should dispose of him for the purpose above mentioned, at the neighbouring fair; and, to prevent imposition, that I should go with him myself. Though this was one of the first mercantile transactions of my life, yet I had no doubt about acquitting myself with reputation. The opinion a man forms of his own prudence is measured by that of the company he keeps and as mine was most in the family way, I had conceived no unfavourable sentiments of my worldly wisdom. My wife, however, next morning, at parting, after I had got some paces from the door, called me back to advise me, in a whisper, to have all my eyes about me.

I had, in the usual forms, when I came to the fair, put my horse through all his paces, but for some time had no bidders. At last a chapman approached, and after he had for a good while examined the horse round, finding him blind of one eye, he would have nothing to say to him; a second came up, but observing he had a spavin, declared he would not take him for the driving home; a third perceived he had a windgall, and would bid no money; a fourth knew by his eye that he had the botts; a fifth wondered what a plague I could do at the fair with a blind, spavined, galled hack, that was only fit to be cut up for a dog kennel. By this time, I began to have a most hearty contempt for the poor animal my self, and was almost ashamed at the approach of every customer: for though I did not entirely believe all the fellows told me, yet I reflected that the number of witnesses was a strong presumption they were right; and St. Gregory, upon Good Works, professes himself to be of the same opinion.

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possessed me more favourably. His locks of silver grey venerably shaded his temples, and his green old age seemed to be the result of health and benevolence. However, his presence did not interrupt our conversation: my friend and I discoursed on the various turns of fortune we had met; the Whistonian controversy, my last pamphlet, the archdeacon's reply, and the hard measure that was dealt me. But our attention was in a short time taken off, by the appearance of a youth, who, entering the room, respectfully said something softly to the old stranger. Make no apologies, my child," said the old man; to do good is a duty we owe to all our fellow-creatures: take this, I wish it were more; but five pounds will relieve your distress, and you are welcome." The modest youth shed tears of gratitude, and yet his gratitude was scarce equal to mine. I could have hugged the good old man in my arms, his benevolence pleased me so. He continued to read, and we resumed our conversation, until my companion, after some time, recollecting that he had business to transact in the fair, promised to be soon back; adding, that he always desired to have as much of Dr. Primrose's company as possible. The old gentleman, hearing my name mentioned, seemed to look at me with attention for some time; and when my friend was gone, most respectfully demanded if I was any way related to the great Primrose, that courageous monoga mist, who had been the bulwark of the Church. Never did my heart feel sincerer rapture than at that moment. cried I, " the applause of so good a man as I am sure you are, adds to that happiness in my breast which your benevolence has already excited. You behold before you, sir, that Dr. Primrose, the monogamist, whom you have been pleased to call great. You here see that unfortunate divine, who has so long, and it would ill become me to say, successfully, fought against the deuterogamy of the age.'


I was in this mortifying situation, when a brother clergyman, an old acquaintance, who had also business at the fair, came up, and, shaking me by the hand, proposed adjourning to a public-house, and taking a glass of whatever we could get. I readily closed with the offer, and entering an alehouse, we were shown into a Sir," cried the stranger, struck with little back room, where there was only a awe, "I fear I have been too familiar, venerable old man, who sat wholly intent but you'll forgive my curiosity, sir: I beg over a large book, which he was reading. pardon."-"Sir," cried I, grasping his I never in my life saw a figure that pre-hand, "you are so far from displeasing

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me by your familiarity, that I must beg
you'll accept my friendship, as you already
"Then with gratitude
have my esteem.
I accept the offer," cried he, squeezing
me by the hand, "thou glorious pillar
of unshaken orthodoxy! and do I behold
I here interrupted what he was
going to say; for though, as an author, I
could digest no small share of flattery,
yet now my modesty would permit no
However, no lovers in romance
ever cemented a more instantaneous
friendship. We talked upon several sub-
jects: at first I thought he seemed rather
devout than learned, and began to think
he despised all human doctrines as dross.
Yet this no way lessened him in my
esteem, for I had for some time begun
privately to harbour such an opinion my-
self. I therefore took occasion to observe,
that the world in general began to be
to doctrinal
blameably indifferent as
matters, and followed human speculations
too much. "Ay, sir," replied he, as if
he had reserved all his learning to that
moment, "Ay, sir, the world is in its
dotage; and yet the cosmogony, or crea-
tion of the world, has puzzled philo-
What a medley of
sophers of all ages.
opinions have they not broached upon the
creation of the world! Sanchoniathon,
Manetho, Berosus, and Ocellus Lucanus,
The latter
have all attempted it in vain.
has these words, Anarchon ara kai atelu-
taion to pan, which imply that all things
have neither beginning nor end. Manetho
also, who lived about the time of Nebu-
chadon-Asser-Asser being a Syriac
word, usually applied as a surname to the
kings of that country, as Teglat Pháel-
Asser, Nabon-Asser-he, I say, formed a
conjecture equally absurd; for, as we
usually say, ek to biblion kubernetes, which
implies that books will never teach the
world; so he attempted to investigate-
But, sir, I ask pardon, I am straying from
the question."-That he actually was;
nor could I, for my life, see how the
creation of the world had anything to do
with the business I was talking of; but
it was sufficient to show me that he was a
man of letters, and I now reverenced him
the more.
I was resolved, therefore, to
bring him to the touchstone; but he was

