66 BY MISS L. E. LANDON. One Peep was Enough; or, the Post-Office. | post-office. The affairs of Dalton and the nation were settled together; newspapers were slipped All places have their peculiarities: now that from their covers, and not an epistle but yielded of Dalton was the discourse; that species of dis- a portion of its contents. But on this night all course, which Johnson's Dictionary entitles attention was concentrated upon one, directed conversation on whatever does not concern to "John Williams, Esq., at the White Hart, ourselves." Everybody knew what everybody Dalton." Eagerly it was compressed in the long did, and a little more. Eatings, drinkings, sleep-fingers of Mrs. Mary Smith, of dinnerless memoings, walkings, talkings, doings-all were for the ry; the fat landlady of the White Hart was on good of the public; there was not such a thing the tip-toe to peep, while the post-mistress, as a secret in the town. whose curiosity took a semblance of official digThere was a story of Mrs. Mary Smith, an an-nity, raised a warning hand against any overt cient dame who lived on an annuity, and boasted the gentility of a back and front parlour, that she once asked a few friends to dinner. The usual heavy antecedent half-hour really passed quite pleasantly, for Mrs. Mary's windows overlooked the market-place, and not a scrag of mutton could leave it unobserved; so that the extravagance or meanness of the various buyers furnished a copious theme for dialogue. Still, in spite of Mr. A.'s pair of fowls, and Mrs. B.'s round of beef, the time seemed long, and the guests found hunger growing more potent than curiosity. They waited and waited; at length the fatal discovery took place-that, in the hurry of observing her neighbors' dinners, Mrs. Smith" that he expected a lady and gentleman to dinhad forgotten to order her own. act of violence. The paper was closely folded, and closely written in a cramp and illegible hand; suddenly Mrs. Mary Smith's look grew more intent—she had succeeded in deciphering a sentence; the letter dropped from her hand. Oh, the monster!" shrieked the horrified peeper. Landlady and post-mistress both snatched at the terrible scroll, and they equally succeeded in reading the following words:- "We will settle the matter to-morrow at dinner, but I am sorry you persist in poisoning your wife, the horror is too great." Not a syllable more could they make out; but what they had read was enough. "He told me," gasped the landlady, ner-oh the villain! to think of poisoning any lady at the White Hart; and his wife, too-I should like to see my husband poisoning me!" Our hostess became quite personal in her indignation. “I always thought there was something suspicious about him; people don't come and live where nobody knows them, for nothing," observed Mrs. Mary Smith. "I dare say," returned the post mistress, "Williams is not his real name." "I don't know that," interrupted the landlady; Williams is a good hanging name: there was Williams who murdered the Marr's family, and Williams who burked all those poor dear children; I dare say he is some relation of theirs; but to think of his coming to the White Hart-it's no place for his doings, I can tell him; he sha'n't poison his wife in my house; out he goes this very night—I'll take the letter to him myself." It was in the month of March that an event happened which put the whole town in a commotion-the arrival of a stranger who took up his abode at the White Hart: not that there was any thing remarkable about the stranger; he was a plain, middle-aged, respectable-looking man, and the nicest scrutiny (and heaven knows how narrowly he was watched) failed to discover any thing odd about him. It was ascertained that he rose at eight, breakfasted at nine, ate two eggs and a piece of broiled bacon, sat in his room at the window, read a little, wrote a little," and looked out upon the road a good deal; he then strolled out, returned home, dined at five, smoked two cigars, read the Morning Herald, (for the post came in of an evening,) and went to bed at ten. Nothing could be more regular or unexceptionable than his habits; still it was most extraordinary what could have brought him to Dalton. There were no chalybeate-spring, warranted to cure every disease under the sun; no ruins in the neighbourhood, left expressly for antiquarians and pic-nic parties; no fine prospects, which, like music, people make it matter of conscience to admire; no celebrated person had ever been born or buried in its environs; there were no races, no assizes—in short, there was "no nothing." It was not even summer; so country air and fine weather were not the inducements. The stranger's