matters above stairs; as, in page 19, the Adamses do condescend to know that there is a kitchen. "Young persons," they tell us first, "on entering into service, should endeavour to divest themselves of their former habits." This is a very just remark; and those who go where livery is given, will probably, indeed, be required to do so. Being then started, as we may suppose, in their career, they are next advised to move in life-somehow after the manner of "a pair of compasses" -having "one foot fixed, while the other keeps in motion !" This style of "moving" is described to be meant chiefly for " men servants ;" and certainly as well as we understand it-going round with one leg out, and holding fast with the other!any such posture, for females, would be both reprehensible and ridiculous. Still, how even a man who keeps one foot fixed, is to get on in the world, we don't entirely see. Page 36 warns the female servant not to "make friendships with," or "take the advice" of "milk people, butchers, or keepers of chandler's shops, green stalls, charwomen," &c.; "for mostly such seek only their own interest and profit in everything." "If any proposal that is new, or unexpectedly profitable"-taking the candles whole, probably, instead of abstracting the ends of them-" is made to her," she should "consult some relation, or her mistress, (confidentially.)" Page 200, on the "Elements of Roasting," requires a correction. Mrs Adams says, "Before the spit is drawn out from the meat, let it be wiped clean." We should move, as an amendment, the taking this precaution before it is put into it. The lady's maid should receive, it appears, from "L.18 a-year, wages, to L.25" besides "tea and washing." And, considering that she has to dress, re-dress, and undress," her mistress; "sew nether socks and mend them," and be competent in all that "appertains to emphasis, modulation, and delivery," to read every variety of poetry or prose, ode or epistle, comedy or sermon-as, for this purpose, she must take lessons in elocution from Mr Thelwall (if she does not go to the expense of having her stays made by him), we don't think this al lowance is "altogether out of the way." There are farther duties, however, and more mysterious, also devolve upon this young woman; and some of the recipes confided to her for the use of the dressing-closet-we hate "violating the sanctity," and so forth; butwe must have 'em out. For example, to select "DR WITHERING'S COSMETIC LOTION." "Withering" is not an unhappy name for a doctor who makes cosmetics. And his "lotion" is produced by the odd combination of "a tea-cup full of milk-soured," with a quantity of scraped horse-radish. No. II. shall be "LEMON CREAM, FOR SUNBURNS and FRECKLES." "Put two spoonfuls of sweet cream into half a pint of new milk; squeeze into it the juice of a lemon; add half a glass of good brandy, and a little loaf sugar."-This must be meant to be taken inwardly. It stands as a "wash," and the mistake should be corrected. "DARWIN'S OINTMENT FOR PIMPLES," consisting of "six drachms of mercury, six grains flour of sulphur, and two ounces of hogs-lard," might not be a bad ointment for other complaints besides pimples. A "pomade given for removing wrinkles," has cleverness; but the only safe way with these is, plaster of Paris, and fill them up. The "original receipt for preparing Hungary water, written in letters of gold, in the hand-writing of Elizabeth, Queen of Hungary," is rather shocking. The first ingredient will be suf ficient for our female readers. "Take of aqua-vitæ, four times distilled, three parts, &c." "Is this the beauteous Majesty of Denmark?" We don't believe any queen ever lived that could have written such a thing. The recipe for "killing flies," seems to be good-if, like the rats, the patients could be prevailed upon to try it. In all well-regulated families, however, the flies are caught by the under porter. Pages 285 to 294 arc devoted to the instruction of the "servant of all work." The feeling heart will be rent in twain by the description of the sufferings of this victim; who may be considered as the Enfant perdu of Esclavage.* In that which follows, respecting the duties of the dairy-maid, Since writing the above, we hear with great satisfaction, that the example of the drapers' shopmen has stimulated these unhappy females. They have had t a critique upon Alderney cows, throws a new light upon the habits and social compact of those animals. "Alderney cows yield rich milk upon less food than larger cows, but are seldom large milkers, and are particularly scanty of produce in the winter. Wages, from L.8 to L.12 a-year. Perquisites ld. a pound for butter," &c. The footman is admonished, in knocking at a door, to assert the dignity of his own family; but at the same time to remember the " nerves of the neighbourhood." We don't well understand what this tends to-we should like to catch Mr Adams (if he were our footman) imagining that there were any nerves in the world but our own. " When he (the flunky) walks out behind his mistress, he should preserve a modest demeanour," &c. This is very true, and very important to be attended to. It is dreadful to see a rascal, who walks behind an old lady, thrusting his tongue into his cheek at the passengers, or seeming to threaten his mistress with her own cane, as he goes along. Meanwhile, the