that seemed to have been long unconscious of the comb; and all the rest of his equipage impressed with the marks of genuine poverty. absurdity of theirs; for upon the entrance of a middle-aged man, dressed in a cap, dirty shirt, and boots, the whole circle seemed diminished of their former importance, and contend- As he continued to sigh, and testify every ed who should be first to pay their obeisance to symptom of despair, I was naturally led, from the stranger. They somewhat resembled a a motive of humanity, to offer comfort and ascircle of Kalmucks offering incense to a bear. sistance.-You know my heart; and that all Eager to know the cause of so much seem- who are miserable may claim a place there. ing contradiction, I whispered my friend out of The pensive stranger at first declined my conthe room, and found that the august company versation; but at last perceiving a peculiarity consisted of no other than a dancing-master, in my accent and manner of thinking, he began two fiddlers, and a third-rate actor, all assem-to unfold himself by degrees. bled in order to make a set at country-dances; and the middle-aged gentleman whom I saw enter, was a 'squire from the country, and desirous of learning the new manner of footing, and smoothing up the rudiments of his rural 'minuet. I was no longer surprised at the authority which my friend assumed among them, nay, was even displeased (pardon my Eastern education) that he had not kicked every creature of them down stairs. "What," said I, “shall a set of such paltry fellows dress themselves up like sons of kings, and claim even the transitory respect of half an hour! There should be some law to restrain so manifest a breach of privilege: they should go from house to house as in China, with the instruments of their profession strung round their necks; by this means, we might be able to distinguish and treat them in a style of becoming contempt." Hold, my friend, replied my companion, were your reformation to take place, as dancing-masters and fiddlers now mimic gentlemen in appearance, we should then find our fine gentlemen conforming to theirs. A beau might be introduced to a lady of fashion, with a fiddle-case hanging at his neck by a red riband; and, instead of a cane, might carry a fiddle-stick. Though to be as dull as a firstrate dancing-master might be used with proverbial justice; yet, dull as he is, many a fine gentleman sets him up as the proper standard of politeness; copies not only the pert vivacity of his air, but the flat insipidity of his conversation. In short, if you make a law against dancing-masters imitating the fine gentleman, you should with as much reason enact, that no fine gentleman shall imitate the dancing master. After I had left my friend, I made towards home, reflecting as I went upon the difficulty of distinguishing men by their appearance. Invited, however, by the freshness of the evening, I did not return directly, but went to ruminate on what had passed, in a public garden belonging to the city. Here, as I sat upon one of the benches, and felt the pleasing sympathy which nature in bloom inspires, a disconolate figure who sat on the other end of the seat, seemed no way to enjoy the serenity of the season. His dress was miserable beyond description: a thread-bare coat of the rudest materials; a shirt, though clean, yet extremely coarse; hair I now found that he was not so very miserable as he at first appeared; upon my offering him a small piece of money, he refused my favour, yet without appearing displeased at my intended generosity. It is true, he sometimes interrupted the conversation with a sigh, and talked pathetically of neglected merit; yet still I could perceive a serenity in his countenance, that upon a closer inspection, bespoke inward content. Upon a pause in the conversation, I was going to take my leave, when he begged I would favour him with my company home to supper. I was surprised at such a demand from a person of his appearance, but willing to indulge curiosity, I accepted his invitation; and, though I felt some repugnance at being seen with one who appeared so very wretched, went along with seeming alacrity. Still as he approached nearer home, his good humour proportionably seemed to increase. At last he stopped, not at the gate of a hovel, but of a magnificent palace! When I cast my eyes upon all the sumptuous elegance which every where presented upon entering, and then when I looked at my seeming miserable conductor, I could scarcely think that all this finery belonged to him; yet in fact it did. Numerous servants ran through the apartments with silent assiduity; several ladies of beauty, and magnificently dressed, came to welcome his return; a most elegant supper was provided in short, I found the person whom a little before I had sincerely pitied, to be in reality a most refined epicure, one who courted contempt abroad, in order to feel with keener gust the pleasure of pre-eminence at home. Adieu. LETTER LIL FROM THE SAME. How often have we admired the eloquence of Europe! that strength of thinking, that delicacy of imagination, even beyond the efforts of the Chinese themselves. How were we enraptured with those bold figures which sent every sentiment with force to the heart. How have we spent whole days together, in learning