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THE BARBER AND THE IMPERTINENT FELLOW.
A conceited impertinent fellow once said to a barber, “ Did you ever shave a monkey ?" • Why, no sir," replied the man,
never ; but if
you will please to sit down I will try."-ANON.
THE EMPEROR TITUS.
The Emperor Titus said, “If anyone speaks ill of me, I must take care not to punish him; if he has spoken through carelessness, I must despise him; if through folly, I must pity him ; if it be an injury, I must pardon him.” -ANON.
A SECURE GOVERNMENT.
A philosopher of Greece being asked under what government men could live with the greatest security, and least danger, answered, “ Under that where virtue finds many friends, and where vice finds few partisans, or has none at all.”— ANON.
CURE FOR GOUT.
Abernethy, the celebrated surgeon, was once asked by a rich, luxurious patient, what was the best cure for gout. “Live upon sixpence a day, and earn it !” was the answer. -ANON.
ANECDOTE OF QUIN THE ACTOR. When Quin, the actor, was one day lamenting his growing old, a pert young fellow asked him what he would give to be as young as he. I would be content,” replied Quin, " to be as foolish."-ANON.
FABLE: THE FOX AND THE GRAPES. A fox, very hungry, chanced to come into a vineyard, where there hung branches of charming ripe grapes, but nailed up so high, that he leaped till he quite tired himself, without being able to reach one of them. At last,
Let who will take them,” says he, “ they are but green and sour; so I will let them alone.”—Æsop's FABLES.
THE DOCTOR AND HIS PATIENTS.
A doctor whenever he went into a burying-ground used to pull his mantle across his face : persons enquired of him the reason of such a proceeding: he replied, " I am ashamed on account of the men in this place of burial, since they died owing to my medicine."-PERSIAN TALES.
THE PHILOSOPHER AND THE FOOL.
An ignorant person one day seeing a man of learning enjoying the pleasures of the table, said, “So, sir, philosophers I see can indulge in delicacies." Why not ?" replied the other, “ do you think good things were intended merely for fools ?"-Anon.
ANECDOTE OF THE CHIEF MAGISTRATE OF LONDON.
A story is told of a certain chief magistrate of London, who, hearing that a person of his acquaintance had been attacked twice with fever, and died in consequence, enquired if he died on the first or second occasion.-ANON.
There is certainly no greater happiness than to be able to look back on a life usefully and virtuously employed, to
trace our own progress in existence by such tokens as excite neither shame nor sorrow.-Johnson.
An officer in battle happening to stoop his head, a cannonball passed completely over it, and took off the head of a soldier who stood behind him. You see," said the officer, “ that a man never loses by politeness.”—Anon.
The society of the ignorant and base must be avoided, and the service of the wise and good must be embraced ; for companionship with the low and mean is like nourishing a viper; the more a snake-catcher may foster it, the more grief will he experience, and ultimately it will give him a taste of poison from its fangs; whereas the service of the wise and good is like a perfumer's casket, since, though none of the contents thereof may be poured upon a person, yet the odours of its scents will perfume the nostrils.”-FABLES OF BIDPAI.
FABLE—THE KID AND THE WOLF. A kid, being mounted upon the roof of a shed, and seeing a wolf below, loaded him with all manner of reproaches : upon which, the wolf, looking up, replied, "Do not value yourself, vain creature, upon thinking you mortify me, for I look upon this ill language, as not coming from you, but from the place which protects you.”—Æsop's FabLES.
Nobody knows the strength of his mind, and the force of steady and regular application, until he has tried. This is certain, he that sets out upon weak legs will not only go
further, but grow stronger too, than one with a vigorous constitution and firm limbs, who only sits still.—LOCKE.
FABLE—THE GOOSE AND THE GOLDEN EGG.
A certain man had a goose which laid him a golden egg every day. But not contented with this, which rather increased than abated his avarice, he was resolved to kill the goose, so that he might come to the inexhaustible treasure, which he fancied she had within her. He did so, and to his great sorrow and disappointment found nothing.-- Æsop's FABLES.
A certain person stole a Darwish's turban and fled. The holy man went to the burying-ground and sat there ; men said to him, “ That individual carried your turban towards a certain garden, why do you remain amongst the tombs"
He replied, “ He nevertheless will come here; for this reason I am awaiting his arrival.”—PERSIAN TALES.
ZENO AND HIS RICH PUPILS.
Zeno, the philosopher, having remonstrated with certain of his pupils for their extravagance, they excused themselves by saying that they were rich enough to indulge in prodigality. Would you,” said he, excuse a cook that should over-salt his meat because he had a superabundance of salt ?"-ANON.
FABLE-THE GEESE AND THE CRANES.
A flock of geese and a parcel of cranes used to feed together in a corn-field. At last, the owner of the corn,
* A holy man.
with his servants, coming upon them of a sudden, surprised them in the very act; and the geese being heavy, fat, fullbodied creatures, were most of them sufferers; but the cranes being thin and light, easily flew away.—Æsop's FABLES,
THE LITTLE BOY AND THE DEAD BIRD.
A gentleman, riding with his family in the country, saw a very beautiful bird. His little son about four years old, watched it with great interest. The father, thinking it would give him still more pleasure to examine its plumage, thoughtlessly raised his gun and shot it. The little boy burst into tears as his father put the dead bird into his hands, and exclaimed, “ Father, that bird will never sing again!" The parent said sometime afterwards, “I can never shoot another bird !”—ANON.
Confide not to a friend every secret that thou possessest, for it may happen that at some time he may become an enemy; and do not inflict on an enemy all the injury that is in thy power, perchance he may some day become a friend; and tell not to any person the secret which thou wouldst have hidden, even though he be a sincere friend, for that friend has other friends also.-GULISTAN.
THE QUARREL BETWEEN TWO GENTLEMEN. Two gentlemen having a difference, one went to the other's door early in the morning, and wrote “Scoundrel ”
The other called upon his neighbour, and was answered by a servant that his master was not at home, but if he had anything to say he might leave the message. "No, no," said the visitor, “I have nothing of im