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Of all the notable things on earth,
English and Irish, French and Spanish,
In one conglomeration!
So subtle a tangle of blood, indeed,
Depend upon it, my snobbish friend,
Or, worse that that, your boasted line
JOHN G. SAXE.
And for tricks that are vain, The heathen Chinee is peculiar :
Which the same I would rise to explain.
Ah Sin was his name;
And I shall not deny
In regard to the same
What that name might imply;
But his smile it was pensive and childlike,
As I frequent remarked to Bill Nye.
It was August the third,
And quite soft was the skies, Which it might be inferred
That Ah Sin was likewise :
Yet he played it that day upon William And me in a way I despise.
Which we had a small game,
He did not understand;
But he smiled, as he sat by the table,
Yet the cards they were stocked
In a way that I grieve,
At the state of Nye's sleeve,
Which was stuffed full of aces and bowers, And the same with intent to deceive.
But the hands that were played
By that heathen Chinee,
And the points that he made,
Were quite frightful to see
Till at last he put down a right bower, Which the same Nye had dealt unto me.
Then I looked up at Nye,
And he gazed upon me; And he rose with a sigh,
And said, "Can this be?
We are ruined by Chinese cheap labor," And he went for that heathen Chinee.
In the scene that ensued
I did not take a hand,
But the floor it was strewed
Like the leaves on the strand
With the cards that Ah Sin had been hiding In the game "he did not understand."
In his sleeves, which were long,
Which was coming it strong,
Yet I state but the facts.
And we found on his nails, which were taper — What is frequent in tapers- that's wax.
BACHELOR'S HALL, what a comical place it is! Keep me from such all the days of my life! Sure but he knows what a burning disgrace it is, Never at all to be getting a wife.
See the old bachelor, gloomy and sad enough, Fussing around while he 's making his fire; His kettle has tipt up, och, honey, he 's mad enough, If he were present, to fight with the squire !
Pots, dishes, and pans, and such other commodities,
Ashes and praty-skins, kiver the floor; His cupboard a storehouse of comical oddities, Things never thought of as neighbors before. When his meal it is over, the table's left sittin' so; Dishes, take care of yourselves if you can; Devil a drop of hot water will visit ye.
Och, let him alone for a baste of a man!
Now, like a pig in a mortar-bed wallowing,
MR. MOLONY'S ACCOUNT OF THE BALL
GIVEN TO THE NEPAULESE AMBASSADOR BY THE PENINSULAR AND ORIENTAL COMPANY.
O, WILL ye choose to hear the news?
Bedad, I cannot pass it o'er :
I'll tell you all about the ball
To the Naypaulase Ambassador. Begor! this fête all balls does bate,
At which I worn a pump, and I Must here relate the splendthor great Of th' Oriental Company.
These men of sinse dispoised expinse,
To fête these black Achilleses.
And decked the walls and stairs and halls
And Jullien's band it tuck its stand
So sweetly in the middle there,
And when the Coort was tired of spoort,
A nate buffet before them set,
Where lashins of good dhrink there was !
At ten before the ball-room door,
He smoiled and bowed to all the crowd,
And O the noise of the blackguard boys,
The noble Chair stud at the stair,
And bade the dthrums to thump; and he
O fair the girls, and rich the curls,
And bright the oys, you saw there, was;
This Gineral great then tuck his sate, With all the other ginerals, (Bedad, his troat, his belt, his coat,
All bleezed with precious minerals ;) And as he there, with princely air,
Recloinin on his cushion was, All round about his royal chair,
The squeezin and the pushin was.
O Pat, such girls, such Jukes and Earls,
Just think of Tim, and fancy him
Amidst the hoigh gentility!
There was Lord De L'Huys, and the Portygeese
And I reckonized, with much surprise,
There was Baroness Brunow, that looked like Juno,
And Countess Roullier, that looked peculiar
There was Lord Fingall and his ladies all,
And seemed to ask how should I go there? And the Widow Macrae, and Lord A. Hay, And the Marchioness of Sligo there.
Yes, Jukes and Earls, and diamonds and pearls,
O, there's one I know, bedad, would show
And I'd like to hear the pipers blow,
WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY.
A VERITABLE MYTH, TOUCHING THE CONSTELLATION
O'RYAN was a man of might
He had an ould militia gun,
And sartin sure his aim was;
St. Pathrick wanst was passin' by
O'Ryan's little houldin',
And, as the saint felt wake and dhry,
He thought he'd enther bould in.
"No rasher will I cook for you
SONG OF THE ICHTHYOSAURUS.
[This curious specimen of German scientific humor refers to the close of the Jurassic (or Liassic) period and the beginning of the Cretaceous, and describes the sad forebodings of a venerable Saurian, who sees in the degeneracy of the times a sign of the coming cataclysm.
The translator says. "Among the many extraordinary liberties which we have felt obliged to take with the letter of the original, in order to preserve as far as possible its spirit and its flowing movement, the most violent is the substitution in the last stanza but one, of an entirely new (and poor) joke for the very neat, but untranslatable jeu of the German. The last two lines of the stanza are: Sie kamen zu tief in die Kreide; Da war es natürlich vorbei.'
The literal meaning is, They got too deep in the chalk, and it was, of course, all up with them." The allusion is to the score chalked up by a landlord against some bibulous but impecunious customer; and the notion that the Saurians ran up so large an ac
count for drinks that the chalk required to mark their indebtedness
smothered the whole race, and brought on the Cretaceous or chalk period, is so absurdly funny that it is a pity to sacrifice it."]
THERE's a rustling in the rushes,
There's a tearful Ichthyosaurus
Swims hither mournfully!
TO THE PLIOCENE SKULL.
A GEOLOGICAL ADdress.
["A human skull has been found in California, in the pltocene formation. This skull is the remnant, not only of the earliest pioneer of this State, but the oldest known human being. . . . . The skull was found in a shaft one hundred and fifty feet deep, two miles from Angel's, in Calaveras County, by a miner named James Matson, who gave it to Mr. Scribner, a merchant, and he gave it to Dr. Jones, who sent it to the State Geological Survey. . . . . The published volume of the State Survey on the Geology of California states that man existed contemporaneously with the mastodon, but this fossil proves that he was here before the mastodon was known to exist." Daily Paper.]
"SPEAK, Oman, less recent! Fragmentary fossil! Primal pioneer of pliocene formation,
Hid in lowest drifts below the earliest stratum
Of Volcanic tufa!
Older than the beasts, the oldest Palæotherium;
THE JOVIAL BEGGAR.
Eo-Mio- Plio-whatsoe'er the "cene" was That those vacant sockets filled with awe and wonder,
Whether shores Devonian or Silurian beaches,
Or has the Professor slightly antedated
Wert thou true spectator of that mighty forest When above thy head the stately Sigillaria Reared its columned trunks in that remote and distant
THERE was a jovial beggar,
He had a wooden leg;
A bag for his oatmeal,
And a long pair of crutches,
And a-begging we will go, etc.
A bag for his wheat,
And a little bottle by his side,
To drink when he's a-dry.
Seven years I begged
For my old master Wilde; He taught me how to beg When I was but a child. And a-begging we will go, etc.
I begged for my master,
And got him store of pelf; But, goodness now be praised! I'm begging for myself.
And a-begging we will go, etc.