injured dow ager, not having eyes behind her, sees the people laugh as she passes, and can't conceive at what. Persons, howeyer, who can laugh at all at such atrocity as this, may depend upon it they are tickled by the devil,* In page 398, the properties of a hall porter are discussed; and "every hair on his beard," we are told, should have "its effect" of mysteriousness, as well as of "gravity." He should have a good face to stand to a lie, (i. e. an inflexible countenance,") and should not even answer such a question as "What's o'clock ?" without some diplomatic reservation. It is "record ed" of the porter of a minister of state, who died in the morning, that, on being asked if the fact were true in the afternoon, be replied, that "really he could not tell;" but "if the party would give him his card, he would make inquiry." This (says Mr Adams) was a well-trained porter. Wages, from L24 to L.30 per annum." 66 66 **out On the remaining dispensations of the "Complete Servant," we must he brief; because this article-like Falstaff's belly-has already grown of all reasonable compass." The qua lifications of a governess, or “ youvernante," are set down at considerable length; and these, of course, are the work of the " Lady of Rank,” already alluded to. The " Expositions of Law," as referable to the contracts between master and apprentice; the hirings and discharges of servants; the fining of waggon and sedan-chair porters; summoning hackney-coachmen, &c. &c., are a good deal in the style of Mr Jeremy Bentham. The "Modes of address" to persons of all ranks, and "tables of precedency," from the sons of kings" down to the daughters of burgesses," have most likely been supplied either by Sir Richard Phillips, whose familiarity with the great people is notorious, of by Mr Sheriff Parkins, who learned something of such matters during his acquaintance with the late Princess of Cumberland. The pronouncing vocabulary of French, by the "Wicount Soligny," is so admirable, that we have no choice but to afford a short specimen. It is the duty of a reviewer- (we shall write a book, called the "Complete Reviewer," immediately; such a Guide" is very much want ed) to give publicity to these novelties, upon which so much depends in the way of general improvement. But this extract even to the passing over the "Barometer of Temperance and Intemperance"-must be our last.† "Dieu et mon droit (pronounce) Dew-a-mon-drway."-Bravo, Tims! "Double entendre (pronounce) meetings at the sign of "The Blighted Besom ;" and have resolved nem, con, to go to bed every night for the future at ten o'clock, At the same time when we say this-advocating a gravity of demeanour-we are of opinion that a servant should look like a servant-clothes made with plenty of cloth a large cocked hat-light blue breeches-yellow waistcoat-and whole rivers of lace! Every man's servant should be known, like a constellation, a great way off. There is an amusement in making a Merry-Andrew of one's fellow-crea ture; and, besides-unless to distinguish him-what do you give the fellow clothes at all for? + This "Barometer" is an important engine, inasmuch as that it completely explodes the new doctrines of craniology and predestination; and shows that (as we Doo-blean-tan-der."-Why, this is a more exquisite pronunciation than the other! "Vive le Roi," (is admirable) veev • ler-wau." But" Valet de chambre-val-e-desham," is wrong. It's wally-go-shum; and the Wicount ought to know it. On the whole, we are glad to see servants in the way of learning how to pronounce French accurately, (and other things of moment,) in this coun try; because we have to contend with difficulties in the management of them, beyond those which exist upon the Continent. As a people, our character is anything rather than temporizing or submissive; the vulgarest man has too much impertinence of his own, to have any toleration for the imperti-, nence of anybody else. Then there are more women employed as domestic servants in England than in France, which is another reason why we cannot hope to get on so peaceably. The author of the "Moyens de former un Domestique" makes a discovery something to this purpose; though less open to ocular impression from the fact than we are. Men-servants, with us, are troublesome; but they don't change their situations half so con stantly as women. And this arises, probably, from the fact of their being dealt with on a more severe and summary system. If a gentleman is replied upon by his groom or coachman, he strips off his livery, pays him his wages, kicks him out of the house, and the affair is settled. If he be wise, having once resolved to put away the offender, he sees him off his premises smack!-at least, that is our way of doing things,-vomits the rogue out of his doors, though at midnight-and his "box" after him out of the window. If it should be very heavy rain and thunder-and if there should be no house open, nor hackney-coach possibly to be procnred-perhaps, if he says he does not know where to go to, you may desire the watchman to provide him with a lodging. But then this can't be done with women. There is a sort of privilege of sex, which their linsey-woolsey-ships domineer upon, quite fearless of the defeat, which is a month's warning" off; and especially as the privilege of having the "last word," becomes insured them in all disputes until that month is determined.