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JARVIS. Ay, we have one or other of that family in this house from morning till night. He comes on the old affair, I suppose. The match between his son that's just return'd from Paris, and Miss Riehland, the young lady he's guardian to.
HONEYWOOD. Perhaps so. Mr. Croaker, knowing my friendship for the young lady, has got it into his head that I can persuade her to what I please.
JARVIS. Ah! if you loved yourself but half as well as she loves you, we should soon see a marriage that would set all things to rights again.
HONEYWOOD. Love me! Sure, Jarvis, you dream. No, no; her intimacy with me never amounted to more than friendship—mere friendship. That she is the most lovely woman that ever warm’d the human heart with desire, I own. But never let me harbour a thought of making her unhappy, by a connection with one so unworthy her merits as I am. No, Jarvis, it shall be my study to serve her, even in spite of my wishes; and to secure her happiness, though it destroys my own.
HONEYWood. Besides, Jarvis, though I could obtain Miss Richland's consent, do you think I could succeed with her guardian,or Mrs. Croaker his wife; who, though both very fine in their way, are yet a little opposite in their dispositions, you know.
Opposite enough, heaven knows; the very reverse of each other ; she all laugh and no joke ; he always complaining and never sorrowful; a fretful poor soul that has a new distress for every hour in the four and twenty
One who's voice is a passing bell
HONEYWOOD, Well, well, go, do.
JARVIS. A raven that bodes nothing but mischief; a coffin and cross bones; a bundle of rue ; a sprig of deadly night shade; 4-(Honeywood stopping his mouth, at last pushes him off.)
HONEYWOOD. I must own my old monitor is not entirely wrong. There is something in my friend Croaker's conversation that quite depresses me. His very mirth is an antidote to all gaiety, and his appearance has a stronger effect on my spirits than an undertaker's shop.--Mr. Croaker, this is such a satisfaction
CROAKER. A pleasant morning to Mr. Honeywood, and many of them. How is this! you look most shockingly to day, my dear friend. I hope this weather does not affect your spirits. To be sure, if this weather continues-I say nothing But God send we be all better this day three months.
HONEYWOOD. I heartily concur in the wish, though I own not in
CROAKER. May be not ! indeed what signifies what weather we have in a country going to ruin like ours ? taxes rising and trade falling. Money flying out of the kingdom, and Jesuits swarming into it. I know at this time no less than an hundred and twenty-seven Jesuits between Charing-cross and Temple-bar.
HONEYWOOD. The Jesuits will scarce pervert you or me, I should hope.
CROAKER. May be not. Indeed what signifies whom they pervert in a country that has scarce any religion to lose? I'm only afraid for our wives and daughters.
HONEYWOOD. I have no apprehensions for the ladies, I assure you.
CROAKER. May be not. Indeed what signifies whether they be perverted or no ? the women in my time were good for something. I have seen a lady drest from top to toe in her own manufactures formerly. But now-a-days the devil a thing of their own manufacture 's about them, except their faces.
HONEYWOOD. But, however these faults may be practised abroad, you don't find them at home, either with Mrs. Croaker, Olivia, or Miss Richland.
CROAKER, The best of them will never be canoniz'd for a saint when she's dead. By the bye, my dear friend, I don't find this match between Miss Richland and my son much relished, either by one side or t’other.
I thought otherwise.
Ah, Mr. Honeywood, a little of your
fine serious advice to the young lady might go far: I know she has a very exalted opinion of your understanding.
HONEYWOOD. But would not that be usurping an authority that more properly belongs to yourself.
My dear friend, you know but little of my authority at home. People think, indeed, because they see me come out in a morning thus, with a pleasant face, and to make my
that all's well within. But I have cares that would break an heart of stone. My wife has so encroached upon every
my privileges, that I'm now no more than a mere lodger in my own house.
HONEYWOOD. But a little spirit exerted on your side might perhaps restore your authority.
No, though I had the spirit of a lion! I do rouse sometimes. But what then! always haggling and haggling. A man is tired of getting the better beore his wife is tired of losing the victory.