O, had her eyes forgot to blaze! Miss frown'd and blush'd, and then was-married. Need we expose to vulgar sight The honey-moon like lightning flew; * [Here followed, in the first edition: "Our alter'd parson now began Made sonnets, lisp'd his sermons o'er, The allusion to the "bailiffs pump'd" applies to an incident in the Poet's own college career. See Life, ch. iii.] ↑ ["And though she felt his visage rough."-Orig.] Found half the charms that deck'd her face Arose from powder, shreds, or lace: But still the worst remain'd behind, face had robb'd her mind. That very Skill'd in no other arts was she, But dressing, patching, repartee; And, just as humor rose or fell, By turns a slattern or a belle. 'Tis true she dress'd with modern grace, Half naked at a ball or race; But when at home, at board or bed, Five greasy night-caps wrapp'd her head. To be a dull domestic friend? In short, by night, 'twas fits or fretting; Of powder'd coxcombs at her levy ; The 'squire and captain took their stations, And twenty other near relations: Jack suck'd his pipe, and often broke A sigh in suffocating smoke;t While all their hours were pass'd between Insulting repartee or spleen. Thus as her faults each day were known, He thinks her features coarser grown; ["Now tawdry madam kept a bevy."-Orig.] t["She in her turn became perplexing, And found substantial bliss in vexing."-Ib.] He fancies every vice she shows, Or thins her lip, or points her nose: How wide her mouth, how wild her eyes! Her face is grown a knowing phiz; And, though her fops are wond'rous civil, He thinks her ugly as the devil. Now to perplex the ravell'd noose, As each a different way pursues, While sullen or loquacious strife Promised to hold them on for life, That dire disease, whose ruthless power Withers the beauty's transient flower:Lo! the small pox, whose horrid glare Levell'd its terrors at the fair; And, rifling every youthful grace, Left but the remnant of a face. The glass, grown hateful to her sight, Reflected now a perfect fright: Each former art she vainly tries Poor madam, now condemn'd to hack The rest of life with anxious Jack, 140 Perceiving others fairly flown, For tawdry finery is seen A NEW SIMILE. IN THE MANNER OF SWIFT. Long had I sought in vain to find * [Printed in the Essays, 1765.] Imprimis; pray observe his hat, Well! what is it from thence we gather? In the next place, his feet peruse, I'm sure it may be justly said, His feet are useful as his head. Lastly, vouchsafe t' observe his hand, Though ne'er so much awake before, Add too, what certain writers tell, Now to apply, begin we then : His wand's a modern author's pen; |