ceous flavour, condemned by prejudice as a stink, was, in fact, most agreeable to the organs of fmelling; for, that every person who pretended to naufeate the fmell of another's excretions, fnuffed up his own with parti'cular complacency; for the truth of which, he appealed to all the ladies and gentlemen then prefent: He said the inhabitants of Madrid and Edinburgh found particular fatisfaction in breathing their own atmosphere, which was always impregnated with ftercoraceous effluvia: That the learned Dr B- in his treatise on the

Four Digestions, explains in what manner the volatile effluvia from the inteftines, ftimulate and promote the operations of the animal economy: He affirmed, the laft Grand Duke of Tuscany, of the Medicis family, who refined upon fenfuality with the fpirit of a philofopher, was fo delighted with that odour, that he caused the effence of ordure to be extracted, and used it as the most delicious perfume: That he himself (the doctor), when he happened to be low-fpirited, or fatigued with bufinefs, found immediate relief, and uncommon fatisfaction, from hanging over the ftale contents of a close ftool, while his fervant stirred it about under his nofe; nor was this effect to be wondered at, when we confider that this fubftance abounds with the felf-fame volatile falts that are fo greedily fmelled to by the moft delicate invalids, after they have been extracted and fublimed by the chemists. By this time the company began to hold their nofes; but the doctor, without taking the leaft notice of this fignal, proceeded to fhow, that many fetid fubftances were not only agreeable, but falutary; fuch as affafœtida, and other medicinal gums, refins, roots, and vegetables, over and above burnt feathers, tan-pits, candle-fnuffs, &c. In fhort, he used many learned arguments to perfuade his audience out of their fenses; and from french made a tranfition to filth, which he affirmed was also a mistaken idea, in as much as objects fo called were no other than certain modifications of matter, confifting of the fame principles that enter into the compofition of all created effences, whatever they may be: That, in the filthieft production of nature, a philofopher confidered nothing but the earth, water, salt, and air, of which it was compounded: That,

for his own part, he had no more objection to drinking the dirtiest ditch-water, than he had to a glass of water from the Hot Well, provided he was affured there was nothing poisonous in the concrete. Then addreffing himself to my uncle, "Sir (faid he), you seem to be of a dropfical habit, and probably will foon have a confirmed afcites; if I fhould be prefent when you are tapped, I will give you a convincing proof of what I affert, by drinking, without hesitation, the water that comes out of your abdomen." The ladies made wry faces at this declaration; and my uncle, changing colour, told him, he did not defire any fuch proof of his philofophy: "But I fhould be glad to know (faid he) what makes you think I am of a dropfical habit ?" "Sir, I beg pardon (replied the doctor), I perceive your ancles are fwelled, and you seem to have the facies leucophlegmatica. Perhaps, indeed, your disorder may be edematous, or gouty, or it may be the lues venerea. If you have any reafon to flatter yourself it is this laft, Sir, I will undertake to cure you with three small pills, even if the difease should have attained its utmost inveteracy. Sir, it is an arcanum, which I have discovered, and prepared with infinite labour. Sir, I have lately cured a woman in Bristol-a common proftitute, Sir, who had got all the worst symptoms of the disorder; fuch as nodi, tophi, and gummata, verruce, crifta galli, and a ferpiginous eruption, or rather a pocky itch all over her body. By that time she had taken the fecond pill, Sir, by Heaven! she was as smooth as my hand; and the third made her as found and as fresh as a new born infant." "Sir (cried my uncle peevishly), I have no reason to flatter myself that my diforder comes within the efficacy of your noftrum: But this patient you talk of may not be fo found at bottom as you imagine." "I can't poffibly be mistaken (rejoined the philofopher); for I have had communication with her three times-I always ascertain my cures in that manner." At this remark, all the ladies retired to another corner of the room, and fome of them began to fpit-As to my uncle, though he was ruffled at first by the doctor's faying he was dropfical, he could not help fmiling at this ridiculous confeffion; and, I fuppofe, with a view to punish this original, told him there was a wart upon his VOL. VI.

C

nose, that looked a little fufpicious. "I don't pretend to be a judge of these matters (faid he); but I underftand that warts are often produced by the diftemper; and that one upon your nofe feems to have taken poffeffion of the very key-ftone of the bridge, which I hope is in no danger of falling." L—n feemed a little confounded at this remark, and affured him it was nothing but a common excrefcence of the cuticula, but that the bones were all found below; for the truth of this affertion, he appealed to the touch, defiring he would feel the part. My uncle faid it was a matter of fuch delicacy to meddle with a gentleman's nofe, that he declined the office; upon which the doctor, turning to me, intreated me to do him that favour. I complied with his request, and handled it fo roughly, that he fneezed, and the tears ran down his cheeks, to the no fmall entertainment of the company, and particularly of my uncle, who burft out a laughing, for the first time, fince I have been with him; and took notice, that the part seemed to be very tender. "Sir (cried the doctor), it is naturally a tender part; but, to remove all poffibility of doubt, I will take off the wart this very night."