name was Mr. Williams, but that was the extent of their knowledge; and, shy and silent, there seemed no probability of learning any thing more from himself. Conjec-lowing morning, as he mounted the piebald pony, ture, like Shakspeare, "exhausted worlds, and then imagined new.' Some supposed he was biding from his creditors, others that he had committed forgery; one suggested that he had escaped from a mad-house, a second that he had killed some one in a duel; but all agreed that he came there for no good. It was the twenty-third of March, when a triad of gossips were assembled at their temple the "Dear! dear! I shall be ruined, if it comes to be known that we take a look into the letter;" and the post mistress thought in her heart that she had better let Mr. Williams poison his wife at his leisure. Mrs. Mary Smith, too, reprobated any violent measures; the truth is, she did not wish to be mixed up in the matter; a gentlewoman with an annuity and a front and back parlour was rather ashamed of being detected in such close intimacy with the post mistress and the landlady. It seemed likely that poor Mrs. Williams would be left to her miserable fate. "Murder will out," said the landlord, the fol which, like Tom Tough, had seen a little service; and hurried off in search of Mr. Crampton, the nearest magistrate. Their perceptions assisted by brandy and water, he and his wife had sat up long past "the witching hour of night," deliberating on what line of conduct would be most efficacious in preserving the life of the unfortunate Mrs. Williams; and the result of their deliberation was to fetch the justice, and have the delinquent taken into custody at the very dinner table which was intended to be the scene of his crime. "He has ordered soup to-day for the first time; he thinks he could so easily slip poison into the liquid.There he goes; he looks like a man who has got something on his conscience," pointing to Mr. Williams, who was walking up and down at his usual slow pace. Two o'clock arrived, and with it, a hack chaise: out of it stept, sure enough, a lady and gentleman. The landlady's pity redoubled-such a pretty young creature, not above nineteen!-"I see how it is," thought she, “the old wretch is jealous." All efforts to catch her eye were in vain, the dinner was ready, and down they sat. The hostess of the White Hart looked alternately out of the windows, like sister Ann, to see if any one was coming, and at the table to see that nothing was doing. To her dismay she observed the young lady lifting a spoonful of the broth to her mouth! She could restrain herself no longer; but, catching her hand, exclaimed," Poor dear innocent, the soup is poisoned!" All started from the table in confusion, which was yet to be increased:-a bustle was heard in the passage, in rushed a whole party, two of whom, each catching the arm of Mr. Williams, pinioned him down to his seat. "I am happy, Madam," said the little, bustling magistrate, "to have been, under Heaven, the humble instrument of preserving your life from the nefarious designs of that disgrace to humanity." Mr. Crampton paused in consequence of three wants-want of words, breath, and ideas. 66 man. VIRTUE-An awkward habit of acting differently from other people. A vulgar word. It creates great mirth in fashionable circles. HONOR-Shooting a friend through the head whom you love, in order to gain the praise of a few others whom you despise and hate. MARRIAGE-The gate through which the happy lover leaves his enchanted regions and returns to earth. FRIEND-A person who will not assist you because he knows your love will excuse him. WEDDED BLISS-A term used by Milton. DOCTOR-A man who kills you to-day, to save you from dying to-morrow. LUNATIC ASYLUM-A kind of hospital where detected lunatics are sent by those who have the adroitness to conceal their own infirmity. WATER-A clear fluid, once used as a drink. TRAGEDIAN-A fellow with a tin pot on his head, who stalks about the stage, and gets into a violent passion for so much a night. CRITIC-A large dog, that goes unchained, and barks at every thing he does not comprc STATE'S EVIDENCE-A wretch who is pardoned for being baser than his comrades. SENSIBILITY-A quality by which its possessor, in attempting to promote the happiness of other people, loses his own. My life!" ejaculated the astonished lady. "Yes, madam, the ways of Providence are inscrutable-the vain curiosity of three idle wo-hend. men has been turned to good account." And the eloquent magistrate proceeded to detail the process of inspection to which the fatal letter had been subjected: but when he came to the terrible words "We will settle the matter to-morrow at