those arts by which European writers got within the passions, and led the reader as if by enchantment. But though we have learned most of the rhetorical figures of the last age, yet there seems to be one or two of great use here, which have not yet travelled to China. The figures Imean are called Bawdry and Pertness: none are more fashionable; none so sure of admirers; they are of such a nature, that the merest blockhead, by a proper use of them shall have the reputation of a wit; they lie level to the meanest capacities, and address those passions which all have, or would be ashamed to disown. It has been observed, and I believe with some truth, that it is very difficult for a dunce to obtain the reputation of a wit; yet by the assistance of the figure Bawdry, this may be easily effected, and a bawdry blockhead often passes for a fellow of smart parts and pretensions. Every object in nature helps the jokes forward, without scarcely any effort of the imagination. If a lady stands, something very good may be said upon that; if she happens to fall, with the help of a little fashionable pruriency, there are forty sly things ready on the occasion. But a prurient jest has always been found to give most pleasure to a few very old gentlemen, who, being in some measure dead to other sensations, feel the force of the allusion with double violence on the organs of risibility. An author who writes in this manner is generally sure therefore of having the very old and the impotent among his admirers; for these he may properly be said to write, and from these he ought to expect his reward; his works being often a very proper succedaneum to cantharides, or an assafoetida pill. His pen should be considered in the same light as the squirt of an apothecary, both being directed to the same generous end. But though this manner of writing be perfectly adapted to the taste of gentlemen and ladies of fashion here, yet still it deserves greater praise in being equally suited to the most vulgar apprehensions. The very ladies and gentlemen of Benin or Caffraria are in this respect tolerably polite, and might relish a prurient joke of this kind with critical propriety; probably too with higher gust, as they wear neither breeches nor petticoats to intercept the application. 算 It is certain I never could have thought the ladies here, biassed as they are by education, capable at once of bravely throwing off their prejudices, and not only applauding books in which this figure makes the only merit, but even adopting it in their own conversation. Yet so it is; the pretty innocents now carry those books openly in their hands, which formerly were hid under the cushion; they now lisp their double meanings with so much grace, and talk over the raptures they bestow with such little reserve, that I am sometimes reminded of a custom among the entertainers in China, who think it a piece of necessary breeding to whet the appetites of their guests, by letting them smell dinner in the kitchen, before it is served up to table. The veneration we have for many things, entirely proceeds from their being carefully concealed. Were the idolatrous Tartar permitted to lift the veil which keeps his idol from view, it might be a certain method to cure his future superstition : with what a noble spirit of freedom, therefore, must that writer be possessed, who bravely paints things as they are, who lifts the veil of modesty, who displays the most hidden recesses of the temple, and shows the erring people that the object of their vows is either, perhaps, a mouse or a monkey? much in fashion; though the professors of it However, though this figure be at present so are so much caressed by the great, those perfect judges of literary excellence; yet it is confessed to be only a revival of what was once fashionable here before. There was a time, when by this very manner of writing, the gentle Tom Ďurfey, as I read in English authors, acquired his great reputation, and became the favourite of a king. The works of this original genius, though they never travelled abroad to China, and scarcely have reached posterity at home, were made the subject of polite, I mean very polite once found upon every fashionable toilet, and conversation." Has your Grace seen Mr Durfey's last new thing, the Oylet Hole? A most facetious piece!""Sure, my Lord, all the world must have seen it; Durfey is certainly the most comical creature alive. It is impossible to read his things and live. Was there the 'Squire and Bridget meet in the cellar? ever any thing so natural and pretty, as when And then the difficulties they both find inbroaching the beer barrel, are so arch and so ingenious! language." We have certainly nothing of this kind in the In this manner they spoke then, and in this manner they speak now; for though the successor of Durfey does not excel him in wit, the world must confess he outdoes him in obscenity. There are several very dull fellows, who, by a few mechanical helps, sometimes learn to become extremely brilliant and pleasing; with a little dexterity in the management of the eyebrows, fingers, and nose. By imitating a cat, a sow, and pigs; by a loud laugh, and a slap on the shoulder, the most ignorant are furnished out for conversation. But the writer finds it impossible to throw his winks, his