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JOHN WOLCOT (PETER PINDAR).

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66

'P'rhaps, Master Razor-rogue, to you 'tis fun,

That people flay themselves out of their lives:

You rascal! for an hour have I been grubbing,

Giving my crying whiskers here a scrubbing,

With razors just like oyster-knives. Sirrah! I tell you, you're a knave, To cry up razors that can't shave."

"Friend," quoth the razor-man, "I'm not a knave:

As for the razors you have bought, Upon my soul I never thought

That they would shave." "Not think they'd share!" quoth Hodge, with wondering eyes,

And voice not much unlike an Indian yell;

"What were they made for then, you dog?" he cries;

"Made!" quoth the fellow, with a smile,

66

TO SELL

THE PILGRIMS AND THE PEAS.

So home the clown, with his good| A BRACE of sinners, for no good,

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Were ordered to the Virgin Mary's shrine,

Who at Loretto dwelt in wax, stone, wood,

And in a curled white wig looked wondrous fine,

Fifty long miles had these sad rogues to travel,

With something in their shoes much worse than gravel:

In

The

short, their toes so gentle to

amuse,

priest had ordered peas into their shoes:

A nostrum famous in old popish

times

Hodge sought the fellow-found For purifying souls deep sunk in

him and begun:

crimes:

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As it has been

My lot to see, I think you'll own your wife

As good or better than the generality.

An interest in your case I really take,

And therefore gladly this agreement make:

An hundred eggs within the basket lie,

With which your luck, to-morrow, you shall try; Also my five best horses, with my cart;

And from the farm at dawn you shall depart.

All round the country go.
And be particular, 1 beg;

Where husbands rule, a horse be

stow,

But where the wives, an egg.

And if the horses go before the

eggs,

Should be the rule for married folks I'll ease you of your wife, I will,

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l' fegs!"

Away the married man departed
Brisk and light-hearted:
Not doubting that, of course,
The first five houses each would take
a horse.

At the first house he knocked,
He felt a little shocked

To hear a female voice, with angry

roar,

Scream out,-"Hullo!
Who's there below?

Why, husband, are you deaf? go to the door,

See who it is, I beg."

Our poor friend John
Trudged quickly on,
But first laid at the door an egg.

I will not all his journey through
The discontented traveller pursue;
Suffice it here to say
That when his first day's task was
nearly done,

He'd seen an hundred husbands, minus one,

And eggs just ninety-nine had given away.

"Ha! there's a house where he I seek must dwell,"

At length cried John; "I'll go and ring the bell.”

The servant came, - John asked him, "Pray, Friend, is your master in the way?"

"No," said the man, with smiling phiz,

"My master is not, but my mistress is;

Walk in that parlor, sir, my lady's in it:

Master will be himself there-in a minute."

The lady said her husband then was dressing,

And, if his business was not very pressing,

She would prefer that he should wait until

His toilet was completed; Adding, "Pray, sir, be seated." "Madam, I will,"

Said John, with great politeness;

"but I own

That you alone

Can tell me all I wish to know; Will you do so?

Pardon my rudeness And just have the goodness (A wager to decide) to tell me

do

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No, no," said he, "Friend, take the four others back,

And only leave the black." 'Nay, husband, I declare I must have the gray mare:"

Adding (with gentle force), "The gray mare is, I'm sure, the better horse."

"Well, if it must be so,

good sir,

The gray mare we prefer; So we accept your gift." John made a leg:

"Allow me to present you with an egg; 'Tis my last egg remaining, The cause of my regaining, I trust the fond affection of my wife, Whom I will love the better all my life.

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