but small talents, he must be merry where he can, not where he should.

Fourthly, Being entirely void of reason, he pursues no point either of morality or instruction, but is ludicrous only for the sake of being so.

Fifthly, Being incapable of any thing but mock representations, his ridicule is always personal, and aimed at the vicious man, or the writer; not at the vice, or at the writing.

I have here only pointed at the whole species of false humourists; but as one of my principal designs in this paper is to beat down that malignant spirit, which discovers itself in the writings. of the present age, I shall not scruple for the future to single out any of the small wits that infest the world with such compositions as are ill-natured, immoral, and absurd. This is the only exception which I shall make to the general rule I have prescribed myself of attacking multitudes: since every honest man ought to look upon himself as in a natural state of war with the libeller and lampooner, and to annoy them wherever they fall in his way. This is but retalia-ting upon them, and treating them as they treat others. C.

NO. 36.-WEDNESDAY, APRIL ¡I. 1711.

I SHALL not put myself to any further pains for this day's entertainment, than barely to publish the letters and titles of petitions from the playhouse, with the minutes I have made upon the latter for my conduct in relation to them.

DRURY LANE, APRIL 9. UPON reading the project which is set forth in one of your late papers, NO. 31. of making an alliance be

tween all the bulls, bears, elephants, and lions, which are separately exposed to public view in the cities of London and Westminster; together with the other wonders, shows, and monsters, whereof you made respective mention in the said speculation: we, the chief actors of this playhouse, met and sat upon the said design. It is with great delight that we expect the execution of this work; and, in order to contribute to it, we have given warning to all our ghosts to get their livelihoods where they can, and not to appear among us after daybreak of the 16th instant. We are resolved to take this opportunity to part with every thing which does not contribute to the representation of human life; and shall make a free gift of all animated utensils to your projector. The hangings you formerly mentioned are run away; as are likewise a set of chairs, each of which was met upon two legs going through the Rose Tavern at two this morning. We hope, Sir, you will give proper notice to the town that we are endeavouring at these regulations; and that we intend for the future to show no monsters, but men who are converted into such by their own industry and affectation. If you will please to be at the house to-night, you will see me do my endeavour to shew some unnatural appearances which are in vogue among the polite and well bred. I am to represent, in the character of a fine lady dancing, all the distortions which are frequently taken for graces in mien and gesture. This, Sir, is a speci▴ men of the method we shall take to expose the mon sters which come within the notice of a regular theatre; and we desire nothing more gross inay be admitted by you spectators for the future. We have cashiered three companies of theatrical guards, and design our kings shall for the future make love, and sit in council without an army; and wait only your directions, whether you will have them reinforce King PORUS, o join the of MACEDON. Mr PINKETHMAN TC. folves to consult his pantheon of heathen gods in oppo. sition to the oracle of DELPHOS; and doubts not but he shall turn the fortune of PORUS, when he personates him. I am desired by the company to inform you, that they submit to your censures; and shall have e you in

greater veneration than HERCULES was in of old, if you can drive monsters from the theatre; and think your merit will be as much greater than his, as to convince is more than to conquer. I am, Sir,

Your most obedient servant,

T. D."

SIR,

unexpect

"WHEN I acquaint you with the great and ed vicissitudes of my fortune, I doubt not but I shall obtain your pity and favour. I have for many years past been thunderer to the playhouse; and have not only made as much noise out of the clouds as any predecessor of mine in the theatre that ever bore that character, but also have descended and spoke on the stage as the bold thunderer in the Rehearsal. When they got me down thus low, they thought fit to degrade me fur ther, and make me a ghost. I was contented with this for these two last winters; but they carry their tyranny still further, and not satisfied that I am banished from above ground, they have given me to understand that I am wholly to depart their dominions, and take from me even my subterraneous employment. Now, Sir, what I desire of you is, that if your undertaker thinks fit to use fire-arms, as other authors have done in the time of ALEXANDER, I may be a cannon against PORUS, or else provide for me in the burning of Persepolis, or what other method you shall think fit.

SALMONEUS OF COVENT GARDEN.

The petition of all the devils of the playhouse, in behalf of themselves and families, setting forth their expulsion from thence, with certificates of their good life and conversation, and praying relief.

The merit of this petition referred to Mr CHR. RICH, who made them devils.

The petition of the grave digger in HAMLET, to command the pioneers in the expedition of ALEXANDer. Granted.

The petition of WILLIAM BULLOCK, to be HEPHESTION to PENKETHMAN the Great.

Granted.

ADVERTISEMENT.

"A WIDOW gentlewoman, well born both by father and mother's side, being the daughter of THOMAS PRATER, once an eminent practitioner in the law, and of LETITIA TATTLE, a family well known in all parts of this kingdom, having been, reduced by misfortunes to wait on several great persons, and for some time to be teacher at a boarding school of young ladies, give notice to the public, that she hath lately taken a house near Bloomsbury-square, commodiously situated next the fields in a good air, where she teaches all sorts of birds of the loquacious kinds, as parrots, starlings, magpies, and others, to imitate human voices in greater perfection than ever yet was practised. They are not only instructed to pronounce words distinctly, and in a proper tone and accent, but to speak the language with great purity and volubility of tongue, together with all the fashionable phrases and compliments now in use either at tea-tables or visiting days. Those that have good voices may be taught to sing the newest opera airs, and, if required, to speak either Italian or French, paying something extraordinary above the common rates. whose friends are not able to pay the full prices, may be taken as half boarders. She teaches such as are designed for the diversion of the public, and to act in inchanted woods in the theatres, by the great. As she has often observed with much concern how indecent an education is usually given these innocent creatures, which in some measure is owing to their being placed in rooms next the street, where, to the great offence of chaste and tender years, they learn ribaldry, obscene songs, and immodest expressions from passengers and idle people, as also to cry fish and card-matches, with other useless parts of learning, to birds who have rich friends, she has fitted up proper and neat apartments for them in the back part of her said house, where she suffers none to approach them but herself, and a servant-maid who is deaf and dumb, and whom she provided on purpose to prepare their food and cleanse their cages; having found, by long experience, how hard a thing it is for those to keep silence who have the use of speech, and

They

the dangers her scholars are exposed to by the strong impressions that are made by harsh sounds and vulgar dialects. In short, if they are birds of any parts or capacity, she will undertake to render them so accomplished in the compass of a twelvemonth, that they shall be fit conversation for such ladies as love to choose their friends and companions out of this species.

R.

SOME months ago, my friend Sir ROGER, being in the country, inclosed a letter to me, directed to a certain lady whom I shall here call by the name of LEONORA, and as it contained matters of consequence, desired me to deliver it to her with my own hand. Accordingly I waited upon her ladyship pretty early in the morning, and was desired by her woman to walk into her lady's library till such time as she was in readiness to receive me. The very sound of a lady's library gave me a great curiosity to see it; and as it was some time before the lady came to me, I had an opportunity of turning over a great many of her books, which were ranged together in a very beautiful order. At the end of the folios (which were finely bound and guilt) were great jars of China placed one above another in a very noble piece architecture. The quartos were separated from the octavos by a pile of smaller vessels, which rose in a delightful pyramid. The octavos were bounded by teadishes of all shapes, colours, and sizes, which were so disposed on a wooden frame, that they looked like one continued pillar, indented with the finest strokes of sculpture, and stained with the greatest variety of dyes.

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