shrugs, or his attitudes upon paper; he may borrow some assistance, indeed, by printing his face at the titlepage; but, without wit, to pass for a man of ingenuity, no other mechanical help but downright obscenity will suffice. By speaking of some peculiar sensations, we are always sure of exciting laughter, for the jest does not lie in the writer, but in the subject. But Bawdry is often helped on by another figure, called pertness; and few indeed are found to excel in one, that are not possessed of the other. As in common conversation, the best way to make the audience laugh is by first laughing Q yourself; so, in writing, the properest manner and sharp; round his neck he wore a broad is to show an attempt at humour, which will black riband, and in his bosom a buckle studded pass upon most for humour in reality. To effect with glass; his coat was trimmed with tarnish this, readers must be treated with the most per-ed twist; he wore by his side a sword with a fect familiarity; in one page the author is to make them a low bow, and in the next to pull them by the nose; he must talk in riddles, and then send them to bed, in order to dream for the solution. He must speak of himself, and his chapters, and his manner, and what he would be at, and his own importance, and his mother's importance, with the most unpitying prolixity; now and then testifying his contempt for all but himself, smiling without a jest, and without wit professing vivacity. Adieu. LETTER LIIL FROM THE SAME. THOUGH naturally pensive, yet I am fond of gay company, and take every opportunity of thus dismissing the mind from duty. From this motive, I am often found in the centre of a crowd; and wherever pleasure is to be sold, am always a purchaser. In those places, without being remarked by any, I join in whatever goes forward; work my passions into a similitude of frivolous earnestness, shout as they shout, and condemn as they happen to disapprove. A mind thus sunk for a while below its natural standard, is qualified for stronger flights, as those first retire who would spring forward with greater vigour. black hilt; and his stockings of silk, though That's Ah, Tibbs, thou art a happy fellow, cried my companion, with looks of infinite pity; I hope your fortune is as much improved as your Attracted by the serenity of the evening, my understanding in such company? Improved, friend and I lately went to gaze upon the com- replied the other; you shall know,-but let it pany in one of the public walks near the city. go no farther,-a great secret-five hundred aHere we sauntered together for some time, year to begin with.-My lord's word of honour either praising the beauty of such as were hand- for it-his lordship took me down in his own some, or the dresses of such as had nothing chariot yesterday, and we had a tete-a-tete dinelse to recommend them. We had gone thus ner in the country, where we talked of nothing deliberately forward for some time, when, else. I fancy you forget, Sir, cried I, you told stopping on a sudden, my friend caught me by us but this moment of your dining yesterday in the elbow, and led me out of the public walk. town. Did I say so? replied he coolly; to be I could perceive by the quickness of his pace, sure if I said so, it was so-dined in town: and by his frequently looking behind, that he egad, now I do remember, I did dine in town; was attempting to avoid somebody who follow- but I dined in the country too; for you must ed: we now turned to the right, then to the left, know, my boys, I eat two dinners. By the bye, as we went forward he still went faster, but in I am grown as nice as the devil in my eating. vain; the person whom he attempted to escape I'll tell you a pleasant affair about that: We hunted us through every doubling, and gained were a select party of us to dine at Lady Groupon us each moment: so that at last we fair-gram's, an affected piece, but let it go no farly stood still, resolving to face what we could not avoid. Our pursuer soon came up, and joined us with all the familiarity of an old acquaintance. My dear Drybone, cries he, shaking my friend's hand, where have you been hiding this half a century? Positively I had fancied you were gone to cultivate matrimony and your estate in the country. During the reply, I had an opportunity of surveying the appearance of our new companion: his hat was pinched up with peculiar smartness; his looks were pale, thin, ther; a secret: well, there happened to be no assafoetida in the sauce to a turkey, upon which, says I, I'll hold a thousand guineas, and say, done first, that—but dear Drybone, you are an honest creature, lend me half-a-crown for a minute or two, or so, just till-but hearkee, ask me for it the next time we meet, or it may be twenty to one but I forget to pay you. When he left us, our conversation naturally turned upon so extraordinary a character. His very dress, cries my friend, is not less extraordinary than his conduct. If you meet him this day, you find him in rags; if the next, in embroidery. With those persons of distinction of whom he talks so familiarly, he has scarcely a coffee house acquaintance. However, both for the interests of society, and perhaps for his own, Heaven has made him poor, and while all the world perceive his wants, he fancies them concealed from