ACT I.

SCENE I. A STREET.

Enter THOMAS; he crosses the stage; FAG follows, looking

Thos. Hey!-Odd's life! Mr. Fag! - give us your hand, my old fellow-servant.

Fag. Excuse my glove, Thomas: - I'm devilish glad 5 to see you, my lad. Why, my prince of charioteers, you look as hearty but who the deuce thought of seeing you in Bath? Afing gentr

Thos. Sure, master, Madam Julia, Harry, Mrs. Kate, and the postillion, be all come.

Fag. Indeed!

Thos. Ay, master thought another fit of the gout was coming to make him a visit; so he'd a mind to gi't the slip, and whip! we were all off at an hour's warning.

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Fag. Ay, ay, hasty in every thing, or it would not be 15 Sir Anthony Absolute!

Thos. But tell us, Mr. Fag, how does young master? Odd! Sir Anthony will stare to see the Captain here! Fag. I do not serve Captain Absolute now.

Thos. Why sure!

Fag. At present I am employed by Ensign Beverley.

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! central plot gimm-et

The Rivals.

Act I, Scene 1.

Thos. I doubt, Mr. Fag, you ha'n't changed for the better.

Fag. I have not changed, Thomas.

Thos. No! Why, didn't you say you had left young 5 master?

Fag. No. Well, honest Thomas, I must puzzle you no farther: - briefly then - Captain Absolute and Ensign Beverley are one and the same person.

Thos. The devil they are!

Fag. So it is indeed, Thomas; and the ensign half of my master being on guard at present

has nothing to do with me.

the captain

Thos. So, so! - What, this is some freak, I warrant ! Do tell us, Mr. Fag, the meaning o't—you know I ha' 15 trusted you.

Fag. You'll be secret, Thomas?

Thos. As a coach-horse.

Fag. Why then the cause of all this is Love, Love, Thomas, who, (as you may get read to you), has 20 been a masquerader ever since the days of Jupiter.

Thos. Ay, ay;-I guessed there was a lady in the case: - but pray, why does your master pass only for ensign? Now if he had shammed general indeed

Fag. Ah! Thomas, there lies the mystery o' the 25 matter. Hark'ee, Thomas, my master is in love with a lady of a very singular taste: a lady who likes him better as a half pay ensign than if she knew he was son and heir to Sir Anthony Absolute, a baronet of three thousand a year.

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Thos. That is an odd taste indeed! But has she got the stuff, Mr. Fag? Is she rich, hey?

Fag. Rich! Why, I believe she owns half the stocks! Zounds! Thomas, she could pay the national debt as easily as I could my washer-woman! She has a lapdog that eats out of gold, she feeds her parrot with small pearls, and all her thread-papers are made of bank-5 notes.

Thos. Bravo, faith! - Odd! I warrant she has a set of thousands at least:

the captain?

but does she draw kindly with

Fag. As fond as pigeons.

Thos. May cne hear her name?

Fag. Miss Lydia Languish. — But there is an old tough aunt in the way; though, by the by, she has never seen my master- for we got acquainted with miss while on a

visit in Gloucestershire.

Thos. Well-I wish they were once harnessed together in matrimony. But pray, Mr. Fag, what kind of

a place is this Bath? I ha' heard a deal of it - here's a mort o' merry-making, hey?

Fag. Pretty well, Thomas, pretty well- 'tis a good 2 lounge; in the morning we go to the pump-room (though neither my master nor I drink the waters); after breakfast we saunter on the parades, or play a game at billiards; at night we dance; but I'm tired of the place: their regular hours stupefy me not a fiddle nor a card after eleven! However, Mr. Faulkland's gentleman and I keep it up a little in private parties; - I'll introduce you there, Thomas- you'll like him much.

Thos. Sure I know Mr. Du-Peigne you know his master is to marry Madam Julia.

Fag. I had forgot. But, Thomas, you must polish

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a little

fashion

- Here now this wig!

indeed you must. What the devil do you do with a wig, Thomas? — None of the London whips of any degree of ton wear wigs now. Thos. More's the pity! more's the pity, I say. Odd's life! when I heard how the lawyers and doctors had took to their own hair, I thought how 'twould go next: odd rabbit it! when the fashion had got foot on the bar, I guessed 'twould mount to the box! - but 'tis all out of character, believe me, Mr. Fag: and look'ee, 10 I'll never gi' up mine the lawyers and doctors may do as they will.

Fag. Well, Thomas, we'll not quarrel about that.

Thos. Why, bless you, the gentlemen of the professions ben't all of a mind for in our village now, thoff Jack 15 Gauge, the exciseman, has ta'en to his carrots, there's little Dick the farrier swears he'll never forsake his bob, though all the college should appear with their own heads!

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Fag. Indeed! well said, Dick! But hold-mark! mark! Thomas.

Thos. Zooks! 'tis the captain. - Is that the lady with him?

Fag. No, no, that is Madam Lucy, my master's mistress's maid. They lodge at that house - but I must after him to tell him the news.

Thos. Odd! he's giving her money! Well, Mr. Fag

Fag. Good-bye, Thomas. I have an appointment in Gyde's Porch this evening at eight; meet me there, and 30 we'll make a little party.

[Exeunt severally.]

Cr

SCENE II. A DRESSING-ROOM IN MRS. MALAPROP'S LODG

INGS.

LYDIA sitting on a sofa, with a book in her hand.
LUCY, as just returned from a message.

Lucy. Indeed, ma'am, I traversed half the town in search of it: I don't believe there's a circulating library in Bath I ha'n't been at.

Lyd. And could not you get The Reward of Constancy? Lucy. No, indeed, ma'am.

Lyd. Nor The Fatal Connection?

Lucy. No, indeed, ma'am.

Lyd. Nor The Mistakes of the Heart?

Saline

Lucy. Ma'am, as ill luck would have it, Mr. Bull said Miss Sukey Saunter had just fetched it away.

Lyd. Heigh-ho! Did you inquire for The Delicate Distress?

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Lucy. Or, The Memoirs of Lady Woodford? Yes, indeed, ma'am. I asked everywhere for it; and I might have brought it from Mr. Frederick's but Lady Slattern 15 Lounger, who had just sent it home, had so soiled and dog's-eared it, it wa'n't fit for a Christian to read.

Lyd. Heigh-ho! Yes, I always know when Lady Slattern has been before me. She has a most observing thumb; and, I believe, cherishes her nails for the con- 20 venience of making marginal notes. Well, child, what have you brought me?

(Taking books from under
This is The Gordian Knot,
Here are The Tears of 25
This is The Memoirs

Lucy. Oh! here, ma'am. her cloak, and from her pockets.) -and this Peregrine Pickle. Sensibility, and Humphrey Clinker.