vorm chok, shT

nov?

ent has fee, from the penalty of a wager, and confequently made it unprofitable to attend to them. However, good-breeding obliges a man to maintain the figure of the keenelt attention, the true pofture of which in a coffee-houfe I take to confift in leaning over a table, with the edge of it presfing hard upon your ftomach; for the more pain the narration is received with, the more gracious is your bending over. Befides that the narrator thinks you forget your pain, by the pleafure of hearing him.

*;

*

Fort Knock has occafioned feveral very per'plexed and inelegant heats and animofities; and there was one the other day in a coffee-house where I was, that took upon him to clear that bufinefs to me, for he faid he was there. I knew him to be that fort of man that had not ftrength of capacity to be informed of any thing that depended merely upon his being an eyewitness, and therefore was fully fatisfied he could give me no information, for the very fame reafon he believed he could, for he was there. However, I heard him with the fame greedinefs as Shakespear defcribes in the following lines

N, 70}

are the wifeft and the bravest of mankind who
are the most capable of it. I am, Sir;,
Norwich,
Octobris,

*'! 10 3643
bile Chronot
* Your most humble fervant,,

1712.

FJ

T

103

No 521. WEDNESDAY, OCT. 28.

༈i trote

#tob 10

Vera redit facies, diffimulata perit,
The real face returns, the counterfeit is loft?'

ARB

tok I petek

ri zed+ 10

I

Mr. Spectator,
HAVE been for many years loud in this
affertion, that there are very few that can fee
or hear, mean that can report what they have
feen or heard; and this through incapacity or
6 prejudice; one of which difables almost every
" man who talks to you from reprefenting things,
as he ought. For which reafon I am come to
a refolution of believing nothing I hears and I
contemn the man given to narrations under the
appellation of a matter-of-fact-man; and according
to me a matter-of-fact-man is one whofe life and
converfation is fpent in the report of what is
not matter-of-fact.

6

tay

I remember when prince Eugene was here, there was no knowing his height or figure, un-i til you, Mr. Spectator, gave the public fatiffaction in that matter. In relations, the force of the expreffion lies very often more in the look, the <tone of voice, or the gesture, than the words them felves; which being repeated in any other manner by the undifcerning, bear a very different interpretation from their original meaning. I'

Having got a comfortable fum by this my oppofition to public report, I have brought mýfelf now to fo great a perfection in inattention, more especially to party relations, that at the fame time I feem with greedy ears to devour up the discourse, I certainly do not know one word of it, but pursue my own course of thought, ⚫ whether upon business or a musement, with much tranquillity: I fay inattention, because a late

"

I confefs of late 'I have not been fo much amazed at the declaimers in coffee-houses as formerly was being fatisfied that they expect to be rewarded for their vociferations. Of these liars there are two forts. The genius of the first confifts of much impudence and a strong memory: the others have added to thefe qual

4 must confess, I formerly have turned this hu-lifications a good understanding and smooth

"

mour of mine to a very good acount; for when-language.
ever I heard any narration uttered with extra.
ordinary vehemence, and grounded upon confi-
<derable authority, I was always ready to lay any
wager, that it was not fo: indeed I never pre-
tended to be fo rafh, as to fix the matter any
particular way in oppofition to theirs; but as
there are a hundred ways of any thing happen-
ing, befides that it has happened, I only con-
troverted its falling out in that one manner as
they fettled it, and left it to the ninety-nine
other ways, and confequently had more probaverted them with an account what cenfure it had
bility of fuccefs. I had arrived at a particular met with at Will's in Covent Garden, how
fkill in warming a man fo far in his narration, dangerous it was believed to be at Child's, and

These therefore have only certain
heads which they are as eloquent upon as they
can, and may be called Embellishers; the others
repeat only what they hear from others as literally
as their parts or zeal will permit, and are called
Reciters. Here was a fellow in town fome years!
ago, who used to divert himself by telling
lye at Charing Crofs in the morning at eight
of the clock, and then following it through all
parts of the town, until eight at night; at which'
time he came to a club of his friends, and di