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too mild and too gentle to contend for
victory. Whenever I made an observa-
tion that looked like a challenge to con-
troversy, he would smile, shake his head,
and say nothing; by which I understood
he could say much, if he thought proper.
The subject, therefore, insensibly changed
from the business of antiquity, to that
which brought us both to the fair: mine,
I told him, was to sell a horse, and very
luckily, indeed, his was to buy one for
one of his tenants. My horse was soon
produced; and, in fine, we struck a bar-
gain. Nothing now remained but to pay
me, and he accordingly pulled out a
thirty pound note, and bid me change it.
Not being in a capacity of complying with
this demand, he ordered his footman to
be called up, who made his appearance in
a very genteel livery. "Here, Abraham,
cried he, "go and get gold for this; you'll
do it at neighbour Jackson's, or any-
While the fellow was gone, he
entertained me with a pathetic harangue
on the great scarcity of silver, which I
undertook to improve, by deploring also
the great scarcity of gold; so that, by the
time Abraham returned, we had both
agreed that money was never so hard to
Abraham returned
be come at as now.
to inform us, that he had been over the
whole fair, and could not get change,
though he had offered half-a-crown for
doing it. This was a very great disap-
pointment to us all; but the old gentle-
man, having paused a little, asked me if
I knew one Solomon Flamborough in my
part of the country. Upon replying that
he was my next door neighbour: “If
You shall have a
that be the case, then," returned he, "I
believe we shall deal.
draft upon him, payable at sight; and,
let me tell you, he is as warm a man as
any within five miles round him. Honest
Solomon and I have been acquainted for
many years together. I remember I
always beat him at three jumps; but he
could hop on one leg farther than I." A
draft upon my neighbour was to me the
same as money; for I was sufficiently
convinced of his ability. The draft was
signed, and put into my hands, and Mr.
Jenkinson, the old gentleman, his man
Abraham, and my horse, old Blackberry,

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trotted off very well pleased with each other.

After a short interval, being left to reflection, I began to recollect that I had done wrong in taking a draft from a stranger, and so prudently resolved upon following the purchaser, and having back my horse. But this was now too late; I therefore made directly homewards, resolving to get the draft changed into money at my friend's as fast as possible. I found my honest neighbour smoking his pipe at his own door, and informing him that I had a small bill upon him, he read it twice over. "You can read the name, I suppose," cried I,—“ Ephraim Jenkin son. -"Yes," returned he, "the name is written plain enough, and I know the gentleman too, the greatest rascal under the canopy of heaven. This is the very same rogue who sold us the spectacles. Was he not a venerable-looking man, with grey hair, and no flaps to his pocketholes? And did he not talk a long string of learning about Greek, and cosmogony, and the world?" To this I replied with a groan. "Ay," continued he, "he has but that one piece of learning in the world, and he always talks it away whenever he finds a scholar in company; but I know the rogue, and will catch him yet." Though I was already sufficiently mortified, my greatest struggle was to come, in facing my wife and daughters. No truant was ever more afraid of returning to school, there to behold the master's visage, than I was of going home. I was determined, however, to anticipate their fury, by first falling into a passion myself. But, alas! upon entering, I found the family no way disposed for battle. My wife and girls were all in tears, Mr. Thornhill having been there that day to inform them that their journey to town was entirely over. The two ladies, having heard reports of us from some malicious person about us, were that day set out for London. He could neither discover the tendency nor the author of these; but whatever they might be, or whoever might have broached them, he continued to assure our family of his friendship and protection. I found, therefore, that they bore my disappointment with great resignation, as it was

eclipsed in the greatness of their own. But what perplexed us most, was to think who could be so base as to asperse the character of a family so harmless as ours; too humble to excite envy, and too inoffensive to create disgust.