* At the same time, if the case be difficult, there is the more cause that we should "use the means." This Number of the Magazine will be charged (to servants) at only half a crown. Let them "read it," as Cobbett would say ; and "lend it to their friends at next door ;" that is, unless they should live in a house detached, so that there is no next door. Let them recollect the "Savings Bank;" study better books than the "Last Dying Speech," and the "Terrific Register!" wash their hands constantly; use the small-tooth comb perpetually; be sure that service, though it be "no inheritance," should be cherished--For why? because it is their only inheritance. Let them do this; and our grace, " from the housekeeper down to the errand boy," as Mrs Adams has it-be upon them. always believed) a man's fate in life is really determined. not at all by that which the hand of Providence has put into his head, but by that which, with his own hand, he may put into his stomach. Water, it declares, being drunk systematically, produces in its operation," health and wealth;" gin and bitters, "obscenity and swindling;" flip, lying, with pains in the limbs, and burnings of the soles of the feet," and small beer, "reputation, long life, and happiness." Blessed must be the brewers who make this" beer;" blessed the horses (as well as the chandlers) that draw it; and a sort of blessing should even rest upon the very drays in which it is carried about! It is a curious fact, that the great retail linen drapers and haberdashers of London defend the employment of men in their shops, upon the ground that women are impracticable. Females are to be got cheaper, they say, and can perform the same duty; but, where numbers are employed, what between their mutual squabbles, and their disposition to quiz customers, many who began by retaining them, have been compelled to change, to avoid a total loss of trade. VOL. XVIII. D He who has travelled by night, need not be told of the comforts of the mail-coach from the setting to the rising sun; and even somewhile after this grand event, the jaded way-farer does not acknowledge much benefit from the return of his beams. "De There is a wonderful display of cheerfulness among the passengers on taking place; such a bustle with comforters for the neck; such a perking up of un-statuary-looking heads, while they are adjusted, and such sagacity of remark when the affair is accomplished and the jerking his noddle backwards and forwards to find how it works within its woollen trenches, seems at length to say, "All's Well." vilish sharp evening," is likely enough to be the first observation, if it comes from one under thirty years of age; but the senators of the coach, the plump round-bellied sexagenarians, hint the chances of a severe winter, with laconic sagacity, which would imply that they are in the secret, but above all, because it is so much cleverer to predict things to come, than dilate on things present.-Anybody could do the latter; but, excepting Joanna Southcote, and Prince Hohenlohe, who, in these days, have we had worth speaking of in the trade of prophesying? To talk of cold in a coach, operates as certainly on the inmates in producing a general chilling, as if a chemist had begun to mingle the ingredients of a freezing mixture. Such a stir in the ant-hill, such puffing and blowing to collect the caloric, a new arrangement of the neck cloth, and an additional button to the bodycoat; the upper benjamin, which had perhaps strayed across the limbs of a more thinly clad neighbour, is instantly recalled, and tightly fastened above and under, to prevent any more desertions; the window glasses are sharply examined, and some unquestioned truisms discharged against the negligence of the proprietors. Each one dovetails his knees between those of his opposite fellow-traveller, and carefully arranges his well-stuffed pockets on his lap, to save his sandwiches from the percussion of his neighbour, which he dreads as much as Captain Parry would an iceberg; and having thus arranged everything, and provided against accidents, ten to one but they throw themselves back, and burying new ones; I have alluded to the general complaisance of fellow-travellers on first setting out ;- every man is brim-full of observation; such a running over of acuteness and facility of remark, that you suspect that if you had not Geoffrey Crayon himself at your side, you had certainly the rare fortune, at least, of having some portion of his family. It is the kind of exhilaration which a mask produces, where, the real character being unknown, every one may assume what he chooses,-when the little wit a man may have, he may safely bring forth, because he calcuold lates that the party will be broken up before his stock is exhausted. arguments, like stale dishes, are garnished and served up as illustrations worn thread-bare, till, from frequent use, they darken, rather than illustrate, the subject to which they are applied, now come forth like giants refreshed, or like antique jewels in a new setting. Your merry fellows, and your ready fellows, are now in their right place-they have no fear of meeting an officious friend to hold up his finger at their best story, as if he would say, “The joke is familiar to me;" a man cursed with such a companion, reminds me of a