·

as to make him throw in a little of the marvel-what inference they drew from it with relation

lous, and then, if he has much fire, the next de$ gree is the impoffible. Now this is always the time for fixing the wager. But this requires the niceft management, otherwife very probably the difpute may arise to the old determination by battle. In these conceits I have been very fortunate, and have won föme wagers of thole who have profeffedly valued themselves upon intelligence, and have put themselves to great charge and expence to be mifinformed confiderably fooner than the reft of the world.

to the flocks at Jonathan's. I have had the honour to travel with this gentleman I fpeak of in fearch of one of his falfhoods; and have been present when they have defcribed the very man they have spoken to, as him who first reported it, tall or fhort, black or fair, a gentleman or a raggamuffin, according as they liked the intelligence. I have heard one of our ingenious writers of news fay, that when he has had a customer come with an advertisement of an apprentice or a wife run away, he has defired the advertiser to compofe himfelf a little, before he dictated the defcription of the offender: for when a per-fon is put into a public paper by a man who is angry with him, the real defcription of fuch 'perfon is the deformity with which the angry ⚫ man defcribed him: therefore this fellow always made his cuftomer defcribe him as he would the day before he offended, or elfe he was fure he would

for with them every hour is heavy that is not joyful. But there is a fort of man of wit and fenfe, that can reflect upon his own make, and that of his partner with the eyes of reafon and honour, and who believes he offends against both thefe, if he does not look upon the woman (who chofe him to be under his protection in fickness. and health) with the utmoft gratitude, whether from that moment the is fhining or defective in perfon or mind: I fay, there are thofe who think themfelves bound to fupply with good-nature the failings of those who love them, and who always think thofe the objects of love and pity, who came to their arms the objects of joy and admiration.

Of this latter fort is Lyfander, a man of wit, learning, fobriety, and good-nature, of birth and eftate below no woman to accept, and of whom it might be faid, fhould he fucceed in his prefent withes, his miftrefs raised his fortune, but not that the made it. When a woman is deliberating with herfelf whom the thall choose of many near each other in other pretenfions, certainly he of beft understanding is to be preferred. Life hangs heavily in the repeated converfation of one who has no imagination to be fired at the feveral occafions and objects which come before him, or who cannot strike out of his reflections new paths of pleafing difcourfe. Honett Will Thrash and his wife, though not married above four months, have fearce had a word to fay to each other this fix weeks; and one cannot form to one's felf a fillier picture than thefe two creatures in folemn pomp and plenty unable to enjoy their fortunes, and at a full ftop among a crowd of fervants, to whofe tafte of life they are beholden for the little fatisfactions by which they can be underfood to be fo much as barely in being. The hours of the day, the diftinctions of noon and night, dinner and fupper, are the greatest notices they are capable of. This is perhaps reprefenting the life of a very modest woman, joined to a dull fellow, more infipid than it really deferves; but I

2

ample in many circumstances to all the rest of
the fpecies. I fhall end the chat upon this fub-
ject with a couple of letters, one from a lover,
who is very well acquainted with the way of
bargaining on these occafions; and the other
from his rival, who has a lefs eftate, but_great_
gallantry of temper. As for my man of prudence,
he makes love, as he fays, as if he were already
a father, and laying afide the paffion, comes to
the reafon of the thing.

1

• Madam,

MY

Y counfel has perufed the inventory of your eftate, and confidered what estate you have, which it feems, is only yours, and to the male heirs of your body; but, in default of fuch iffue, to the right heirs of your Uncle Edward for ever. Thus, Madam, I am advised you cannot (the remainder not being in you) dock the entail; by which means my eftate, which is fee-fimple, will come by the fettlement propofed to your children begotten by me, whether they are males or females: < but my children begotten upon you will not inherit your lands, except I beget a fon. Now, Madam, fince things are fo, you are a woman of that prudence, and understand the world fo well, as not to expect I should give you more than you can give me.

"

་

6

<

I am, Madam,

‹ Madam,

I

"

Have given in my eftate to your counfel, and defired my own lawyer to infift upon no terms which your friends can propofe for · your certain ease and advantage: for indeed I have no notion of making difficulties of pre⚫ fenting you with what cannot make me happy

without you.