every eye. An agreeable companion, because he understands flattery; and all must be pleased with the first part of his conversation, though all are sure of its ending with a demand on their purse. While his youth countenances the levity of his conduct, he may thus earn a precarious subsistence but when age comes on, the gravity of which is incompatible with buffoonery, then will he find himself forsaken by all; condemned in the decline of life to hang upon some rich family whom he once despised, there to undergo all the ingenuity of studied contempt, to be employed only as a spy upon the servants, or a bugbear to fright the children into obedience. Adieu. LETTER LIV. TO THE SAME. I AM apt to fancy I have contracted a new acquaintance whom it will be no easy matter to shake off. My little beau yesterday overtook me again in one of the public walks, and slapping me on the shoulder, saluted me with an air of the most perfect familiarity. His dress was the same as usual, except that he had more powder in his hair, wore a dirtier shirt, a pair of temple spectacles, and his hat under his arm. As I knew him to be a harmless amusing little thing, I could not return his smiles with any degree of severity; so we walked forward on terms of the utmost intimacy, and in a few minutes discussed all the usual topics preliminary to particular conversation. The oddities that marked his character, however, soon began to appear; he bowed to several well-dressed persons, who by their manner of returning the compliment, appeared perfect strangers. At intervals he drew out a pocket book, seeming to take memorandums before all the company, with much importance and assiduity. In this manner he led me through the length of the whole walk, fretting at his absurdities, and fancying myself laughed at not less than him by every spectator. 66 the world laughs at me, I laugh at the world, and so we are even. My Lord Trip, Bill Squash the Creolian, and I, sometimes make a party at being ridiculous; and so we say and do a thousand things for the joke's sake. But I see you are grave, and if you are for a fine grave sentimental companion, you shall dine with me and my wife to-day; I must insist on't: I'll introduce you to Mrs Tibbs, a lady of as elegant qualifications as any in nature; she was bred, but that's between ourselves, under the inspection of the Countess of Allnight. A charming body of voice; but no more of that, she will give us a song. You shall see my little girl too, Carolina Wilhelmina Amelia Tibbs, a sweet pretty creature! I design her for my Lord Drumstick's eldest son; but that's in friendship, let it go no farther; she's but six years old, and yet she walks a minuet, and plays on the guitar immensely already. I intend she shall be as perfect as possible inevery accomplishment. In the first place, I'll make her a scholar: I'll teach her Greek myself, and learn that language purposely to instruct her; but let that be a secret. Thus saying, without waiting for a reply, he took me by the arm, and hauled me along. We passed through many dark alleys and winding ways; for, from some motives to me unknown, he seemed to have a particular aversion to every frequented street; at last, however, we got to the door of a dismal-looking house in the outlets of the town, where he informed me he chose to reside for the benefit of the air. We entered the lower door, which ever seemed to lie most hospitably open; and I began to ascend an old and creaking staircase, when, as he mounted to show me the way, he demanded, whether I delighted in prospects; to which answering in the affirmative," Then,' says he, "I shall show you one of the most charming in the world, out of my window : we shall see the ships sailing, and the whole country for twenty miles round, tip top, quite high. My Lord Swamp would give ten thousand guineas for such a one; but as I sometimes pleasantly tell him, I always love to keep my prospects at home, that my friends may visit me the oftener." By this time we were arrived as high as the stairs would permit us to ascend, till we came to what he was facetiously pleased to call the first floor down the chimney; and knocking at the door, a voice from within demanded, who's there? My conductor answered that it was him. But this not satisfying the querist, the voice again repeated the demand; to which he answered louder than before; and now the door was opened by an old woman with cautious reluctance. When we were got to the end of our procession, "Blast me," cries he, with an air of vivacity, I never saw the park so thin in my life before? there's no company at all to-day; not a single face to be seen.' No company! interrupted I peevishly; no company where there is such a crowd? why, man, there's too much. When we were got in, he welcomed me to What are the thousands that have been laugh- his house with great ceremony, and turning to ing at us but company? "Lord, my dear," re- the old woman, asked where was her lady' turned he, with the utmost good humour, "you"Good troth," replied she in a peculiat seem immensely chagrined: but blast me, when dialect, "she's washing your twa shirts at the next door, because they have taken an oath | and, after having shown my respect to the house, against lending out the tub any longer." My according to the