1711. proper Remarks on any Occasion, matter of great Jest, if No. 17. a Man enters with a prominent Pair of Shoulders into an Tuesday, Assembly, or is distinguished by an Expansion of Mouth, March 20, or Obliquity of Aspect. It is happy for a Man, that has any of these Oddnesses about him, if he can be as merry upon himself, as others are apt to be upon that Occasion: When he can possess himself with such a Chearfulness, Women and Children, who were at first frighted at him, will afterwards be as much pleased with him. As it is barbarous in others to railly him for natural Defects, it is extreamly agreeable when he can Jest upon himself for them. Madam Maintenon's first Husband was an Hero in this Kind, and has drawn many Pleasantries from the Irregularity of his Shape, which he describes as very much resembling the Letter Z. He diverts himself likewise by representing to his Reader the Make of an Engine and Pully, with which he used to take off his Hat. When there happens to be anything ridiculous in a Visage, and the Owner of it thinks it an Aspect of Dignity, he must be of very great Quality to be exempt from Raillery: The best Expedient therefore is to be pleasant upon himself. Prince Harry and Falstaffe, in Shakespear, have carried the Ridicule upon Fat and Lean as far as it will go. Falstaffe is humourously called Woolsack, Bed-presser, and Hill of Flesh; Harry, a Starveling, an Elves Skin, a Sheath, a Bow-case, and a Tuck. There is, in several Incidents of the Conversation between them, the Jest still kept up upon the Person, Great Tenderness and Sensibility in this Point is one of the greatest Weaknesses of Self-love, For my own part, I am a little unhappy in the Mold of my Face, which is not quite so long as it is broad: Whether this might not partly arise from my opening my Mouth much seldomer than other People, and by Consequence not so much lengthning the Fibres of my Visage, I am not at leisure to determine, However it be, I have been often put out of Countenance by the Shortness of my Face, and was formerly at great Pains in concealing it by wearing a Periwig with an high Foretop, and letting my Beard grow. But now I have thoroughly got over this Delicacy, and could be E contented No. 17. 1711. contented it were much shorter, provided it might Tuesday, qualifie me for a Member of the Merry Club, which March 20, the following Letter gives me an Account of. I have received it from Oxford, and as it abounds with the Spirit of Mirth and good Humour which is natural to that Place, I shall set it down Word for Word as it came to me. 'Most Profound Sir, Having been very well entertained, in the last of your Speculations that I have yet seen, by your Specimen upon Clubs, which I therefore hope you will continue, I shall take the Liberty to furnish you with a brief Account of such a one as perhaps you have not seen in all your Travels, unless it was your Fortune to touch upon some of the woody Parts of the African Continent, in your Voyage to or from Grand Cairo. There have arose in this University (long since you left us without saying any thing) several of these inferior Hebdomadal Societies, as the Punning Club, the Witty Club, and amongst the rest the Handsome Club; as a Burlesque upon which, a certain merry Species, that seem to have come into the World in Masquerade, for some Years last past have associated themselves together, and assumed the Name of the Ugly Club: This ill-favoured Fraternity consists of a President and twelve Fellows; the Choice of which is not confined by Patent to any particular Foundation (as St. John's Men would have the World believe, and have therefore erected a separate Society within themselves) but Liberty is left to elect from any School in Great Britain, provided the Candidates be within the Rules of the Club, as set forth in a Table, entituled, The Act of Deformity, A Clause or two of which I shall transmit to you, I. That no Person whatsoever shall be admitted without a visible Quearity in his Aspect, or peculiar Cast of Countenance; of which the President and Officers for the time being are to determine, and the President to have the casting Voice. II. That a singular Regard be had, upon Examination, to the Gibbosity of the Gentlemen that offer themselves, as as Founder's Kinsmen; or to the Obliquity of their Figure, No. 17. in what sort soever. Tuesday, III. That if the Quantity of any Man's Nose be eminently 1711. miscalculated, whether as to Length or Breadth, he shall have a just Pretence to be elected. Lastly, That if there shall be two or more Competitors for the same Vacancy, caeteris paribus, he that has the thickest Skin to have the Preference, Every fresh Member, upon his first night, is to enter tain the Company with a Dish of Cod-fish, and a Speech in Praise of Esop; whose Portraiture they have in full Proportion, or rather Disproportion, over the Chimney; and their Design is, as soon as their Funds are sufficient, to purchase the Heads of Thersites, Duns