All Mr. Burchell's Villany at once detected. The Folly of being overwise.

THAT evening, and a part of the following day, was employed in fruitless attempts to discover our enemies: scarcely a family in the neighbourhood but incurred our suspicions, and each of us had reasons for our opinions best known to ourselves. As we were in this perplexity, one of our little boys, who had been playing abroad, brought in a letter-case, which he found on the green. It was quickly known to belong to Mr. Burchell, with whom it had been seen, and, upon examination, contained some hints upon different subjects; but what particularly engaged our attention was a sealed note, superscribed, "The copy of a letter to be sent to the ladies at Thornhill Castle." It instantly occurred that he was the base informer, and we deliberated whether the note should not be broken open. I was against it; but Sophia, who said she was sure that of all men he would be the last to be guilty of so much baseness, insisted upon its being read. In this she was seconded by the rest of the family, and at their joint solicitation I read as follows:

"Ladies,-The bearer will sufficiently satisfy you as to the person from whom this comes: one at least the friend of innocence, and ready to prevent its being seduced. I am informed for a truth, that you have some intention of bringing two young ladies to town, whom I have some knowledge of, under the character of companions. As I would neither have simplicity imposed upon, nor virtue contaminated, must offer it as my opinion, that the impropriety of such a step will be attended with dangerous consequences. It has never been my way to treat the infamous or the lewd with severity; nor should I now have taken this method of explaining myself, or reproving folly, did it not aim at guilt. Take, therefore, the

admonition of a friend, and seriously reflect on the consequences of introducing infamy and vice into retreats where peace and innocence have hitherto resided."

Our doubts were now at an end. There seemed, indeed, something applicable to both sides in this letter, and its censures might as well be referred to those to whom it was written, as to us; but the malicious meaning was obvious, and we went no farther. My wife had scarcely patience to hear me to the end, but railed at the writer with unrestrained resentment. Olivia was equally severe, and Sophia seemed perfectly amazed at his baseness. As for my part, it appeared to me one of the vilest instances of unprovoked ingratitude I had ever met with; nor could I account for it in any other manner, than by imputing it to his desire of detaining my youngest daughter in the country, to have the more frequent opportunities of an interview. In this manner we all sat ruminating upon schemes of vengeance, when our other little boy came running in to tell us that Mr. Burchell was approaching at the other end of the field. It is easier to conceive than describe the complicated sensations which are felt from the pain of a recent injury, and the pleasure of approaching vengeance. Though our intentions were only to upbraid him with his ingratitude, yet it was resolved to do it in a manner that would be perfectly cutting. For this purpose we agreed to meet him with our usual smiles; to chat in the beginning with more than ordinary kindness, to amuse him a little; and then, in the midst of the flattering calm, to burst upon him like an earthquake, and overwhelm him with a sense of his own baseness. This being resolved upon, my wife undertook to manage the business herself, as she really had some talents for such an undertaking. We saw him approach: he entered, drew a chair, and sat down.

should not have thought it a joke had you
not told me."-" Perhaps not, sir," cried
my wife, winking at us; and yet I dare
say you can tell us how many jokes go to
an ounce."
."—"I fancy, madam," returned
Burchell, "you have been reading a jest
book this morning, that ounce of jokes is
so very good a conceit; and yet, madam,
I had rather see half an ounce of under-
standing.' -"I believe you might," cried
my wife, still smiling at us, though the
laugh was against her; "and yet I have
seen some men pretend to understanding
that have very little."- "And no doubt,'
returned her antagonist, "you have known
ladies set up for wit that had none." I
quickly began to find that my wife was
likely to gain but little at this business;
so I resolved to treat him in a style of
more severity myself. "Both wit and
understanding," cried I, “are trifles, with-
out integrity; it is that which gives value
to every character. The ignorant peasant
without fault, is greater than the philoso-
pher with many; for what is genius or
courage without an heart?

"An honest man's the noblest work of God.'"

