This paper my reader will find was intended for aa aufwer to a multitude of correfpondents; but I hope he will pardon me if I fingle out one of them in particular, who has made me fo very humble a request, that I cannot forbear complying with it. 6 I SIR, To the SPECTATOR. March 15, 1710-11. AM at present so unfortunate, as to have nothing to do but to mind my own business; and therefore beg of you that you will be pleased to put me into fome • small poft under you. I observe that you have ap 6 6 pointed your printer and publisher to receive letters and • advertisements for the city of London; and shall think myself very much honoured by you, if you will appoint me to take in letters and advertisements for the city of Westminster and the dutchy of Lancaster. • Though I cannot promise to fill fuch an employment * with fufficient abilities, I will endeavour to make up • with industry and fidelity what I want in parts and • genius. I am, C ' Sir, • You most obedient fervant, 'CHARLES LILLIE.' N° 17 Tuesday, March 20. -Tetrum ante omnia vulium. A visage rough, Deform'd, unfeatur'd. INCE Juv. Sat. x. 191. DRYDEN. S our persons are not of our own making, when they are such as appear defective or uncomely, it is, methinks, an honest and laudable fortitude to dare to be ugly; at least to keep ourselves from being abashed with a confciousness of imperfections which we cannot cannot help, and in which there is no guilt. I would not defend an haggard beau for passing away much time at a glass, and giving foftnesses and languishing graces to deformity; all I intend is, that we ought to be contented with our countenance and shape, fo far, as never to give ourselves an uneasy reflection on that subject. It is to the ordinary people, who are not accustomed to make very proper remarks on any occafion, matter of great jest, if a man enters with a prominent pair of shoulders into an affembly, or is distinguished by an expanfion of mouth, or obliquity of aspect. It is happy for a man, that has any of these oddneffes about him, if he can be as merry upon himself, as others are apt to be upon that occafion; when he can poffefs himfelf with fuch a chearfulness, women and children, who are at first frighted at him, will afterwards be as much pleased with him. As it is barbarous in others to railly him for natural defects, it is extremly agreeable when he can jest upon himfelf for them. Madam Maintenon's first husband was an hero in this kind, and has drawn many pleasantries from the irregularity of his shape, which he describes as very much resembling the letter Z. He diverts himself likewife, by representing to his reader the make of an engine and pully, with which he used to take off his hat. When there happens to be any thing ridiculous in a vifage, and the owner of it thinks it an aspect of dignity, he must be of very great quality to be exempt from raillery; the best expedient therefore is to be pleafant upon himfelf. Prince Harry and Falstaff, in Shakespear, have carried the ridicule upon fat and lean as far as it will go. Falstaff is humoroufly call'd Woolfack, Bedpreffer, and Hill of flesh; Harry, a Starveling, an Elves-skin, a Sheath, a Bow-cafe, and a Tuck. There is, in feveral incidenta of the converfation between them, the jest still kept up upon the perfon. Great tenderness and fentibility in this point is one of the greatest weaknesses of felf-love. For my own part, I am a little unhappy in the mold of my face, which is not quite so long as it is broad: whether this might not partly arife from my opening my mouth much feldomer than other people, and by confequence not fo much lengthening the fibres of my vifage, I am VOL. I. D 3 not not at leifure to determine. However it be, I have been often put out of countenance by the shortness of my face, and was formerly at great pains in concealing it by wearing a perriwig with an high foretop, and letting my beard grow. But now I have thoroughly got over this delicacy, and could be contented with a much shorter, provided it might qualify me for a member of the Merry Club, which the following letter gives me an account of. I have received it from Oxford; and as it abounds with the spirit of mirth and good-humour which is natural to that place, I shall fet it down word for word as it came to me. ، 6 ، 6 6 HAVING been very well entertained in the laft your Speculations that I have yet feen, by your fpecimen upon Clubs, which I therefore hope you will continue, I shall take the liberty to furnish you with a brief account of fach a one as perhaps you have not feen in all your travels, unless it was your fortune to touch upon fome of the woody parts ' of the African