Scotus, Scarron, Hudibras, and the old Gentleman in Oldham, with all the celebrated ill Faces of Antiquity, as Furniture for the Club Room, As they have always been professed Admirers of the other Sex, so they unanimously declare that they will give all possible Encouragement to such as will take the Benefit of the Statute, though none yet have appeared to do it. The worthy President, who is their most devoted Champion, has lately shewn me two Copies of Verses composed by a Gentlemen of this Society; the first, a Congratulatory Ode inscribed to Mrs. Touchwood, upon the loss of her two Fore-teeth; the other, a Panegyrick upon Mrs. Andiron's left Shoulder, Mrs. Vizard (he says) since the Small Pox, is grown tolerably ugly, and a top Toast in the Club; but I never heard him so lavish of his fine things, as upon old Nell Trot, who constantly officiates at their Table; her he even adores, and extols as the very counterpart of Mother Shipton; in short, Nell (says he) is one of the Extraordinary Works of Nature; but as for Complexion, Shape, and Features, so valued by others, they are all meer Outside and Symmetry, which is his Aversion. Give me leave to add, that the President is a facetious pleasant Gentleman, and never more so, than when he has got (as he calls 'em) his dear Mummers about him; and he often protests it does him good to meet a Fellow with a right genuine Grimace in No. 17, his Air (which is so agreeable in the generality of the Tuesday, French Nation); and, as an Instance of his Sincerity in March 20, this particular, he gave me a sight of a List in his Pocket 1711. book of all of this Class, who for these five Years have fallen under his Observation, with himself at the Head of 'em, and in the Rear (as one of a promising and improving Aspect) Sir. Oxford, March 12, 1710. R No. 18. I Your Obliged and Alexander Carbuncle. Wednesday, March 21, Equitis quoque jam migravit ab aure voluptas Omnis ad incertos oculos & gaudia vana.-Hor. is my Design in this Paper to deliver down to of the and of the gradual Progress which it has made upon the English Stage: for there is no question but our great Grand-children will be very curious to know the Reason why their Forefathers used to sit together like an Audience of Foreigners in their own Country, and to hear whole Plays acted before them in a Tongue which they did not understand. Arsinoe was the first Opera that gave us a Taste of Italian Musick. The great Success this Opera met_with, produced some Attempts of forming Pieces upon Italian Plans, which should give a more natural and reasonable Entertainment than what can be met with in the elaborate Trifles of that Nation. This alarmed the Poetasters and Fidlers of the Town, who were used to deal in a more ordinary kind of Ware; and therefore laid down an established Rule, which is received as such to this Day, That nothing is capable of being well set to Musick that is not Nonsense. This Maxim was no sooner received, but we imme diately fell to translating the Italian Operas; and as there was no great Danger of hurting the Sense of those extraordinary Pieces, our Authors would often make Words Words of their own which were entirely foreign to the No. 18. Meaning of the Passages they pretended to translate; Wednes their chief Care being to make the Numbers of the day, March 21, English Verse answer to those of the Italian, that both 1711. of them might go to the same Tune. Thus the famous Song in Camilla, Barbara si t'intendo &c. Barbarous Woman, yes, I know your Meaning, which expresses the Resentments of an angry Lover, was translated into that English Lamentation, Frail are a Lover's Hopes &c. And it was pleasant enough to see the most refined Persons of the British Nation dying away and languish ing to Notes that were filled with a Spirit of Rage and Indignation. It happened also very frequently, where the Sense was rightly translated, the necessary Trans position of Words, which were drawn out of the Phrase of one Tongue into that of another, made the Musick appear very absurd in one Tongue that was very natural in the other, I remember an Italian Verse that ran thus Word for Word, And turn'd my Rage into Pity: which the English for Rhime sake translated, And into Pity turn'd my Rage, By this means the soft Notes that were adapted to Pity in the Italian, fell upon the Word Rage in the English; and the angry Sounds that were tuned to Rage in the Original, were made to express Pity in the Translation. It oftentimes happened likewise, that the finest Notes in the Air fell upon the most insignificant Words in the Sentence, I have known the Word And pursued through the whole Gamut, have been entertained with many a melodious The, and have heard the most beautiful Graces, Quavers, and Divisions bestowed upon Then. For, and From; to the eternal Honour of our English Particles. The next Step to our Refinement was the introducing of Italian Actors into our Opera; who sung their Parts in their own Language, at the same time that our Countrymen |