dinner; but I am sorry you persist in poisoning your wife"-he was interrupted by bursts of laughter from the gentleman, from the injured wife, and even from the prisoner himself. One fit of meriment was followed by another, till it became contagious, and the very constables began to laugh too. "I can explain all," at last interrupted the visiter. "Mr. Williams came here for that quiet so necessary for the labours of genius: he is writing a melodrama called 'My Wife'-he submitted the last act to me, and I rather object to the poisoning of the heroine. This young lady is my daughter, and we are on our way to the sea-coast. Mr. Williams is only wedded to the Muses." The disconcerted magistrate shook his head and muttered something about theatres being very immoral. Quite mistaken, sir, said Mr. Williams."Our soup is cold; but our worthy landlady roasts fowls to a turn-we will have them and the veal cutlets up-you will stay and dine with us-and, afterwards, 1 shall be proud to read 'My Wife' aloud, in the hope of your approval, or at least of your indulgence."-From the Keepsake. MY DEAR-An expression used by man and wife at the commencement of a quarrel. THE NEGROES OF CONGO.-Most of the superstitions peculiar to the savage state, are prevalent among the Congo Negroes. The God of Thunder is an object of peculiar reverence, and his supposed wrath is at times appeased by the sacrifice of human victims, whose flesh is divided among the crowd, and devoured by them. When the sorcerers or sooth-sayers have announced the necessity of allaying the gods' vengeance by such a holocaust, attempts are immediately made to ensnare some young man or woman from a neighbouring tribe, under pretence of raising them to a high station, or showing them peculiar marks of honour; the unfortunate victims fall into the snare, and are received with caresses and feasting; then led to some public spot, where the scaffold awaits them, and the rude multitude welcomes their appearance with shouts of joy; at the very moment when intoxicated with their adulations a death-blow from behind is given them; their last sighs are drowned in the ferocious howling of their kidnappers, and the breath has scarcely departed, before the body is torn in pieces and shared amongst them. SLAVE MARRIAGE-CESAR'S GAMES-TRAGEDY-MILITARY CREED. 119 The individual who has succeeded in entrapping | devotion and commercial business, and disperthe victim, is raised to the honours of nobility. Douville was himself more than once in imminent danger of falling a sacrifice on one occasion the priest had kept him incarcerated eight days, and the people were impatiently awaiting the hour of his immolation, when he melted the hearts of his gaolers by an offering of a handsome red cloak, some cotton cloth, and a few bottles of rum. sed as rapidly as they had been convoked. Some such spectacle of nations crowding upon nations, and some such Babylonian confusion of dresses, complexions, languages, and jargons, was then witnessed in Rome. Accommodations within doors, and under roofs of houses, or of temples, was altogether impossible. Myriads of myriads lay stretched on the ground, without even the slight protection of tents, in a vast circuit about the city. Multitudes of men, even senators, and others of the highest rank, were trampled to death in the crowds; and the whole family of man seemed gathered together at the bidding of the Great Dictator.-[Blackwood's Magazine.] On a subsequent occasion, when at Youvo, where he discovered a gold mine, the Monatu or chief tempted him to stay amongst his tribe by the most extravagant offers, one of which was his niece, who had reached her hundred and forty-second moon, and was born to the happiness, as the uncle said, of becoming his wife-inchief. Douville, however, instead of listening to the invitation, evinced his anxiety to get away: the kind Monatu, as a proof of the vehemence of his attachment to him, took an opportunity of he had repeated the wordspoisoning his attendants, in order that he might be incapacitated from gaining the coast. Here, again, the traveller would have been lost, had he not happily be thought himself of the priests' cupidity, and made them some rich presents, in aid of which came a lucky storm, which they announced as a manifestation of the divinity's anger at the detention of the white man.-Athenæum. REAL TRAGEDY.-While Cummings, a distinguished tragedian of the last century, was playing, at one of the provincial theatres in England, the part of Dumont in Jane Shore, when Be witness for me ye celestial hosts, Accords to thee, and begs of heaven to show thee, We believe that there is a great first Cause, by whose almighty fiat we were formed; and that our business here is to obey the orders of our superiors. We believe that every soldier that does his duty will be happy here, and that every such one who dies in battle, will be happy hereafter. SLAVE MARRIAGE.