(with great refpect)

Your most obedient humble fervant,

T. W.

'I am, Madam,

You must know the relations have met upon this, and the girl being mightily taken with the latter epiftle, he is laughed at, and uncle Edward is to be dealt with to make her a fuitable match to the worthy gentleman who has told her he does not care a farthing for her. All I hope for is that the lady fair will make use of the first light night to fhow B. T. fhe understands a marriage is not to be confidered as a common bargain.

T

Your most devoted humble fervant,
B. T.'

I

Am always highly delighted with the discovery of any rifing genius among my countrymen. fure, the late mifcellany published by Mr. Pope, For this reafon I have read over, with great plea in which there are many excellent compofitions I have had a of that ingenious gentleman. pleasure of the fame kind in perufing a poem and which, I hope, will meet with fuch a rethat is just published "on the profpect of peace." ward from its patrons, as fo noble a performance that the author had not amufed himself with deferves. I was particularly well pleafed to find fables out of the Pagan Theology, and that when it only as to a fable, he hints at any thing of this nature he alludes to

Many of our modern authors, whofe learning very often extends no farther than Ovid's Metamorphofes, do not know how to celebrate a great man, without mixing a parcel of school-boy tales with the recital of his actions. If you read a poem on a fine woman, among the authors of this clafs, you fhall fee that it turns more upon Venus or Helen, than on the party concerned. I have known a copy of verfes on a great hero highly commended; but upon asking to of it has repeated to me hear fome of the beautiful paffages, the admirer fpeech of Apollo, or a defcription of Polypheme. At other times when I have fearched for the actions of a great been entertained with the exploits of a river man, who gave a fubject to the writer, I have god, or have been forced to attend a fury in her mifchievous progrefs, from one end of the poem to the other. When we are at fchool it is neceffary for us to be acquainted with the system of Pagan theology, and may be allowed to enliven a theme, or point an epigram with a heathen god; but when we would write a manly panegyric, that fhould carry in it all the colours of truth, nothing can be more ridiculous than to have recourfe to our Jupiters and Junos.:

17

No thought is beautiful which is not juft, and no thought can be just which is not founded in truth, or at least in that which paffes for fach.

In mock heroic poems, the ufe of the heathen mythology is not only excufable but graceful, because it is the defign of fuch compofitions to divert, by adapting the fabulous machines of the ancients to low fubjects, and at the fame time by ridiculing fuch kinds of machinery in modern writers. If any are of opinion, that there is a neceffity of admitting thefe claffical legends into our ferious compofitions in order to give them a more poetical turn; I would recommend to their confideration the paftorals of Mr. Phillips. One would have thought it impoffible for this kind of poetry, to have fubfifted without fauns and Caryes, wood-nymphs and water-nymphs,

with

" thought, gave way to the forcible oppreffions
<
of flumber and fleep, whilft fancy, unwilling
< yet to drop the fubject, prefented me with the
following vifion.

¿

Methought I was just awoke out of a fleep, that I could never remember the beginning of; the place where I found myself to be, was a • wide and spacious plain, full of people that wandered up and down through feveral beaten paths, whereof fome few were ftraight, and in direct lines, but most of them winding and turning like a labyrinth; but yet it appeared to me afterwards, that thefe laft all met in one iffue, fo that many that feemed to steer quite contrary courfes, did at length meet and face one another, to the no little amazement of many of them.

would generally light and haften them to their proper climate again..

Round about the black tower there were, 'methought, many thousands of huge mishapen ugly monsters; thefe had great nets, which they were perpetually plying and cafting to'wards the crooked paths, and they would now and then catch up thofe that were nearest to them thefe they took up ftraight, and whirled over the walls into the flaming tower, and they were no more feen nor heard of.