continent, in your voyage to or from Grand Cairo. There have arose in this University (long fince you left us without faying any thing) feveral of these inferior hebdomadal focieties, as the Punning Club, the Witty Club, and, amongst the reft, the Handsome Club; as a burlesque upon which, a certain merry species, that feem to have come into the world in masquerade, for fome years last paft have affo⚫ciated themselves together, and affumed the name of the Ugly Club. This ill-favoured fraternity confifts of a 'Prefident and twelve Fellows; the choice of which is not confined by patent to any particular foundation, (as St. John's men would have the world believe, and have therefore erected a feparate fociety within themselves) but liberty is left to elect from any school in Great-Britain, provided the candidates be within the ' rules of the Club, as fet forth in a table, intituled, The Act of Deformity. A clause or two of which I shall tranfm't to you. ، 6 6 6 6 6 I. That no person whatsoever shall be admitted 6 without a visible queerity in his aspect, or peculiar 'caft 'cast of countenance; of which the Prefident and Of'ficers for the time being are to determine, and the ' Prefident to have the casting voice. II. That a fingular regard be had, upon examination, to the gibbofity of the gentlemen that offer thein' selves as founders kinfmen; or to the obliquity of their figure, in what fort foever. 6 ८ III. That if the quantity of any man's nose be emi. nently mifcalculated, whether as to length or breadth, ' he shall have a just pretence to be elected. 6 Lastly, That if there shall be two or more compe 'titors for the fame vacancy, cæteris paribus, he that ' has the thickest skin to have the preference. 6 ' Every fresh member, upon his first night, is to en'tertain the company with a dish of cod-fish, and a speech in praise of Æfop; whose portraiture they have in full proportion, or rather disproportion, over the chimney; and their design is, as foon as their funds are fufficient, to purchase the heads of Thersites, Duns Scotus, Scaron, Hudibras, and the old Gentleman in • Oldham, with all the celebrated ill faces of antiquity, 6 6 as furniture for the Club-room. As they have always been professed admirers of the ' other sex, fo they unanimoufly declare that they will give all poffible encouragement to such as will take ' the benefit of the statute, though none yet have appeared to do it. The worthy President, who is their most devoted 'champion, has lately shewn me two copies of verses compofed by a gentleman of this society; the first, a congratulatory ode inscribed to Mrs. Touchwood, upon the loss of her two fore-teeth; the other, a panegyric upon Mrs. Andiron's left shoulder. Mrs. Vizard, he fays, fince the finall-pox, is grown tolerably ugly, and a top toaft in the Club; but I never heard him fo lavish of his fine things, as upon old Nell Trot, who constantly officiates at their table; her he even adores ⚫ and extols as the very counter-part of mother Shipton; in short, Nell, fays he, is one of the extraordinary 6 6 ' works of nature; but as complexion, shape, and for features, so valued by others, they are all mere outfide ' and symmetry, which is his averfion. Give me leave to ' add, D 2 6 a add, that the President is a facetious pleasant gentleman, and never more fo, than when he has got (as he ' calls 'em) his dear Mummers about him; and he ' often protests it does him good to meet a fellow with a right genuine grimace in his air (which is so agreeable in the generality of the French nation); and, as an instance of his fincerity in this particular, he gave me a fight of a list in his pocket-book of all of this class, who for these five years have fallen under ' his observation, with himself at the head of 'em, and in the rear (as one of a promifing and improving aspect), 6 ८ Oxford, March 12, 1710. Sir, Your obliged and humble servant, ALEXANDER CARBUNCLE. N° 18 Wednesday, March 21. -Equitis quoque jam migravit ab aure voluptas HOR. Ep. ii. v. 187. But now our nobles too are fops and vain, a CREECH. Tis my defign in this paper to deliver down to I pofterity faithful account of the Italian opera, and of the grandual progress which it has made upon the English stage; for there is no question but our great grand children will be very curious to know the reason why their forefathers used to fit together like an audience of foreigners in their own country, and to hear whole plays acted before them in a tongue which they did not understand. Arsinoe was the first opera that gave us a taste of Italian music. The great success this opera met with produced fome attempts of forming pieces upon Italian plans, |