-There have been many elaborate works published on the marriage ceremonies of various nations, both savage and civilized. I do not, however, remember to have read of any so brief and unceremonious as the MILITARY CREED.-The following Creed following, which I had the opportunity of wit-was adopted by the officers of the American army nessing, when on a visit to a gentleman in Caro- at Verplank's Point, in the year 1782: lina. A fine looking negro, and the handsomest malatto, or yellow girl I had ever seen, were the parties who desired to be made one for life. The matter was thus arranged: In the course of our evening walk, my friend, the planter, was sheepishly addressed by the slave in these words--Please, massa, me want to marry Riddiky, (this is the nigger for Eurydice.) Does Riddiky want to marry you? Yes, massa. If you marry her, I won't allow you to run after the other girls on the plantation---you shall live like a decent fellow with your wife. Massa, me lub her so, dat me dont care nothing for de oder gals. Marry her then, and be cursed. Yes, massa. Washington then gave Riddiky a kiss, and from that day they became man and wife. No other form than that of permission from their owner, thus graciously accorded, being necessary to legalize their union.---Whittaker's Monthly Magazine. We believe that General Washington is the only fit man in the world, to head the American army. We believe that Nathaniel Greene was born a General. We believe that the evacuation of Ticonderoga was one of those strokes which stamp the man who dares to strike them, with everlasting fame. We believe that Baron Steuben has made us soldiers, and that he is capable of forming the whole world into a solid column, and displaying it from the centre. We believe in his blue book. We believe in General Knox and his artillery. And, we believe in our bayonets; Amen-[Exeter News Letter. SPECTACLES EXHIBITED AT ROME BY JULIUS CESAR-Never before, according to traditions which lasted through several generations in Rome, had there been so vast a conflux of the human race congregated to any one centre, on any one attraction of business or of pleasure, as DETACHED THOUGHTS.-The real lamp of Aladdin to Rome on occasion of these spectacles exhibi- is that on the merchant's desk. All the genii, white, ted by Cæsar. In our days, the greatest occa- puts in motion at the antipodes. It builds palaces in olive or black, who people the atmosphere of earth, it sional gatherings of the human race are in India, the wilderness, and cities in the forest; and collects especially at the great fair of the Hurdwar, in every splendour, and every refinement of luxury, from the northern part of Hindostan; a confluence of the fingers of subservient toil. Kings of the east are many millions is sometimes seen at that spot, slaves of the lamp; the winds blow, the seas roll, only brought together under the mixed influences of to work the behest of its master. haste to her master, informing him of what had occurred, and expressing her opinion that the man had come to rob the house. The Rev. gentleman, who was rather choleric, hastened up stairs in great wrath, when he discovered the smuggler surveying the furniture of his bed. "What do you mean, you impudent scoundrel, by coming up into Mrs.P- -'s room, do you come to rob the house?" "By no means, Sir, only to return your visit. I have examined this room, and will now, if you please, go into all the others. As far as I have seen, you are very clean; a little paint here, and a little whitewash on the ceiling, may improve it; but on the whole, it is highly creditable to both you and Mrs. P- As the Rev. Gentleman had no intention that people should return his calls, the practice was discontinued.-Metropolitan. THE AMUSEMENTS OF COMETS.