fashion of the English, by two shirts," cried he in a tone that faltered giving the old servant a piece of money at the with confusion, "what does the idiot mean?" door, I took my leave; Mrs Tibbs assuring "I ken what I mean weel enough," replied the me, that dinner, if I stayed, would be ready at other: "she's washing your twa shirts at the least in less than two hours. next door, because-" "Fire and fury, no more of thy stupid explanations," cried he; "go and inform her we have got company. Were that Scotch hag to be for ever in my family, she would never learn politeness, nor forget that absurd poisonous accent of her's, or testify the smallest specimen of breeding or high life; and yet it is very surprising too, as I had her from a parliament man, a friend of mine from the Highlands, one of the politest men in the world; but that's a secret." We waited some time for Mrs Tibbs' arrival, during which interval I had a full opportunity of surveying the chamber and all its furniture; which consisted of four chairs with old wrought bottoms, that he assured me were his wife's embroidery; a square table that had been once japanned; a cradle in one corner, a lumber cabinet in the other; a broken shepherdess, and a mandarine without a head, were stuck over the chimney; and round the walls several paltry unframed pictures, which, he observed, were all his own drawing. "What do you think, Sir, of that head in the corner, done in the manner of Grisoni? there's the true keeping in it; it is my own face, and though there happens to be no likeness, a Countess offered me a hundred for its fellow; I refused her, for, hang it, that would be mechanical you know." The wife at last made her appearance, at once a slattern and a coquette; much emaciated, but still carrying the remains of beauty. She made twenty apologies for being seen in such odious dishabille, but hoped to be excused, as she had stayed all night at the gardens with the Countess, who was excessively fond of the horns. "And, indeed, my dear," added she, turning to her husband, "his lordship drank your health in a bumper."-" Poor Jack," cries he, "a dear good-natured creature, I know he loves me; But I hope, my dear, you have given orders for dinner; you need make no great preparations neither, there are but three of us; something elegant, and little will do; a turbot, an ortolan, a-"" Or what do you think, my dear," interrupts the wife," of a nice pretty bit of ox-cheek, piping hot, and dressed with a little of my own sauce?"-"The very thing," replies he, "it will eat best with some smart bottled beer: but be sure to let us have the sauce his Grace was so fond of. I hate your immense loads of meat, that is country all over; extremely disgusting to those who are in the least acquainted with high life." By this time my curiosity began to abate, and my appetite to increase: the company of fools may at first make us smile, but at last never fails of rendering us melancholy; I therefore pretended to recollect a prior engagement, LETTER LV. FROM FUM HOAM TO ALTANGI, THE DISCONTENTED WANDERER. THE distant sounds of music, that catch new sweetness as they vibrate through the longdrawn valley, are not more pleasing to the ear than the tidings of a far distant friend. I have just received two hundred of thy letters by the Russian caravan, descriptive of the manners of Europe. You have left it to geographers to determine the size of their mountains and extent of their lakes, seeming only employed in discovering the genius, the government, and disposition of the people. In those letters I perceive a journal of the operations of your mind upon whatever occurs, rather than a detail of your travels from one building to another; of your taking a draught of this ruin, or that obelisk; of paying so many Tomans for this commodity, or laying up a proper store for the passage of some new wilderness. From your account of Russia, I learn that this nation is again relaxing into pristine barbar. ity; that its great emperor wanted a life of a hundred years more, to bring about his vast design. A savage people may be resembled to their own forests; a few years are sufficient to clear away the obstructions to agriculture; but it requires many, ere the ground acquires a proper degree of fertility; the Russians, attached to their ancient prejudices, again renew their hatred to strangers, and indulge every former brutal excess. So true it is, that the revolutions of wisdom are slow and difficult; the revolutions of folly or ambition precipitate and easy. We are not to be astonished, says Confucius,*that the wise walk more slowly in their road to virtue, than fools in their passage to vice; since passion drags us along, while wisdom only points out the way. The German empire, that remnant of the majesty of ancient Rome, appears from your account, on the eve of dissolution. The members of its vast body want every tie of government to unite them, and seem feebly held together only by their respect for ancient institutions. The very name of country and countrymen, which in other nations makes one of the strongest bonds of government, has been *Though this fine maxim be not found in the Latin cribed to him by Le Conte Etat present de la Chine, edition of the morals of Confucius, yet we find it is as vol. i. p. 342. |