So faying, he bowed with great folemnity all round, and retired to his own lodgings, where he applied cauftic to the wart; but it spread in fuch a manner, as to produce a confiderable inflammation, attended with an enormous fwelling; fo that, when he next appeared, his whole face was overshadowed by this tremendous nozzle ; and the rueful eagernefs with which he explained this unlucky accident, was ludicrous beyond all description. I was much pleased with meeting the original of a character, which you and I have often laughed at in defcription; and, what furprises me very much, I find the features in the picture which has been drawn for him rather foftened than overcharged.

As I have fomething elfe to fay, and this letter has run to an unconscionable length, I fhall now give you a little refpite, and trouble you again by the very first poft. I wish you would take it in your head to retaliate thefe double ftrokes upon yours always,

J. MELFORD.

TO SIR WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jefus College, Oxon.

I

DEAR KNIGHT,

Hot Well, April 20.

NOW fit down to execute the threat in the tail of my laft. The truth is, I am big with the fecret, and long to be delivered. It relates to my guardian, who, you know, is at present our principal object in view.

T'OTHER day, I thought I had detected him in such a ftate of frailty, as would but ill become his years and character. There is a decent fort of a woman, not difagreeable in her person, that comes to the well, with a poor emaciated child, far gone in a confumption. I had caught my uncle's eyes feveral times directed to this perfon, with a very fufpicious expreffion in them; and every time he faw himself obferved, he haftily withdrew them, with evident marks of confufion. I refolved to watch him more narrowly, and faw him speaking to her privately in a corner of the walk. At length, going down to the well one day, I met her half way up the hill to Clifton, and could not help fufpecting she was going to our lodgings by appointment, as it was about one o'clock, the hour when my fister and I are generally at the pump-room. This notion exciting my curiofity, I returned by a back way, and got unperceived into my own chamber, which is contiguous to my uncle's apartment. Sure enough, the woman was introduced, but not into his bed-chamber: He gave her audience in a parlour; fo that I was obliged to fhift my station to another room, where, however, there was a fmall chink in the partition, through which I could perceive what paffed. My uncle, though a little lame, rofe up when he came in, and, fetting a chair for her, defired fhe would fit down: Then he asked if she would take a difh of chocolate, which fhe declined, with much acknowledgment. After a fhort paufe, he faid, in a croaking tone of voice, which confounded me not a little, "Madam, I am truly concerned for your misfortunes; and if this trifle can be of any fervice to you, beg you will accept it without ceremony." So faying,

I

he put a bit of paper into her hand; which the opening with great trepidation, exclaimed in an extafy, “ Twenty pounds! O, Sir !" and, finking down on a fettee, fainted away. Frightened at this fit, and, I fuppofe, afraid of calling for affiftance, left her fituation fhould give rise to unfavourable conjectures, he ran about the room in distraction, making frightful grimaces'; and, at length, had recollection enough to throw a little water in her face; by which application fhe was brought to herself: but then her feelings took another turn. She fhed a flood of tears, and cried aloud, "I know not who you are; but fure-worthy Sir!--generous Sir!-the dif trefs of me and my poor dying child-Oh! if the widow's prayers-if the orphan's tears of gratitude can aught avail-Gracious Providence!-Bleflings! fhower down eternal bleffings"-Here fhe was interrupted by my uncle, who muttered in a voice ftill more and more difcordant," For Heaven's fake, be quiet, Madam-confider-the people of the houfe-'fdeath! can't you”— All this time she was ftruggling to throw herself on her knees, while he, feizing her by the wrifts, endeavoured to feat her upon the fettce, faying, " Prithee-good now-hold your tongue"-At that inftant, who fhould burst into the room but our aunt Tabby! of all antiquated maidens the moft diabolically capricious. Ever prying into other people's affairs, fhe had feen the woman enter, and followed her to the door, where she ftood liftening, but probably could hear nothing diftinctly, except my uncle's laft exclamation; at which the bounced into the parlour in a violent rage, that dyed the tip of her nofe of a purple hue-" Fy upon you, Mat! (cried fhe), what doings are thefe, to difgrace your own character, and difparage your family?" Then fnatching the bank-note out of the ftranger's hand, the went on, "How now, twenty pounds!-here is a temptation with a witnefs!-Good woman, go about your bufinefs -Brother, brother, I know not which most to admire, your concupiffins, or your extravagance!"-" Good God (exclaimed the poor woman), fhall a worthy gentleman's character fuffer for an action that does honour to hu manity?" By this time, uncle's indignation was effectually roufed. His face grew pale, his teeth chattered,