"I always held that hackneyed maxim of Pope," returned Mr. Burchell, “as very unworthy a man of genius, and a base desertion of his own superiority. As the reputation of books is raised, not by their freedom from defect, but the greatness of their beauties; so should that of men be prized, not for their exception from fault, but the size of those virtues they are possessed of. The scholar may want prudence, the statesman may have pride, and the champion ferocity; but shall we prefer to these the low mechanic, who laboriously plods through life without censure or applause? We might as well prefer the tame correct paintings of the Flemish school to the erroneous but sublime ani"Amations of the Roman pencil."

fine day, Mr. Burchell."-"A very fine day, Doctor; though I fancy we shall have some rain by the shooting of my corns." -"The shooting of your horns! cried my wife, in a loud fit of laughter, and then asked pardon for being fond of a joke. "Dear madam," replied he, "I pardon you with all my heart, for I protest I

Sir," replied I, "your present observation is just, when there are shining virtues and minute defects; but when it appears that great vices are opposed in the same mind to as extraordinary virtues, such a character deserves contempt."

'Perhaps," cried he, there may be some such monsters as you describe, of

great vices joined to great virtues; yet, in my progress through life, I never yet found one instance of their existence: on the contrary, I have ever perceived, that where the mind was capacious, the affections were good. And indeed Providence seems kindly our friend in this particular, thus to debilitate the understanding where the heart is corrupt, and diminish the power where there is the will to do mischief. This rule seems to extend even to other animals: the little vermin race are ever treacherous, cruel, and cowardly, whilst those endowed with strength and power are generous, brave, and gentle."



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ting the clasps with the utmost composure, left us, quite astonished at the serenity of his assurance. My wife was particularly enraged that nothing could make him angry, or make him seem ashamed of his villanies. "My dear," cried I, willing to calm those passions that had been raised too high among us, we are not to be surprised that bad men want shame : they only blush at being detected in doing good, but glory in their vices.


"Guilt and Shame, says the allegory, were at first companions, and, in the beginning of their journey, inseparably kept together. But their union was soon found to be disagreeable and inconvenient to both. Guilt gave Shame frequent uneasiness, and Shame often betrayed the secret conspiracies of Guilt. After long disagreement, therefore, they at length consented to part for ever. Guilt boldly walked forward alone, to overtake Fate, that went before in the shape of an executioner; but Shame, being naturally timorous, returned back to keep company with Virtue, which in the beginning of their journey they had left behind. Thus, my children, after men have travelled through a few stages in vice, Shame forsakes them, and returns back to wait upon the few virtues they have still remaining.'


The Family use Art, which is opposed with still greater.

These observations sound well," returned I, and yet it would be easy this moment to point out a man," and I fixed my eye stedfastly upon him, "whose head and heart form a most detestable contrast. Ay, sir," continued I, raising my voice, "and I am glad to have this opportunity of detecting him in the midst of his fancied security. Do you know this, sir, this pocket-book?"-"Yes, sir," returned he, with a face of impenetrable assurance, "that pocket-book is mine, and I am glad you have found it."-"And do you know," cried I, "this letter? Nay, never falter, man; but look me full in the face: I say, do you know this letter?""That letter?" returned he; yes, it was I that wrote that letter."-" And how could you," said I, "so basely, so ungratefully presume to write this letter?""And how came you," replied he, with WHATEVER might have been Sophia's looks of unparalleled effrontery, "so basely sensations, the rest of the family was easily to presume to break open this letter? consoled for Mr. Burchell's absence by the Don't you know, now, I could hang you company of our landlord, whose visits all for this? All that I have to do is to now became more frequent, and longer. swear at the next Justice's that you have Though he had been disappointed in probeen guilty of breaking open the lock of curing my daughters the amusements of my pocket-book, and so hang you all up the town, as he designed, he took every at his door." This piece of unexpected opportunity of supplying them with those insolence raised me to such a pitch, that little recreations which our retirement I could scarcely govern my passion. "Un- would admit of. He usually came in the grateful wretch! begone, and no longer morning; and, while my son and I fol. pollute my dwelling with thy baseness! lowed our occupations abroad, he sat with begone, and never let me see thee again! the family at home, and amused them by Go from my door, and the only punishment describing the town, with every part of I wish thee is an alarmed conscience, which he was particularly acquainted. He which will be a sufficient tormentor ! could repeat all the observations that were So saying, I threw him his pocket-book, retailed in the atmosphere of the play. which he took up with a smile, and shut-houses, and had all the good things of the

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