I was once more in the power of the French, and 'I believe it would have gone hard with me had I been 'brought back to Brest; but, by good fortune, we were 'retaken by the Viper. I had almost forgot to tell you, 'that, in that engagement, I was wounded in two places: 'I lost four fingers of the left hand, and my leg was shot off. If I had had the good fortune to have lost 'my leg and use of my hand on board a king's ship, * and not aboard a privateer, I should have been entitled 'to clothing and maintenance during the rest of my life; 'but that was not my chance: one man is born with ' a silver spoon in his mouth, and another with a wooden 'ladle. However, blessed be God, I enjoy good health, ' and will for ever love liberty and Old England. Liberty, 'property, and Old England, for ever, huzza!'

Thus saying, he limped off, leaving me in admiration at his intrepidity and content; nor could I avoid acknowledging, that an habitual acquaintance with misery serves better than philosophy to teach us to despise it.

ESSAY XXV

SUPPOSED TO BE WRITTEN BY THE ORDINARY OF NEWGATE

MAN is a most frail being, incapable of directing his steps, unacquainted with what is to happen in this life; and perhaps no man is a more manifest instance of the truth of this maxim, than Mr. The. Cibber, just now gone out of the world. Such a variety of turns of fortune, yet such a persevering uniformity of conduct, appears in all that happened in his short span, that the whole may be looked upon as one regular confusion : every action of his life was matter of wonder and surprise, and his death was an astonishment,

This gentleman was born of creditable parents, who gave him a very good education, and a great deal of good learning, so that he could read and write before he was sixteen. However, he early discovered an inclination to follow lewd courses; he refused to take the advice of his parents, and pursued the bent of his inclination; he played at cards on Sundays; called himself a gentleman; fell out with his mother and laundress; and, even in these early days, his father was frequently heard to observe, that young The.—would be hanged.

As he advanced in years, he grew more fond of pleasure; would eat an ortolan for dinner, though he begged the guinea that bought it; and was once known to give three pounds for a plate of green peas, which he had collected overnight as charity for a friend in distress he ran into debt with everybody that would trust him, and none could build a sconce better than he; so that at last his creditors swore, with one accord, that The.-would be hanged.

But, as getting into debt by a man who had no visible means but impudence for subsistence, is a thing that every reader is not acquainted with, I must explain that point a little, and that to his satisfaction.

but,

There are three ways of getting into debt; first, by pushing a face; as thus: You, Mr. Lutestring, send 'me home six yards of that paduasoy, dammee; 'harkee, don't think I ever intend to pay you for it, ' dammee.' At this, the mercer laughs heartily; cuts off the paduasoy, and sends it home; nor is he, till too late, surprised to find the gentleman had said nothing but truth, and kept his word.

The second method of running into debt is called fineering; which is getting goods made up in such a fashion as to be unfit for every other purchaser; and

if the tradesman refuses to give them upon credit, then threaten to leave them upon his hands.

But the third and best method is called, 'Being the good customer.' The gentleman first buys some trifle, and pays for it in ready money: he comes a few days after with nothing about him but bank bills, and buys, we will suppose, a sixpenny tweezer-case; the bills are too great to be changed, so he promises to return punctually the day after and pay for what he has bought. In this promise he is punctual, and this is repeated for eight or ten times, till his face is well known, and he has got, at last, the character of a good customer. By this means he gets credit for something considerable, and then never pays for it.

In all this, the young man who is the unhappy subject of our present reflections was very expert; and could face, fineer, and bring custom to a shop with any man in England: none of his companions could exceed him in this; and his very companions at last said that The. would be hanged.

As he grew old, he grew never the better; he loved ortolans and green peas as before; he drank gravy-soup when he could get it, and always thought his oysters tasted best when he got them for nothing; or, which was just the same, when he bought them upon tick: thus the old man kept up the vices of the youth, and what he wanted in power, he made up by inclination; so that all the world thought that old The.-would be hanged.

And now, reader, I have brought him to his last scene; a scene where, perhaps, my duty should have obliged me to assist. You expect, perhaps, his dying words, and the tender farewell he took of his wife and children; you expect an account of his coffin and white gloves, his pious ejaculations, and the papers he left

behind him. In this I cannot indulge your curiosity; for, oh the mysteries of fate, The.was drown'd!

'Reader,' as Hervey saith, 'pause and ponder; and 'ponder and pause; who knows what thy own end may 'be!'

ESSAY XXVI1

The following was written at the time of the last Coronation, and supposed to come from a Common Council-man.

SIR,

I have the honour of being a Common Councilman, and am greatly pleased with a paragraph from Southampton in yours of yesterday. There we learn, that the mayor and aldermen of that loyal borough, had the particular satisfaction of celebrating the royal nuptials by a magnificent turtle feast. By this means the gentlemen had the pleasure of filling their bellies, and showing their loyalty together. I must confess, it would give me some pleasure to see some such method of testifying our loyalty practised in this metropolis, of which I am an unworthy member, instead of presenting His Majesty (God bless him) on every occasion with our formal addresses, we might thus sit comfortably down to dinner, and wish him prosperity in a sirloin of beef; upon our army levelling the walls of a town, or besieging a fortification, we might at our city feast imitate our brave troops, and demolish the walls of venison pasty, or besiege the shell of a turtle, with as great a certainty of success.

At present, however, we have got into a sort of dry, unsocial manner of drawing up addresses upon every occasion; and though I have attended upon six cavalcades, and two foot processions in a single year, yet I came away as lean and hungry as if I had been

1 First inserted in second edition.

a juryman at the Old Bailey. For my part, Mr. Printer, I don't see what is got by these processions and addresses, except an appetite, and that, thank Heaven, we have all in a pretty good degree without ever leaving our own houses for it. It is true, our gowns of mazarine blue, edged with fur, cut a pretty figure enough, parading it through the streets, and so my wife tells me. In fact, I generally bow to all my acquaintance, when thus in full dress; but alas, as the proverb has it, fine clothes never fill the belly.

But even though all this bustling, parading, and powdering through the streets be agreeable enough to many of us; yet I would have my brethren consider whether the frequent repetition of it be so very agreeable to our betters above. To be introduced to Court, to see the Queen, to kiss hands, to smile upon lords, to ogle the ladies, and all the other fine things there, may, I grant, be a perfect show to us that view it but seldom; but it may be a troublesome business enough to those who are to settle such ceremonies as these every day. To use an instance adapted to all our apprehensions; suppose my family and I should go to Bartholomew Fair. Very well, going to Bartholomew Fair, the whole sight is perfect rapture to us, who are only spectators once and away; but I am of opinion, that the wire-walker and fire-eater find no such great sport in all this; I am of opinion, they had as lief remain behind the curtain, at their own pastimes, drinking beer, eating shrimps, and smoking tobacco.

Besides, what can we tell His Majesty in all we say on these occasions, but what he knows perfectly well already? I believe if I were to reckon up, I could not find above five hundred disaffected in the whole kingdom, and here are we every day telling His Majesty how loyal we are. Suppose the addresses of a people for instance