chamber candlestick with an extinguisher hanging by its side. In compliance with the kind of incognito to which the coach is so favourable, most people wish to assume every character but their own-no wonder ; ourselves are to ourselves like an every-day suit which, however good, becomes confoundedly tiresome, and we put aside both, and gladly at times take the use of another, not that it can fit us better, but because it shows us in a new light. There is some shyness also about profession, in a coach, chiefly because our exact rank in it may not always be known, and which may be necessary to secure our respectability in it. By courtesy, every one who buys and sells is called a merchant, but the claim to it is felt to be doubtful, so long as the claimant stands behind a counter; and till that is abandoned, therefore, little is said about the matter. Military folks, under the rank of captain, are shy enough about their calling. Who would be thought an ensign or a lieutenant ? In so heroic a profession, what is the use of these beggarly gradations, except to break the spirit? Cornet Battier's affair has given a death-blow to standard-bearers. A captain is well enough-the name may at least be uttered with safety; majors are pot-bellied and brim-full of pride; colonels, conceited and regimental; generalsbut they are for the most part old, and ought therefore to be treated reverentially. These three last classes are much too consequential for a coach, and therefore not a word of the armylist while they are between its doors. Lawyers are afraid of being mistaken for attorneys, who, they know, are constantly pecked at by a company, like a hawk among singing-birds--and attorneys are so little sure of themselves, that they are jealous lest they be supposed something even worse. The clergy would all be bishops; the bishops would faint if they were suspected to be of the saints; both classes abhor the idea of a curacy, and no one dislikes the reality of it so much as he who possesses it; for all these reasons, and to avoid misconstruction, not a word of the pulpit, and no pretence to a Divine Legation while among the ribalds of a mail-coach. A farmer is prudent on the subject of crops, unless the receipt for his last rent is in his pocket; and the grain pedlars at Mark-lane might be guessed at, by their shyness about the late averages. Generally speaking, no one lets himself out so freely as the sailor. He looks always as if he was brim-fulleverything is matter of novelty to him; he is as easily excited as a kitten with a straw or a dangling thread. You may discover him (if he does not make the disclosure himself) by his ill-brushed coat, and his hat turned up on all sides like a polygon. He is restless and watchful to learn the trim of the vessel, and if he has reached the rank of master, betrays some anxiety to take the management. I travelled once from Chathan with one of this class; not a word broke from him, though he was as eager and busy, now looking to this side, now to that as if it was a dark and gusty night in the Chops of the Channel. We were more than once interrupted by one of those huge waggons which show with Majesty the privilege of eight horses. He seemed to shrink under its huge bulk, and, as it passed us, and threw a deep cloud around, to crouch into his corner, to keep the frail bark from foundering; but all his animation revived with a long line of carts, which nearly blocked up the road, and maintained a running fire with the coachman: Here he was again himself, amid this flotilla of cock-boats; Gulliver himself never looked more manfully when dragging the navy of Lilliput after him. Broadside after broadside did he pour among them, in all the variety of objurgation and execration familiar to the gun-room; and, as we passed these land-pirates, as he called them, threw himself back on his seat, and wound up his notions of discipline and legislation, by growling through his teeth,-"By the Lord, there should be a law to shoot these fellows!" By and by conversation slackens in the coach, observations are seldom made, and answers less frequently, and less fully given; and if one, more adven. turous than the rest, will, in spite of all these indications, continue to prate, he is at length rewarded with the chilling monosyllables, Yes, and No, to all his inquiries, uttered in a tone which needs no commentary on its meaning. I could never learn why people are so jealous of their appearance when sleeping; but you may always notice that a drowsy man, before he finally drops into the arms of Morpheus, peeps every now and then about him to watch the effect of it on the company; and if he discovers sly winks, or the remains of a smile lurking about the mouth of his fellow-travellers, adieu to a nap for that evening. He sits as much on the alert against such frailty of his nature, as if a cask of gunpowder was beneath him, and tasks his ingenuity to ascertain, from the shreds and patches of the remarks of those about him, whether he had any share of the subject. I never heard one acknowledge that they snored in sleep; it is as stoutly denied as any of the deadly sius. A man might own it to his confessor, or admit it on the rack, but nothing short of either predicament couid force the odious charge upon him, and yet the practice rests on good authority. I have heard a grave judge |