How oft have I with admiration ftood,
To view fome city-magiftrate in wood!
I gaze with pleafure on a lord-mayor's head,
Caft with propriety in gilded lead.
Oh could I view, through London as I país,
Some broad Sir Balaam in Corinthian brafs! 160
High on a pedestal, ye freemen, place
His magisterial paunch and griping face;
Letter'd and gilt, let him adorn Cheapfide,
And grant the tradefman what a king's deny'd.
Old coins and medals I collect, 'tis true,
Sir Andrew has 'em, and I'll have 'em too.
But among friends if I the truth might speak,
I like the modern, and despise th' antique.
Tho' in the draw'rs of my japan bureau,
To lady Gripeall I the Cæfars fhew,
'Tis equal to her ladyship or me,
A copper Otho, or a Scotch baubee.
Without Italian, or without an ear,
To Bononcini's mufick I adhere:
Mufick has charms to footh a favage breast, 175
And therefore proper at a sheriff's feast.
My foul has oft a secret pleasure found,
In the harmonious bagpipe's lofty found.
Bagpipes for men, fhrill German-flutes for boys,
I'm English born, and love a grumbling noife. 180
The ftage fhould yield the folemn organ's note,
And fcripture tremble in the eunuch's throat.
Let Senefino fing what David writ,
And hallelujahs charm the pious pit.
Eager in throngs the town to Hefter came,
And Oratorio was a lucky name.
Thou, Heidegger! the English Taste hast found, And rul'ft the mob of quality with found.
In Lent, if mafquerades difpleafe the town,
Call 'em Ridottos, and they ftill go down:
Go on, prince Phiz! to please the British Nation,
Call thy next Masquerade a Convocation.
Bears, lions, wolves, and elephants I breed,
And Philofophical Tranfactions read.
Next lodge I'll be Free-Mafon, nothing lefs, 195
Unless I happen to be F. R. S.
I have a palate, and (as yet) two ears,
Fit company for porters or for peers.
Of ev'ry useful knowledge I've a fhare,
But my top talent is a bill of fare.
Sirloins and rumps of beef offend my eyes,
Pleas'd with frogs fricaffeed, and coxcomb-pies.
Dishes I chufe though little, yet genteel,
Snails the first courfe, and peepers crown the meal.
Pigs heads with hair on much my fancy pleafe, 2057
I love young colly-flow'rs if ftew'd in cheese,
And give ten guineas for a pint of peas.
No tattling fervants to my table come,
My grace is filence, and my waiter dumb.
Queer country-puts extol queen Bess's reign, 210
And of loft hofpitality complain:
Say thou that doft thy father's table praise,
Was there mahogena in former days?
Oh! could a British barony be fold!
I would bright honour buy with dazling gold. 215 Could I the privilege of peer procure,
The rich I'd bully, and opprefs the poor.
To give is wrong, but it is wronger still,
On any terms to pay a tradesman's bill.
I'd make the infolent mechanicks stay,
And keep my ready money all for play.
I'd try if any pleasure could be found,
In toffing up for twenty-thousand pound.
Had I whole counties, I to White's would go,
And fet land, woods, and rivers, at a throw. 225
But fhould I meet with an unlucky run,
And at a throw be gloriously undone,
My debts of honour I'd discharge the first,
Let all my lawful creditors be curs'd:
My title would preferve me from arrest,
And seizing hired horses is a jest.
I'd walk the morning with an oaken stick, With gloves and hat, like my own footman, Dick. A footman I wou'd be, in outward show,
In fenfe, and education, truly fo.
As for my head, it should ambiguous wear
At once a perriwig, and its own hair.
My hair I'd powder in the women's way,
And drefs, and talk of dreffing more than they.
I'll please the maids of honour, if I can ;
Without black velvet breeches, what is man?
I will my skill in button-holes difplay,
And brag how oft I fhift me ev'ry day.
Shall I wear cloaths, in aukward England made?
And sweat in cloth, to help the woollen trade? 245
In French embroid'ry, and in Flanders lace,
I'll spend the income of a treasurer's place.
Deard's bill for baubles fhall to thoufands mount,
And I'd out-di'mond even the di'mond count.
I would convince the world by taudry cloaths 2507
That belles are lefs effeminate than beaux ;
And doctor Lamb fhould pare my lordship's toes.,
To boon companions I my time would give,
With players, pimps, and parafites I'd live.
I would with jockeys from Newmarket dine, 255
And to rough-riders give my choiceft wine.
I would carefs fome ftableman of note,
And imitate his language and his coat.
My ev'nings all I would with sharpers spend,
And make the thief-catcher my bofom friend. 260
In Fig the prize-fighter by day delight,
And fup with Colley Cibber ev'ry night.
Should I perchance be fashionably ill,
I'll fend for Mifaubin, and take his pill.
I fhould abhor, though in the utmo need,
Arbuthnot, Hollins, Wigan, Lee, or Mead:
But if I found that I grew worfe and worse,
I'd turn off Mifaubin and take a nurse.
How oft, when eminent phyficians fail,
Do good old women's remedies prevail !
When beauty's gone, and Chloe's struck with years,
Eyes the can couch, or the can fyringe ears.
Of graduates I dislike the learned rout,
And chufe a female doctor for the gout.
Thus would I live, with no dull pedants curs'd, 275 Sure, of all blockheads, fcholars are the worst. Back to your Univerfities, ye fools,
And dangle arguments on ftrings in schools:
Thofe fchools which Universities they call,
'Twere well for England were there none at all. 280
With ease that lofs the nation might sustain,
Supply'd by Goodman's fields and Drury-lane.
Oxford and Cambridge are not worth one farthing,
Compar'd to Haymarket and Covent-garden :
Quit thofe, ye British youth, and follow these, 285
Turn players all, and take your 'fquires degrees.
Boaft not your incomes now, as heretofore,
Ye book-learn'd feats! the theatres have more:
Ye ftiff-rump'd heads of colleges be dumb;
A fingle eunuch gets a larger fum.
Have fome of you three hundred by the year; Booth, Rich, and Cibber, twice three thoufand clear.
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