TO MRS. WHITEWAY.* Those parts of the letter distinguished by inverted commas (“ ”) were written by Dr. Sheridan. MADAM, Nov. 8, 1735 NOVEMBER 3, to Dunshallan, twelve long miles, very weary; November 4, to Kells, sixteen miles, ten times wearier: the 5th, to Crosskeys, seventeen long miles, fifty times wearier: the 6th, to Cavan, five miles, weariest of all: yet I baited every day, and dined where I lay; and this very day I am weary, and my shin bad, yet I never looked on it. I have been now the third day at Cavan, the doctor's Canaan, the dirtiest place I ever saw, with the worst wife and daughter, and the most cursed sluts and servants on this side Scotland. Let the doctor do his part." Not quite so bad, I assure you, although his teal was spoiled in the roasting: and I can assure you that the dirt of our streets is not quite over his shoes, so that he can walk dry. If he would wear golashes, as I do, he would have no cause of complaint. As for my wife and daughter, I have nothing to say to them, and therefore nothing to answer for them. I hope, when the weather mends, that everything will be better, except the two before mentioned. Now the Dean is to proceed."-In short, but not literally in short, I got * A first cousin of the Dean's, who came from her own house, at the other end of Dublin, three days in each week, to read and chat with him, after Stella's death, being the principal female that frequented his table for many years, while his memory remained. -D. S. Look hither, not safe and sound, but safe and sore. ing in my equipage I saw a great packet that weighed a pound: I thought it was iron, but found it Spanish liquorice, enough to serve this whole county who had coughs for nine years. My beast told me it was you forced him to put it all up. Pray go sometimes to the deanery, and see how the world goes there. The doctor is a philosopher above all economy, like philosopher Webber. I am drawing him into a little cleanliness about his house. The cook roasted this day a fine teal to a cinder; for the wife and daughter said, they did not know but I loved it well roasted. The doctor, since his last illness, complains that he has a straitness in his breast and a difficulty in breathing. Pray give him your advice, and I will write to your brother Helsham, this post for his. Write me no news of the club, and get one of them to frank your letters, that they may be worth reading." Dear madam, I beg you may rather think me like the devil, or my wife, than Webber. I do assure you that my house, and all about it, is clean in potentia. If you do not understand so much logic, Mr. Harrison* will tell you; but I suppose you ignorant of nothing but doing anything wrong. Be pleased to send me one of your fattest pigeons in a post letter, and I will send you in return a fat goose, under cover to one of the club. The Dean may say what he pleases of my ay con O my; but I assure you I have this moment in my house, a quarter of fat beef, a fat sheep, two mallards, a duck, and a teal, beside some fowl in squadrons. I wish you were here. Ask the Dean if I have not fine ale, table drink, good wine, and a new pair of tables. Now hear the Dean."-It grows dark, and I cannot read one syllable of what * Mrs. Whiteway's eldest son.-D. S. the doctor last writ; but conclude all to be a parcel of lies. How are eldest master and miss? with your clerk and school-boy? So God bless you all. If the doctor has anything more to say, let him conclude, as I do, with assurance that I am ever, with great affection, yours, &c. Read as you can, for I believe I have made forty mistakes. Direct for me at Doctor Sheridan's in Cavan; but let a clubman* frank it as I do this. Mr. Rochfort is my franker: yours may be General or some other (great beast of a) hero. My two puppies have, in the whole journey, over puppied their puppyships. Most abominable bad firing; nothing but wet turf.-" The devil a lie I writ, nor will I write to the end of my life. May all happiness attend you and your family. I am, with all good wishes and affection, "Your most obedient humble servant, "THOMAS SHERIDAN. You were plaguy saucy, who did not like my nuts : I do assure you my dog Lampey cracks them; the Dean is my witness." SIR, FROM MRS. WHITEWAY. Nov 8, 1735. I KNOW the moment you took this letter into your hand what you said, which was, Pox on all Irish * A member of parliament. writers, and Irish letters. It is very little trouble I am going to give you, only be pleased to answer the following questions. How does your leg do? How is your head? How is your stomach? How many days were you on the road? How did you lie? How does Dr. Sheridan? How do you like Cavan? And how do all the good victuals Dr. Sheridan promised you turn out? And now, sir, I beg you will be pleased to suppose, that I began my letter by entreating the favour of hearing from you; and if that is too great an honour for me, that you will order somebody else to do it. Dr. Sheridan would give sixpence I would ask who, rise off his chair, make me a low bow, and uncover, to have the opportunity of telling me. * Now, to write politely, when I change my subject, I always break off, and begin a new paragraph. Mr. Waller has printed an advertisement, offering ten guineas' reward to any person that will discover the author of a paragraph, said to be the case of one Mr. Throp. I do not know whether you heard anything of such an affair before you left town, but I think it is said there is some trial to be about it before the House of Commons, either next week, or the week following.† I beg you will not leave your papers and letters on the table, as you used to do at the deanery, for boys and girls and wives will * A cant expression, much used in those times upon sions, and here ridiculed.-D. S. all occa † This matter made a very great noise. Colonel Waller was said to have persecuted this unfortunate clergyman, on account of his refusal to surrender some of the rights of his living, with such a complication of harassing assaults, arrests, and law-suits, that Mr. Throp's health actually sunk under them, and he died brokenhearted. A more full account of the matter is given in the notes upon the Legion Club. It appears from the Dean's answer to Mrs. Whiteway, that he was himself the author of the paragraph containing Mr. Throp's case. be peeping; particularly be pleased to take care of mine. It is certain I write correctly, and with a great deal of method; but, however, I am afraid of Curll. Dr. Sheridan has my free leave to read this, on condition he burns it instantly; but first let him take notice of all the compliments I make him. May-be you imagine that if you answer this, you will be no more plagued with my letters; but I have learned from Molly* never to have done with my demands on you: therefore write, or not write, (unless you command otherwise,) you shall hear once a-week from, Sir, Your most obedient and most obliged humble servant, MARTHA WHITEWAY. Molly is just come from the deanery; everything is in good order. She saw Mrs. Ridgeway there. Young Harrison and his sister present you their most obedient respects. FROM AN UNKNOWN LADY. HON. SIR, Castletown, Nov. 9, 1735. EXCUSE a stranger's address; nothing but the opinion I have of your generosity and humanity could encourage me to lay before you the enclosed poem, being the product of a woman's pen.t I see * Miss Harrison.-D. S. |