art not ignorant what dear good will I bear unto the banish'd Valentine, Nor how my father would enforce me marry Vain Thurio, whom my very soul abhors. Thyself hast loved; and I have heard thee say No grief did ever come so near thy heart As when thy lady and thy true love died, Upon whose grave thou vow'dst pure chastity. Sir Eglamour, I would to Valentine, To Mantua, where I hear he makes abode; And, for the ways are dangerous to pass, I do desire thy worthy company, Upon whose faith and honour I repose. Urge not my father's anger, Eglamour, But think upon my grief, a lady's grief, And on the justice of my flying hence, To keep me from a most unholy match, Which heaven and fortune still rewards plagues. 10 20 30 with SCENE IV. The same. Enter LAUNCE, with his Dog. Launce. When a man's servant shall play the car with him, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning, when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it. I have taught him, even as one would say precisely, 'thus I would teach a dog. I was sent to deliver him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master; and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he steps me to her trencher and steals her capon's leg: 0, tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself ia all companies! I would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I live, he had suffered for't: you shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentlemanlike dogs, under the duke's table: he had not been there-bless the mark!-a pissing while, but all the chamber Emelt him. 'Out with the dog!' says one: 'What cur is that?' says another: Whip him out' says the third: 'Hang him up' says the duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: "Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip the dog?' 'Ay, marry, do I,' quoth he. 'You do him the more wrong,' quoth I; "twas I did the thing you wot of. He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't. Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I do? when didst thou see me heave up ay leg and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst thou ever see me do such a trick? Enter PROTEUS and JULIA. Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well And will employ thee in some service presently. Jul. In what you please: I'll do what I can. Pro. I hope thou wilt. [To Launce] How now, you whoreson peasant! Where have you been these two days loitering? Launce. Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me. 50 Pro. And what says she to my little jewel? Launce. Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is good enough for such a present. Pro. But she received my dog? Launce. No, indeed, did she not: here have I brought him back again. Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? Launce. Ay, sir; the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman boys in the marketplace: and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater. Pro. Go get thee hence, and find my dog again, Or ne'er return again into my sight. She loved me well deliver'd it to me. Pro. Why dost thou cry 'alas'? Ful. But pity her. As Pro. Wherefore shouldst thou pity her? Jul. Because methinks that she loved you as well you do love your lady Silvia: She dreams on him that has forgot her love; You dote on her that cares not for your love. "Tis pity love should be so contrary; And thinking on it makes me cry alas!' Pro. Well, give her that ring and therewithal This letter. That's her chamber. Tell my lady I claim the promise for her heavenly picture. Your message done, hie home unto my chamber, Where thou shalt find me, sad and solitary. [Exit. Jul. How many women would do such a message? Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs. Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him That with his very heart despiseth me? Because he loves her, he despiseth me; Because I love him, I must pity him. This ring I gave him when he parted from me, To bind him to remember my good will; And now am I, unhappy messenger, To plead for that which I would not obtain, 100 |