-Some conjecture that comets are appointed to demolish decaying planets, or to supply them again with materials for building them anew; others that they are so many hells to punish the damned with perpetual vicissitudes of heat and cold. We should rather incline to consider them the most glorious abodes in the solar system; if comets åre tenanted with intellectual beings, they have doubtless the most splendid observatories for the contemplation of the wonders of the celestial canopy that can possibly be conceived, infinitely surpassing all aspects of the heavens as beheld from the planets, or even the solar orb itself. A comet, on its return to the sun, if moving in nearly the same plane with the orbits of the planets, combines all the diversities of the starry heavens that are peculiar to each planet, with every other possible variety resulting from a change of position. Returning from the fields of space, it slowly approaches the outer planetary orbits, surveys the system of Uranus, soars over the stupendous apparatus of Saturn, and sees the orb, rings, and satellites in their beautiful concentric arrangement; if detained (as was the comet of 1770) among the moons of Jupiter, it pries into the mysteries of its belts. The whole system of primaries and secondaries are, according to their positions, seen in succession, as crescent, half oval, or full orbed; from being all at first inferior planets they all in succession become superior: this view is on the supposition that the approach of the comet is nearly in the it, he agreed with his comrades, that each should planetary plane,—if descending at right angles keep his cards and continue the game after serto the sun, the comet sees the whole system vice. Clapping the cards up the sleeve of his spread out beneath, and presenting a most surplice, he walked into the desk, holding the sublime appearance. A comet retreats so far end of his sleeve with his fingers. from the sun that at its remotest point it must His subject was the remissness of parents in seem as a solitary wanderer amidst the firma- the moral instruction of their children. As he ment of fixed stars, all planetary bodies having proceeded in his discourse he waxed violently in disappeared long before it had reached its aphe- his gestures and motions-till forgetting the delion; the sun shines with diminished brilliancy, posit in his sleeve, he struck the palins of his and with a scarce perceptible disc.-Literary open hands together, and out flew the little spotted tell-tales, to the amazement of the congregation. Gazette. not. lic priest, which is too good to be lost. We know A TEST.-We have heard a story of a Cathonot whether it ever appeared in print before or A jolly friar who was to read a homily to a congregation on a certain occasion, was, while waiting for the time for him to officiate, playing cards in an apartment adjoining the church. He stationed a fad at the door to give him notice when he was wanted-but at the moment that he was called he had just " dealt." His own hand was an excellent one and determined not to lose All were disconcerted but the friar. Leaning over the desk he called to a little urchin of five or six," Boy pick up one of those cards!" This done, the priest demanded of the lad-" Now tell me what it is." "It's the ten of spades," said the boy. "Behold here parents," said the priest," a proof of what I have told you. I scattered these among you to convince the congregation that these children understood cards better than their prayers!"-Lowell Compend. CHOLERA CARES.-A very orthodox divine near the sea coast took upon himself to enter every house in his vicinity, and examine them from the cellar to the garret, to ascertain if all was sweet and clean.-Amongst others, he ventured into one belonging to a smuggler, during his absence. The wife was afraid to refuse admittance, and as, fortunately, there were no run goods at the time in the house, he was permitted to poke his nose into every corner. "Really pretty well, my good woman," said the clerical gentleman, after a most deliberate examination; FASHION.-What could exhibit a more fantas"a little paint here, a little whitewash in the gar- tical appearance than an English beau of the rets, and the yard better swept, and, on the 14th century? He wore long pointed shoes, faswhole, it does you much credit." So saying, he tened to his knee by gold or silver chains; hose departed. The smuggler returned, and was of one color on the one leg, and another color on duly informed of this inquisitorial visit. "This the other; short breeches which did not reach will never do," observed he; "if he comes again, to the middle of his thighs-a coat, the one half he may spy a deal more than I wish, so I'll put a white, the other half black or blue; a long beard, stop to it." The following morning the smug- a silk hood, buttoned under his chin, embroidergler called at the parsonage; the door was open-ed with grotesque figures of animals, dancing ed by a maid servant; he brushed by her, and as- men, &c., and sometimes ornamented with gold cending the staircase, walked into the bedroom and precious stones. This dress was the height of the clergyman's lady. The maid, horror of the mode in the reign of King Edward III.— struck and alarmed at such sacrilege, ran in Henry's History of England. |