:

At the iffue of the crooked paths there was a great black tower, out of the center of which ftreamed a long fuccefion of flames, which did rife even above the clouds; it gave a very great light to the whole plain, which did fometimes outfhine the light, and oppreffed the beams of the adamantine pillar; though by the obfervation I made afterwards, it appeared that it was not for any diminution of light, but that this lay in the travellers, who would fometimes ftep out of thefe ftraight paths, where they loft the full profpect of the radiant pillar, and saw it but fide-ways: but the great light from the black tower, which was fomewhat particularly scorching to them,

They would fometimes caft their nets towards the right paths to catch the ftragglers, 'whofe eyes for want of frequent drinking at the brook that ran by them grew dim, whereby 'they loft their way; thefe would fometimes very narrowly mifs being catched away, but I could not hear whether any of thefe had ever been fo unfortunate, that had been before very hearty in the straight paths.

(

·

I confidered all thefe ftrange fights with great attention, until at laft I was interrupted by a cluster of the travellers in the crooked paths, who came up to me, bid me go along with 'them, and prefently fell to finging and dancing; they took me by the hand, and fo carried me away along with them. After I had followed them a confiderable while, I perceived I had loft the black tower of light, at which I great

wondered; but I looked and gazed round about me, and faw nothing. I began to fancy my first vision had been but a dream, and there was no fuch thing in reality: but then I con'fidered that if I could fancy to fee what was

not, I might as well have an illufion wrought on me at prefent, and not fee what was really before me. I was very much confirmed in this thought, by the effect I then juft obferved the water of Worldly Wisdom had upon me; for as 1 had drank a little of it again, I felt a very fenfible effect in my head; methought it diftracted and difordered all there; this made me ftop of a fudden, fufpe&ting some charm or inchantment. As I was cafting about within myself what I fhould do, and whom 'to apply to in this cafe, I efpied at fome diffotance off me a man beckoning, and making 'figns to me to come over to him. I cried to

·

him, "I did not know the way.' He then called to me audibly, to ftep at leaft out of the path I was in; for if I ftaid there any longer I was in danger to be catched in a great 'net that was just hanging over me, and ready to catch me up; that he wondered I was fo blind, or fo diftracted, as not to fee fo imminent and visible a danger, affuring me, that as foon as I was out of that way, he would come to me to lead me into a more fecure path. This I did; and he brought me his palm full of the water of Heavenly-Wisdom,which was of very great ufe to me, for my eyes were straight cleared, and I faw the great black tower just before me; but the great net which I spied fo near me, caft me in fuch a terror, that I ran 'back as far as I could in one breath without looking behind me: then my benefactor thus bespoke me: you have made the wonderfulleft efcape in the world, the water you used to drink is of a bewitching nature, you would elfe ' have been mightily fhocked at the deformities and meanness of the place; for beside the set of blind fools in whofe company you was, you may now behold many others who are only be Kk witched

In the midft of the plain there was a great fountain: they called it the fpring of Self-love; out of it iffued two rivulets to the eastward ⚫ and weftward; the name of the first was Heavenly-Wisdom, its water was wonderfully clear, but of a yet more wonderful effect; the other's ' name was Worldly-Wifdom, its water was thick, ⚫ and yet far from being dormant or stagnating, forit was in a continual violent agitation; which kept the travellers, whom I fhall mention by and by, from being fenfible of the foulnefs and thickness of the water, which had this effect, that it intoxicated thofe who drank it,ly • and made them mistake every object that lay before them: both rivulets were parted near their fprings into fo many others, as there, were straight and crooked paths, which they attended all along to their respective iffues.

I obferved from the feveral paths many now and then diverting, to refresh and otherwife qualify themselves for their journey, to the refpective rivulets that ran near them; they ⚫ contracted a very obfervable courage and fteadinefs in what they were about, by drinking thefe waters. At the end of the perspective of every straight path, all which did end in one iffue and point, appeared a high pillar, all of diamond, cafting rays as bright as thofe of the fun into the paths; which rays had also certain fympathizing and alluring virtues in them, that whofoever had made fome confiderable ' progress in his journey onwards towards the pillar, by the repeated impreffion of these rays upon him, was wrought into an habitual inclination and converfion of his fight towards it, fo that it grew at laft in a manner natural to him to look and gaze upon it, whereby he · was kept steady in the ftraight paths, which alone led to that radiant body, the beholding of which was now grown a gratification to his · nature.